How to Instantly Feel More Confident - Issue #285 Invincible Career - Claim your power and regain your freedom

I don’t remember what my friend did, but suddenly a drill sergeant was in his face screaming at him. He called him every name in the book and told him how stupid he was.
At the end of his tirade, the drill sergeant stopped talking and kept staring into my friend’s face. He was expecting some sort of reaction or response.
But, my friend maintained his composure. He stared straight ahead, looking past him, his face expressionless.
That seemed to irritate the drill sergeant, so he tried to provoke him further, "You want to hit me, don't you, boy?"
My friend slowly turned his head. He smiled calmly and made direct eye contact. In a low voice, he deliberately and clearly said, "Ohhhh yes, drill sergeant."
His confident response — coupled with his imposing physical stature — made an impact. I was astounded to watch the drill sergeant mumble something, turn, and walk away.
That’s the power of confidence. Of course, it isn’t only useful in the military. We need it in our everyday lives, in both personal and professional situations.
We’re all slowly starting to venture out into the world again. I’m watching friends around the world going out to dinner, attending events, and meeting new people.
Of course, we have been meeting new people online during the past year. My Invincible Career Slack community chats every day, my Career Accelerator meets on Zoom every week, and I talk with my 1-on-1 clients all the time.
However, it’s different in person. I know that my social skills are feeling a bit rusty. I’m also feeling slightly awkward at events in the real world now. I guess Zoom isn’t a perfect proxy for physical socialization.
Several people have told me that they feel less confident now. They’ve been away from the workplace and social gatherings for over a year!
Well, it’s time to brush up on those conversational skills! Until your old confidence returns, here are some tips for boosting your signals of self-assurance.
You’ll instantly be perceived as more confident. This changes how people react to you. That change in their behavior feeds back into your assessment of the situation, which now makes you actually feel more confident.
It becomes a virtuous cycle.
Exude calm
Eight-time Olympic medalist speedskater Apolo Ohno was spotted yawning before his big races in the 2010 Winter Olympics. Broadcasters mentioned that perhaps he was bored or tired.
Nope, he wasn’t. He was intentionally yawning to prepare his body and calm himself down before the race.
"It makes me feel better. It gets the oxygen in and the nerves out."— Apolo Ohno
Long ago, I started using my own calming rituals to handle stressful situations (e.g., during Army Basic Training, executive reviews, Board meetings). I'd force myself to feel somewhat disinterested and maintain a neutral expression.
People would remark later, "How do you stay so calm in those meetings? Nothing seems to bother you."
My wife also once said, “You seem at ease in every situation."
I'm not at ease. I often feel anxious. I frequently feel stressed.
However, I do my best not to let it show. I intentionally maintain my composure in most situations to help myself stay calm and feel more confident. I also do it to help people around me feel more relaxed and less stressed by what’s going on.
To instantly feel and appear calmer:
* Focus on taking slower, deeper breaths.
* Yawn before that big meeting or event starts!
* Relax the muscles in your face.
* Unclench your jaw.
* Smile slightly.
* Use an engaged but relaxed posture.
* Let tension flow out of your back and arms.
Maintain eye contact
I’ve written about the power of eye contact before. You can use your gaze and body language to radiate more confidence. You can also deliberately use eye contact to communicate care, attention, and respect for others.
You will stand out and be viewed as more confident when you make appropriate eye contact with others. Why? Because fewer people are looking o