Love University' A Podcast Where you can Learn How to: Love-Yourself, Others, & a Higher Power! Hosted by Renowned Clinical Psychologist Dr. Alex Avila www.loveuniversity.love
DR. AVILA’S LIVE VALENTINE’S EVENT: FIND YOUR SOUL MATE: ASKING THE 4 MAGIC QUESTIONS
WHY TIME AND SPACE ARE NOT REAL, YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH A ROBOT, AND GOD IS A MATHEMATICAL FORMULA: AMAZING LESSONS FROM DR. DONALD HOFFMAN, WORLD-RENOWNED COGNITIVE SCIENTIST
Did you know that what you see is not real? Most of us think that our senses tell us the truth. You see the moon and think that the moon exists even if you don’t. That is not necessarily true, says our distinguished guest on Love University, Donald Hoffman, world-leading cognitive scientist and evolutionary theorist. According to Dr. Hoffman’s theory of conscious realism, what we see is only an interface—an icon or desktop—that simplifies our perception. What lies beyond is a mystery we haven’t yet solved. During his appearance on Love University (apple.co/2KMhRbe), Dr. Hoffman enlightened and amazed us with his science-based observations of human life, the Universe, and our future, as follows:
*How to be a lion and not a rabbit. Lions sleep up to 18 hours a day because they are the King of the Jungle—they can rest easy knowing that they are not about to be eaten by another animal. The rabbit, on the other hand, is always looking around worried that it could be someone’s meal. In today’s society, many people are rabbits—dominated by fear, worry, and stress. To become a lion--confident and secure—Dr. Hoffman recommends practicing silent meditation. Dr. Hoffman meditates silently for three hours every day, which helps him develop a mindset of creativity, peace, and personal power. Follow Dr. Hoffman’s example and meditate 15 minutes a day at first and then gradually increase it. Close your eyes and let the thoughts come in and out of your mind without focusing on any one thought. As you practice this, your thoughts will diminish and you will have a peaceful and relaxed mind.
*Go for the evolutionary shortcut. According to Evolutionary Game Theory, there are certain strategies that can help organisms live long enough to mate and reproduce—to pass along their genes. These strategies are shortcuts that conserve valuable resources such as time and energy. For example, humans learned how to distinguish between a nutritious plant and a poisonous one by its shape, color, and texture. With this rule of thumb, or heuristic, they could save a lot of time (and prevent sickness and death) by only gathering the plants that would be healthy and nutritious while avoiding the poisonous plants that could harm them. In the same way, you need to find what works best for you in relationships, business, and health, and keep doing what is most effective and efficient for you. If you want to lose weight, and you hate exercise, then it would be wise for you to learn the best diet approaches that work with your taste buds and metabolism. Therefore, if you want to make a lasting change in your life, invest in shortcuts that meet your needs and match your personality. Stop wasting time, energy, and emotional resources on plans and strategies that don’t work for you,
*Why we’re attracted to supernormal stimuli. Drawing from examples in the animal kingdom and human life, Dr. Hoffman tells us why organisms, including humans, are often attracted to natural stimuli that have been enhanced in some way, also known as Supernormal Stimuli. He tells us about the Jewel Beetle in Western Australia who look to mate with females who are dimpled, glossy, and brown (this is their shortcut to knowing it’s a female). However, when Australians started throwing their beer bottles that looked like the females—but more enhanced—the males preferred the bigger, browner, and glossier bottles to the real females. The males tried to mate with the bottles while ignoring the actual female Jewel Beetles, and they almost became extinct as result. In a human example, Dr. Hoffman talks about the future rise of robots as love and romantic companions—perhaps even life partners—as some humans may be more attracted to the robots because they are enhanced versions of the human form. In everyday life, Dr. Hoffman talks ab
ARE YOU ADDICTED TO YOUR PHONE: HOW TO BE THE MASTER OF TECHNOLOGY AND NOT ITS SLAVE
Are you addicted to your phone? 2/3 of phone users have “Nomophobia” –the fear of being without their phone or phone service. In some ways, excessive phone use is like other forms of addiction in which you experience pleasure (dopamine brain chemicals), but then suffer from withdrawals (anxiety, sadness) when you’re not able to use your phone. If you find yourself wasting too much time on your phone, and your work or relationships are suffering, then it may be time for you to try the Phone Addiction Cure. Apply these techniques so you can use your phone for useful and beneficial purposes, instead of using it too much for the wrong reasons: negative news, distractions, compulsive activities, or excessive social media comparisons.
