28 min
Improving Your Conversational Skills - Issue #261 Invincible Career - Claim your power and regain your freedom
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- Careers
The inspiration for this week’s topic comes from a podcast listener, LP Lin.
You mentioned that you ask questions to keep the conversation flowing. It sounds like an excellent topic for your next podcast: Smart questioning techniques of an interesting conversationalist : )
Larry, it’d be helpful if you’d reveal the different types of questioning techniques from the straight forward ‘Why’ to more advanced levels you used to spice up a conversation and minimise the risk of others feeling intimidated.
Conversational skills don’t come naturally for me — at all. I’m a bit shy in group settings. I’m an introvert who would prefer to fade back into a dark corner and observe the room.
However, I had to work on myself to get better at engaging with people since it was a useful skillset for my profession when I was a Product executive and doing a lot of public speaking and events. It’s even more important for me now as a leadership coach and career advisor.
Being a great conversationalist comes down to three things:
* Preparation
* Engagement
* Curiosity
Preparation
I know that preparation sounds like homework 😐. While it can be for conversations in professional situations (e.g., job interviews, conference meetups, networking events), I’m speaking of preparation in a broader sense of taking a little time to learn more about the context and people in a given setting.
When you come up with some ideas related to an event, you’ll be prepared to have something interesting to discuss. For example, before I attended a meetup at a company’s headquarters, I browsed their recent press releases, product announcements, and other news in their industry. That made it easier to talk with people about something relevant with which they were familiar (e.g., one of their recent releases).
If you know who you will be meeting, do your homework. Read about their background, where they went to school, where they’ve worked, what they’ve written or posted online (within reason… don’t be creepy 🤣).
You can immediately build rapport with someone by discussing something about them. It shows that you cared enough to check them out and think about questions to ask and things to discuss.
I’ve had that happen, and I must admit that it’s a bit flattering! Despite what people might say, human beings enjoy a little flattery.
Engagement
This is where most people fall flat on their faces during a conversation. Everyone — ok, almost everyone — is distracted by their phones.
I’m sure you’ve also experienced a disappointing conversation with someone whose eyes were darting all around the room looking for someone “more important” to talk with next. Wow. Talk about making someone feel terrible.
Give your conversational partners 100% of your attention. 100%.
If you can’t do that, excuse yourself and leave. Don’t be that distracted person who phubs others, answers questions in a halfhearted manner, or constantly glances around the room.
The online version of this in Zoom meetings are the people who are obviously checking their email or reading Slack messages while you’re talking with them. Sure, this can happen in huge meetings when some exec is doing a long and boring All Hands update (yawn).
However, you shouldn’t do this to people in smaller meetings. It probably doesn’t feel great when people ignore you and act like anything else they're doing is more important than listening to you. Right? So, don’t tune out and make others feel unimportant.
You know that we can see the lighting on your face change as you switch between app windows, right? You do know that we can see your eyes scanning lines of text?
On the flip side, pay attention to your conversational partner — in person or on Zoom. How are they reacting? Note their facial expressions and watch their eyes (it’s pretty much all we have with video chat now).
You can tell when someone seems interested and actively engaged. You can also te
The inspiration for this week’s topic comes from a podcast listener, LP Lin.
You mentioned that you ask questions to keep the conversation flowing. It sounds like an excellent topic for your next podcast: Smart questioning techniques of an interesting conversationalist : )
Larry, it’d be helpful if you’d reveal the different types of questioning techniques from the straight forward ‘Why’ to more advanced levels you used to spice up a conversation and minimise the risk of others feeling intimidated.
Conversational skills don’t come naturally for me — at all. I’m a bit shy in group settings. I’m an introvert who would prefer to fade back into a dark corner and observe the room.
However, I had to work on myself to get better at engaging with people since it was a useful skillset for my profession when I was a Product executive and doing a lot of public speaking and events. It’s even more important for me now as a leadership coach and career advisor.
Being a great conversationalist comes down to three things:
* Preparation
* Engagement
* Curiosity
Preparation
I know that preparation sounds like homework 😐. While it can be for conversations in professional situations (e.g., job interviews, conference meetups, networking events), I’m speaking of preparation in a broader sense of taking a little time to learn more about the context and people in a given setting.
When you come up with some ideas related to an event, you’ll be prepared to have something interesting to discuss. For example, before I attended a meetup at a company’s headquarters, I browsed their recent press releases, product announcements, and other news in their industry. That made it easier to talk with people about something relevant with which they were familiar (e.g., one of their recent releases).
If you know who you will be meeting, do your homework. Read about their background, where they went to school, where they’ve worked, what they’ve written or posted online (within reason… don’t be creepy 🤣).
You can immediately build rapport with someone by discussing something about them. It shows that you cared enough to check them out and think about questions to ask and things to discuss.
I’ve had that happen, and I must admit that it’s a bit flattering! Despite what people might say, human beings enjoy a little flattery.
Engagement
This is where most people fall flat on their faces during a conversation. Everyone — ok, almost everyone — is distracted by their phones.
I’m sure you’ve also experienced a disappointing conversation with someone whose eyes were darting all around the room looking for someone “more important” to talk with next. Wow. Talk about making someone feel terrible.
Give your conversational partners 100% of your attention. 100%.
If you can’t do that, excuse yourself and leave. Don’t be that distracted person who phubs others, answers questions in a halfhearted manner, or constantly glances around the room.
The online version of this in Zoom meetings are the people who are obviously checking their email or reading Slack messages while you’re talking with them. Sure, this can happen in huge meetings when some exec is doing a long and boring All Hands update (yawn).
However, you shouldn’t do this to people in smaller meetings. It probably doesn’t feel great when people ignore you and act like anything else they're doing is more important than listening to you. Right? So, don’t tune out and make others feel unimportant.
You know that we can see the lighting on your face change as you switch between app windows, right? You do know that we can see your eyes scanning lines of text?
On the flip side, pay attention to your conversational partner — in person or on Zoom. How are they reacting? Note their facial expressions and watch their eyes (it’s pretty much all we have with video chat now).
You can tell when someone seems interested and actively engaged. You can also te
28 min