Secret Habit: Porn Recovery for Christian Men

Shawn Bonneteau | Porn Recovery Coach

This podcast is for Christian men tired of managing compulsive pornography use and wanting to understand what's keeping them stuck. Because quitting porn isn't just about changing behavior. It's about fulfilling your hungry heart and learning to lead yourself into God's truth. Hosted by Shawn Bonneteau, the show helps men move from confusion to clarity, coping to self-leadership, fear to confidence, and sobriety to real freedom. Shawn's wife Helena joins him from time to time to explore vulnerability, relationships, marriage, sexual wholeness in Christ, and lasting change

  1. 2d ago

    158. Should I Be Free From Porn Before Dating or Marriage?

    Should you be completely free from pornography before you start dating or consider marriage? It's a question I hear all the time from Christian men—and it's one Helena and I have had to live through personally. In this episode, Helena joins me for a very honest conversation about pornography, dating, marriage, honesty, trust, healing, and the hope of redemption. I brought pornography into my marriage. I wasn't fully free. And while our story has involved real pain, betrayal, secrecy, rebuilding trust, counseling, and a lot of hard work, God has also done something beautiful with our story. So is being completely free from porn a prerequisite for dating? Our answer is yes, you can date if you aren't fully free—but that doesn't mean you should take the decision lightly. You need to be honest. You need to be willing to heal. You need to be vulnerable. And you need to be prepared for the real consequences pornography can have on intimacy, trust, communication, and marriage. In this episode, we talk about: Whether you need to be completely free from pornography before datingWhen and how to disclose a pornography struggle in a dating relationshipWhy honesty can actually be a sign of integrityWhy another person cannot "fix" your pornography addictionHow marriage can expose the places where you're still woundedHow pornography can erode trust even when you're technically soberThe impact pornography had on our sex life and emotional intimacyWhy secrecy and lying can be more damaging than men realizeThe difference between sobriety and deeper healingWhy dating can become part of your healing story without becoming your solutionHow to approach women without putting them on a pedestal or reducing them to sexual objectsWhy Christian men need courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to let themselves be knownWe also share one of the most powerful pictures we've ever used to describe trust in marriage: The Garden. When someone enters marriage, they're being given access to a deeply personal part of another person's heart. Pornography doesn't simply break a rule. It can begin trampling the garden you've been entrusted with. But gardens can also be rebuilt. Trust can be restored. And God can redeem what has been damaged. Our marriage isn't a story of perfection. It's a story of two imperfect people who kept bringing their hearts, failures, and relationship back to the Lord. So if you're asking, "Am I allowed to date if I'm still struggling with porn?", this conversation is for you. You may not need to wait until you're perfect. But you do need to be willing to walk in honesty, courage, vulnerability, and healing. WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT'S REALLY DRIVING YOUR STRUGGLE? Take the free Secret Habit Clarity Quiz at: 👉 secrethabit.ca It takes about five minutes and can help you start understanding what's happening beneath your pornography struggle and what your Hungry Heart may actually be looking for. And when you're ready to take that clarity further, explore the Personal Recovery Plan Session at: 👉 secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan A one-on-one session to help you get clear on your story, your patterns, and what a recovery strategy could look like for you. Your past doesn't have to determine your future.

  2. 6d ago

    157. Trust God With Your Hungry Heart: What Porn Is Really Trying to Satisfy

    What would it actually look like to trust God with your whole heart? We've all heard Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding." But what if trusting God with your whole heart means more than believing the right things in your head? What if it means learning to trust Him in the very places of your heart where you still feel hungry? In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau explores the connection between trusting God, the Hungry Heart, pornography recovery, and learning to bring your deepest longings to Jesus. Every man's heart gets hungry. For comfort.Reassurance.Acceptance.Connection.Purpose.Belonging.To be known.To be wanted.To be respected.To have hope, peace, and joy. Those longings aren't the problem. The question is: Where are you looking to have them satisfied? Shawn explores how pornography, masturbation, food, technology, and other forms of escape can become attempts to answer a deeper hunger. And instead of simply asking, "How do I stop?", he challenges you to ask: "What is my heart actually hungry for?" From there, the episode gets very practical. You'll learn how to: Identify the areas of your heart where you're struggling to trust GodName the deeper hunger underneath temptationRecognize what you tend to do when that hunger goes unmetConnect your Heart Hunger to the promises of JesusStart praying more specifically instead of simply asking God to "help"Recognize why pornography can become a response to an empty or starving heartBegin moving from an empty heart toward godly and healthy ways of being filledUse your struggles as information rather than simply something to eliminateOne of the biggest ideas in this episode is that your heart getting hungry doesn't mean you're broken. Just like your stomach gets hungry, your heart has legitimate longings. The question is whether you've learned how to recognize those hunger pangs before your heart becomes starving. And ultimately, Jesus doesn't simply tell us to stop being hungry. He offers Himself as the Bread of Life. So what would it look like for you to trust God with your hungry heart? And what might change in your recovery if you stopped trying to simply eliminate pornography and started learning what your heart is actually asking for? Take the free Secret Habit Clarity Quiz at: 👉 secrethabit.ca/quiz It takes about five minutes and can help you begin identifying what your heart may be crying out for beneath your struggle. And when you're ready to take that clarity further, visit: 👉 secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan The Personal Recovery Plan Session is where we take that understanding and begin building a tailored strategy around your story, your Heart Hunger, and your next steps. Want to understand your own Heart Hunger?

  3. Sep 4

    156. Sobriety Isn't Enough: Emotional Maturity & Porn Recovery | Dr. Eddie Capparucci

    What happens after you get sober? For many men, this is where recovery gets surprisingly interesting. You can stop watching pornography. Learn your patterns. Read the books. Attend groups. Get accountability. And yet, You can still struggle to handle your emotions. You can become defensive when your wife is hurting. You can withdraw when conflict gets uncomfortable. You can repeat the same relational patterns in a new relationship. According to Dr. Eddie Capparucci, sobriety is only part of the recovery equation. Eddie is a PhD, licensed counselor, author, and leading voice in Christian inner child work. He has spent years helping men understand the deeper roots of their behaviors and develop the emotional maturity needed to actually live differently. In this conversation, we go beyond "how do I stop watching porn?" We explore what it means to become an emotionally healthy man. And Eddie gives us a practical framework: THE THREE FOUNDATIONS OF REAL CHANGE 1. Emotional Regulation You can have all the right information and still be unable to implement it when you're overwhelmed. Eddie teaches men to practice emotional regulation 3–5 times a day for about five minutes, learning their window of tolerance and becoming more capable of staying present when life gets uncomfortable. 2. Awareness Dysregulation doesn't only look like anger. Boredom. Fear. Weakness. Overwhelm. Withdrawal. Eddie teaches men to slow down and ask: "What are my mind, body, and emotions telling me?" That awareness helps you catch what's happening before it builds. 3. Understanding Why This is where Eddie's inner child model becomes practical. Identify the child or emotional pattern that gets activated. Identify the core emotional triggers. Then use his "What I Feel vs. What Is Real" process to challenge assumptions, fears, and internal lies. The goal isn't just understanding your past. It's understanding why you think, feel, and do what you do today so you can respond differently. And here's the powerful part: Insight without regulation isn't enough. That's why Eddie brings these three areas together: Awareness + Emotional Regulation + Understanding Why. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: Why sobriety doesn't automatically create emotional maturity Eddie's practical 5-minute regulation exercise How to discover your window of tolerance How awareness can prevent emotional build-up How inner child work explains emotional and sexual patterns How to identify your core emotional triggers The "What I Feel vs. What Is Real" process Why emotional maturity affects marriage, conflict, attraction, and relationships Why real recovery means learning to live differently, not simply maintaining a longer streak One of my favorite moments is when Eddie talks about his own imperfect moment with his wife. He doesn't pretend maturity means never responding poorly. It means catching yourself, taking responsibility, repairing quickly, and choosing differently next time. Not perfection. Maturity. Not simply avoiding pornography. Learning to lead yourself well. CONNECT WITH DR. EDDIE CAPPARUCCI Eddie offers counseling, inner child training, emotional maturity workshops, and practical resources. abundantlifecounselingga.com You can also email Eddie directly: innerchildmodel@gmail.com One thing I really appreciate about Eddie is that he personally responds to the people who reach out to him. Understanding the framework is one thing. Understanding your story is another. READY TO GET CLEAR ON YOUR OWN RECOVERY? That's why I created the Personal Recovery Plan, a one-on-one session to help you understand what's beneath your struggle and build a recovery strategy around your patterns, inner world, Heart Hunger, and season of life. 👉 Book your Personal Recovery Plan Session:secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan Not ready yet? Take the free Secret Habit Clarity Quiz to begin getting clear on what's really driving your struggle. 👉 secrethabit.ca/quiz Clarity changes everything.

