Social Skills Coaching Patrick King

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00:02:56 According to Psychology Today, emotional intelligence (EI) is “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions as well as the emotions of others."
00:04:02 Cultivating Emotional Awareness
00:08:01 Harnessing Those Pesky Emotions
00:13:09 Emotional Management
00:16:15 Validation As Connection
00:17:47 What Validation ISN’T
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• There is no communication without emotions. That means that conversational intelligence is emotional intelligence. EQ is a mix of three skills: awareness of emotions, harnessing emotions, and managing emotions.
• If we are emotionally aware, we are able to identify what we are feeling in a conversation as well as observe and comprehend what another person is feeling—even if it’s wildly different from our own experience. We are also then in a position to harness those emotions and to proactively and consciously choose a response.
• Slow down or pause, reflect what you’re being told, and see if you can put the newly identified and named emotion to good use.

• Managing emotions means being conscious and deliberate: We can accept and acknowledge how we feel but still make conscious choices about our behavior according to our chosen goals.

#CommunicationSkills #CultivatingEmotionalAwareness #DanielGoleman #EI #EQ #IQ #JohnDMayer #PeterSalovey #PsychologyToday #Validation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #CommunicationSkillsTraining

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home
00:05:12 Tip 1: Just Keep Quiet Really.
00:05:49 Tip 2: Show Your Compassion And Kindness ... Just In A Different Way
00:07:00 Tip 3: Train A Different Automatic Response
00:08:07 Tip 4: Change Apology Into Gratitude
00:09:12 Tip 5: Speak Plainly
00:10:45 Tip 6: Reframe Your Idea Of Politeness
00:12:27 Tip 7: Imperfect Is Not Wrong
00:13:34 Tip 8: Discern What Is In Your Zone Of Control
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• People-pleasers often engage in self-sabotaging behavior: over-apologizing. This happens for many reasons, most commonly low self-esteem, the desire to please others, awkwardness and discomfort, conflict avoidance, anxiety, and perfectionism.

• To overcome over-apologizing, try to practice simply staying silent or expressing concern and compassion in different ways. You could also train out the “sorry habit” by expressing what you really mean to express—for example, gratitude. Don’t apologize for being imperfect, and reframe your idea of politeness so that it includes plain, honest, clear speech, which is always more truthful and assertive. Finally, don’t apologize for things that are outside your control.

#Apologizing #Politeness #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #StopPleasingOthers

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home
00:02:55 Technique 1: Playing It Cool
00:07:02 Technique 2: Pulling A Columbo
00:07:29 The technique is pretty straightforward:
1. Get People Talking Freely And Carelessly
2. Slip In A Question When Their Guard Is Down
3. Show No Indication Of What’s Happened
00:11:20 •Avoid Confrontation
00:11:36 •Don’t Make A Big Show Of Listening.
00:11:53 •Play Dumb.
00:12:14 •If In Doubt, Ask People To Repeat Themselves.
00:12:53 Technique 3: False Replay
00:17:00 Technique 4: Leading Questions
00:24:19 Technique 5: Be Provocative
00:29:18 Technique 6: Gauge Response, Not Answers

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• To take our information extraction to the next level, we can use lighter, more relaxed versions of the interrogation techniques practiced by law enforcement.

• One key approach is to lower the person’s defenses by not appearing to them as a threat. This can be done by being casual and informal, or even prying when official interrogations are over. The trick is to behave as though you’re not especially invested in their answer.

• The Columbo technique relies on this impression of casualness so that a question can be sneakily slipped in and answered while the person’s guard is down. Play dumb, ask people to repeat themselves, and maintain a degree of plausible deniability. Hide questions in comments or statements that the other person can’t help but respond to—and reveal themselves.

• The false replay technique aims to confuse and disorient a liar and get them to slip up or confess. You repeat back their story but make a “mistake” with a crucial detail, and watch their reaction. A liar is most likely to ignore it, while a truth teller will correct you. Liars are also most likely to grow agitated, angry, or distracted with being asked to retell their story in different ways, or being asked about it repeatedly.

• Leading questions are typically closed questions that guide a person’s response to where you suspect the truth lies. A question can be made with a built-in assumption, or you could lead a person with priming statements or question tags.

• Being provocative is a great way to de-stabilize someone and observe their reaction—disproportionate anger, fear, or distraction indicate you’ve hit a nerve.

• The golden rule is to gauge a person’s complete response to a question, and not just their verbal answer. Use questions to trigger an emotional reaction and analyze this in context.

#BeProvocative #Columbo #FalseReplay #GaugeResponse #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoExtractInfo