45 episodes

The ebbs and flows of this alcoholic. It's all true. Sometimes I'm serious. Sometimes I'm not.

tcr! diaries - podcast tcr!

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The ebbs and flows of this alcoholic. It's all true. Sometimes I'm serious. Sometimes I'm not.

    • video
    The Sleepless Moons

    The Sleepless Moons

    content: Jan 11, 2023






    Video (MP4): 20230111 - The Sleepless Moons








    Audio (MP3): 20230111 - The Sleepless Moons










    It’s an older, original song but it still checks out 🚀 definitely share this with your friends 👽

    I am ready to go back to outer space. It’s my place, recognize the faces, the foreign shapes. I know the people of my race. And you are catching there at home plate and I’m clear off in left field. Not at the second stupid base waiting to make a double play. I’m out in orbit waving goodbye as I rocket far away.

    Rain delay. Too much dumb, damn static in our game. Can’t hear the signals, too much atmosphere. Houston, we have a problem: I’m burning up here. Arm’s singed to rubber. Bottom of the ninth and I’m patrolling Pluto.

    The only way to win…

    Lover, you just never knew what it was like to kick around in my shoes, sleep with my childhood rules learned in Sun, Sunday school. And I won’t count the sleepless moons I tried to appeal them for you. The shoes are broken in, the fans have gone. The laces are long, the currents are strong and I could drown in my freezing swimming, swimming pool.

    Behind in the count. Risky day for lift off, stars dealigned. Three balls and two strikes, zero gravity. Jammed comms, windshield cracked from your impact. Who’s that in the dugout? Guess I struck out. Broken hearts hemisphere.

    Tears in space…


    #diariespodcast #diariesvideo





    mitch
    · Jan 11, 2023 at 11:05 pm









    i love it! especially the end when you’re spinning around in the chair 😁🔭 your singing voice sounds very different from your speaking voice. if you didn’t tell me i might not have guessed it was you







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    tcr!
    · Jan 11, 2023 at 11:07 pm









    I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to hear my singing voice played back to me. It sounds like a completely different person.







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    mitch
    · Jan 11, 2023 at 11:08 pm









    i agree, but i don’t think it sounds bad at all







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    tcr!
    · Jan 11, 2023 at 11:08 pm









    Thanks







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    jimi hindrance experience
    · Jan 13, 2023 at 12:13 am









    Love the viddy. washed out color looks cool







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    Hater McGhray
    · Jan 13, 2023 at 3:31 pm









    It’s great! I love it, great guitar riff.
    Very catchy
    And of course I love your weirdo freaky video







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    tcr!
    · Jan 14, 2023 at 9:14 am









    Thanks!







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    Back to regular life

    Back to regular life

    content: Apr 19, 2019 · podcast: Jul 21, 2022





    Audio (MP3): 20190419 - Back to regular life










    Do you know what I really hate?

    When somebody is being over-the-top nice after they’ve f****d something up.


    Do you know what I really like?

    When someone offers up a sincere apology and then gets on with the day.

    Own it. Regret it. Forget it.

    Take five minutes, have a real conversation, and then go back to regular life.


    If I don’t acknowledge I can come across like an unsympathetic magician. Trying to trick you into paying attention to my magic rabbit and hat. All the while my other hand is holding a bloody knife. I’m not fooling anyone.

    And then if I’m dancing around like an out-of-the-ordinary, out-of-control ballerina with an obviously fabricated sugary song and dance, it only makes whatever transgression worse. It prolongs the distress.




    Elaine said to me seven years ago, “…and don't grovel.”

    I get “wanting to make it better” with flowers from up my sleeve and I’m sure I’ve tried to pull rosy ruses myself. But keep it to a minimum. Otherwise it’s a black reminder. The fuck up lingers like a red rubber band, stretching the hurt out for way longer than it needs to.


    Humility. Brevity. Authenticity. I won’t go wrong with these.


