Finding Yourself After Betrayal: Identity and the 8 C’s of Self with Kris Cristiano (Rise Season 2, Episode 19) In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT and Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT, explore one of the deepest and most painful questions betrayal trauma survivors face: “Who am I now?” When betrayal shatters trust, it often disrupts identity, self-concept, confidence, joy, and connection to self. Together, MaryAnn and Kris unpack the healing process of rediscovering your core self while also making space for the ways trauma and life experiences fundamentally change us. Through personal stories, clinical insight, humor, and practical tools, this conversation explores individuation, differentiation, dissociation, nervous system healing, and reconnecting with authenticity after trauma. In This Episode How betrayal trauma distorts identity and self-concept Why many survivors feel disconnected from themselves The difference between survival mode and authentic living Reconnecting with values, interests, joy, creativity, and play Why healing is not about “going back” but reconnecting with your core self The importance of nervous system regulation in trauma recovery How storytelling helps integrate trauma and rebuild identity Why fun, laughter, and play are essential parts of healing Understanding dissociation and compartmentalization during betrayal trauma Practical grounding exercises to reconnect with yourself Key Themes Discussed Rediscovering Who You Are MaryAnn and Kris discuss how betrayal can cause people to abandon parts of themselves in order to survive, maintain relationships, or keep systems functioning. Healing often involves intentionally reclaiming lost parts of identity — even through small things like favorite foods, hobbies, humor, music, creativity, or values. The Role of Trauma in Identity Trauma changes the brain, nervous system, emotional responses, and worldview. Survivors may struggle with concentration, joy, emotional regulation, or activities they once loved. The episode emphasizes patience, self-compassion, and understanding that healing takes time. Nervous System Healing The conversation explores practices that help regulate the nervous system, including: Meditation Yoga Walking Singing Dancing Play Safe social connection Intentionality Emotional processing Dissociation and Presence MaryAnn shares how betrayal trauma can create a dream-like sense of disconnection from reality and self. The discussion includes practical ways to stay grounded and present while also honoring overwhelming emotions and triggers. Storytelling and Meaning-Making Kris explains how sharing our stories in safe spaces helps the brain integrate trauma, close emotional loops, and rebuild identity over time. The 8 C’s of Self in IFS Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS), the episode references the “8 C’s” — qualities associated with the core Self when we are grounded, centered, and not led by fear or trauma parts: Calm Clarity Compassion Confidence Courage Creativity Connectedness Curiosity The conversation explores how healing often involves reconnecting with these qualities rather than abandoning who we truly are. Memorable Moments The story of “watermelon” as a symbol of reclaiming identity after decades of self-abandonment The “what kind of eggs do you actually like?” metaphor from Runaway Bride Why “fun is part of recovery” MaryAnn’s reflections on reconnecting with humor and play after trauma The reminder that healing is not linear, rushed, or one-dimensional Listener Reflection Questions Who was I before betrayal? What parts of myself have I abandoned? What activities, interests, or values made me feel most alive? What brings me peace, joy, creativity, or connection today? What small step could help me reconnect with myself this week? Resources The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel van der Kolk Stephen Covey - Start with the End in Mind The Color Code - Dr. Taylor Hartman GABIS https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale Boundary Basics https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/boundary-basics Explore guided support and recovery tools: humanintimacy.com youtube.com/@human-intimacy