  4. Aug 31

    155. How to Stay Consistent in Porn Recovery: Clarity Before Strategy

    Why is consistency so difficult in pornography recovery? You know what you should do. You've probably tried motivation, accountability, filters, Bible reading, avoiding triggers, and promising yourself that this time will be different. But then something happens. You get tired. Stressed. Lonely. Discouraged. Angry. Overwhelmed. And suddenly the strategy you were so confident about doesn't seem to work anymore. In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau explains why consistency in porn recovery isn't created by getting more motivated or hyped up. It starts with clarity. After years of coaching Christian men, Shawn has become convinced that many men aren't failing because they aren't working hard enough. They're trying to solve the wrong problem. The deeper question isn't simply: ‘How do I stop watching porn?’ It's What's happening in my heart that may be contributing to this behavior?’ Shawn uses Proverbs 4:23 to explore the connection between the heart and everything that flows from it, and explains how understanding your thoughts, emotions, formative experiences, and Heart Hunger can change the way you approach recovery. In this episode, you'll learn: Why motivation alone doesn't create lasting consistencyWhy men often try to solve the wrong problemHow clarity creates confidence and consistencyWhat Proverbs 4:23 teaches us about the heartHow your heart can reveal what's driving your behaviorWhy pornography can sometimes point to deeper patterns worth understandingHow your emotions and thoughts provide important recovery dataWhy understanding your Heart Hunger changes your strategyHow to stop "throwing mud against the wall" and hoping something worksWhy a clear strategy is more powerful than another burst of motivationThe goal isn't to become more disciplined at fighting pornography. It's to become clear enough to know what you're actually fighting, and strategic enough to know what to do about it. Because when you understand the real problem, you can finally build the right solution. Want to understand what's really driving your struggle? Take the free Secret Habit Clarity Quiz at: 👉 secrethabit.ca/quiz It will help you begin identifying your Heart Hunger and the deeper patterns underneath your struggle. Disclaimer: Secret Habit provides coaching and educational content, not psychotherapy, psychological counselling, medical care, or mental-health treatment. Our content is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional care. Results are not guaranteed.

  5. Aug 28

    154. Why a Godly Purpose Matters & Porn Recovery: The Burn and The Gift

    What if one of the missing pieces in your pornography recovery isn't another tool, another filter, or another strategy? What if you need a deeper reason to live? In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau explores purpose, pornography recovery, the Hungry Heart, and the God-given gifts that make each of us uniquely equipped to live a meaningful life. After years of coaching Christian men, Shawn has seen how easily men can drift when they don't have a clear sense of purpose. When life feels monotonous, empty, or directionless, pornography can become an easy way to escape reality rather than engage with it. That's where the idea of The Burn & The Gift comes in. Your burn is what you care deeply about: the injustice, problem, or brokenness that you can't seem to stop thinking about. Your gift is what God has uniquely equipped you to bring to that problem. And when you begin connecting the two, something changes. You begin to see a reason to get up in the morning. A reason to endure hard things. A reason to live with conviction and purpose instead of constantly escaping. In this episode, you'll learn: Why purpose matters so much in pornography recoveryHow a lack of purpose can leave men vulnerable to drifting and escapeWhat Shawn means by your "burn"How to identify the injustices and problems that deeply move youHow to recognize your God-given giftsWhy your purpose is bigger than simply choosing a career or jobHow your gifts can be used to fight the things you burn forWhy discovering purpose can help you live a more colorful, meaningful lifeHow purpose connects to the Hungry HeartWhy lasting freedom is about becoming a mature man, not simply quitting pornography The goal isn't simply to find something impressive to do. It's to discover how God made you, what He has put on your heart, and how you can faithfully use what He's given you. Because when a man has something worth living for, reality becomes more compelling than escape. And that's a very different vision of porn recovery. Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz to begin discovering what your heart may actually be hungry for — including deeper needs around purpose, reassurance, connection, comfort, belonging, and more. 👉 secrethabit.ca/quiz The goal isn't just to understand yourself. It's to become clear enough to know where to focus your efforts. Want to understand your Hungry Heart? Disclaimer: Secret Habit provides coaching and educational content, not psychotherapy, psychological counselling, medical care, or mental-health treatment. Our content is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional care. Results are not guaranteed.

