Live Your Best Marriage Podcast

Pesa Shayo
  • 5.0 (5)
  • Christianity
  • Updated Daily

The Live Your Best Marriage Podcast, hosted by Pesa Shayo, helps cross-cultural Christian couples build a united front through in-law pressure, loyalty conflicts, culture clashes, communication, faith, and family expectations. Whitney Shayo appears in selected episodes from the show archive and future conversations.

  1. Aug 21

    Why Your Boundaries Aren’t Working with Nancy Pickard

    You set a boundary, but nothing changes. Your spouse feels controlled. Your parents feel rejected. You feel guilty. So was it really a boundary? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa talks with relationship and boundary coach Nancy Pickard about what healthy boundaries actually look like inside marriage and extended family relationships. Nancy explains one of the biggest misunderstandings about boundaries: a boundary is not primarily about controlling what another person does. It is about becoming clear on what you need, communicating it respectfully, and deciding what you will do if that boundary is not honored. The conversation explores: Why people-pleasing can eventually create resentment The difference between a boundary, a request, an ultimatum, and control Why you should not set a boundary you are unwilling to keep How to communicate a boundary without attacking your spouse Why “I feel X when you do Y. Would you be willing to do Z?” can completely change a difficult conversation How husbands and wives can become a united front when setting boundaries with in-laws Why cross-cultural couples can experience intense guilt when saying no to parents or older relatives How financial help from parents can complicate marital boundaries Why money from family often comes with expectations How couples can respect their heritage without allowing previous generations to govern their marriage Why vulnerability may be one of the hardest emotional mountains couples need to climb And why healthy marriages are not free from conflict. They learn how to repair after conflict. The United Front takeaway is simple: boundaries should protect the relationship, not punish people. A husband and wife need to decide together what they will allow into their marriage, communicate those decisions as “we” instead of blaming one spouse, and remain respectful even when family members disagree. Are culture, in-laws, family expectations, divided loyalty, or guilt making it difficult for you and your spouse to protect your marriage together? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where family or cultural pressure may be creating a gap, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Learn more about Nancy Pickard, her coaching, and her resources at: https://nancypickardlifecoach.com Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Cold Open: The Nature of Boundaries(00:00:17) - Meet Nancy Pickard(00:00:54) - Why Boundaries Are Misunderstood(00:01:30) - Nancy's Journey with People-Pleasing(00:04:07) - What Is a Boundary?(00:06:49) - Boundaries vs. Control(00:08:19) - People-Pleasing as Manipulation(00:10:47) - Protective vs. Containing Boundaries(00:13:54) - Setting Boundaries with In-Laws(00:18:12) - Guilt in Cross-Cultural Families(00:21:08) - Money, Family, and Boundaries(00:23:00) - Climbing Kilimanjaro: Facing Fear(00:24:31) - Vulnerability in Marriage(00:27:11) - Repairing After Conflict(00:29:08) - How to Set Your First Boundary Tonight(00:32:06) - Where to Find Nancy Pickard