*Keep track of your phone use. You can use an app or journal to become aware of how often you use your phone daily and what you do on the phone. With this awareness, you can decide to limit your phone use to your most important goals or objectives.
*Take a phone fast. If you discover that you're using the phone too much for nonproductive or harmful activities (comparing yourself to people who seem better off on social media), then it's time to turn off your phone or devices for a while. You can turn them off for an hour or for a few hours at a time. When you first do this, you may have the feeling of "FOMO”—fear of missing out—but you will soon realize that most of the time, you didn't really miss out on anything important. Instead, you will start to experience a tremendous feeling of relaxation and peace. You will realize that you no longer have to constantly and immediately respond to the demands of other people; you don’t have to keep up with every single piece of information in the Universe. You can relax and be at peace.
*Substitute healthy activities. When was the last time you had a long talk with a good friend, or leisurely enjoyed reading an interesting book? Instead of being on your phone all the time, do activities that refresh and energize you. Exercise, spend fun time with family and friends, read, meditate, do creative projects, hobbies, and crafts; engage in a spiritual practice. When you’re tempted to reach for your phone to distract yourself, or to alleviate your sadness or loneliness, do a fun and healthy activity instead.
*Love yourself, others, and a higher nature. Addictive phone users may not feel good about themselves so they use the phone—and all the things connected with it (gaming, shopping, social media, gambling)—to feel better about themselves. Short circuit these negative patterns by loving yourself. Take good care of your health—diet, exercise, sleep, meditative/spiritual practice—and tell yourself that you are a strong and loving person. Also, give love to others without expectation—smile, pay sincere compliments, help others—without expecting anything in return. Finally, love a Higher Nature (God, spirit, nature, goodness)—something that is beyond you. When you do this, you will have a greater perspective and meaning in life, and you will feel better about your existence on earth.
Yes, you can be the master over your phone. Your phone can be a very wonderful servant that brings you great convenience, opportunities, connections, information, entertainment, and inspiration. But, you must be the one that controls the phone and technology—using it as tool for growth, contribution, enjoyment, and love. Make your phone an instrument of goodness and love, and you will enhance your life and help make the world a better place.
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Join Dr. Avila and Love University, February 12th 7PM for a ZOOM EVENT: “FIND YOUR VALENTINE: ASKING THE 4 MAGIC QUESTIONS” based on Dr. Avila’s classic bestseller, LoveTypes, on Myers-Briggs personality types and love compatibility. REGISTER NOW. FRE
ARE YOU CURSED IN DATING? HOW TO BREAK THE SPELL AND FIND TRUE LOVE, WITH SPECIAL GUEST JESS MCCANN, LOVE EXPERT ON “GOOD MORNING AMERICA”
JOIN DR. AVILA FOR A FREE VALENTINE’S DAY ZOOM TALK/MIXER: FEB 12TH 7PM, PACIFIC STANDARD TIME: FIND YOUR IDEAL LOVETYPE WITH THE 4 MAGIC QUESTIONS: GO TO HTTP://bit.ly/35Vbg9H
Do you feel like you’re cursed when it comes to dating and finding love? The one you're attracted to doesn’t want you, and the person you’re not interested in wants you. Or, you date someone for a while, and everything seems great, but then they suddenly lose interest or disappear. If this has happened to you, cheer up. There is good news coming your way—a cure for the dating curse. Our guest on Love University, Jess McCann, renowned dating love expert, offered us the solution to breaking negative dating patterns and finding the love of your life. Here are some important tips we learned from Jess:
*Determine your dating curse and find your solution. According to Jess, singles have different kinds of self-defeating mental dating patterns (curses). It’s important that you pinpoint which curse you have so you can break bad psychological habits and enjoy success in your soul mate search. Here are some common dating curse types and how to break the psychological spell:
Worrier: You over worry about how the relationship will turn out. From the beginning, you want to ask a date if they're interested in marriage, family, and children; you also worry if they are a faithful or committed person. Worrying too much makes you seem desperate and can push a potential love partner away. SOLUTION: Focus on the present—develop awareness of what you can enjoy about the person you’re with right now (or what you can learn from them).
Lamenter: You have a lot of regret and are stuck in the past. You remember how your past partner cheated on you, and you fear that your present dating partner will do the same. Or, you blame yourself for making mistakes in your previous relationships, and you are worried that you will make a similar mistake in the present one. SOLUTION: Forgive yourself (and others) for the past so you can have a clear mind and conscience as you begin a new relationship.
