Silicon Valley Parenting, with Sarah Lai Stirland Sarah Lai Stirland

In this episode, I talk to Julie Lythcott-Haims, the author of "How to Raise An Adult."

Lythcott-Haims talks to us about "existential impotence;" the need to let our kids experience failure; how to think about and navigate the college admittance process; and her own journey as a parent. It's a powerful and informative chat. Download it now!

Julie Lythcott-Haims' Web site: https://www.julielythcotthaims.com/; TED Talk https://www.ted.com/talks/julie_lythcott_haims_how_to_raise_successful_kids_without_over_parenting/reading-list?c=117564

Books and Resources Mentioned: 

How To raise An Adult: https://tinyurl.com/y45tdoga

Gist: https://tinyurl.com/y3p6jmvr

The Gardener and the Carpenter: https://tinyurl.com/y3vg58w6

Colleges That Change Lives: https://ctcl.org/

Turning the Tide: https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/turning-the-tide-2-parents-high-schools-college-admissions

The Alumni Factor: https://www.alumnifactor.com/

Fisk Guide to Colleges: https://www.amazon.com/Fiske-Guide-Colleges-2019-Edward/dp/1492662097


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In his quest to understand the realities behind the modern higher education industrial complex, author Paul Tough spent six years traveling across 21 states visiting college campuses, corporate officers, labs and people's homes and schools. He talked to high school students in various socioeconomic strata, test prep business people, college admissions officers, economists, education reformers and professors.

Tough's new book "The years that matter most: How college makes or breaks us" contains eye-opening stories about incredible students and their achievements, as well as the stories of students who struggle once they get into elite colleges. But his book also examines the disturbing findings of Harvard economist Raj Chetty, who among other things found that "rich" and "poor" kids generally attend different colleges in the United States.  

It's a deep behind-the-scenes investigation into the nature of social mobility, or the lack thereof, in 21st century America, and what we can and should do to fix the broken system. In the process of showing us why these developments are manifesting themselves, Tough also reveals the details of what’s really driving the higher education testing and admissions systems.

Paul Tough's web site: https://www.paultough.com/

New York Times Magazine article: What College Admissions Officers Really Want: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/09/10/magazine/college-admissions-paul-tough.html

More on colleges and social mobility here: http://www.equality-of-opportunity.org/college/; https://www.nber.org/papers/w23618; https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/01/18/upshot/some-colleges-have-more-students-from-the-top-1-percent-than-the-bottom-60.html  

The College Board's response to Tough's book is here: https://pages.collegeboard.org/paul-tough


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In her new book "The Good News About Bad Behavior," author and journalist Katherine Reynolds Lewis argues that we need to be better investigators and communicators within our own families in order to understand how to prevent conflicts.

Among other things, we discuss the essential elements of connecting with your kids in a healthy way, why building consensus-driven routines and rules is important, social media use (and overuse) -- and why you should consider apologizing to your kids for bossing them around (yes, really!) 

If you're tired of confrontations and power struggles with your toddler or teen, you need to tune in to this podcast and/or to explore Katherine's book: https://amzn.to/2tz0GlH

PEP and the parenting classes Katherine took, and then also taught, are online here: http://pepparent.org/

More information about the other book/study I mention about life and the economic anxieties associated with it in Silicon Valley is here: http://www.mariannecooper.com

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