    Why Your Boundaries Aren’t Working with Nancy Pickard

  2. Aug 20

    You Say Family Comes First. Does Your Calendar Agree? with Travis Murray

    Many men say their wife and children are the most important people in their lives. But when pressure hits, what does their family actually experience? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa talks with Travis Murray, host of Man in Progress: Forging Manhood, about the difference between the values men say they have and the values their everyday behavior reveals. Travis shares openly about work pressure, panic attacks, people-pleasing, emotional defensiveness, and reaching a point where the life he was living no longer matched the husband and father he wanted to be. The conversation explores why a wife’s concern can feel like an attack, how men can recognize what happens inside their body before defensiveness takes over, and why taking a short pause can help them return to difficult conversations instead of running from them. They also discuss: How inherited beliefs about manhood quietly shape marriage Why men can treat their wives like the enemy when they actually feel overwhelmed The difference between aspirational values and the values your behavior reveals Why your calendar and spending show what you truly prioritize How working hard and paying the bills can still leave your family feeling emotionally neglected Why saying “I’m sorry” is only the beginning of repair How follow-through and changed behavior complete an apology Why boundaries matter when work begins competing with family How Travis uses his SWORD framework to help men realign their lives with their values What fathers are teaching their children about communication, apology, boundaries, and manhood The United Front takeaway is simple: saying that your family comes first is not enough. Your spouse and children should be able to experience that priority in how you spend your time, make decisions, handle pressure, repair mistakes, and show up at home. Your spouse is not the enemy. The pressure, old patterns, defensiveness, and divided priorities are the problems you need to face together. Are work, family expectations, culture, divided loyalties, or repeated conflict making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where it may be vulnerable to family and cultural pressure, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Listen to Travis Murray on Man in Progress: Forging Manhood and follow his work for more conversations about values, marriage, fatherhood, communication, and becoming the man your family can trust. Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, work pressure, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Aspirational Values vs Shadow Values(00:00:22) - Introducing Travis Murray(00:00:49) - When Family Values Don't Match Reality(00:03:55) - Panic Attacks and Living Someone Else's Life(00:05:42) - Feeling Attacked vs Taking Accountability(00:07:50) - Calming Down Before Responding(00:11:25) - Evidence Your Family Really Sees(00:13:03) - Putting Family on the Calendar(00:14:07) - Leaving the People-Pleasing Job(00:15:24) - Emotional Presence Over Just Providing(00:16:40) - Reassessing Your Values and Making Change(00:19:06) - Apology vs Real Repair(00:22:49) - Boundaries and the SWORD Framework(00:26:10) - Legacy and What Kids Will Remember(00:28:07) - Health Effects of Living Aligned(00:28:44) - Final Advice for Struggling Dads(00:31:01) - Where to Follow Travis

    You Say Family Comes First. Does Your Calendar Agree? with Travis Murray

  3. Aug 19

    When You Become the Father You Swore You’d Never Be with Mike Forrester

    What happens when you become the husband or father you promised yourself you would never become? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa Shayo talks with men’s transformational coach Mike Forrester about generational patterns, anger, fear, shame, forgiveness, and what it takes for a man to become safer and more present with his wife and children. Mike shares openly about recognizing his own father’s words and behaviors coming out of his mouth, even after promising himself he would parent differently. He explains how unresolved childhood pain can quietly shape a man’s marriage and fatherhood, why anger often becomes the only emotion some men know how to express, and how fragile pride can make correction feel like an attack. The conversation explores how men can take responsibility without being trapped in shame, why explaining where a behavior came from is different from excusing it, and why lasting change has to begin with the man himself rather than waiting for his wife or children to change first. They also discuss: How childhood patterns repeat without us realizing it Why children may begin managing a father’s anger instead of trusting him How a wife can raise concerns when her husband is already carrying deep insecurity Why rebuilding trust takes longer than simply saying “I’ve changed” How forgiveness can free a man without pretending the past was acceptable Why boundaries and forgiveness can exist together How fathers can ask their children what has hurt them and actually listen Why it is never too late to become a different husband, father, and eventually grandfather The United Front takeaway is simple: your spouse and children are not your enemies. The pain you inherited does not have to become the pain you pass down. A united front begins when we stop defending destructive patterns, take responsibility for what we are bringing into the home, and become the kind of husband and father our family can trust. Are anger, family-of-origin patterns, culture, loyalty conflicts, or old wounds making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where it may be vulnerable to family and cultural pressure, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Mike also offers a free anger assessment for men who want to better understand what may be underneath their anger: https://whatsbehindyouranger.com Listen to Mike’s Living Fearless Today podcast and follow his work for more help breaking generational patterns and becoming a more present husband and father. Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, old family patterns, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction and the generational pattern(00:00:22) - Meet Mike Forrester(00:00:55) - Confronting inherited pain(00:01:35) - Admitting you were wrong(00:02:47) - Anger as the only allowed emotion(00:03:55) - A father's painful confrontation story(00:05:18) - Mike's honest confession about his parenting(00:06:59) - Repeating the cycle despite good intentions(00:08:11) - It's never too late to change(00:09:17) - Change must start with yourself(00:11:49) - Rebuilding trust takes time(00:15:30) - Giving grace through the process(00:16:02) - Explaining behavior vs taking responsibility(00:18:02) - Letting go of past excuses(00:20:25) - Wives raising concerns safely(00:23:47) - Managing emotions in a relationship(00:25:24) - Recognizing your pain hurting others(00:27:00) - Taking responsibility versus deflecting(00:29:24) - The role of forgiveness(00:32:39) - Practical steps to start tonight(00:36:01) - Resources and closing thoughts

