Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel Ruth Reymundo Mandel & David Mandel

Discover the hard truths about the impact of domestic violence on children, as we, David and Ruth Reymundo Mandel, discuss the "Myth of the Child Witness" chapter from David's book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."   We promise you'll come away with a deeper understanding and a sense of urgency to shift the way society responds to young survivors. Listen as we pull back the curtain on the often-invisible effects of witnessing abuse and how these experiences shape the lives of children far beyond what is visible to the eye.

Are children just passive bystanders in the face of domestic violence, or are they silent bearers of trauma? What happens when we do not name the perpetrator as the cause of the children's harm or highlight their responsibilities are carers?  Our discussions traverse the landscape of this misconception, challenging the passive language that labels children merely as witnesses and advocating for a language that reflects their true experiences. We address the crucial need for systems to hold perpetrators accountable and prevent children from replicating harmful behaviors. Our conversation makes the case for recognizing the autonomy of children and the essential role of the non-abusive parent in fostering a child's emotional safety.

Wrapping up our insightful conversation, we underscore the critical role adults play in understanding and supporting children affected by domestic violence. Delving into the 'Safe Together' model, we stress the importance of an ecosystem that supports both the child and the non-abusive parent. Join us as we honor the resilience of children everywhere and strive to transform the dialogue around domestic violence, one listener at a time.
Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

In this episode, Ruth and David start with a round up of their March 2024 Safe & Together trip to Australia and New Zealand with highlights from the 7th annual Safe & Together Asia Pacific conference with it's focus on work with First Nation peoples, feedback from podcast listeners, and an update on how the Model is transforming the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia. Then Ruth and David pivot to discuss the ideas behind David's first book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe " from Legitimus Media (2024).  David talk about how the book outlines the interlocking myth structure that is the cause and effect of gender double standards around parenting.  David  shares how the book was written for both survivors and practitioners,  with or without experience with the Model. This episode will be followed up minisodes focusing on other chapters in the book...stay tuned!

To order the book now: https://mybook.to/mK39V



Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Both men and women can be violent and controlling. In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, Ruth and David speak with international expert Lisa Young Larance about her research and clinical practice related to women’s use of force in intimate relationships. In the conversation, Lisa highlights the importance of context and intersectionalities in any analysis of women’s use of force in intimate relationships.
In recounting her work, Lisa shares about:
The importance of a behavioral and life span lens when understanding the use of force in intimate relationshipsHow practitioners need to remain curious about the specifics of situations related to use of forceHow to explore the relationship between trauma histories and the use of forceThe importance of seeing beyond the “victim/offender” binaryWhat the work with women who use force in intimate relationships can teach us about the work with men who use force against their partnersCheck out Lisa Young Larance’s work
Keep an eye out for her forthcoming book:  Larance, L. Y. (Forthcoming, 2024). Broken: Women’s stories of intimate and institutional harm and repair. University of California Press.

You may also be interested in these related episodes of Partnered with A Survivor

