Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner: Help With Healing CPTSD

Dr. Tanner Wallace | CPTSD, IFS, Anxiety & Attachment
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You're living a life full of ordinary moments — weddings, holidays, hard conversations, going through old photographs — that nobody warned you would feel like this. Years of therapy didn't prepare you for what these moments actually are: the lived experience of complex trauma showing up inside the rooms of an adult life. I'm Dr. Tanner Wallace, survivor and founder of CPTSD Medicine. I left academia to build what I couldn't find anywhere else: a sophisticated, applied path through complex trauma that takes the intelligence of survivors seriously. Each week, I share my take on the lived experience of CPTSD so you can recognize what's actually happening to you and stop mistaking it for a personal failure. CPTSD can be resolved. This is where you start to see why. Visit cptsdmedicine.com to explore working together.

  1. 3D AGO

    049. Ending A Relationship: CPTSD Help For The Survivor Of Childhood Trauma

    You can know a relationship is over and still feel like the ground underneath you has nowhere to land. For survivors of childhood trauma, the ending of an adult relationship is not just a loss — it is one of the most consequential windows for CPTSD Resolution you will ever be inside, and most women rush past it without realizing what was available to them. In this episode, I introduce The Reset Period: three obligations a HouseHolder CycleBreaker owes herself after an ending — Stabilize, Distill, Discern. I draw on the science of memory reconsolidation to name why the weeks after a rupture are structurally different from any other time, and I walk through what it looks like to honor the diversity of your Parts when one is devastated, one is relieved, and one is already drafting the reconciliation text. This episode is for you if you have ever caught yourself saying I just want to move on and felt, somewhere underneath, that something important was about to be skipped. Step Closer If this episode resonated, join my email list. My honest perspective on what CPTSD Resolution actually requires. I send about two emails a week. https://cptsdmedicine.com/email When You're Ready CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop Three days, seven people, live on Zoom. You'll leave with a clear, personalized map for your CPTSD Resolution. Offered twice a year in February and September.  https://cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop Happily Ever After — The All-Inclusive CPTSD Resolution Experience Six months of close-proximity training with me. Application required.  https://cptsdmedicine.com/services About Dr. Tanner Wallace Tanner Wallace, PhD and Level 3 IFS Practitioner, is the founder of CPTSD Medicine and the author of the CPTSD Medicine Healing Protocol, a proprietary applied mental health training curriculum that teaches HouseHolder CycleBreakers to resolve complex relational trauma at the root. A former tenured professor of health and human development, she left academia to build the services she could not find as a childhood trauma survivor diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder: a structured six-month container that trains humans to become their own best intervention scientists. Inside her signature container, Happily Ever After, she works with a small number of students to resolve, not manage, their CPTSD. About the Podcast _*]:min-w-0 gap-3"> Heal First, Then Pick Your Life Partner is for high-functioning adults with complex trauma who are tired of repeating painful relationship patterns. If you perform well professionally but struggle intensely in your closest relationships, this podcast helps you see why. _*]:min-w-0 gap-3"> Each episode takes an ordinary moment of adult life — attending a family wedding, going through old photographs, ending a relationship, writing a holiday card, having a hard conversation with someone you love — and shows you what's actually happening underneath it through the lens of complex trauma. You'll hear my take on the lived experience of CPTSD, drawn from five years of building a proprietary trauma resolution curriculum and from my own work as a survivor who no longer qualifies for the diagnoses I once did. _*]:min-w-0 gap-3"> This is diagnostic, declarative, and unlike anything else in the CPTSD space. Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD, founder of CPTSD Medicine.

