Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family Mike and Alicia Hernon : Catholic Marriage Parent and Family

“I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity.  Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we may grow old together.” Tobit 8:7
 
Summary Physical intimacy between spouses is a topic that is difficult to talk about, but one that is absolutely essential in Catholic circles.  You see, Satan’s plan is for people to have as much sex as possible BEFORE they are married and as little sex as possible AFTER they are married!  These lies and confusion need to be addressed in a way that is respectful but also practical for married couples.  In this podcast, we welcome Ellen Holloway of Vines in Full Bloom, a ministry dedicated to helping women and couples experience a joyful, satisfying sexual relationship within marriage. We discuss sexual pleasure, the different ways that men and women handle stress, the relationship between sex and prayer, the difference between “anticipatory” and “escalatory” foreplay,  and what to do when your libido is completely gone.  There is a wealth of valuable information for husbands and wives to hear and then discuss with each other.  Listen in and join the conversation! 

 
Key Takeaways Part of foreplay is being aware of your spouse throughout the day and letting them know you are thinking of them. 
Being joyful in marriage means you have a willingness to build intimacy through unity with your spouse.  
If you have no desire for sex at all at the moment, ask yourself, “What AM I willing to do?”
No one should accept zero libido as a lifestyle. That is not normal. 
There are many similarities between how we view prayer and how we view sexual relations with our spouse.  We should be continually learning in both. 
Our Heavenly Father made sexual relations to be pleasurable because He loves us and wants us to be happy.  Sometimes we don’t accept how overly generous our Father is! 
 
Couple Discussion Questions Take 5-10 min daily for a week to discuss sex with each other.  
How often do we discuss our sex life?  What is holding us back from having this conversation? 
Do I believe sex is a sacred gift from God? Why or why not?  
 
Resources Charting Toward Intimacy podcast
www.vinesinfullbloom.com
Physical Intimacy download from MFP website. https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/physical-intimacy/

Parenting is not an inborn skill. It is something that we learn over time from trial and error and with help from others. 
 
Summary Over the past 28 years raising our 10 kids we have made a lot of mistakes, but also learned from them!  In this podcast, we go over 12 tips that we have found make a big difference in the life of a family.  They are principles that we live by and how we have gotten where we are today.  None of them are rocket science - but they are things you may not have thought of before or realized how essential they are.  We have released this podcast before, but now we have a new perspective since our kids are older and now we have grandkids.  The great thing is, we have found that these tips still work!  As you listen, make sure that you choose 1 or 2 things that you want to implement in your lives starting this week.  Don’t try to do everything! Small changes over time have the biggest impact.  Listen in and join the conversation!  
 
Key Takeaways It is not your job to make your children into saints.  It is their job to make YOU into a saint!
You are irreplaceable.  Your children will only ever have ONE mom and ONE dad.  No one can do for your child what you can do. 
Your children cannot be the center of your family.  They are part of a community.  
Love requires boundaries.  But at the same time, remember that rules without relationship breeds rebellion.  
Children need to be taught everything.  They don’t know the words to say to be respectful, or the way to respond when you ask them to do something.  Do not be surprised when they don’t do what you want right away.  Your job is to teach them.  
 
Couple Discussion Questions Do I find it easy or hard to embrace my authority as a parent?  Do I recognize my unique place in the life of my child?  How would I articulate my role? 
How do I feel about my child making me into a saint?  What are ways I see them teaching me how to be less selfish? 
Do we have a plan for discipline? Are we on the same page?  Where do we disagree?
 

Summary Most of us rarely have an opportunity to sit down and talk to a priest, let alone a bishop!  We were so blessed to have a conversation with not just a bishop, but an archbishop and one who loves the Lord, loves families, and who leads with the heart of a shepherd.  Join us as we talk to Archbishop Naumann of Kansas City who shares his story of growing up without a father and how his mother and family gave him the stability and security he needed to flourish and become the man God called him to be.  He provides insights to families in our conversation along with a good dose of humor and practical encouragement.  
Key Takeaways Family stability and security are essential for children to flourish and fulfill their God-given potential, as Archbishop Naumann's own upbringing exemplifies.
Archbishop Naumann emphasizes the importance of love, faith, and commitment within families as foundational elements for building strong communities and societies.
Practical encouragement and humor are valuable tools in navigating the challenges and joys of family life, as shared by Archbishop Naumann during the conversation.
Couple Discussion Questions How can we emulate the stability and security that Archbishop Naumann experienced in his upbringing within our own family dynamic?
In what ways can we prioritize love, faith, and commitment within our family to strengthen our bonds and contribute positively to our community?
How can we incorporate humor and practical encouragement into our family life to navigate challenges and foster a spirit of joy and resilience?
Reflecting on Archbishop Naumann's insights, what changes or adjustments can we make to our family routines or habits to better reflect our values and priorities?
What lessons or inspirations can we take from Archbishop Naumann's story to enhance our own journey as spouses and parents?
 

Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia Hernon explore the transformative impact of conversations with children. They emphasize the importance of fostering a family culture centered around meaningful dialogue. From toddlers to teens, discover practical strategies for nurturing curiosity, understanding, and mutual respect within the parent-child relationship. Don't miss out on this engaging discussion that highlights the profound influence of conversations in shaping both children and parents alike. For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

 
Key Takeaways Conversations form your children, but more importantly, it forms YOU
Kids will not always remember what you said, they will remember how they felt. 
Conversations should be different depending on the age of the child
Conversations should be part of your family culture.  How the conversations happen, when they happen, and what you talk about. 
 
Couple Discussion Questions On a scale of 1-10 how good are we at talking with our kids?  How can we improve? 
What is the most difficult part of talking with the kids? How can I get over this? 
What assumptions do I make when I am talking to my children?  
What are some topics my children would like to talk about?
 

“Thank you, every woman, for the simple fact of being a woman! Through the insight which is so much a part of your womanhood you enrich the world's understanding and help to make human relations more honest and authentic.”
~ John Paul II, Letter to Women
 
Summary Women have particular gifts to bring to the world which were identified by John Paul II as the “genius of women”.  The Given Institute was created by religious superiors of the major orders in the United States and works with young women in all states of life to help them realize that they are gift, work to discover their unique giftedness and then make a plan to bring those gifts to the world.  In this podcast, we discuss these topics with Michelle Hilleart, their Executive Director who is  passionate about the need for women to know their own dignity and worth.  There are so many lies and confusing messages being given to young women today and these messages are preventing them from not just being who they were created to be, but also preventing them from knowing how they were created.  Listen in to hear about what REAL “girl power” is! 
 
Key Takeaways John Paul II identified the “genius of women” as receptivity, sensitivity, generosity, and maternity.
Every woman is called to be a spiritual mother - whether she is a natural mother, single woman, or consecrated woman.  
Every woman is called and gifted and those gifts begin to grow when a woman knows who she is as a daughter of God. 
Once we know what those gifts are we should then create an “action plan” to bring those unique gifts to the world. 
 
Couple Discussion Questions Do I recognize my dignity as a daughter of God? 
What are the gifts that are uniquely mine? 
How can I develop those gifts and bring them to the people around me? 
 

“It's our experience that parents who don’t allow their children to play with weapons have little boys who will chew their toast into the shape of a gun”
 
Summary Hello, I wanted to ask a question in regard to violent play for a toddler. My 4 year old boy is obsessed with all types of toy swords, lasers, etc. Any suggestions on how to manage it in a way that lets him explore but also places limits on it?  
This question came from a listener who is a mom of a normal boy!  But often this type of behavior catches parents unaware.  Our culture gives so many confusing messages to boys in the world.  Sometimes the behavior of little boys can be surprising or even shocking to moms who aren’t used to rough and tumble play.  But the beauty of boys is that they are made for this!  And playing is how they learn to make sense of the world around them, handle conflicting emotions and learn to relate in a healthy way to other boys.  In this podcast, we tackle the issue head on with some funny stories and practical advice.  We also discuss some of the psychology behind the emotional life of boys and what parents need to do to keep their boys well-adjusted and loved.  In the end we have tips for you on how to teach your boy to use his body in a way that respects himself and others.  
 
Key Takeaways Violent play  in young boys is natural and when it comes from within their own mind (not from images introduced to them) it is not just harmless, but important to allow. 
Boys work out their emotions physically. The verbal and emotional parts of their brain are not hard wired as girls’ are.  
Getting your boys comfortable and confident in their bodies is essential for their emotional and mental health.
Boy’s emotions are just as present and as deep as girls are. They are just expressed differently and need to be responded to differently. 



Couple Discussion Questions  
What do I find hardest about my boys
How can we respect the way they are made 
 
Resources: 
Documentary on the emotional life of boys
https://youtu.be/y9k0vKL5jJI?si=W8v5vmmWzNojXKAV