Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting Shawna Scafe, Professional Counsellor

A major hurdle that many of us moms to rest is the underlying belief that we need to 'earn our rest'. In this episode, Professional Counsellor and mom of three unpacks how this belief impacts our abilities to rest well, our relationships and our coping habits. 



 



 



This episode is in follow-up to Episode 194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom 



In this episode, we discuss topics such as:



* relaxation vs pseudo-rest, burnout

* opportunity costs, and how we insert ourselves into the equation



* 188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (how online communities impact your motherhood experience)

* 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood





* the cultural views on motherhood, being lazy, and earning rest

* how we apply the logic of 'earning rest', seeking external validation, martyrdom



* 67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)

* 192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation)





* the escape hatch, dealing with our feelings



* 185. Emotional needs in motherhood (what they are and how to meet them)

* 142. What will change cost you? (Paying the status quo or investing in change)

* Show up for your life





* getting the cycle backwards between rest and hard work



* the Instagram post you all loved about rest





* the cycle of hyper-productivity then crashing

* meeting your needs



* the series is right here 







Join the Simple Saturdays newsletter right here 



 







FULL TRANSCRIPT



0:00

Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple and purpose podcast.



0:17

So if you're new here, welcome. I am Shawna, I am a mom of three kids in Canada, I am a counselor. And my aim is to equip you with tools and ideas and insights that help you live more simply and more intentionally, in all the areas of your life.



0:31

Do you ever find yourself trying to rest or relax and get this nagging voice telling you that you are being lazy? As moms, this can be a nightly experience, when we finally get the kids down and would like to unwind. Instead, our R&R gets hijacked by this notion that if we aren't doing chores, hobbies, exercise, etc then we are being lazy.  But, odds are you are NOT a lazy mom, rather you are overwhelmed. 



 



 



In this episode we cover some of these topics (and related links you might like):



* The original blog post When I realized I wasn’t a lazy mom, I was just overwhelmed

* Naming our experience



* The power of naming our emotions (how affect labelling can improve your emotional intelligence)





* Societal expectations on moms



* 188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (how online communities impact your motherhood experience)





* Self-definition (limiting identities)



* 76. Why it matters what you think (limiting mindsets in motherhood)





* Three ways we are exhausted during the day



* Physical exhaustion

* Emotional exhaustion, mirror neurons, our kids' emotions



* 117. Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type)

* 119. Tolerating tough emotions in our kids (and ourselves)

* 113. Why you aren’t thriving in motherhood (stress and surviving)





* Mental exhaustion, mental load, decision fatigue



* 144. How to lighten the mental load of DECISION FATIGUE









* The counter-argument of 'just be more organized'



* 11 Things That Make My MomLife Simpler

* 133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better





* How do we handle this voice telling us that we are lazy



* Window of tolerance



* understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood





* a title="153. How to move from ambivalent to ambitious (making change takes more than just willpower)" href="http...

Words are incredibly powerful, they can communicate exactly what you are thinking, feeling, wanting, needing, in sometimes as little as a single sentence. But that only works when we understand ourselves and have the vocabulary necessary to name our lives. Join me today as I talk about nine beautiful words from other cultures that capture the heart of simple and intentional living and discuss how they can influence your life.



 



 



Naming our experience 



* The power of naming our emotions (how affect labelling can improve your emotional intelligence)

* 117. Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type)

* The Facebook Community Group 



Hygge



* Hygge vs Minimalism

* Three ways to bring hygge into your daily life

* 174. Christmas hygge ideas + understanding how the window of tolerance impacts your stress in motherhood

* 30 Ways to Hygge When It Is Cold Outside

*  



Lagom



* 164. How I am finding balance in my life this year

* 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to apply this in motherhood



 



Sisu



* 11. The Finnish Way (sisu) + Do we need so much pantry space?

* 49. Facing change and uncertainty with a growth mindset

* 139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?

* 15 Practical Tips for Moms to GET STUFF DONE



 



Kaizen



* 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect)b...

We live in an audience-performer culture it is hard to know which decisions we are making for ourselves and which ones we are making for others. What you buy differently, how would you spend your time differently, how would you be differently without feeling like the world is watching?



 



 

In this episode:



* The song that started it all: "Who Are You When I'm Not Looking" by Blake Shelton 

* How hard it can be to 'play' as an adult



* 126. The Joy of Being Mediocre (hobby without the hustle)

* Doing things for an outcome





* Fashion, identity, and societal influences 



* Simple style posts (capsule wardrobes, 30for30 challenge, dressing your age)

* Spending habits





* The Audience-Performer culture of social media 



* Influencers in the wild (article on it here)

* What is sacred vs what is for sharing online

* Our lives as content, for external validation and approval 





* Being part of society, while also being ourselves



* 188. Motherhood & Instagram Culture (How Online Communities Impact Your Motherhood Experience)

* Being valuable and fitting in





* Learning self-definition through the reflection of others



* Moving from external validation to internal validation  

* 134. Do you typecast your kids? (Labels + how they impact our parenting and our kids)





* Women and beauty standards of our culture 



* What does it mean to be a woman when no one is looking?