    #relationships #advancedsoul #diariespodcast





    Momma J
    · Apr 19, 2019 at 11:08 am









    Great philosophy







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    tcr!
    · Apr 20, 2019 at 12:47 pm









    Learned the hard way 😉







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    jimi hindrance experience
    · Apr 19, 2019 at 4:21 pm









    😎







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    The summer of 2019

    The summer of 2019

    content: Sep 27, 2019 · podcast: Jul 18, 2022





    Audio (MP3): 20190927 - The summer of 2019













    Peeps, it was a busy summer.

    Most of it was spent cleaning and packing up my house. That was a lot. I lived there for 11 years, the longest place I’d ever lived in my life. I threw away countless bags of trash, of life debris and clutter. ⛸


    In June Sara and I went to see Ludovico at the Cadillac Palace in Chicago. Maggie and I went to Gay Pride in Aurora. Sara took all of us to Cantigny Park for my 47th birthday. We played mini golf in the dark during Swedish Days.




    In July there was the case of the stolen bicycle and Maggie turned 14. We went to Minneapolis to check out the Mall of America and Paisley Park.


    Maggie started high school in August, too. 😳


    Five chipmunks were caught and released over the summer. I took over 450 photos. I didn’t keep track of how many restaurants that Sara and I went to.


    This month of September we went to Nebraska for Sara’s sister’s wedding. During the sermon or whatever the pastor shared a story about an older couple with a successful marriage. When asked how they had stayed together for so long the husband replied, “I always figured it was her turn to get what she wanted.”

    That’s how you win.

    In healthy relationships life isn’t all about getting what we want but most of it is giving people what they want. Keeping that Christmas spirit of giving all year round is one of the foremost keys to happiness.


    In a similar thread Jimi messaged me not long ago, shared something that Cokie Roberts’ husband had said regarding their marriage. It was that the most important life choice we can make is who we spend it with.

    So in August Maggie and I moved in with Sara and her kids. It wasn’t on accident or on a whim that I chose Sara. She’s beautiful, kind, selfless, and intent on everyone having a good life. 💝


    Speaking of life choices, today is/was my last day at the job I’ve had for the last 13 years. See, I could’ve stayed at my job and in my house in Geneva and been mostly comfortable. But then again and I hate to say this but life can suck when you’re stuck in second place.


    I’ve lived much of my life in the moment, in the here and now, but sometimes it’s better to look bigger picture.

    What we’re doing and what we really want to achieve.

    Where we’re going and where we really want to be.

    Who we’re with and who’ll really give us the fairy tale.


    I’ve gotten divorced, I’ve moved, and I start a new job on Monday. Go team. 💪


    #photos #lettherebehope #diariespodcast




    Botsford

    · Sep 27, 2019 at 10:08 am









    Life is good! Enjoy the ride😊







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    tcr!
    · Sep 27, 2019 at 11:38 am









    🎡







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    Pelletier

    · Sep 27, 2019 at 10:09 am









    Can I give you BOTH a “Happy” and a “Sad” like?…… Gonna miss you at the office.







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    tcr!
    · Sep 27, 2019 at 11:25 am









    Maybe we’ll all hook up again at MATS next year!! 🚛







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    Rich J

    · Sep 27, 2019 at 10:17 am









    Who’d a thunk it. Your life change has led you on an incredible journey so far, hasn’t it?







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    tcr!
    · Sep 27, 2019 at 11:26 am









    It most certainly has 💫







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    Laurie

    · Sep 27, 2019 at 10:21 am









    I am so very happy for yo

    Whether alcoholism is an actual disease or not

    Whether alcoholism is an actual disease or not

    content: Mar 23, 2017 · podcast: Jul 15, 2022





    Audio (MP3): 20170323 - Whether alcoholism is an actual disease or not












    I have back and forth feelings of whether alcoholism is an actual disease like hepatitis or something. I guess at the end of the day it doesn't matter to me, doesn't change that my soul was sick. Emotionally distraught to the point it was affecting everything from my sleeping to my shitting to my relationships with Maggie and my cats. You that know me personally know my story.




    Did you ever see Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield? It's from the mid 80s, light hearted, goofy, classic Dangerfield.