Inferior Mind: You put yourself down: “I’m not good enough for them (to find love).” As a result you’re fearful of rejection, and you avoid interacting with the person you’re truly attracted to. Solution: Shift your focus from yourself to others—be more kind, giving, and loving. Smile at other people, help them with a task, compliment them sincerely. Doing so will reduce your self-consciousness and increase your social confidence. Also, think of your favorite actor and practice acting like them at home in front of your mirror—imitate their posture, nonverbal expression, and speech; adopt their confidence and charisma. As you do this, you will develop more of the Actor (confident and spontaneous) part of your personality, and you will express it in everyday social encounters.
Wanter: You try to get an emotional “fix” from people, objects, and circumstances; you rely on external things to make you happy: shopping, dating, making money, or being recognized by others. Yet, once you get what you want (car, house, clothes, attractive person), you may get bored and lose interest. Then, you’re off to the next conquest. Unfortunately, you are never quite happy because you're not able to fully appreciate what you already have; you’re rarely satisfied. As a result, you may overlook the nice, emotionally stable mate because you are always in search of someone better. SOLUTION: Learn how to be mentally still—meditate quietly—without adding anything to your roaming and rushing thoughts. With practice, you can learn how to become satisfied with what you have. You will realize that your joy and contentment come don’t come from external sources—they come from wit
THE NEW GUY'S GUY: HOW MEN ARE CHANGING THEIR ATTITUDES ABOUT DATING, SEX, AND LOVE, WITH SPECIAL GUEST ROBERT MANNI, TOP DATING PODCASTER AND THE MALE'S SUCCESSOR TO "SEX AND THE CITY"
Have you ever wondered what guys are thinking when it comes to dating, sex, and relationships? If you’re a guy, have you ever wondered what women were thinking when it came to romance and relationships? With so much confusion and discord between the sexes today, we need to find a point of harmony and balance in the search for true, lasting love. Now we have some insightful and important answers from our guest on Love University, Robert Manni, top dating podcaster and the male’s successor to “Sex and the City.” Here are some of the nuggets of dating/love wisdom we learned from Robert:
The Guy’s Guy: the New Male standard. According to Robert, the ideal male for our new generation is the Guy’s Guy. He has a complementary blend of traits including casual confidence, unassuming strength, seductive integrity, and timeless style. He also highly respects women (and himself), and he has emotional intelligence—he knows how to manage his feelings and relate to the feelings of others. The Guy’s Guy is a strong man—he’s not a wimp—but he is also sensitive and empathetic to the concerns of women. He is a fun guy that both men and women like and want to be around.
How to be a Successful Single Guy’s Guy. Robert instructs men on how to succeed in the competitive singles dating world. He tells men to pay attention to the woman (her preferences), practice dating etiquette (tip well, don’t drink too much, don’t overtalk), be a gentleman (open doors if she prefers it; text to make sure she got home safely; respect her sexual boundaries). Also, if you find yourself in the “friend zone,” be patient. Over time, she may find you more attractive and a romantic relationship can ensue. If not, you can always benefit from having a friend. However, you also need to realize when it’s time to move on romantically—don’t keep investing your emotional and romantic energy in someone who is not interested in you. Love yourself and find someone who loves you in the same way.
How to be a Successful Married Guy’s Guy. Before tying the knot, the Guy’s Guy needs to ask several important questions: 1. Am I ready to commit? 2. What do I visualize in my future with this person—can I fulfill their expectations as well as my own by being together? Do they make me laugh? Are we compatible in the areas of values, children, sex, money, politics, and religion/spirituality? Do I want to grow old with them—remembering that looks fade, but inner beauty lasts forever. Robert shares that he was happily single for many years living in New York City. One day, he was with his Italian family, and they asked him for the umpteenth time, “Robert, when are you going to get married?” On this occasion, he said, “Next year.” They asked him, “Who is it?” He replied “No one yet.” However, within the year he was engaged and married to his lovely wife. The secret: He had decided to “Make room in my heart for someone special in my life.” Once he made that mental commitment to find lasting love and get married, he created an open space for that beautiful person who became his wife to appear in his life.
