Your Kickstarter Sucks Jesse Farrar & Mike Hale

Elegance in your palm! Elegance in your palm! We all crave it, and we’d all do anything to have it…but would we spend $28? Perhaps not. On today’s show we answer that question and many others, up to and including, “Laptop in car?” and “Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food”! Plus, JF takes his rightful L. What a pathetic excuse for a man. Let’s light his ass up, by listening to today’s episode!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

Need more of that YKS shit in ya life? I recommend subscribing to YKS Premium! I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t good, and I would absolutely lie to you in a heartbeat, but luckily at this time I don’t have to. The show is just that damn good. Last week we had on the great Howell Dawdy, and even though it seems like between this voicemail and the the premium episode that we are becoming dangerously Howell-obsessed, they were recorded like a month apart so it’s totally normal! Howell shows off some of his collection of freaks, which we love to see, and I daresay we even learn a little along the way. But that’s just Howell’s way. 

Check out Movie Night with Big Howell and our own DB at twitch.tv/bighowelldawdy

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We love our wonderful celebs, don’t we folks! Or, wait, maybe we don’t love them! I don’t know, I’m going to have to check the list. Now I feel like Santy Claus…but it’s only April! Good gravy this is a confusing episode and it’s only the description part. Just wait til you get to the listening part of the show. And when you do, what you’ll hear is a hell of a lot of laughs, some serious personal insults, and a list of women that teenagers on the computer have decided they don’t like. Plus: a Nespresso machine that can shoot out stuff that makes you go to sleep instead (reverse Nespresso), Brandage by Antix, and yet another toilet brush. Just when you think you’ve seen them all. Another toilet brush. Wahoo! 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium - “It’s so good we’re not going to do AI to it!” - Andreessen Horowitz

Okay they didn’t say that…but what if they did?! Well anyway, check out YKS Premium to get even more YKS, which has surely got to interest some of you, statistically speaking. Coming up this month: the return of Howell Dawdy’s beautiful Freak Show, a YKScapades to “Springfield”, a call-in show and more! Only at https://www.patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks!

This week’s episode sponsored by these fine brands: 

Rocket Money - Rocket Money!!! I’m strapped to the outside of the thing and I’m shooting off to Planet Savings!! Sorry for saying that I’m “shooting off”, but that’s how much saving money means to me. Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/YKS. 

Factor - I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner…I’m eating it in summer, spring, winter! That’s something I’ve been chanting around the house lately, and I have recently been calling it the “Factor Meals Chant”. I take my shirt off and scream it all night! Haha. Head to FactorMeals.com/yks50 and use code yks50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I like driving my car but I don’t like getting run into by other cars. That’s why I came up with the “please don’t run into me” sign, which you can put in the car or take it with you on the plane or wear around your neck. It’s basically good wherever you don’t want to get hit by stuff. As far as I can tell, no one has come up with this idea before, which probably means I’m good to go. La la la la…ho ho ho…tee hee hee. ← What da HELL!?

On today’s show we got that thing I am kind of talking about up there, plus a thing that makes eating ice cream even easier (can you believe it?), a healthier (?) way to make cold brew, and honestly the grossest, most insane way I’ve ever seen of brushing your teeth. I mean it does everything wrong. I truly don’t get it. Maybe someone will explain it to me. Oh please…someone help me!! I need help!!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium - Now THIS is the stuff right here. More JF, more DB, more DAN?! Are you kidding me? If that’s a single penny short of $1,000,000 a month it will have been a steal and a deal. Don’t tell me what it costs! I don’t want to know! I just want to take my $1,000,000 and go away somewhere!

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Listen up, gang. It’s time to describe the episode. This is basically a way of telling you, the listener, what you might be in for when you download or stream this particular episode of the show. First things first: it starts out with the intro song by the one and only Howell Dawdy. From there [...] Anyway, then we end the show. Another instant classic! Hopefully you enjoyed this description and the podcast itself. Because if not, we’ll probably start freaking out and [...] it’ll be all your fault! Ha ha ha. Happy Easter, gang!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium - Farrarch has ended and Gaperil begins! Nah nah nah. No theme months for a little bit. So we’re talking classic YKS Premium - What The Funds, Missed the Cuts, YKScapades and more…all in video and all without the guilt of not watching the garbage movie we’re talking about for 2 hours! Only at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks! We are doing Gapetember though. 

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor - What’s better than one discount? Two discounts! And when the discount is on food you can eat? Forget about it! Well, don’t forget about it…instead, check out Factor, and remember it! Get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box at FactorMeals.com/yks50!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I guess if you think about it, a shrimp kind of looks like a “pew pew”? Isn’t that weird how nowadays we have to have these weird euphemisms for stuff we all talk about all the time cause it’s in the world and that’s the way it is? And we intentionally sound dumber and less comprehensible, trying to outsmart a computer? It’s just odd, I think. And the crazy thing, it’s not even because of woke! It’s because of ads and computer. A combination that we will love for many years to come. On this episode of YKS, it could honestly be anything. It could be about, a, fuckin, water-skiing squirrel. Can you imagine? That would be ridiculous.

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

Farrarch continues! Only on YKS Premium! Skate on over and sign up today to hear the big Farrarch finale, with the one and only A*****e McGee! Oh my god I just found out he died. We got Stefan. 

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands

Rocket Money - Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/yks

NordVPN - 🌏 Get Exclusive NordVPN deal here → https://nordvpn.com/YKS It’s risk-free with Nord’s 30-day money-back guarantee! Link is in the episode description ✌️

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I have cupcake tummy so I’m gonna make this quick. I want you to listen to the show, alright? And I want you to send an email to yourkickstartersucks@gmail.com that says how many times you wipe your butt. And that’s it! Don’t send anything else in there. Just the butt-wipe thing. I have to throw up a cupcake.

On this episode of the show we’ve got one of those things where the guys are trying to sell you the idea that they’re experts in something, but they’ve failed at doing the thing weirdly! Plus we’ve got some flags for rich guys, a little robot it would be fun to hate, and some fucking BLAST PIPES! Check it out! 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium is GOATED when wanting to listen to more Mike and JF is the vibe! Y’all crazy MFs are getting 5 episodes of Farrarch this month! And if that ain’t enough, there’s other stuff too! Check it out today at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor - Meals to eat, meals to eat, yes they really are my treat! With Factor, every meal is a treat. And best of all, they come to your house, where you live, so you can eat them more easily! Thanks, Factor! Use code YKS50 to get 50% off. Aww, cmon, please?!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.