* Making decisions that are true to you and your passions and preferences, how to get started in small ways



* Validating the little things for yourself 







 

Connect!



* Make sure to share your thoughts and questions in the Simple on Purpose community facebook group!

* What would you like to hear about when it comes to the topic of Simple Living?

* Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)



 







 

Full transcript (unedited)

0:10

Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simpler purpose podcast. Around here we talk about ways to simplify your home, your heart and your life. So my aim is to help us all slow down, quiet the noise,

When we think about the motivation we have to take action, we can sometimes take action that is more passive. The type of action that feels productive but doesn't quite move us in a forward direction. This concept from Brooke Castillo contrasts passive action and massive action. 



 



In this episode, I discuss topics such as:



* How simplifying the home leads to an aim for intentional living

* living intentionally and overcoming complacency

* self-motivation and limiting beliefs

* the concept of passive action vs massive action

* the discomfort of taking action



The upcoming workshop on motivation can be found right here at the Life on Purpose Academy 



Related episodes you might like



* 140. Give your discomfort a purpose #uncomfortableonpurpose

* 139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you?

* 175. What will your future be? More of the same? Or will you turn off the autopilot?

* Two Months In To The #onesmallhabit Challenge



Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)







 

Full Transcript (unedited)

0:11

Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy Brooklyn counselor from simple americans.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. If you're new here, welcome. I'm Shawna, I'm a mom of three. And the whole aim of this podcast is to just be a time for us to take a minute, slow down. Take a breath. I know sometimes I just hear that word breath. And it reminds me to take a breath. And my aim is to help you to stop and take stock of what feels like too much. What maybe it feels like not enough. Where are we on autopilot? What is distracting us? And most importantly, what do we want? What do you want? And I aim to help you move forward with all of these questions, I aim to help you simplify and it might start with decluttering, your home, a drawer or a closet. And we're quickly going to see as I did that, decluttering it helps us to declutter ourselves, if decluttering our space helps us to declutter ourselves. And as we do that, we're also inspired to declutter our lives. And so I often say, I'm here to help you simplify your home, your heart and your life. But all of that clearing that space so that we can fill it with something different so that we can fill our homes, ourselves, our hearts, our lives, our days, with what matters to us. And that's the life on purpose part. So I'm just want to acknowledge that this recording is different. I'm in a hotel right now. And right before I was leaving, yesterday morning, I was searching that was everywhere for this special little adapter that I needed. So I could plug in my microphone, my usual microphone to the computer that I was bringing the laptop. I couldn't find it anywhere. It's such a mystery to me where it has gone. So when I do finally find is going to be somewhere probably ridiculous. Like a kid's duffel bag in the basement or an old like,

This is part two of a two-part series about planning your day. If you haven't listened to part one (episode 189), I highly recommend you do so and then come right back to listen to this one. Join me as I guide you through a typical day in my life as a work-from-home mom. I discuss how I use time-blocking, rhythms and answer your questions .







 

In this episode I discuss: 



My typical weekday 



My weekly rhythms for work, home and family

Time-blocking 





How the changing seasons also change my days



Family life, priorities and routines





Answering some questions I’ve been asked about planning my days



Exercise, laundry, meal prep, groceries, planning the week

Derailed plans 







 

All the fun links you might enjoy 



Family rhythms (setting your own, and worksheets) Family Rhythms + free worksheet

Planning the week with your partner What happened in my marriage when we started weekly calendar meetings

Exercise for wellbeing 184. Movement as self-care (exercise for wellbeing, not weight loss)

Establishing a chore routine 61. How we introduced chores to our kids (Saturday Morning Chores)

Creating your own simple cleaning routines Homemaker, on Purpose (the guidebook)

Working on your sense of capability 115. A Controlling mom, or a capable mom?

170. Planning the Day (reactive vs proactive, tools and approaches I use)

129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it.



 



Sign up for the the Simple Saturdays email (a fun email, twice a month)



 

Upcoming workshops and coaching:



The Oct 13 group coaching session



The Oct 27 workshop on motivation





Full transcript (with timestamps)

0:00

Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple and purpose podcast.



0:16

This episode is part two, actually. So I would encourage you to go back to the previous episode and listen to that first. These episodes are on planning my day planning my week and the first episode I talked about applying that concept of if everything matters, nothing matters. And I think that's just really a good foundation to have in the back of your mind when you're thinking about filling your day, and how you're going to fill your day. So I encourage you to go back and listen to that.



0:42

Let's talk about my typical day, which is a question you guys have asked me. I kind of like hearing on other people's days, I don't know, I they used to do that Instagram challenge, like a day in the life or I forget what it's called, like one hour every? I don't know. Anyways, I thought it was really interesting. I like to peek in on how other people were spending their time. So I'm going to talk about my day and then answer a bunch of que...