Sex is something just about everyone is interested in, yet it's so hard to find reliable, sensible information on how to create a healthy, fulfilling sexual relationship that lasts decades.
Join Andrew and Sammy on their deep dive into topics like porn, masturbation, romancing your spouse, and anything to do with real, practical insight on healthy sexuality.
How 'Turn-Ons' Can Be Customized
We all want to be the person we aspire to be in the future, to be fulfilled in life, and to be better people than we are now. But the real question is: does this align with the people we are today, and with the habits, we have in our lives right now? Sometimes our ambition and eagerness to live up to the ideal of the person we hope to become someday cause us to deny the unhealthy habits we have and to be ashamed of opening up to others. As a result, we don't get the help we need to change or let go of those habits in our lives.
As humans, we sometimes struggle to manage our emotions. When we experience negative feelings, we often look for ways to control them, which causes us to develop bad habits like porn addiction. A person becomes dependent on porn because they allow themselves to think that their emotional state and their porn habit are related, making it impossible for them to quit. We must learn to deal with our emotions without associating them with a habit that limits our ability to grow.
In this episode, Andrew and Benjy talk about the value of emotional self-awareness, the reasons we shouldn't conflate our emotions with sexuality, and how to make our lives significant and purposeful without turning to porn for fulfillment. They also discuss how "turn-ons" can be customized, the significance of commitment to a long-term relationship, and the negative impact of social media's so-called beauty standards.
Many people are being misled into using social media as their standard for many things, including what is beautiful or not, and this can have a negative impact on how men perceive women or their spouse in a relationship - and vice versa. When we commit to someone we truly love, we wouldn't spend our time looking for things that they lack, but instead would spend it learning new and beautiful things about them. We would always find a reason why we shouldn't let go and would strengthen our connection with God at its center.
Listen to Episode 129 to learn more!
Why does someone conceal unhealthy habits? [7:07] Why do people continue a habit they don't want? [10:54] Why is being emotionally self-aware important? [12:27] Why shouldn't we conflate our emotional state and sexuality? [15:43] How can you simply separate your emotion from sex? [19:10] Porn is not the only reason why someone becomes addicted to it [20:58] Create a new opportunity for yourself to tell a story instead of porn [23:09] How ‘turn-ons’ can be customized [26:38] The significance of commitment to a lasting relationship [28:34] The harmful influence of social media’s so-called ‘standards’ on what is viewed as beautiful [30:31]
Letting Your Old Self Die
Let your old self die and recreate yourself in the likeness of who you'd like to be.
- Andrew Love
We're all at different phases in our lives right now, and while our paths may differ, one thing is certain - we'll all end up at the same place, for the same goal, which is to become the best version of ourselves. There are many things we must give up along the process, many fears we must face, and our old selves we must let go of.
Most of us are scared to face our biggest fears and this is what’s hindering us from growing. We cannot force ourselves to face our fears right away. But we can always take our time, take small steps, and if we are afraid to face them alone, we can always turn to a community that can genuinely help and motivate us on our journey, such as High Noon. We can't grow unless we face the things that scare us the most, and once we have the courage to face them, we can certainly meet more challenges and explore new things fearlessly.
Our habits define who we are as individuals. We can be readily influenced by a variety of things that can become our habits because of the environment in which we’re in. Allowing ourselves to get rid of unhealthy habits that aren't beneficial to us is a key step toward rebuilding ourselves. It can be tough and painful to let go of our old unhealthy selves, but we should look forward to meeting our best selves. Reaching our desired destination and being able to look back and be proud of the journey we took is the best part of our new, fulfilled lives.
In this episode, Andrew and Benjy talk about why it's important to let go of our old selves and the benefits of doing so in terms of restoring and seeing a different version of ourselves. They also discuss why we shouldn't be afraid to face our biggest fears, especially if we do it with a community that can help us with our identity transformation, such as the High Noon community.
Listen to Episode 128 to learn more!
