20 min
Friendships When You Are Childless The "So Now What?" Podcast
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- Self-Improvement
As women without children, you are not alone if you question your relevance in your existing friendships, especially when there’s lots of mom and kid talk in your social gatherings. So many of my students wrestle with the feelings of alienation, lacking or detachment when thinking that you don’t have anything in common or you can’t relate to a friend or a group of friends that used to be your crew, your people, your ride or dies.
I get it. Having feelings of alienation, detachment or feelings of lack aren’t ones that often go out seeking, so when we notice we have them more often while navigating a childless future, it doesn’t sit well.
We have a few options and you have the ability to decide if any of these feel good for you.
Show up and sit there thinking, when are they going to stop talking about how great Joey is in t-ball and how well Susie is doing with her potty training. I’m just going to keep smiling and say, “That’s so nice. That’s awesome.”
Tell your friends that you are having a tough time, but you love them and really want to see them, but you’d be so appreciative if there’s no conversation about kids at today’s outing.
Decide that you are going to pull back and sit this girls night out.
These are just some ideas that have come from coaching I’ve worked on with my students.
And maybe you listening to these options and questioning if your difference in circumstances has you thinking that things just won’t be like they used to, and that is OK, too!
Think of how many things have changed in your life… careers, hairstyles, home decor, personal interests, the list goes on of things you have outgrown in your life as your life has taken shape.
Friendships are no different, yet we judge ourselves and expect ourselves to consistently show up to conversations and events that don't offer us personal growth.
What I find most students struggle with is showing up for themselves first because there is security and familiarity with a group of humans that somehow seems more impartnat to be part of than how you are feeling and the story you are believing about you and your worth because you fit in anymore.
So let’s talk about how you know when you’ve outgrown a friendship.
Frankly, I think we just know. It’s just weather we what to take action because of it.
Are you excited about the time together because it will be enjoyable or are you getting together because you are worried you will be judged if you don’t show up?
Oftentimes your friendships change because you're changing as a woman. You are not the same person anymore. If you are more recently navigating your journey out of IVF there’s so much that is different and things may just be tender and raw right now. That is to be expected. Maybe you just need to hit the pause button on things right now and you are settling into this chapter of your life.
I did that with my friend groups. I was disconnected for a long while. I remeber judging myself for not wanting to see their babies or buying a baby gift because it was too painful for me. So on top of having sadness that they were able to enjoy this dream that I knew would never be mine, I judged myself for being a selfish awful friend. If you are doing the same, know that it is not a requirement. You can put your needs first.
I love my girls. We all have different journeys and we have loved ourselves through them:
Mom of identical IVF twins
Single mom
Foster mom and me
But if you have found yourself, outing after outing feeling like you have less and less in common with old friends, that doesn’t need to freak you out that you’re moving in a different direction. Maybe, over time, the chemistry and the connection and the bond that you had is no longer there.
Here are a few steps to take, some things to think about before you’ve noticed that you've outgrown a friendship. And I also want to note that when you’
As women without children, you are not alone if you question your relevance in your existing friendships, especially when there’s lots of mom and kid talk in your social gatherings. So many of my students wrestle with the feelings of alienation, lacking or detachment when thinking that you don’t have anything in common or you can’t relate to a friend or a group of friends that used to be your crew, your people, your ride or dies.
I get it. Having feelings of alienation, detachment or feelings of lack aren’t ones that often go out seeking, so when we notice we have them more often while navigating a childless future, it doesn’t sit well.
We have a few options and you have the ability to decide if any of these feel good for you.
Show up and sit there thinking, when are they going to stop talking about how great Joey is in t-ball and how well Susie is doing with her potty training. I’m just going to keep smiling and say, “That’s so nice. That’s awesome.”
Tell your friends that you are having a tough time, but you love them and really want to see them, but you’d be so appreciative if there’s no conversation about kids at today’s outing.
Decide that you are going to pull back and sit this girls night out.
These are just some ideas that have come from coaching I’ve worked on with my students.
And maybe you listening to these options and questioning if your difference in circumstances has you thinking that things just won’t be like they used to, and that is OK, too!
Think of how many things have changed in your life… careers, hairstyles, home decor, personal interests, the list goes on of things you have outgrown in your life as your life has taken shape.
Friendships are no different, yet we judge ourselves and expect ourselves to consistently show up to conversations and events that don't offer us personal growth.
What I find most students struggle with is showing up for themselves first because there is security and familiarity with a group of humans that somehow seems more impartnat to be part of than how you are feeling and the story you are believing about you and your worth because you fit in anymore.
So let’s talk about how you know when you’ve outgrown a friendship.
Frankly, I think we just know. It’s just weather we what to take action because of it.
Are you excited about the time together because it will be enjoyable or are you getting together because you are worried you will be judged if you don’t show up?
Oftentimes your friendships change because you're changing as a woman. You are not the same person anymore. If you are more recently navigating your journey out of IVF there’s so much that is different and things may just be tender and raw right now. That is to be expected. Maybe you just need to hit the pause button on things right now and you are settling into this chapter of your life.
I did that with my friend groups. I was disconnected for a long while. I remeber judging myself for not wanting to see their babies or buying a baby gift because it was too painful for me. So on top of having sadness that they were able to enjoy this dream that I knew would never be mine, I judged myself for being a selfish awful friend. If you are doing the same, know that it is not a requirement. You can put your needs first.
I love my girls. We all have different journeys and we have loved ourselves through them:
Mom of identical IVF twins
Single mom
Foster mom and me
But if you have found yourself, outing after outing feeling like you have less and less in common with old friends, that doesn’t need to freak you out that you’re moving in a different direction. Maybe, over time, the chemistry and the connection and the bond that you had is no longer there.
Here are a few steps to take, some things to think about before you’ve noticed that you've outgrown a friendship. And I also want to note that when you’
20 min