Marriage Breakdown Tami Zak

Last episode we walked through how couples develop alongside how they are both developing as adults. This week we talk about how to grow within your relationship. First, you both get your own feelings and secondly, seeing how your partner may trigger you as a moment to learn something about yourself.

This week we start a new series - Relationships as People Growing Machines. The first episode in this series is walking through the couples development cycle developed by The Couples Institute and looking at how this combines with Kegan's adult development cycle. All of this leads to understanding how the best relationships are people growing machines.

Now we look at the instructions - not how to put together the argument but how to break it down so you can sidestep it and communicate in a new way.

The Diagram is typically called the negative cycle, pattern, or dance. This is an important step to better understand how you can find connection in your relationship again. Because when you're often in arguments and experiencing ruptures in trust and connection, it's through understanding the diagram of the argument and changing that pattern that you can find connection again.

What makes up the materials in an argument? It's the two of you. First, it's based on adult attachment and how that works on you both in your relationship. Next, it's the tender spots, old hurts or baggage you both carry into the relationship.

Welcome to Season 2! In this season, I start with diagramming an argument - breaking arguments down to their elements so you get a chance to see what is really happening between the two of you. Then, we spend time understanding how the best relationships are people growing machines - if there's room in a relationship for both of you to grow as individuals, then there's room for the relationship to grow and last.