How to describe The Angry Therapist? If you're wondering...he's not angry. At least not anymore. When he started his tumblr blog, it was a time in his life where post-divorce left him grappling with all the things he no longer knew, understood, or could control. Who am I as a man? And what am I feeling? Instead of stuffing it down. He began blogging. He called it, My F*****g Feelings.
“I think the happy therapist is less interesting because there’s something false about that, you know?”
So who is he? Is he a real therapist? He's angry and he swears and he rides motorcycles! But also loves poetry. And he believes dating is dead?
“Dating is dead. Dating is difficult. No one likes dating. It’s a bad experience and I think it’s because of swipe culture.”
Okay. So, he speaks his mind. His Truth. Seemingly, John Kim has an opinion for and on everything. After all, as a licensed therapist and a life coach, he's seen it all. I came across Angry because of his article on Dating. And yeah, that it's dead. That's when I reached out (and wrote my own annotated version of his ideas) to see if we could speak about this on the pod. There are many ways we could have taken this conversation but in light of the major concerns and worries I keep hearing from the men and women I encounter, Dating seems like a hot topic.
Why do we find ourselves in a world with so many great single people, looking for meaningful relationships, and yet, they are unable to meet "the one"?
“Today dating is so casual. They’re just meetings. Uber there. We’re not going to do dinner but we’ll do a drink because if you’re not who I think you are or you don’t look the way I think you’re going to look or the way you presented yourself, I don’t want to spend an hour with you. So it’s a quick meeting. It’s a coffee.
You’re going to enter probably more disappointed than pleasantly surprised.”
So, in some shape or form, it's US. The classic, it's not you, it's me. But what do we do with that? How do we change? Or do we? Do we need to go deeper? What is the solution, Angry?
“Now we have a lot of people who are afraid. Who have been hurt (via rejection) and who are not showing themselves but want love and want to be in a relationship.
So we just have people bouncing off of each other instead of really connecting. "
Looks like we have to do the WORK. Going within. Redefining the social norms, external and internal expectations, and really identifying our non-negotiable(s). How? John Kim answers this and much more in this incredibly important conversation on a subject too many of us are getting wrong, and suffering from it. There's no shame in desiring a meaningful relationship. In fact, it's encouraged. You've just got to make some choices.
“I think it’s time for all men to redefine what masculinity and a real men look like, and it’s time for all women to set a new standard.”
I'm ready. Are you?