    32 min

  2. MAY 1

    048. Keeping Up With Life: A CPTSD Guide to Building Self Trust

    You can run a life that looks competent from the outside while the private functional domain — taxes, invoicing, paperwork, the relationship with yourself — quietly falls apart behind closed doors. That split is not a discipline problem. It is an audience problem. In this episode, I introduce a single discerning question I want you carrying with you — Is there an audience for this task? — and walk through what it reveals about the Part of you that has learned to perform competence outwardly while leaving the unwitnessed loops open. We work through the backstage of the Broadway show your life has become, why mainstream priority advice has it backwards, and the difference between priorities and the systems that hold them. If you have ever said I can keep up with everyone else's expectations but I cannot keep up with my own life, this episode was made for you. Step Closer If this episode resonated, join my email list. No freebies, no fluff. Just my honest perspective on what CPTSD Resolution actually requires. I send about two emails a week. https://cptsdmedicine.com/email When You're Ready CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop Three days, seven people, live on Zoom. You'll leave with a clear, personalized map for your CPTSD Resolution. Offered twice a year in February and September.  https://cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop Happily Ever After — The All-Inclusive CPTSD Resolution Experience Six months of close-proximity training with me. Application required.  https://cptsdmedicine.com/services About Dr. Tanner Wallace Dr. Tanner Wallace is a childhood trauma survivor, former university professor, and Level 3 Internal Family Systems practitioner who founded CPTSD Medicine. She helps humans who look really good on paper, but behind closed doors are experiencing severe emotional distress in their closest relationships, to resolve what's causing this and become outstanding parents and partners. Her approach is applied mental health training, not therapy. About the Podcast Heal First, Then Pick Your Life Partner is for high-functioning adults with complex trauma who are tired of repeating painful relationship patterns. If you perform well professionally but struggle intensely in your closest relationships, this podcast teaches you why and what to do about it. Each episode explores how CPTSD shapes your parenting, partnering, identity, and emotional life, and offers a grounded, structured perspective on what resolution actually looks like. Topics include IFS and parts work, trauma-driven relationship patterns, emotional distress in partnerships, career identity as a survival response, and navigating psychiatric medication alongside healing. Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD, this podcast is applied mental health training for adults who want resolution, not just management.

    41 min

  3. APR 24

    047. Being A Girls' Girl: Relational Manipulation As A CPTSD Survivor

    You've had the experience — someone tells you what's being said about you in the group chat you're not part of, or you overhear it, or it lands in a comment section, and suddenly you're defending a version of yourself you don't recognize. The spiral is immediate, the shame is disproportionate, and you can't tell whether to retaliate or apologize. In this episode, I teach the Embodiment Equation: why leaving the body in childhood sets up an implicit contract that invites relational manipulation, why women under patriarchy reach for character attacks as a counterfeit source of power, and what being a Girls' Girl actually means when you define it structurally instead of reflexively. Drawing on a detailed business-team scenario, I walk through the honesty audit that lets you hold accountability and self-protection at the same time. If you've ever thought "why is this always happening to me" or "why did I just stoop to that," this episode was made for you Step Closer If this episode resonated, join my email list. No freebies, no fluff. Just my honest perspective on what CPTSD Resolution actually requires. I send about two emails a week. https://cptsdmedicine.com/email When You're Ready CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop Three days, seven people, live on Zoom. You'll leave with a clear, personalized map for your CPTSD Resolution. Offered twice a year in February and September.  https://cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop Happily Ever After — The All-Inclusive CPTSD Resolution Experience Six months of close-proximity training with me. Application required.  https://cptsdmedicine.com/services About Dr. Tanner Wallace Dr. Tanner Wallace is a childhood trauma survivor, former university professor, and Level 3 Internal Family Systems practitioner who founded CPTSD Medicine. She helps humans who look really good on paper, but behind closed doors are experiencing severe emotional distress in their closest relationships, to resolve what's causing this and become outstanding parents and partners. Her approach is applied mental health training, not therapy. About the Podcast Heal First, Then Pick Your Life Partner is for high-functioning adults with complex trauma who are tired of repeating painful relationship patterns. If you perform well professionally but struggle intensely in your closest relationships, this podcast teaches you why and what to do about it. Each episode explores how CPTSD shapes your parenting, partnering, identity, and emotional life, and offers a grounded, structured perspective on what resolution actually looks like. Topics include IFS and parts work, trauma-driven relationship patterns, emotional distress in partnerships, career identity as a survival response, and navigating psychiatric medication alongside healing. Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD, this podcast is applied mental health training for adults who want resolution, not just management.