    When You Become the Father You Swore You’d Never Be with Mike Forrester

  4. Aug 18

    Your Children Are Watching Your Marriage with Jennifer Bosma

    What are your children learning about marriage, faith, forgiveness, and family simply by watching you and your spouse? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa Shayo and Whitney Shayo talk with Christian children’s author and Front Parking Spot podcast host Jennifer Bosma about the powerful example parents create inside their own homes. Jennifer shares what she has learned through nearly four decades of marriage, raising three daughters, becoming a grandmother, teaching children, and helping Christian families pass their faith to the next generation. The conversation explores how husbands and wives can remain a united front when they disagree about parenting, why parents should handle disagreements with each other instead of recruiting their children to take sides, and how small practices such as praying together, eating dinner together, putting down the phones, apologizing, forgiving, and simply having fun can shape the atmosphere of a home. They also discuss: Why children need present parents more than perfect parents How husbands and wives can support each other’s parenting decisions Why spouses should give each other the benefit of the doubt How couples can grow spiritually together without one spouse constantly pressuring the other Why apologizing to your spouse and children models Christian humility What changes when your children become adults and begin building families of their own Why marriage should look like something your children would actually want for themselves And Jennifer’s surprisingly simple advice for strengthening your marriage this week: dance together and have fun The United Front takeaway is simple: your children are not only listening to what you teach about faith, love, grace, and marriage. They are watching how you live those things with each other. A united front does not mean Mom and Dad agree about everything. It means your children see two parents who communicate, repair, forgive, pray, have fun, and refuse to turn each other into the enemy. Are culture, in-laws, divided loyalty, parenting expectations, or family pressure making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where it may be vulnerable to family and cultural pressure, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Learn more about Jennifer Bosma and her Christian children’s books at: https://jenniferbosma.com You can also listen to the Front Parking Spot podcast and follow Front Parking Spot for more encouragement on faith, motherhood, and family. Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, parenting, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Children Need Present Parents(00:00:34) - Welcoming Jennifer Bosma(00:01:39) - Becoming a United Front in Parenting(00:03:11) - What Children Need Most Today(00:05:52) - Navigating Different Parenting Styles(00:10:01) - Husband as Spiritual Leader(00:12:48) - Simple Faith Practices for Families(00:16:01) - Overcoming Mom Guilt and Mistakes(00:19:40) - Teaching Christian Values Through Children's Books(00:23:46) - Lessons From 37 Years of Marriage(00:28:33) - One Thing to Strengthen Your Marriage This Week(00:31:15) - Where to Find Jennifer Bosma

    Your Children Are Watching Your Marriage with Jennifer Bosma

  5. Aug 17

    What 3,000 Proposals Reveal About Lasting Love with Ash Fox

    What can more than 3,000 marriage proposals teach us about knowing, choosing, and continuing to pursue the person we love? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa talks with Ash Fox, founder of Ash Fox Proposals and host of The Proposal Podcast, about what makes a proposal meaningful and what those same lessons can teach couples long after the wedding. Ash shares how she unexpectedly helped create an entirely new proposal-planning industry, why the best proposal is not necessarily the biggest or most impressive one, and why truly knowing your partner matters more than copying something you saw online. The conversation explores how personality, family expectations, religion, and culture shape proposals, why some people want a private moment while others love a public celebration, and how couples can honor family traditions without allowing everyone else to take over a moment that belongs to the couple. They also discuss why important conversations about marriage should begin before the proposal, how family pressure can complicate engagement, and why couples should continue pursuing and learning each other years after saying “I do.” One of Ash’s biggest lessons for married couples is simple: stay curious. Your spouse is still growing and changing. Continue asking questions, noticing what brings them joy, creating new experiences together, and bringing fresh energy into your own life. The United Front takeaway is clear: knowing your spouse does not end when they say yes. Strong couples continue choosing, learning, and pursuing each other while deciding together how family, culture, faith, and outside expectations will fit into the marriage they are building. Are culture, family expectations, in-laws, or divided loyalties making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where it may be vulnerable to family and cultural pressure, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Learn more about Ash Fox and her proposal-planning work at: https://ashfoxproposals.com Follow Ash on Instagram at @ashfoxproposals and listen to The Proposal Podcast for more advice and conversations about proposals, engagement, and relationships. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introducing Ash Fox and Her Proposal Business(00:01:17) - How Ash Got Started Planning Proposals(00:09:39) - What Makes a Proposal Truly Meaningful(00:17:03) - Honoring Family and Cultural Traditions(00:21:49) - When to Discuss Cultural Differences Before Proposing(00:29:31) - Reigniting Pursuit and Romance in Marriage(00:34:53) - What People Misunderstand About Lasting Love(00:38:29) - Where to Find Ash Fox

