In our last episode with Marriage & Family Therapist Ann Taylor McNiece we talked about how we can engage in healthy discussion and avoid conflict that destroys. In the second part of our conversation, we’re discussing how we can repair the damage that’s already been caused, specifically in our family relationships.
Key points from our conversation:
🩹 What you consider a repair may not be what the other person considers a repair, but your repair attempts count.
👂 Own any part of the problem you can gets your partner out of the attack cycle. Try reflective listening - reflect what you hear the person say, ask if you heard them right, own what you can.
💍 69% of problems are going to be unsolvable because they have to do with personality and preference. You can have a very happy marriage on the 31% you can work out.
💕 We are called to love and give sometimes more than we receive. You either have rejected the person or you’ve accepted that in your commitment, this isn’t a deal breaker. It’s not a character issue, it’s a preference. It’s not abuse, addiction, or adultery.
🙏 Being intentional about reflecting on what your grateful for about your spouse will create a more positive perspective in your marriage. This can be extremely difficult if you’re experiencing depression.
🤝 Counseling isn’t an effort to “fix” someone, it’s to find out how you can work better together.
🥪 Practice using the sandwich method - give a compliment, submit your request, follow it with the positive it will bring.
🧠 If you want to raise a mentally healthy kid, focus on your mental health first.
Gottman Bible Guide
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
No More Perfect Marriages: Experience the Freedom of Being Real Together
Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships
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