    36 min

  4. APR 17

    046. Feeling Unseen At Work: A CPTSD Guide To The Appreciation Wound

    You've done excellent work. You know it. And yet you find yourself scanning the room for confirmation that someone else knows it too. That quiet ache of feeling unseen at your job isn't a professional development problem. It's one of the most common places a CPTSD wound shows up uninvited. In this episode, I introduce The Appreciation Audit, a four-question self-inquiry practice designed to help you trace what you're actually asking for when you say you feel "underappreciated," and who you're really asking. We look at how childhood emotional neglect wires the nervous system to experience a missing "good job" as something closer to a survival threat, and why the workplace becomes a stand-in stage for recognition that was never delivered in the original production. Drawing on research in rejection sensitivity, attachment disruption, and real-life examples from professional and family life, we explore the difference between wanting appreciation and needing it to feel real. If you've ever thought "Why does this bother me so much? It's just work," this episode is for yo Step Closer In this episode resonated, join my email list. No freebies, no fluff. Just my honest perspective on what CPTSD Resolution actually requires. I send about two emails a week. https://cptsdmedicine.com/email When You're Ready CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop Three days, seven people, live on Zoom. You'll leave with a clear, personalized map for your CPTSD Resolution. Offered twice a year in February and September.  https://cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop Happily Ever After — The All-Inclusive CPTSD Resolution Experience Six months of close-proximity training with me. Application required.  https://cptsdmedicine.com/services About Dr. Tanner Wallace Dr. Tanner Wallace is a childhood trauma survivor, former university professor, and Level 3 Internal Family Systems practitioner who founded CPTSD Medicine. She helps humans who look really good on paper, but behind closed doors are experiencing severe emotional distress in their closest relationships, to resolve what's causing this and become outstanding parents and partners. Her approach is applied mental health training, not therapy. About the Podcast Heal First, Then Pick Your Life Partner is for high-functioning adults with complex trauma who are tired of repeating painful relationship patterns. If you perform well professionally but struggle intensely in your closest relationships, this podcast teaches you why and what to do about it. Each episode explores how CPTSD shapes your parenting, partnering, identity, and emotional life, and offers a grounded, structured perspective on what resolution actually looks like. Topics include IFS and parts work, trauma-driven relationship patterns, emotional distress in partnerships, career identity as a survival response, and navigating psychiatric medication alongside healing. Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD, this podcast is applied mental health training for adults who want resolution, not just management.

    36 min

  5. APR 10

    045. Protecting or Vilifying: How We Relate to Our Parents in CPTSD Resolution

    You've probably noticed that your relationship with your parents lives in one of two places: protection or blame. You either minimize what happened to keep the peace, or you've swung into a narrative that finally names the harm but hasn't actually moved anything in your body. In this episode, I unpack the three-phase arc that most CPTSD survivors move through when reckoning with their parents' role in their wounding, and I introduce the concept of Merciful Validation as the earned posture that lives beyond both protection and vilification. Using real-life scenarios like honoring a parent's birthday, we explore what it looks like to hold honest reckoning and genuine mercy at the same time without collapsing into either. If you've ever caught yourself saying "bless their heart" about the people who hurt you and felt something dishonest in it, this episode was made for you. CPTSD Resolution 101 Weekend Workshop A premium workshop for survivors who are ready to heal but do not yet know what to do or how to structure their two-year healing plan. You will leave with a clear, personalized map for your CPTSD Resolution Era. cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop Happily Ever After A high-touch, six-month coaching container for survivors ready to begin their Resolution Era with structure, partnership, and the full CPTSD Medicine Healing Protocol. This is for those who know they are ready for guided transformation and consistent support. https://cptsdmedicine.com/services About Dr. Tanner Wallace Dr. Tanner Wallace is a childhood trauma survivor, former university professor, and Level 3 Internal Family Systems Practitioner who specializes in CPTSD Resolution. She founded CPTSD Medicine to offer applied mental health training for high-achieving adults who want a clear, structured path to heal trauma at the root and stop repeating painful relationship patterns. About the Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner Podcast Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner is a podcast for look-good-on-paper adults with unresolved CPTSD, anxious attachment, or repeated relationship pain. If you look confident on the outside but feel overwhelmed, confused, or ashamed by the patterns you cannot break, this podcast teaches you why. Each episode breaks down how trauma shapes your emotions, triggers, and relationship choices, and offers practical, research-informed steps to heal at the root. Learn how to stop trauma-driven reactions, understand emotional flashbacks, build secure attachment, create healthier relationships, and finally feel safe inside your own system. Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and Level 3 Internal Family Systems practitioner, this podcast provides applied mental health training for adults who want clarity, stability, and a structured path to CPTSD Resolution. If you want to heal deeply, choose partners wisely, and build a life that feels secure and aligned, you are in the right place.