  6. Aug 24

    153. The Hidden Spiritual Battle Behind Porn Recovery

    What if part of the reason your recovery feels harder than it should isn't just habit or willpower, but the spiritual battle surrounding your deepest vulnerabilities? Shawn Bonneteau shares a raw wake-up call from his own season in the Czech Republic and breaks down how the enemy looks for the exact places where your heart feels hungry, unseen, bitter, anxious, or vulnerable. Shawn unpacks why he believes spiritual warfare is often missed in Christian recovery, especially for men fighting pornography, shame, loneliness, conflict, and self-reliance. He also shares two powerful coaching stories, including a man who shifted from passivity to real fatherhood and another who moved from mental wrestling to surprising peace after a warfare prayer that addressed lies, vows, fears, and what he understood as spiritual “open doors" You’ll discover: How to think about the difference between everyday struggle and spiritual attackWhy the enemy often targets “voids” like comfort, hope, reassurance, and peaceThe surprising reason inactivity can be part of the attackHow the armor of God becomes a prevention, protection, and victory planWhy truth, righteousness, peace, faith, salvation, and Scripture are not abstractions but daily weaponsHow Christians can think about biblical ideas like footholds, “open doors,” and spiritual vulnerability Shawn also reframes Ephesians 6 in a way that makes the armor of God feel practical and urgent, using vivid examples like brushing your teeth before there is pain and standing firm when the battle is already in motion. If you’ve ever wondered why the same patterns keep resurfacing, or why certain emotions seem to trigger old cycles, this episode will help you see the bigger battle with fresh clarity. If you want to look beyond short-term sobriety, this episode offers a broader Christian perspective on recovery. This is for Christian men, husbands, fathers, and anyone in recovery who is ready to move from confusion to clarity, fear to confidence, and fragile self-reliance to lasting freedom in Christ. Ready to get clear, confident and free? Book your Personal Recovery Plan Session, where Shawn will spend 60 minutes helping you clarify what's keeping you stuck and build a personalized recovery strategy based on your story, patterns, and Heart Hunger. secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan -- Host: Shawn Bonneteau, coach and founder of Secret Habit, helping Christian men quit pornography and become men of integrity, maturity, and freedom. Disclaimer: Secret Habit provides coaching and educational content, not psychotherapy, psychological counselling, medical care, or mental-health treatment. Our content is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional care. Results are not guaranteed.

