S3E2 - Kevin Quits The History of the Six Shooter Band

October 18 Cappy’s, Buns, and Bow Ties
The band gets a rude awakening when Lee sees that the band’s name on the Cappy’s marquee for October 18 and 19. The band was practicing for the following week (the 25th). We work with the owner, and he ends up putting us on after a Male review called “California Hunks” (from Columbus Ohio). The band waits in the back as men are not allowed in the bar as a group of 70 or so women fondle and paw at the loincloth-wearing pieces of meat. Dave starts off the night on stage with his Ted Nugent imitation, “Mercy mercy, I’ve died and gone to heaven, I’m playin’ to a bar full of horny woman.” This evokes a “Dave!?” from Kevin.
The women were sloshed. We were even joined on stage by a drunken wench that the band affectionately referred to as Bambi. She had brown hair and weighed about 45 pounds. As she jumped up on stage and began to wiggle and jiggle, John gave her a “bump” and shot-putted her halfway across the stage. Dave joined John in using Bambi as a human ping pong ball. During Bubba Hyde, Dave was doing the famous James Brown arrangement. He went out and “bumped” with Bambi. As they boogied back to back, Dave realizes that if he moves too quick Bambi is gonna end up on the floor. When he finally maneuvers to get away, Dave feels an arm come over his shoulder as Bambi tires to keep him on the dance floor. Dave does a spin move and catapults himself back to the safe haven of the stage (Glad to get back with his life intact).
Later during a break, Bambi helped herself to a microphone. At this point, Dave went up on stage and said enough is enough. Later Bambi would try to get a whole sentence out to explain that she want’s us to sing “Bappy Hirthday.” Later John witnesses as Bambi’s female traveling partner bites her tit on the dance floor. The owner explains that things were getting a little overheated in the parking lot.
The band has a blast, but without a sound check, they don’t sound as sharp as usual out front. Chucky works out the bugs, but the stage volume is too loud and again, the monitors are almost useless. Dave has an extremely hard time hearing his backup vocals. When he does hear them, they’re pretty rough. The band performs 3 new songs. These were My Maria, Daddy’s Money, and On a Good Night (show opener).
Saturday has the band moving the board to a new spot. In the process, the band’s sound clears up and it sounds awesome! The band turns down their stage volume, and the monitors are heard loud and clear. Unfortunately, it’s sweetest day, and the crowd is beyond shy. The band is treated to the pleasure of asking someone to turn off the jukebox. Dave tries to get a giggle by insinuating that Madonna has a venereal disease and that’s why she had a cesarean delivery of her child (he refrains from making a joke about finding missing super bowl rings). Unfortunately Ernie the DJ is short on CD’s and asks the band to play a little longer sets. Hmm... the band enters the lovely land of improvisation on stage. They pull off a version of Boot-Scootin' Boogie that must have lasted almost 10 minutes. Kevin was like a quarterback calling plays at the line of scrimmage. As he announces “Extended version” in the middle of Watermelon Crawl. The band pulls a few songs off the “Left-over” list, and realize why most of them are on the list in the first place (they suck). Dave accidentally cuts Ain’t nothin Wrong with the Radio in half as he puts the solo in the wrong place. However, in hindsight, this was probably a blessing.
The band can’t believe the dead quiet after each song. The band would hammer out the final chords of a song, end it with a thunderous crunch and then you would hear the chirping of crickets in the back corner of the bar.
Dave receives a job offer to join a band that is playing out 2 times a month. I think they were called Southern Exposure or something. Anyway, he takes the guy’s number just to be...