    There's a scene where he's arguing with his professor about selling widgets. Dangerfield gets hung up on what exactly a widget is and the professor exasperated finally says...

    It's a fictional product, it doesn't matter.


    That's a powerful train of thought for me. Sometimes I can get hung up on wanting to debate a topic and often it's because I'm wanting to deflect looking at my own issues. I resist so I don't need to peer inward.

    When I'm deflecting I need to remember to self-critique. Maybe there's something I'm avoiding. And if so, the debate "doesn't matter."

    It's weird how I remember these lines from movies and they graft themselves into, make up part of my spiritual being. 😉

    Anyways. Is alcoholism a true medical disease? I don't care. What I do care about, what does matter is that I can't drink responsibly. I drink irresponsibly to the point of excess. I get frantic when I don't drink. It becomes the only thing I care about. Above all else. That's what does matter.

    Also, as a last thing. I do think it's a proper medical illness. The way alcoholics are utterly consumed by the cravings and will drink to literal death, well that's just not a lack of willpower.

    #alcoholism #healthnews #protip #diariespodcast




    zumpknows

    · Mar 23, 2017 at 9:44 am









    This may have been a stumbling block for me when I was trying to bargain with alcohol, but there was no doubt that it was an addiction. Maybe it was a selective addiction, but it was my addiction to battle. And the battle became easier once I surrendered.







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    coolcrosby

    · Mar 23, 2017 at 12:22 pm









    I agree that alcoholism is a disease; moreover, and more importantly all the overwhelming scientific and medical consensus is that alcoholism is a disease.







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    SOmuch2learn

    · Mar 23, 2017 at 3:47 pm









    I agree that alcoholism is a disease. It helped me understand and accept my alcoholism after I read Under the Influence by Ketcham and Milam.







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    gafflebitters

    · Mar 23, 2017 at 12:22 pm









    Thanks for this post, I agree with you and I have similar movie experiences.







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    LokiGrue

    · Mar 23, 2017 at 3:54 pm









    As the long suffering spouse of an Alcoholic, I am sick of the “It’s a disease” mantra—it’s an excuse to not make the fucking choice to stop fucking drinking.
    It’s a “Disease” so it can get an ICD-10 Code, and people can get Insurance paying for treatment. Follow the f*****g money.
    I’m sorry. She’s relapsing and I am tired of the excuses.







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    LokiGrue

    · Mar 23, 2017 at 12:28 pm









    The “disease” is just an excuse, not a reason. Are you getting help for yourself by going to Alanon?
    I don’t do “Higher Powers.”







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    SOmuch2l

    If I'm feeling the same way

    If I'm feeling the same way

    content: Oct 17, 2018 · podcast: Jun 21, 2022





    Audio (MP3): 20181017 - If I'm feeling the same way













    If I’m feeling the same way a few days later about something I need to make peace with it. Or not.

    It’s true that the only thing I have to do with my feelings is feel them but sometimes they linger. They don’t resolve. And then I have to do something. I need to take action.




    Often times that action is just accepting whatever happened that caused my unrest to begin with. If the situation involved another person, for example, how would I act around them if it didn’t happen at all?

    That’s how I accept things. It’s not hard once I decide that I want to move forward in life. Regardless of where my feelings are at.

    Acting differently than how I feel isn’t denying my feelings or pretending whatever didn’t happened. It’s me deciding that I’m done with all that and am going to move on even if my heart is telling me something else.


    It’s not usual when the only closure I get is accepting that I won’t get resolution. That’s a realization I get to in my head because feelings can be icky and sticky.


    Like watching somebody leave when I want them to stay. I give them a hug and a kiss on the cheek, watch them get into the car and drive down the street. My heart twists as the taillights drive away. The physical bond between us stretches and dissolves as the car gets smaller.

    To the left. Around a bend. Disappear. Gone is gone.

    I turn and hobble up the sidewalk, the fallen leaves are too coincidental. The chilly air a nuisance, the gray sky unwanted.

    Inside the tears drip down like droplets over the outside of a boiling pot. Steam on the lid and mist in my eyes making it too hard to see what’s inside. Everything’s overflowing. Everything’s too much.

