AnnodRight: The Blog Dr. Donna Oriowo

Recently I had the honor of meeting with Dr. Jess for her podcast, Sex with
Dr. Jess and we spoke about sexual compatibility. I don’t think it’s much
of a secret that I think folk use the idea of being sexually compatible as
a cop out. 

What I mean is that we often work hard as hell to NOT try but then blame
everything on sexual compatibility. We will say there is no chemistry, that
we feel off, and have really done no work. Now, you know that I am a whole
assed sex and relationship therapist so ima give you a short run down on
the tea spilt in that conversation with Dr. Jess.

Source: https://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/05/09/8-things-black-women-hate-called/black-woman-short-hair-upset-2/























Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, they’re all around the corner. So, I have to ask, are you ready to deal with your family? 
We all  know how it is when you go home, all your family is there, that auntie, your uncles, some of them you love and some of them you're not even sure you like. And while everybody is hanging out waiting for grandma to finish cooking dinner, they get to asking dumb questions. I mean all kinds of things like:

"Did you lose weight?” 
“Oh you look little more hefty, you been eating good?”
Then comes the one that you’ve really, really been dreading....
"How come you ain't got no boyfriend" or "You still don’t have a special girl?"
“Why ain't you married yet?” “Where my grandbabies?”

Those are some of the most disrespectful questions that you'll get over this holiday season, mostly because your relatives have failed to MIND THEIR BUSINESS! They don’t know that there are therapeutic benefits (you can read about them here!) Being single over the holidays can be really rough because of various things, specifically having family members ask about why you don't have somebody special in your life. It can feel like it's a personal failure on your part because you didn’t do what your family has expected you to do and get knocked up or at least start your journey by dating someone. I mean let’s be honest, aren’t all these questions founded on the fact that your family want some little ones running around? And while I can respect that they want something so special, you still have a whole life to live that should not be revolving around whether you're going to disappoint your family for the holidays. At the end of the day, your being single has nothing to do with your self worth. It's just a part of where you are in life.
So, if you’re not in the mood to share your life or feel like you need to explain yourself here is your guide on how to deal with your family asking dumb ass questions, especially about your singledom over the holidays. (Yes, I said singledom!)
Now there have been many solutions out there, one of my favorites has been seeing people put up those ads for fake boyfriends and girlfriends. You know the one, I’m talking about - where they offer to be your girlfriend/boyfriend for a couple hours in exchange for some of grandma’s collard greens and sweet potato pie! And that is certainly one way to go, I have to give it to them, it is innovative. 
But ya’ll should know by now I'm all about telling the truth wherever and whenever possible. So, you can tell your relatives that your therapist (which is me today) said to mind they business and that you can't be with nobody right now. BOOM!
Another way to deal, other than having a fake partner or having a fake therapist is to tell your family that you're not allowed to be with nobody. If you have a religious bunch why don't you go ahead and tell them that you are married to the Lord. Tell them that the Lord said He will provide when the time is right, your earthly husband or earthly wife or earthly person. What they gonna say? Isn't it blasphemous if they try to say something like "well the Lord need to hurry up?" Though, I have been known to say that line a time or two myself, but I ain’t got no couth. And as you tell them, be sure to ask them kindly to pass you the ham at the same time! 
In all seriousness, if you feel like you have the type of family that will carry on about what accomplishments you don't have,

Therapy without politics sounds a lot like polite conversation, as my
friend Dr. Lexx would say. You don’t go to therapy to just feel good for a
moment, you go to therapy to heal from a lifetime of hurts with skills to
continue on with.

We are talking about Wish dating--where you have a wish list of romantic wants and you try to make someone fit that

How does the idea of walking on eggshells, feeling paranoid, and taking
forever to make a decision sound like to you? Exactly, sounds like
anxiety!! To be successful, creative, innovative or anything more than
average, you need to make room for error.

Between my clients, friends, and followers I’ve realized that there are a
lot of folk out there who don’t know much about masturbation or are still
carrying the terrorizing lies they heard from way back when. But hey, it’s
okay to admit you don’t know a whole lot about it or that you have some
questions. What better time to answer them than National Masturbation
Month?!