What does the “death of your old self'' mean? [4:27] What keeps us from letting go of our old selves? [5:48] The effect of our surroundings on the habits we develop [9:28] The misconception about porn [10:59] Why should we allow ourselves to try new, healthy things? [15:01] Why should YOU join the Ascend Program? [23:20] YOU have to do the thing that scares you the most [24:52] Why shouldn't you be afraid to open up to the right people, and community? [26:32] What does an identity shift entail? [29:04]
The 3 Stages of Self-Awareness In Porn Recovery
Some people are so enamored with their habits that they are unaware of what kind of habits they allow into their lives. They are unconscious, that their habits are controlling them and preventing them from progressing as they are way too comfortable with them. While many of us are aware that our habits are unhealthy. But we don't know how to let go of them or lack the courage to do so because they are such an integral part of everyday lives. However, we know deep down that we must let go of them in order to grow and become better individuals.
Our habits play a significant role in defining who we are. Our characters mirror the habits we have in our daily lives. Therefore, it is important that we only let habits into our lives that are in line with who we want to be as individuals. Whatever phase you're in right now, it's fundamental to assess our habits and determine which habits are helping us in our growth and which habits are hindering our growth and, ultimately, destroying us. Because of this, we will be able to identify which habits we’ll continue to allow into our lives and which habits we’ll need to let go.
In this episode, Andrew discusses what the three stages of self-awareness in porn recovery are and how they can help a lot of individuals break free from the addiction. He also talks about how self-awareness can help YOU in overcoming your porn addiction, as well as how our decisions play a role in letting habits into our lives.
Many people turn to porn anytime they are stressed, insecure, or don't feel like living their life; they perceive porn as a source of comfort, despite the fact that it is extremely destructive to their wellbeing and has corrupted their perspective of people, particularly women. We all experience a bad and painful aspect of life, and we may feel the need to disconnect from it from time to time. However, as we disconnect from the world, we should engage in habits that are worth investing our time and energy in, habits that do not prevent us from growing and evolving, habits that help ease our stress while still finding a reason to be positive and love life even more.
Listen to Episode 127 to learn more!
How can being self-aware help YOU in overcoming your porn addiction? [0:47] The “unconscious” stage [2:37] The “becoming self-aware” stage [3:28] The “ahead of yourself” stage[5:55] It is YOUR choice to allow certain habits into your life [9:50]
Massive, Instant Transformation with Joshua Fontaine
We are afraid to face certain battles in our lives alone, as well as to tell others about them for fear of being judged. Battles we badly want to finish and win, but we lack the courage to do so. God gives the most difficult battles to his strongest soldiers; we should never feel alone or afraid, and we should always assure ourselves that God is with us through all seasons and phases of our journey.
Every journey is tough and sometimes can be bumpy, but one thing is certain: it will be beautiful and worth it. There are moments when we feel like giving up or that we are not making progress, and it is essential that we have someone to talk to who can provide us with the encouragement and inspiration to keep going. Including our family in our journey has to be the most meaningful part of it. Having them as our support system is one of the important aspects of our healing and continuing this journey confidently.
Having a community of individuals who can motivate us and who are also on the same journey as us is very beneficial for us, especially when we feel like we are failing. High Noon will play a significant role in helping us in our sexual integrity journey to ultimately let go of any addictions or bad habits that are hindering us from progressing. High Noon provides programs to help people in overcoming their porn addiction while also establishing sexual integrity.
In this episode, we are joined by Joshua Fontaine, one of the High Noon community's most powerful testimonials. He talks about how he was able to break free from his porn addiction and live a fulfilled life with sexual integrity, as well as the individuals that inspired him and were a key part of his journey, such as his family and High Noon. He discusses how he discovered his own self-worth and how his transformation in just three years was massive and impactful.
Many of us struggle to find or realize our own worth, and we are less confident in ourselves and believe that no one deserves us but we must remind ourselves that only we can heal and make ourselves whole again during this time. The instant we shift our lives' trajectory and begin loving and valuing ourselves, we will be able to see ourselves like others do and find an accountability partner. A partner who will hold our hands through every step of our lives, a partner who will make us fall in love with ourselves and see the world in a more meaningful light.