    30 min

  6. APR 3

    044. Healing In Real Time: CPTSD Resolution Advice For Success

    You have spent years trying to explain what happened to you. You have narrated it in therapy, processed it with friends, and written about it in journals, yet the same patterns keep running your life. That is not a failure of effort. It is a signal that the work needs to move from retelling to real time. In this episode, I introduce The Three Rooms, a framework for recognizing where you are spending your healing capital and capacity: The Retelling Room, where narration lives; The Numbing Room, where avoidance lives; and The Training Ground, where present-moment activation becomes the actual material for CPTSD Resolution. We explore why the mental health field and social media both misunderstand the problem with chronic retelling, why your triggered moments are not obstacles to your healing but the precise site of it, and what it means to lead your Resolution as the CEO of the process rather than outsourcing it to someone else's interpretation. If you have ever thought "I have done so much therapy but nothing has actually changed," this episode was made for you. HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD Do I Have CPTSD? Assessment A free, educational assessment to help you determine whether CPTSD is a meaningful framework for understanding your symptoms, patterns, and experiences.  https://cptsdmedicine.com/assessment CPTSD Resolution 101 Workshop A premium workshop for survivors who are ready to heal but do not yet know what to do or how to structure their two-year healing plan. You will leave with a clear, personalized map for your CPTSD Resolution Era. cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop Happily Ever After A high-touch, six-month coaching container for survivors ready to begin their Resolution Era with structure, partnership, and the full CPTSD Medicine Healing Protocol. This is for those who know they are ready for guided transformation and consistent support. https://cptsdmedicine.com/services Can't stop fighting in your relationship? → Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave? → Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt. https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist About Dr. Tanner Wallace Dr. Tanner Wallace is a childhood trauma survivor, former university professor, and Level 3 Internal Family Systems Practitioner who specializes in CPTSD Resolution. She founded CPTSD Medicine to offer applied mental health training for high-achieving adults who want a clear, structured path to heal trauma at the root and stop repeating painful relationship patterns. About the Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner Podcast Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner is a podcast for look-good-on-paper adults with unresolved CPTSD, anxious attachment, or repeated relationship pain. If you look confident on the outside but feel overwhelmed, confused, or ashamed by the patterns you cannot break, this podcast teaches you why. Each episode breaks down how trauma shapes your emotions, triggers, and relationship choices, and offers practical, research-informed steps to heal at the root. Learn how to stop trauma-driven reactions, understand emotional flashbacks, build secure attachment, create healthier relationships, and finally feel safe inside your own system. Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and Level 3 Internal Family Systems practitioner, this podcast provides applied mental health training for adults who want clarity, stability, and a structured path to CPTSD Resolution. If you want to heal deeply, choose partners wisely, and build a life that feels secure and aligned, you are in the right place.

    27 min

  7. MAR 27

    043. Knowing Feeling Gap: Help For CPTSD Healing

    You can understand something completely and still feel nothing has changed. That's not a willpower problem. That's the knowing-feeling gap — and it's one of the most common and frustrating experiences in CPTSD healing. In this episode, I break down why intellectual insight alone rarely produces lasting behavioral change for complex trauma survivors. Drawing on real examples from parenting, partnership, and professional life, we explore how trauma-based information processing operates on a separate internal system from conscious awareness — one that consistently overrides what you cognitively know to be true. You'll learn why the mental health field has historically over-indexed on insight at the expense of embodied intervention, what it actually means to "close the gap" between knowing and feeling, and why that gap is the precise therapeutic target — not just an obstacle to push through. If you've ever said "I know I deserve better, but I can't feel it" or "I understand the pattern, but I keep repeating it," this episode was made for you. HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD Do I Have CPTSD? Assessment A free, educational assessment to help you determine whether CPTSD is a meaningful framework for understanding your symptoms, patterns, and experiences.  https://cptsdmedicine.com/assessment CPTSD Resolution 101 Workshop A premium workshop for survivors who are ready to heal but do not yet know what to do or how to structure their two-year healing plan. You will leave with a clear, personalized map for your CPTSD Resolution Era. cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop Happily Ever After A high-touch, six-month coaching container for survivors ready to begin their Resolution Era with structure, partnership, and the full CPTSD Medicine Healing Protocol. This is for those who know they are ready for guided transformation and consistent support. https://cptsdmedicine.com/services Can't stop fighting in your relationship? → Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave? → Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt. https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist About Dr. Tanner Wallace Dr. Tanner Wallace is a childhood trauma survivor, former university professor, and Level 3 Internal Family Systems Practitioner who specializes in CPTSD Resolution. She founded CPTSD Medicine to offer applied mental health training for high-achieving adults who want a clear, structured path to heal trauma at the root and stop repeating painful relationship patterns. About the Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner Podcast Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner is a podcast for look-good-on-paper adults with unresolved CPTSD, anxious attachment, or repeated relationship pain. If you look confident on the outside but feel overwhelmed, confused, or ashamed by the patterns you cannot break, this podcast teaches you why. Each episode breaks down how trauma shapes your emotions, triggers, and relationship choices, and offers practical, research-informed steps to heal at the root. Learn how to stop trauma-driven reactions, understand emotional flashbacks, build secure attachment, create healthier relationships, and finally feel safe inside your own system. Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and Level 3 Internal Family Systems practitioner, this podcast provides applied mental health training for adults who want clarity, stability, and a structured path to CPTSD Resolution. If you want to heal deeply, choose partners wisely, and build a life that feels secure and aligned, you are in the right place.

