From Chaos to Control: Navigating Boundaries as a Business Owner

Today’s episode of the podcast is all about how to set clear boundaries in your business, to help you find balance and supercharge your success.

This is a huge subject, and so this episode is only an introduction, but in it I cover the things that put you off making boundaries, what you worry about when you do make them, and then how to actually make boundaries and enforce them.

KEY TAKEAWAYS COVERED IN THE PODCAST

1. Questions to ask yourself to find out what boundaries you need
2. How to have a flexible approach to boundaries and still ensure they're respected
3. What you need to do when you communicate your boundaries

Did you take something from this episode that you're going to put into practice? Please do connect with me over on my socials and let me know, I'd love to hear from you!

LINKS TO RESOURCES MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE

Connect with Teresa on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook or Twitter

Transcript

Hello and a super warm welcome to this week's episode of the Your Deam Business Podcast. And as always, I am your host, Teresa Heath Wareing. So this week, big subject and I think it's a subject that every business owner, well, generally anybody, but specifically business owners need to hear. And it might be one that you, well, not might, it's definitely going to be one that you want to share with your friends and share with your business friends, because this is one that I think everybody struggles with. This week, we are talking about boundaries. I said it, the big dreaded word. Most business owners that I speak to either tell me directly they need to work on their boundaries or they share stuff with me that makes me think. You need to work on your boundaries. And I've been wanting to talk about this for ages. And I've been doing research and learning and watching stuff and listening to stuff and reading stuff. And I like to really know a subject well before I talk about it. And this is a big subject, a really, really big subject. So the chances are we are just going to do a bit of a whistle stop tour around some of the key elements. But most importantly, The things that put you off making boundaries, what you worry about when you make boundaries and then how to actually make boundaries and enforce them. So this week we are going to be doing an introduction to boundaries and I want you to listen up, take some notes if you need to and then try and put some of these things in practice. Because it's something that anybody can improve their situation by working on. And. It goes for me too, like I can work on my boundaries as much as anybody else. And actually some of the stuff that we're going to be talking about is a bit surprising today. So get ready, like I said, share this with someone who you think you'll need and we will look at boundaries. So. This is something that people really struggle with. They struggle to put boundaries in place. Because often they attach boundaries to something negative, or bad, or emotions, or bad feelings, or they might think it's rude, or they're being mean. People think that if they put boundaries in place, that people won't like the fact that they've put a boundary in place, or it will upset someone, or they might appear rude or selfish. That's a really good one. And especially if you're a female listening to this, or if you're a woman listening to this, actually women putting boundaries in place, like the names that people can come up with for them, you might be seen as hard or heartless or tough, or like I said, not caring, not thoughtful, not doing something for someone else. And this is something that in my work life, I don't struggle too much with the boundaries because I don't work direct one to one with clients or we don't do services for people. We do, you know, I have a membership and I have clients through one to one work, but boundaries aren't normally a problem because, I guess because I've been doing this for a long time, that it's, I don't see them as boundaries as much. I just see them as, this is the way we work. But that's exactly what the boundaries are. In my home life, I've really had to work on this and not so much with my immediate family as in my daughter, my husband, and whatever, but with my extended family, in terms of them measuring me by what they would do, and me having to put my boundaries in place and not be sorry about it. Not be sorry for going, this is how I live my life, or this is how I want to do it. And I think that's one of the things that we need to talk about first. This isn't you saying. You are not okay for doing something a certain way. This isn't me looking at my family going, you're wrong for doing what you do. This is me going, this is what I want. This is my decision and this is how I want to do life, basically. So... The fact is that often people think we, when we put boundaries in, we're saying that there's something wrong with how someone behaves. It's not. It's basically saying this is how we are willing to do things. This is how we want to behave, but also this is what we are willing to accept and not accept, and there's nothing wrong with that. And when people think. You know, things like rude and bad and mean and they think emotions and they feel like it's a very emotional thing. And the truth is if you have boundaries in place, it's not emotion. In fact, if anything, it's absolutely clear and it's almost emotionless, not in a bad way, but it's not like, you know, some completely over emotional person going, I don't like this. Some terrible acting. That isn't what it is. It's a very clear headed, confident person who knows exactly what they want and where they stand, giving those directions. And the other thing that when people think about it, like the mean and the rude and the bad, they assume that you have to deliver it in that context. And you don't. It can be... A very pleasant thing or a very direct thing or a very neutral thing to put a boundary in place. It doesn't have to be angry or mean or upsetting. Now, if they choose that they don't like whoever you're setting the boundary with, if they choose they don't like your boundary, that's nothing to do with you. Your part of this, conversation is to deliver your boundary and say that's where I stand. If they don't like it, Well, that's nothing to for you to be concerned with because that's based on them and their things. If they choose to get upset by it, then that's their thing. That's not yours. So it's not your job to make sure that people are happy with your boundaries. It's your job to make sure they understand them and they honor them. So one thing, one of the reasons we might not have boundaries for ourself, one of the things that I've kind of deduced from talking lots and learning lots and whatever, is that often we don't have boundaries when we don't have enough love or respect for ourselves. So when someone else's boundary is the rule and it's not ours, and we meet them at theirs, or, so let's take something like, being around some friends who speak in a way that you don't like, and You're there for letting them do whatever they want, which is up to them that's their decision and you're not saying actually I don't appreciate this conversation. I don't want to be part of this conversation. You're basically saying that you don't matter and your voice doesn't matter and your opinion doesn't matter and that theirs is more important to you or theirs is more important than yours. So by saying actually I don't appreciate this conversation. This isn't a conversation I want to be in, and therefore whatever the boundary is that you set, you enforce, that's saying I matter, my voice matters, I matter, what I hear matters. And for you to say actually, you know, you can't stop them having that conversation or behaving that way, that's up to them. But what you can say is I don't have to be part of this. This is actually something I had to do last year. We have some friends and We go and see them a lot and stay with them. And for years now, you know, this friend will go to me and try and have a conversation with me and then try and pick a fight with me. Or he'll, he'll pick a subject that basically we are divided on and then like go to town on it. And he actually said to me, because this is who he is, you know, you should be honored that I think you're smart enough to spar with me, which, Wow, like, yeah, anyway, for a long time, because it wasn't my friend, it was my husband's friend initially, and then our friends, for a long time, I was like, you know what, you know, I'll just keep the peace, keep the peace, keep the peace. And it actually turned out that they ended up saying something that really didn't align with my values. And I just went, I'm done. And ever since that point, I've put the boundary in place that I'm not going to be spending time with them because I don't want to be part of that conversation and I don't want to have to put myself through that thing. And although I appreciate it's very difficult for my husband because they're his long term friends and it's tricky, for me, I'm making a boundary for me. Now, I'm not saying that he can't go and see them or spend time with them, but I won't be because I'm not willing to be in that conversation. And again, it's not that I'm saying, well actually, Personally, myself, I am saying they're wrong for having some of the conversations they had, but they can ultimately do what they want. That's their decision. But I can enforce a boundary on me and go, yeah, no, I'm not being part of that anymo