    The house isn’t empty but I’d rather be by myself. Alone I turn off the stove and the pot and the water start to cool. Just a minute ago the somebody was there and now I only have a fading memory.


    Okay stop. Enough with the melodrama.

    There was never a stove. Nor a boiling pot.

    Feelings are beautiful, magical things and experiencing them makes us whole human beings. They’re the yin to the intellect’s yan.

    But they don’t run the show and allowing them to will only end up making life miserable.

    #advancedsoul #diariespodcast






    Richard

    · Oct 19, 2018 at 5:18 am









    Nice.
    Got it.
    Thanks.







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    marney0160
    · Oct 20, 2018 at 9:04 am









    Nice! Thanks for the reminder…







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    Stuck behind a school bus

    Stuck behind a school bus

    content: Sep 12, 2018 · podcast: Jun 8, 2022





    Audio (MP3): 20180912 - Stuck behind a school bus










    Sometimes when I’m going to work I get stuck behind a school bus. And then I roll my eyes… Today I watched a handful of parents corralling their kids, funneling them toward the awaiting bus. There were enough kids that I needed to count them so as to know when I could be on my way.


    🚌


    And then everything changed.

    Two of the kids were swaying, almost dancing. Little horses waiting to run. Smiles on their little faces, overly eager happiness as they waited their turn to board. Their day ahead would be magical. It already was.

    “We’re gonna do math and reading and writing and maybe some science.”




    If you’re ever feeling down, go watch some kindergartners waiting for the school bus.


    One dad looked especially proud, his heart overflowing with love as he readied his daughter’s coat and straightened her collar. She was his finest achievement by far. His little girl with yellow barrettes and her white backpack with pink butterflies.

    Having my own daughters I know the pride and the joy that she gave him. Kids change everything. They increase our capacity to love and give us a reason to.

    And then this father looked like he didn’t want to let his daughter go as she turned around. His heart seemed to break when she took a few steps away to mingle with the other little ones. Kisses blew from his mouth when she climbed the big steps up into the bus. This is a few weeks into the school year, too, so it’s not like it was his first day sending her off to school.


    😊


    The whole time standing a few feet beside him was another dad. He was a little self-conscious, like maybe he couldn’t put himself out there in front of the other parents so emotionally. There’s a mandate for him to play it cool but I could tell from his expression that he felt similar to the first dad. That was his baby growing up and heading out, too. He was just keeping his emotions in check so as not let the crowd see. That’s okay. Not everybody is supposed to be unchained. But guys, the first dad’s heart was too full of love to care who knew.


    So here’s the last yet equally important part of the story.


    I live in white suburbia with a picket fence and three bird feeders, but the interaction between these fathers and daughters took place in a lower income neighborhood. The parents and children were of all different colors, all different shapes, all different sizes. Those school kids accepted each other no matter what. That little one with yellow barrettes wasn’t afraid of people that looked different because those other souls are all she’s ever known. I hope she carries that with her for the rest of her life.

    And where they lived made no difference in how much that father loved his daughter and her white backpack. It didn’t matter to him that he was on the corner of a patch of weeds and she didn’t care that they lived in an older apartment building with a crumbling parking lot. It didn’t change the spring in her step or the bounce in her hair as she was off on her adventure.


    The sun was shining on them both even if there were clouds in the sky.


    ❤️

    #schoolnews #lettherebehope #diariespodcast






    DD

    · Sep 12, 2018 at 12:09 pm









    Very well written , thank you







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    tcr!
    · Sep 12, 2018 at 12:12 pm









    No, thank you! :)







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    connolly

    · Sep 12, 2018 at 12:26 pm









    Congrats job well done







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    tcr!
    · Sep 12, 2018 at 12:53 pm









    Thank you 🙏







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Customer Reviews

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2 Ratings

CrazyPugLady78 ,

My Absolute Favorite

Sexiest voice I’ve ever heard.

tcr! ,

Best podcast in ages!!

Honest, funny look into the life of a spiritual introvert.

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