    37 min

  8. MAR 20

    042. Accelerating Your Healing: Speeding Up Your CPTSD Resolution

    Many survivors living with CPTSD wonder if healing can happen faster or feel frustrated by the pace of their progress. In this episode, I explore what it actually means to accelerate your healing and move toward full CPTSD resolution. I discuss the possibility of no longer qualifying for a CPTSD diagnosis by addressing trauma at the root, rather than managing symptoms on the surface. We look at the mindset shifts, patterns, and forms of Self Leadership that support deeper, more efficient healing, and what often slows survivors down without them realizing it. This conversation is for anyone ready to move beyond coping and step into a more direct, empowered path toward lasting change. HELP WITH HEALING CPTSD Do I Have CPTSD? Assessment A free, educational assessment to help you determine whether CPTSD is a meaningful framework for understanding your symptoms, patterns, and experiences.  https://cptsdmedicine.com/assessment CPTSD Resolution 101 Workshop A premium workshop for survivors who are ready to heal but do not yet know what to do or how to structure their two-year healing plan. You will leave with a clear, personalized map for your CPTSD Resolution Era. cptsdmedicine.com/weekendworkshop Happily Ever After A high-touch, six-month coaching container for survivors ready to begin their Resolution Era with structure, partnership, and the full CPTSD Medicine Healing Protocol. This is for those who know they are ready for guided transformation and consistent support. https://cptsdmedicine.com/services Can't stop fighting in your relationship? → Follow the Fight Smarter Field Guide — a self-guided learning experience to understand your conflict patterns and practice responses that lead to repair, not regret. https://cptsdmedicine.com/the-fight-smarter-field-guide In a relationship, but wondering if you should leave? → Begin the Red Flag Learning Path to recognize trauma-driven patterns and rebuild your inner compass toward love that doesn't hurt. https://cptsdmedicine.com/red-flag-checklist About Dr. Tanner Wallace Dr. Tanner Wallace is a childhood trauma survivor, former university professor, and Level 3 Internal Family Systems Practitioner who specializes in CPTSD Resolution. She founded CPTSD Medicine to offer applied mental health training for high-achieving adults who want a clear, structured path to heal trauma at the root and stop repeating painful relationship patterns. About the Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner Podcast Heal First Then Pick Your Life Partner is a podcast for look-good-on-paper adults with unresolved CPTSD, anxious attachment, or repeated relationship pain. If you look confident on the outside but feel overwhelmed, confused, or ashamed by the patterns you cannot break, this podcast teaches you why. Each episode breaks down how trauma shapes your emotions, triggers, and relationship choices, and offers practical, research-informed steps to heal at the root. Learn how to stop trauma-driven reactions, understand emotional flashbacks, build secure attachment, create healthier relationships, and finally feel safe inside your own system. Hosted by Dr. Tanner Wallace, PhD and Level 3 Internal Family Systems practitioner, this podcast provides applied mental health training for adults who want clarity, stability, and a structured path to CPTSD Resolution. If you want to heal deeply, choose partners wisely, and build a life that feels secure and aligned, you are in the right place.

    34 min
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About

You're living a life full of ordinary moments — weddings, holidays, hard conversations, going through old photographs — that nobody warned you would feel like this. Years of therapy didn't prepare you for what these moments actually are: the lived experience of complex trauma showing up inside the rooms of an adult life. I'm Dr. Tanner Wallace, survivor and founder of CPTSD Medicine. I left academia to build what I couldn't find anywhere else: a sophisticated, applied path through complex trauma that takes the intelligence of survivors seriously. Each week, I share my take on the lived experience of CPTSD so you can recognize what's actually happening to you and stop mistaking it for a personal failure. CPTSD can be resolved. This is where you start to see why. Visit cptsdmedicine.com to explore working together.

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