According to Robert, the new Guy’s Guy can be male or female. Regardless of gender the Guy’s Guy is a quality person who is confident, kind, respectful, fun, and loving. The key to being a true Guy’s Guy is to love yourself, others, and a higher nature, without expectation. With this mindset, you won’t expect anything in return when you love because you already have loving energy inside you. You can give as much loving energy as you want because you have more love where that came from. In a practical way, strive every day to extend your loving energy outwardly to others and the Universe. Smile at others, be kind and helpful, listen attentively and empathetically. As you become a more loving
GOD IS PURE LOVE: THE SOLUTION TO ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS, WITH NEALE DONALD WALSCH, “CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD” #1 NY TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR AND MODERN DAY SPIRITUAL MESSENGER
In our turbulent and conflict-ridden world, you may ask yourself: If God exists, why does God allow all of the bad and evil things to happen in the world? We learned some fascinating answers in our interview with Neale Donald Walsh, modern day spiritual messenger and NY Times Bestselling author of the Conversations with God series. In our enlightening discussion, Neale shared his wisdom about the God Solution based on his latest book, The God Solution: The Power of Pure Love. According to Neale, by re-envisioning God as a God of Pure Love, your life can change instantly. Here’s what we learned:
*God is Pure Love. Many religious/spiritual traditions talk about God as love. Yet, in a deeper sense, God is Pure Love, or unconditional love. Known by different terms—Bhakti (devotion), Karuna (compassion), or Agape (unconditional love), this Pure Love is constantly expressed by God, and is always within us since we were created in the image of God. God simply loves to create, and God wants to empower all sentient beings to create what they wish to experience. This type of Pure Love is one with no strings attached. Just like we love our small child, no matter what, God loves us in the same way. Although we make mistakes and act human, God understands that and still loves us. With this knowledge, you can stop beating yourself up for mistakes and regrets—recognizing that you are a special child of divinity who is made up of Pure Love.
*Forgiveness is not necessary at the highest level. At a certain beginner’s level of spiritual development, forgiveness can be useful. Someone close to you is hurt by your actions, and they feel better when you say, “I’m sorry.” Yet, at a higher spiritual level, forgiveness is not necessary. If someone hurts you emotionally or physically (they said a cruel thing), they may hurt your ego, but they cannot hurt your soul or spirit. Similarly, if you engaged in a self-destructive habit or addiction, you may have hurt your mental, emotional, or physical state, but you can never hurt your everlasting spirit or soul. What you need at this point is understanding—a deep knowledge of how you are hurting yourself so you can stop doing it and take better care of yourself. Once you fully understand yourself and others, you don’t need to forgive or be forgiven. It’s like a grandpa who is at the dinner table about to eat a delicious piece of apple pie made by mom. The 4-year-old is so eager to give grandpa a piece of her pie that she accidentally spills milk on grandpa. Grandpa doesn’t need to forgive the four year-old because he understands that she acted like a four-year-old. He would only comfort her when she cried. In the same way we can comfort those who act like immature children because they don’t know any better. Our understanding leads to empathy—putting ourselves in their shoes—and to Pure Love.
*Every act is an act of love, even bad and evil actions. People do everything for love, even bad and self-destructive acts based on misguided love. A car thief loves a car so much that he will try to steal it, even though he knows doing so could cost his freedom. A drug addict loves the feeling they receive when they partake in their addiction. The key to joy and happiness is to redirect your love to the Higher Nature (God, spirit) so that your life will be filled with Pure Love (unconditional). Every day, strive to build up your reservoir of Pure Love. Read spiritual materials, listen to self-help podcasts or videos, practice meditation, and engage in acts of Loving Kindness: smile at others, listen empathetically, and help those who are needy, disadvantaged, or lonely. When you extend loving energy without expectation on a daily basis, you build up a habit of Pure Love. With Pure Love in your mind and heart, you cannot be hurt by the actions of o
Customer ReviewsSee All
I enjoy that Dr. Avila presents us with actual terms that describe what he is teaching us, but also does a great job in explaining them so that anyone can follow along. This podcast not only informs us about all types of love, but it gives us the opportunity to put it into practice. Therefore, I have some homework to catch up on!
His interviewing techniques are not engaging. He rushes through their answers and interrupts guests, he has very scattered questions, and he changes topics on the drop of the dime. I listened to a few episodes and just couldn’t follow anymore.
Dr. Avila's knowledge and insight about love and relationships is very refreshing and informative. I like how he breaks it down for the average listener to understand, especially when it comes to topics that are more scientifically based. It's great that these podcasts go straight to the point and don't waste any time talking about unnecessary fluff. I am really enjoying his podcasts every week and I feel it's helped me understand myself on a whole different level. I look forward to many more!