Loved You, Hated You: Understanding Why We Stay and How We Heal

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Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. Help is free, confidential, and available 24/7.

In this episode of Voices of Strength, we sit down with Nikki Allen, a singer, songwriter, filmmaker, and author, for a deeply honest conversation about love, abuse, and the complex question so many survivors carry: Why did I stay?

Nikki shares the story behind her book, Loved You, Hated You, which is rooted in her own experience of an abusive relationship and the emotional, psychological, and relational layers that made it hard to leave. Rather than focusing on blame or shame, Nikki invites listeners into a more compassionate understanding of how attachment, hope, fear, and love can become deeply intertwined in harmful dynamics.

We talk about the role her friends played in helping her see the reality of her relationship, the internal work of rebuilding self-trust after leaving, and how her past continues to shape — but not define — the way she shows up in love today.

This episode is about more than survival. It’s about healing, boundaries, and the quiet, brave decision to believe in love again — without abandoning yourself in the process.

Takeaways:

• Why understanding why you stayed can be a powerful part of healing
• The emotional and relational complexity of abusive relationships
• How outside perspectives can help break through isolation and self-doubt
• The role of self-love in rebuilding after leaving harm
• Why boundaries are an act of care, not punishment
• How past experiences can inform — not control — future relationships
• The importance of giving yourself time to heal while single
• Learning to trust yourself again after relational trauma
• How hope can exist alongside grief and loss
• Choosing belief in love without abandoning your own safety and needs

About Nikki:

Nikki Allen is a singer, songwriter, filmmaker, and author whose creative work centers on emotional truth, healing, and the human experience of love and loss. Her book, Loved You, Hated You, is a deeply personal reflection on her journey through an abusive relationship and the process of understanding the emotional forces that kept her there.

Through storytelling, music, and film, Nikki explores themes of self-trust, growth, and reclaiming one’s voice after trauma. Her work offers both honesty and hope for those navigating their own paths toward healing and healthy connection.

Website:
https://officialnikkiallen.com/

Loved You, Hated You by Nikki Allen
https://officialnikkiallen.com/

Voices of Strength is the official podcast of Break the Silence Alabama, dedicated to amplifying survivor voices, increasing awareness, and supporting efforts to end domestic and sexual violence through education, advocacy, and community conversations.

Want to share your story on Voices of Strength?
Reach out at:
https://www.breakthesilenceal.org/podcast

Learn more about Break the Silence Alabama:
https://breakthesilenceal.org

Join us for a free weekly support call for women healing from emotional overwhelm and relational harm:
https://wayhomewellness.com/womenscircle

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