How to Set Healthy Boundaries Without Guilt

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Speaker 1: (00:03)
Um, hello ladies. Hello my queens. I have something epic lined up for you. I'm so excited. First, I guess I'll say, you know, welcome to, but still she thrives. There's the official, hello. But I am so excited. I am relaunching my boundaries course with a special bonus for a limited time for a limited amount of people. I don't know when that time is gonna be up. I'm gonna see how many I sell and go from there because I need to have enough space to give this bonus offer this time, which is going to be an hour free one-on-one coaching with me. So you will get that on top of your Epic Boundaries course, which is prerecorded go at your own pace. So it's not like you're rushing around. If you've got a very busy life, it's easy to include in your weekly routine, or if you wanna do bi-weekly, it is dripped out weekly.

Speaker 1: (00:57)
So one video will come out to your email, directly to your email every week on boundaries. So if you feel like you are somebody who feels stressed out, overwhelmed, not at peace, feeling like relationships are stressing you out, feeling like maybe work is stressing you out, maybe the home life with the kids is stressing you out, odds are you have a issue with setting boundaries or keeping them or even knowing what or how to set boundaries. So my course is all about that, but we're going to touch on a few of those things today. And then, um, the offer will be in the show notes, the podcast description area. Um, so you can go ahead and sign up and if you sign up for a limited time, you will get that one hour one-on-one coaching with me, which it's just gonna be amazing, like the course with me helping you, guiding you on your journey to peace and joy and just ease.

Speaker 1: (02:02)
Don't we want an easier life? I know I did. And I'm here. So here's my hand. I'm gonna pull you on through and let's dive into the actual episode, shall we? So what are boundaries, right? We hear that word all the time to me, and we're gonna, we're gonna speak queen language today 'cause y'all are some queens. So I want you to picture boundaries like the walls that protect your castle, right? So just as a castle's, walls keep the unwanted out and the good within, that's important too for you to focus on, right? To me, it's protecting your peace. So all the good things you want to stay there and you want to block the negativity from coming and seeping into any even little cracks in your walls, right? So just as you get, you keep that unwanted out and the cherished in the personal boundaries define what you are comfortable with and what crosses the line.

Speaker 1: (03:01)
So imagine your emotional boundaries as this big protective shield around your emotional wellbeing. So when boundaries has such a negative connotation, and I hate that, I wish there was a more positive association with it, um, for me it is. But for a lot of people it feels like, oh, I'm telling someone what to do. No, you are telling yourself what you will and will not tolerate. And yes, you may communicate that to somebody, but in, in healthy loving boundaries, you're not really telling someone to do. I'll give you a quick example. Um, I had a person in my life that raised their voice a lot at me. And I was a grown adult. I was a grown adult, and I didn't want that to happen anymore. I was used to it. It was my way of life, my whole life. But I woke up one day, I was like, this really has caused me a negative feeling, like a lot, right?

Speaker 1: (03:53)
So I don't like that. I don't like that feeling. So what do you do about it? I, instead of saying, don't yell at me anymore, you can say, I'm not comfortable with being yelled at. That's not something that I accept in my life anymore. And here is what's going to happen in the future. If you do raise your voice at me, there's nothing I can do about that on your end. But for me, I am going to walk away. I'm gonna hang up the phone, like whatever it is your boundary is gonna be, and we'll get to all of that, especially in the boundaries course where you really customize and learn how to figure out what boundaries you need. And there's also talk in my course about how to set those boundaries with love, right? And where it's not aggressive. So anyway, let's move on.

Speaker 1: (04:46)
So if you find it hard to say no to, let's say extra work at the office, even when it's affecting your personal time, that might be a sign your time related boundaries need attention. If you feel just spread thin, if you feel like, gosh, I have no time to do anything, and I hear this a lot when my clients come to me, I would say 95% of them say, I just, I don't have time to do that. And by the time they're done with me, they have more free time than they could have dreamt of. Because if you do not have free time in your life, it is because you are not, it may be aware of what's going on. You're not living in alignment with what you truly desire. And so therefore you're not really able to recognize or even know how to set those boundaries.

Speaker 1: (05:34)
Or maybe you know some of them, but you feel uneasy or guilty about setting them. And we're gonna shift all that mindset in the course. So then you can go on and set them and feel good about it. And you realize it actually improves your relationships. And the relationships. If it does damage certain relationships, those may not be relationships that you want in your life because they're not healthy relationships. So we get into all that too. All the fun, right? So setting healthy boundaries, you have to be very clear and specific. Okay? If a colleague asks you to stay late at work all the time, you could say, I'm happy to help, but I need at least 24 hours notice for overtime requests, right? And again, we'll get into all of these things more deeply. And this is where the one-on-one with me can help.

Speaker 1: (06:25)
If you have specific situations, you really can't figure out, I am a pro at them. So I love helping with that. Then there's overcoming the boundary challenges, right? Like it's natural to fear that setting boundaries might harm the relationships, but consider this healthy boundaries can actually strengthen them. So let's say you have a friend who always calls late at night, they're disturbing your sleep, but you feel like, oh, I feel bad if I don't answer. Like, you have this urgency to answer. I used to have that in general any time of day or night. I just felt like I had to be accessible all the time to my friends. It was a thing, not anymore, but by sending a boundary kindly, you know, saying something like, I value our friendship, but I do need to maintain a, a healthy sleep schedule. So I could totally chat during the day.

Speaker 1: (07:24)
Let's say you could even give a specific day. I used to have a specific day. Now it's like when I'm working, I really try hard not to do that unless it's like someone has an emergency or something, right? But I really used to have a day of the week I would pick and I'd be like, you know, Thursdays, if you just wanna chat, just to chat, like, I can totally do that from let's say two to 3:00 PM or whatever. Maybe it's at nighttime while you're waiting for dinner to cook on the stove. And these may seem like, you know, some more silly boundaries, some lighter boundaries. We definitely get into some