  7. Aug 21

    152. I Have Tried Everything To Quit Porn. Now What? | Nick Stumbo, Pure Desire

    What if the reason you haven't found lasting freedom from pornography isn't because you haven't tried hard enough, but because you've been trying to recover without the right plan? In this powerful conversation, Shawn sits down with Nick Stumbo, Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries, to talk honestly about pornography recovery, sexual integrity, shame, community, healing, and what it actually takes to build a life of lasting freedom. Ultimately the conversation focuses on this idea of how to prevent a relapse from porn. Nick knows this journey personally. After struggling with pornography himself, Nick experienced the transforming power of counseling, community, and a structured recovery process. His story eventually led him into ministry with Pure Desire, where he now helps equip churches, leaders, men, and women to walk through sexual brokenness toward hope, healing, and freedom. And this conversation goes far beyond simply telling men to "try harder." Nick explains why having good recovery tools matters, but why tools alone aren't the plan. Tools become powerful when they're placed inside a larger framework of community, honesty, self-awareness, and intentional action. You'll hear Nick talk about: Why trying harder often isn't enough for porn recoveryWhy so many men remain trapped in shame and isolationThe role of community in lasting sexual integrityWhy recovery needs to become a way of life, not simply a longer streak of sobrietyHow to recognize the patterns that lead toward relapseThe importance of having a clear recovery planNick's three-part approach to recovery: healthy living, an escape plan, and a plan for what happens after relapseWhy counseling and groups can work together so powerfullyHow churches can become places of healing rather than shameWhat Nick has learned through his own journey of recovery and sixteen years with Pure DesireWhy there is still hope if you've tried everything and nothing seems to workOne of the most powerful moments comes when Nick reframes the idea of "I've tried everything." Maybe you haven't tried everything. Maybe you've tried everything alone. If you've been struggling with pornography, sexual temptation, unwanted sexual behaviors, or repeated relapse, this conversation will give you a bigger picture of what recovery can actually look like. You don't have to white-knuckle your way through this. You can learn a new way of life. And you don't have to do it alone. Ready to create your own Personal Recovery Plan? If you're tired of guessing about what to do next and want to build a recovery strategy around your story, your patterns, and your unique struggles, visit secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan We'll sit down together, make sense of what's really going on, and create a clear plan for moving forward. Connect with Nick & Pure Desire Learn more about Nick's work, Pure Desire's resources, groups, books, and training at Pure Desire Ministries. Puredesire.org About Nick Stumbo Nick Stumbo is the Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries and a third-generation pastor. After confronting his own pornography addiction in 2010, Nick and his wife, Michelle, found hope and healing through Pure Desire's counseling and group ministries. Since then, Nick has dedicated his life to helping the Church become a place of healing and freedom. He is the author or co-author of Setting Us Free, Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame, and Hope, Healing and Freedom: A Pathway Beyond Pornography and Betrayal. He is also a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP). Nick and Michelle live in Nashville, Tennessee, with their four children. Disclaimer: Secret Habit provides coaching and educational content, not psychotherapy, psychological counselling, medical care, or mental-health treatment. Our content is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional care. Results are not guaranteed.

  8. Aug 17

    151. How Your Past Can Shape Your Porn Patterns

    Many guys struggle with the idea that they have trauma. I get it. It's hard to admit that our parents made mistakes and hurt us. This is why I want to give you a new framework. A new approach. A new perspective One that does not dismiss the pain or challenges you went through. But keeps the focus on what really matters most for your porn recovery today - the heart In this episode, Shawn will unpack Why trauma can be a difficult concept for guys in recoveryHow understanding your wounds can help you recognize the deeper patterns connected to your pornography useHow suppression can shape the way you carry pain and respond to difficult experiencesKeeping the focus on what you still carry today, rather than just events from your childhoodInner Child work and how understanding your younger self can bring greater clarity to your patterns today 👉 Ready to build your own Personal Recovery Plan? If you're ready to stop guessing and uncover what's really driving your struggle, I'd love to help. During a Personal Recovery Plan Session, we'll explore the experiences, patterns, and Heart Hunger shaping your story and build a personalized recovery strategy with clarity and confidence. Book your Personal Recovery Plan:https://secrethabit.ca/call Want to go deeper? Contact Shawn to learn more about his 1:1 coaching model, curriculum, and workbook. https://secrethabit.ca/contact/ -- New episodes drop Mondays and Friday Please share, rate and review the show Disclaimer: Secret Habit provides coaching and educational content, not psychotherapy, psychological counselling, medical care, or mental-health treatment. Our content is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional care. Results are not guaranteed.

4.9
out of 5
44 Ratings

About

This podcast is for Christian men tired of managing compulsive pornography use and wanting to understand what's keeping them stuck. Because quitting porn isn't just about changing behavior. It's about fulfilling your hungry heart and learning to lead yourself into God's truth. Hosted by Shawn Bonneteau, the show helps men move from confusion to clarity, coping to self-leadership, fear to confidence, and sobriety to real freedom. Shawn's wife Helena joins him from time to time to explore vulnerability, relationships, marriage, sexual wholeness in Christ, and lasting change

You Might Also Like