NOBODY LIKES ONIONS Patrick Melton

Patrick may have an emergency on his hand, but he isn’t sure there is anyone to call about it. A man has been sleeping in a car outside Patrick’s house for almost six hours, completely passed out in the driver’s seat with the vehicle running. Is it a stalker? A fan? Just a completely random nut looking to get away from his nagging wife? Butch Bradley is making social media posts for free hair gel. Patrick talks about heading over to Edinburgh in August. Patrick tries to rap again, but Moody in the chat curses his ability to steer clear of homosexual themes. We explore Josh Denny’s relationship with Gavin McInnes and the Censored.tv crew. They’ve announced some live shows, including one in Las Vegas. Patrick extends and olive branch and tries to set up a meeting. We check out the culmination of Josh’s latest comedy creation, Next Week Tonight, to see what the live finale recap has to offer comedy fans.

Come along and ride on my fantastic voyage! Make money for you and your family from the comfort of your own basement! Operators are standing by to take your livelihood! Call from a landline for best results! No dogs allowed! Our old crippled comic friend Thai Rivera has dropped a new video claiming his old partner and friend AJ Rivera has been stealing money from him. With no friends, no money, and no prospects, where will Thai go next? The latest edition of the Ocha Bar Open Mic melts down in to complete dysfunction live before our eyes. Thai harasses and performs what seems to be light inappropriate behavior on a first-time young comedian. We continues to be baffled at exactly what it is these guys are trying to build at a run-down restaurant at midnight on a weekday. Your guess is as good as ours!

If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. This was a mistake. Do…...

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Patrick and a cast of kangaroo pals explore the Australian outback together in an old jeep. Trouble is right around the corner when the gang encounters a dingo in the bush! Patrick enjoys a chill Thursday watching some of the best of Las Vegas doing their thing. We check in with the Ocha Bar open mic, but it’s not going great. The “feature” comic can’t stop pacing all over the room and screaming. The internet saves us all and cuts out several times. Patrick tries to learn how to talk to legit Mexicans. We check in on the state of modern Zoom comedy and try to figure out what the attraction is. Patrick does a lot of impressions that probably aren’t very woke and may end up getting him cancelled.

It’s Sunday Funday, and who knows what that could mean for the merry band of onions! Patrick tries to have an intervention with Big Irish Jay regarding the merchandise he sells after show. Jay thinks it’s cool to recycle an old Coke logo, but Patrick disagrees. Then again, Jay is still a working comedian, so what does Patrick know. Patrick talks about food in the 1970’s, including deviled eggs and why people loved them. Eggs and mayo not your thing? Maybe you’d like the cool relief of some ambrosia salad – apples, nuts, cool whip and coconut! Can’t you feel it all getting stuck in your teeth as we speak? We find out just how many beans Patrick can name while he discusses his poor childhood. Patrick talks a little about Vegas comedy and how people like to halfway call people out for things without really doing it. We dive in to Josh Denny’s Twitter stats to find out what’s going on and see if it’s really what it appears to be, and what we see is damning. We also talk about trolls coming to shows and why it’s nothing to be afraid of. We revisit some of Josh Denny’s greatest grifts, from his pandering fundraiser for a special that never was, through his latest attempts to pal up with the failed Anthony Cumia and Gavin McInness.

There’s so many updates from so many creeps! Thai is spinning out of control. His YouTube is suspicious and Patrick can’t figure out exactly what’s going down. Thai threatens to do a tell-all about AJ Rivera and his most recently terminated friendship. A new comedy contest scam has Las Vegas comedians excited about the prospect of winning something meaningless. Josh Denny is on a real grown-up big-boy tour! Josh texted Patrick telling him that he’s got it all wrong, and maybe he was right! We revisit some of Josh’s biggest successes. Trouble in Vegas has been quietly posting L’s for months. Angie Krum is deeper than we ever knew. AOC is a super-emotionally reactive nut, and Patrick is issuing a warning right now – watch this woman for a future flameout the likes of which we have never seen. Alex Stein is a troll who exposes how short the fuse is on everyone’s favorite picante lawmaker. We check out some of the other amazing opportunities presented in comedy groups just to see if there is anything of quality.