    What 3,000 Proposals Reveal About Lasting Love with Ash Fox

  6. Aug 6

    Is Being on the Same Team Killing Your Marriage? with Kristen and Roger Mansourian

    Can a husband and wife be united without agreeing on everything or losing their individuality? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa talks with Kristen and Roger Mansourian about the difference between healthy teamwork and a marriage where one spouse feels pressured to surrender their preferences, emotions, or autonomy. Kristen and Roger explain how couples can honor different decisions without turning disagreement into rejection. They also share what weddings and mortgages reveal about relationships, how hidden financial expectations damage trust, and why couples must discuss money before resentment begins growing. The conversation also explores: How couples become roommates instead of lovers Why managing your spouse’s emotions can weaken the relationship How unspoken expectations create resentment Why financial secrecy can feel like betrayal How cultural differences shape communication and money decisions What polarity means in everyday marriage How couples can preserve attraction, playfulness, and intimacy Why structured money dates can make difficult conversations easier The United Front takeaway is clear: unity does not require sameness. A strong marriage gives both spouses room to be honest, make responsible choices, and bring different strengths to the relationship while remaining loyal to the marriage they are building together. Are money, family expectations, culture, in-laws, or repeated disagreements making you feel like you and your spouse are no longer on the same side? Visit liveyourbestmarriage.com and take the free United Front Marriage Audit. In about three minutes, you will discover where your marriage unity is strong, where it may be breaking down, and what your next step should be. Start here: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com Click “Take the Free United Front Audit.” Learn more about Eight Money Dates at: https://eightmoneydates.com Listen to Kristen and Roger’s podcast, We Love Our Family, But Damn, on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Substack. Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, money, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Redefining Same Team(00:00:40) - Podcast Introduction(00:01:13) - Meet Kristen and Roger Mansourian(00:03:10) - The Wedding Invitation Story(00:07:10) - Advice for Wives: Expect the Best(00:08:26) - Lessons from the Wedding Industry(00:10:48) - Cross-Cultural Money Expectations(00:11:39) - What the Mortgage Process Reveals(00:13:16) - When a Partner Hides Money(00:14:53) - Hiding Finances: Their Own Story(00:16:37) - Cultural Communication Styles(00:17:30) - Managing a Partner's Emotions(00:19:15) - When Husbands Manage Their Wives(00:22:46) - Understanding Polarity(00:24:50) - Warning Signs You're Losing Polarity(00:26:41) - Is This Just Artificial Romance?(00:28:31) - Introducing Eight Money Dates(00:31:25) - A Breakthrough Money Date Story(00:34:28) - One Conversation to Have This Week(00:35:50) - Where to Find Kristen and Roger(00:36:50) - Closing Thoughts

    Is Being on the Same Team Killing Your Marriage? with Kristen and Roger Mansourian

  7. Aug 5

    Stop Fighting About Money and Start Building Wealth Together with Michael Dillard

