How Women Can Heal From a Sexual Addict Spouse with Dr. Barbara Steffens

On this week’s episode of Melody and Friends, Melody speaks with Dr. Barbara Steffens about breaking the stigma and shame that partners often experience when going through betrayal trauma with their spouse’s sexual addiction. Both addicts and their partners may suffer in isolation, ashamed and afraid, not knowing where to turn for help. Dr. Steffens talks about what trauma truly looks like in a relationship, what steps women can take, and how communities provide understanding for sexual addicts and their partners. 

Barbara Steffens' groundbreaking research was the first to show that partners are not co-addicts but post-traumatic stress victims. Our listeners can learn more about Dr. Steffens’ book, coaching and more by visiting www.drbarbarasteffens.com. Another resource she highly recommends is www.apsats.org.

Who is Dr. Barbara Steffens?

Barbara Steffens, PhD, LPCC, CCPS, CPC specializes in helping women recover from sexual betrayal and is a sought-after speaker and presenter on special issues related to partners of sexual addicts. She was the founding President of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, an organization that provides training and certification of Clinical Partner Specialists and Partner Trauma Coaches. 

She has counseled and coached betrayed spouses/partners for over twenty years and her research on trauma after betrayal has changed the field. Barbara also consults with other professionals and provides training for those who want to help partners heal.

Things We Talk About in this Episode

• The dangers of the codependency model and calling women co-addicts when they discover their husband has an addiction to sex or pornography.
• What trauma looks like for spouses that are in a relationship with someone who is a sex addict
• How to determine if an addict is in a good place after recovering from the original trauma of betrayal and why it can often take a while to figure that out.
• What to do if your spouse doesn’t begin to exhibit those signs of reform or doesn’t respect your requests for boundaries and safety.
• How Dr. Steffens wrote Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal and how she began rewriting the way people recognize betrayal trauma.
• Where do women go next after experiencing betrayal trauma and how can counselors be better informed to treat sex addicts and the trauma their spouses experience.