Harmonious Clan: Resilient Kids Real Life Resilience

How to raise children with a sense of resilience? This week, we are joined again by Luiza Coscia, an engineer, author, and mother of five children with special needs. She discusses her strategies to raise out-of-the-box children with out-of-the-box strategies.



Raising Resilient Kids

Luiza Y. Coscia, author of Outcast to Outstanding: The Practical Guide to Understanding & Addressing the Drivers of Your Child’s Behavior, joined us as a special guest again this week. Luiza is an author, engineer, and mother of five children with special needs. Last time she was a guest on the podcast, we discussed the importance of being resilient as a parent. Today, we discuss some of her strategies for raising resilient children.

Luiza has a series of strategies that she employs in order to instill a sense of resilience into her children. She knows that at some point, all children will find themselves in situations that require them to exhibit the ability to remain resilient in the face of trouble. Coscia describes children’s brains as a sponge, and says that it is parent’s jobs to feed that. Through several different methods, Luiza teaches her children how to act resilient.

The first strategy that Luiza uses to help her children understand the importance of resilience is subjecting them to historical figures. By sharing the stories of others acts of resilience, she hopes her children will aim to exhibit the same traits. She told us about how her two year old son likes to share the story of Gandhi with others. Luiza will write down quotes from these historical figures, and talk about how their words have left legacies. She believes that children can look up to these people, and strive to be more like them.

Front Loading Resilience Strategies

Her second strategy is something that she likes to refer to as “front loading.” Front loading involves preparing children for difficult situations before they encounter them. For example, whenever she takes all five of her children bowling she will discuss with them that not all of them will win. However, she tells them that if they work hard on it, they will improve. She provides incentives for her children such as if everyone graciously loses, they will be allowed to play a second game.

The third strategy is to draw to children in order to help them learn. Luiza will illustrate things on kitchen napkins to teach her kids different ways of being resilient. She will display someone overcoming difficult situations, and exhibit that at the end things worked out properly. Luiza says that the drawings can range in complexity depending on the age of the child.

Another strategy that Luiza uses is modeling situations of resilience in her own life to her children. She says that you are your child’s hero, whether you feel like it or not. An example from her own life that she uses to illustrate her ability to be resilient is the difficulty she faces at home when her husband is out of town travelling for work. She asks her children if she should just give up, and throw in the towel. By displaying her own hardships, her children not only learn but offer to provide more help.

Now that you have taught your children some ways to be resilient, your fifth strategy would be to have your kids practice being resilient. Luiza will have her children imagine being in very difficult situations, and have them display resilience. Luiza does this by having them say out loud phrases such as, “this is difficult, but I will get through it.”

Live Resilience Every Day

Luiza’s final strategy is that you need to live resilience in your life. You have to communicate with your child, and talk about using resilience day to day. It is important for you to tell them situations in which you faced trials and tribulations, but were able to be resilient. If you employ Luiza Y. Coscia’s strategies,