    Why do couples keep fighting about money even when the real problem is deeper than the numbers? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa talks with Michael Dillard, retired U.S. diplomat, personal finance educator, author, and host of the SAVER Podcast, about how couples can stop attacking each other and start facing their financial problems together. Michael explains how different money personalities influence spending, saving, investing, and giving. He also shares why couples need a shared financial system instead of allowing one spouse to control every decision. The conversation explores: How different money personalities create conflict Why neither spouse’s financial perspective is automatically wrong How cross-cultural couples can handle requests to support parents and extended family Why family financial expectations should be discussed before and during marriage How debt can delay a couple’s future What couples should understand about life insurance, retirement accounts, and investing How parents can begin teaching their children about money and generational wealth Michael’s SAVER framework for creating a clearer financial plan Practical first steps for couples living paycheck to paycheck The United Front takeaway is simple: money decisions should not be made by one spouse and announced to the other. Couples build financial trust when they communicate honestly, understand what money means to each person, and make important decisions together. Are money, family expectations, culture, in-laws, or divided loyalties making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where it is vulnerable to family and cultural pressure, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Learn more about Michael Dillard, access the SAVER Vault, and find his free Stop Living Paycheck to Paycheck Challenge at: https://michaeldillard.org You can also listen to the SAVER Podcast for more practical conversations about personal finance and generational wealth. Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing money, culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction & Meet Michael Dillard(00:01:03) - Why Couples Fight About Money(00:02:14) - The Four Money Personalities(00:04:29) - Culture, Family Obligations & Money(00:08:10) - Introducing the SAVER Method(00:08:33) - S - Secure Your Income (Life Insurance)(00:10:26) - A - Allocate Your Investments(00:12:34) - V - Vanquish High-Interest Debt(00:13:14) - E - Empower Your Tax Savings(00:14:34) - R - Reiterate Financial Literacy(00:15:58) - Teaching Kids About Money(00:18:32) - The Power of Compound Interest(00:19:38) - Breaking the Paycheck-to-Paycheck Cycle(00:23:56) - It's Never Too Late to Start(00:27:37) - Overcoming Financial Shame(00:29:55) - Where to Find More Resources(00:31:07) - Closing Thoughts & Recap

    Stop Fighting About Money and Start Building Wealth Together with Michael Dillard

  8. Aug 5

    Why Money Fights Are Rarely About Money

    When you and your spouse fight about money, are you really fighting about money? The argument may begin with a purchase, an unexpected bill, debt, or a request from a family member. But underneath the numbers, couples are often wrestling with trust, safety, loyalty, fear, and whether they are truly making decisions together. In this solo episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa shares a personal story from early in his marriage. When a family member needed help, he sent money without first discussing it with Whitney. He believed he was honoring his family. Whitney was not upset that he helped. She was hurt because a decision about their shared money was made without her. The real wound was not the amount of money. It was that Pesa made a “we” decision as a “me.” This episode explores: Why a budget cannot repair a divided marriage How money exposes trust, safety, and loyalty Why helping extended family can become a major pressure point How cross-cultural couples bring different beliefs about money into marriage Why pausing to talk does not mean refusing to help How couples can stop attacking each other and start facing the financial problem together You will also receive one practical conversation to have before your next budget meeting: What did money mean in the home where you grew up? The United Front takeaway is simple. Family pressure wins when there is a gap between you and your spouse. A united front makes financial decisions together, even when the pressure comes from people you love. Are money, family expectations, culture, in-laws, or divided loyalties making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where it is vulnerable, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Have a story about money exposing a deeper issue in your marriage? Send a one to two-minute voice memo to: feedback@liveyourbestmarriage.com You may remain anonymous. This episode also introduces an upcoming conversation with Michael Dillard, retired U.S. diplomat, personal finance educator, and host of the SAVER Podcast, about debt, family financial pressure, teaching children about money, and becoming a financial team. Chapters (00:00:00) - Are You Really Fighting About Money?(00:00:50) - Welcome & The United Front Quiz(00:01:22) - The Quiet Arrangement(00:02:23) - The Dinner Table Moment(00:04:03) - The Epiphany: How Can We Decide This?(00:05:45) - The Transformation(00:05:54) - Share Your Story(00:06:52) - The Core Idea: A Budget Won't Fix a Divided Marriage(00:08:50) - One Step for This Week(00:09:44) - Next Week's Guest Preview(00:10:15) - Closing & Call to Action

    Why Money Fights Are Rarely About Money
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The Live Your Best Marriage Podcast, hosted by Pesa Shayo, helps cross-cultural Christian couples build a united front through in-law pressure, loyalty conflicts, culture clashes, communication, faith, and family expectations. Whitney Shayo appears in selected episodes from the show archive and future conversations.

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