Season 2 Episode 6: The Male Victim

Season 3 Episode 6: 7 Myths about the Safe & Together Model


Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Sexual and domestic violence in the military challenges recruitment, retention, team cohesion, operational readiness, security and organizational health. Yet, most militaries around the world are still struggling to effectively address these problems. Gaps in the response harm military families, and allow the destruction of the careers and health of survivors. The Safe & Together Institute, through its work with the UK Ministry of Defence, has seen the positive impact of domestic violence-informed practice in this area.
In this episode, David & Ruth speak with Amy Braley Frank, founder of Never Alone Soldiers, and Joanna, a survivor who now advocates for others. Never Alone Soldiers advocates for the safety and wellbeing of military personnel and families affected by sexual or domestic violence. They assist victims, advise them and push for greater transparency, accountability and policy changes, leaving no one behind.
Ruth & David discuss with Amy & Joanna:
Current problematic military attitudes & practices in responding to perpetratorsSilencing of victim/survivors of sexual and domestic violenceNever Alone’s advocacy for victims and drive for systemic changeRetention policies enabling those with histories of criminality and violenceAdverse career impacts for service members reporting abuseLinks between unaddressed military violence issues and domestic violence perpetration in law enforcementJoanna shares her experiences seeking safety from domestic abuse, and how policies, communication approaches and attitudes endangered her and others. She discusses how Never Alone successfully pushed for her perpetrator's removal.
Amy defines policy and cultural changes needed to support survivors over retaining perpetrators.
Learn more about Never Alone 
You also may be interested in these related episodes 
Episode 25: When police officers commit domestic violence
Episode 26: Listening to the voices of survivors of officer-involved domestic violence: An interview with Nanette Chezum
Episode 27: “How much crime are you willing to let your police commit?”
Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Historically research hasn’t always involved or benefited the population being studied. Dr. Elizabeth Dalgarno, the Director, and Founder of the SHERA Research Group is staunch advocate of research that is undertaken by and with the people it concerns rather than “on” them. In this far-ranging interview, Ruth, David, and Dr Dalgarno discuss:  
 SHERA’s research into health effects on survivors of their family court involvement in Brazil and England (Spoiler Alert: The negative health effects of family court involvement for domestic abuse survivors is significant!) What practitioners can do differently within the current context of family law environment to improve outcomes for child and adult survivorsHow to use research to help improve the social care and family court response to domestic abuseThe need for greater accountability and transparency as it relates to systems that impact survivors The need for appropriate credentialing, training, and experience for evaluators in the family court contextThe need for adequate data on the impacts of family law policies & practices on victim survivors.The global need for domestic violence-informed training for lawyers, children’s representatives, and judges around family violence, custody, and access The SHERA Research Group, a collective of multidisciplinary professionals with over 100 years cumulative experience of working in health inequalities, law, finance, social care and domestic abuse research and support organizations. 
Dr Elizabeth Dalgarno, the Director and Founder of SHERA Research Group and a Lecturer at University of Manchester England.Dr. Dalgarno has worked in public and private health and social care for over 20 years and specialises in challenging inequalities and systemic challenges in health and social care. Her work with women who have been through family court focusses on their health-related experiences and the harmful pseudoscience of so-called 'parental alienation' and has been featured in a documentary 'Mums on the Run' on the BBC iplayer, at the UN Human Rights Council and in multiple media outlets.
Related Podcasts 
Season 4 Episode 10: Ensuring The Voice Of The Child Is Heard, And Child’s Best Interests Are Considered In Domestic Abuse Cases
 Season 3 Episode 2: Perpetrators’ Weaponization Of Mental Health And Addiction Against Survivors
Season 2 Episode 19: Using The Concepts Of Collaborative Co-Parenting To Hold Perpetrators More Accountable In Family Court
Episode 29: Family courts are failing the “best interests” of adult and child abuse survivors: An in
Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."

Domestic violence represent 27% of workplace violent events 1 in 5 victims take time off from work due to abuse 20% of victims of domestic abuse had taken off month or more in prior year 56% arrived late at least 5x/month53% missed at least 3 days of work/month 65% of companies do not have domestic violence  policy (SHRM)These statistics only represent a fraction of the picture of how domestic violence perpetrators impact their partner's employment, but also how they impact employers and the overall workplace environment. In addition to the impact on the survivor's employment (poor performance, lateness, absenteeism, lost of  income, lost of career advancement), employers face worker attrition, performance related loses and even liability.   

In this podcast, David and Ruth discuss a range of issues associated with domestic violence perpetrator behavior and the workplace. Their discussion covers:
The importance of consistent domestic violence-informed culture (inside and out) especially if your organization's work touches on familiesDifferent ways perpetrators harm a partner's employment including abuse at work, interfering with their ability to work and hindering career advancementDifferent strategies organization can engage in to make their human resource policy more informed including using the Safe & Together Institute Ally Guide as resource Check out these related episodes
 Season 4 Episode 4: Being abused by a partner while advocating for others
Season 4 Episode 2: Coming “Out” As A Survivor in a Professional Setting: A Practitioner’s Journey
Season 3 Episode 3: Minisode On Worker Safety & Well-Being: When Workers Have Their Own Histories Of Abuse
Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."