Connect with the Guest
Gmail Show Notes
Josh Fontaine’s first encounter with High Noon [4:36] The beginning of the journey towards building sexual integrity [08:20] The uncertainties during our journey [10:44] Having the determination to keep making progress[18:31] The significance of having people who will motivate us [20:31] Choosing an accountability partner [36:40] Why we should allow ourselves to recognize our real worth [40:29]
How To Rapidly Change Your State of Mind/Heart
Every one of us has a lot of work to do and a lot of responsibilities to do in our daily lives. The feeling of being motivated and productive is what keeps us going, and it's what keeps us smiling even when we're tired. Many of us go through phases in our lives when we don't feel like ourselves and aren't motivated to accomplish the things we normally do. Our attitude and energy levels shift abruptly. In situations like these, our first instinct is to simply wait for things to return to normal, for fate to be on our side once more.
We must remind ourselves that we are simply humans and that it is okay to not be okay. It's alright to feel this way, but we shouldn't stay like this for too long. We need to find the strength to get up and do something about it rather than wait for things to happen. We should nurture an environment where we can clear our minds, relax, replace bad energy with a positive one, and once again be our amazing selves.
Understanding what we need in times when our mind/heart state isn't at its best is powerful as we know how to get back up and progress. The 21-day challenge is one of the most effective ways to shift our energy and re-establish momentum in our lives that allows us to perform at our best again. It's a great way to assess and change our state, and it's one of the best things we can do in response to our own relapse.
In this episode, Andrew talks about the purpose of this podcast, and how we can rapidly change our state of mind/heart. He also touches on what the 21-day challenge is all about, its purpose, and how it is helping him on his journey.
Listen to Episode 125 to learn more!
The purpose of High Noon’s Love, Life & Legacy Podcast [0:24] How can we create a new positive energy? [5:13] Understanding the purpose of the 21-day challenge [7:24] What process will have the greatest impact during a 21-day challenge? [10:18] The North Star Goal [13:17]
Writing Letters to Your Future Spouse with Andi & Karen
It takes a lot of effort and sacrifice to get into a committed relationship, which is why we must prepare ourselves for it. We all have different ways of preparing ourselves and working to be a better half for our future spouses, but one thing we should remember is that loving ourselves even more will allow us to love someone as best we can.
The idea of writing letters to our future spouse about what we are doing, our thoughts, feelings, sacrifices, and efforts is the best way for us to not only love and better ourselves, but the person who will receive it will know how much we want them to happen and our entire personality even before we meet them.
It may seem strange to write letters to someone we have never met and have no idea who he or she will be, but investing our time and energy into a relationship with whom we have no idea how things will turn out will help us strengthen our commitment and lay the foundation for the love and effort we will provide to our future spouses.
In this episode, we are joined by Andi and Karen Pock, a newlywed couple currently in a long-distance relationship. Andi, who is currently based in Germany and has been a huge part of the High Noon community, was inspired to write letters to his future spouse without knowing who she was back then. When he and Karen married, he gave Karen the letters.
Andi explains why we should write letters to our future spouse, how it impacts him, and how it strengthens his commitment. Karen describes how it felt to get those letters and how they helped her learn more about him and his past.
Listen to Episode 124 to learn more!
The purpose and reason for writing a letter to our future spouse [12:17] What impact can writing letters to our future spouse have on our commitment in a relationship? [17:35] A wonderful tool for getting to know your spouse better [25:20] The goal of High Noon [29:12] The significance of envisioning the future in the present [31:23]
Unraveling a mysterious topic…
This podcast is really great because Andy and Benjy keep digging deeper and deeper into a topic that few people really understand…sex.
Quality food for thought
Andrew and Sammy do such an incredible job of navigating complex and often difficult topics in such a deep, sincere, and relatable way. You can tell they’re speaking from a place of lived experience and a wide breadth of knowledge. Their dialogue is engaging, entertaining, and puts such a precise language to concepts that can be elusive—all without being esoteric. I always walk away from each episode feeling enriched with high (noon) quality food for thought.
Honest and Real
Thanks High Noon for having the courage to take a strong stance for sexual integrity. It’s great to hear the honest truth of what porn can do to a life. Well worth taking the time to listen to if you want to understand how to set yourself free.