Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting Shawna Scafe, Professional Counsellor

Our relationship to 'enough' can show up in all the areas of our life. Whether we struggle with discomfort, self-worth, setting limits, or offering ourselves more - we all can consider how the concept of 'enough' and 'sufficient' can play out in our minds, hearts and lives. 





Key topics in this episode, and related links for more information



*

Enough exercise for this season



* TRX videos in my workout playlist of videos I used and loved





*

Setting boundaries with our phone



* Intentional phone habits (episode and worksheets)





*

Having a constant need for comfort



* Type 9, How the enneagram changed my life





*

Times of parenting that are so difficult and what 'enough' looks like in those seasons



* Difficult parenting





*

Asking what is 'enough' when decluttering



* Can A Minimalist Have a Full Kitchen?

* Til We Have Just Enough Stuff





*

Struggling with moderation and knowing what is too much and what is too little 



*

Hurdles for women really knowing what is enough, for themselves.



*

Relying on external sources to compensate our 'not-enoughness'



* 186. Doing life with less (summer challenge)

* 192. Who are you when I’m not looking (internal vs external validation)





*

Having a mindset of 'not enough' 



* 40. Does the ‘not-enough’ mindset show up in your momlife? (Scarcity/Abundance)

* You Can Simplify Your Life Series





*

Looking at this through a faith lens  



* the BEMA episode on Genesis, Creation, Enough







 

Questions mentioned in this episode that you can use for reflection and journalling: 



* What relationship do I have with the terms 'enough' and 'sufficient'?

* How skilled to I feel at gauging 'enough' for myself?

* Where does scarcity show up for me?

* Where do I struggle to feel like I am doing enough/am enough/have enouhg?

* How has being online made me feel like there is something about me or my life that isn’t enough?

* What does the world around me, seasons and nature, teach me about 'enough'?

* Where do I feel like I have too much in my life?

* Where do I feel like I have too little in my life?

The most common question I get is "how do you balance motherhood, life and work?". We are all seeking to have more balance in our daily lives and make sure we get everything done.  In this episode, I share my struggles with having a toddler and baby and looking for balance in my life. I share the common themes I hear from clients on the topic of balance. And I want to offer you different ways to define balance for yourself. 





Main topics covered in this episode (and all the related links you might like):

The Life on Purpose Community is open on Patreon



* Listen to a quick episode about what Patreon is and what to expect from the community

* Join the community here

* This month we are covering the topics of balance and moderation



How our culture influences our definition of balance, and the societal expectations on moms, working moms and women in general

How do you define balance? What has your culture told you about what balance looks like for a working mom?



How does the workplace support working moms, working families? 



* 203. Being a mom who enjoys her life

* The Meeting Your Needs Series

* 188. Motherhood & Social Media (how online communities impact your motherhood experience)

* 194. I stopped calling myself a lazy mom (addressing the overwhelm of motherhood)

* Hurdles to being a mom who has dreams and hobbies

* 126. The Joy of Being Mediocre (hobby without the hustle)



 

Both my personal experiences and working with moms tell me that we think others are finding balance but we aren't

We get the sense that others have found balance and ease in their life, we don't see their struggles or inner critics. 



* 145. You aren’t alone mama, I go through that too

* What I Learned While Searching for Balance in Motherhood

* 201. Overcoming negative self-talk and to moving towards positive self-talk



 

Reframing the definition of balance can bring a lot of freedom to a mom who is struggling to make vague or unattainable standards of balance in their life



* 189. Prioritizing the day: if everything matters nothing matters and how to appl...

There are seasons in life where we feel like we have lost ourselves, especially in motherhood. We might feel stuck and like we aren't enjoying our lives. I want to talk to how we can move 'away from pain' or 'towards pleasure',  and some simple ways we can bring delight and passion into our daily lives. 





In this episode, Shawna Scafe, Professional Counsellor and Coach speaks on:



* The language we use to talk about passionate living, desire, enjoying life, pleasure and callings



* What I have learned about 'callings' and dreams





* Times in life we feel stuck and how that can lead to lowered motivation



* Making decisions from a place of stress





* Two types of motivation: towards and away



* 177. Understanding what is motivating you (chasing vs avoiding)

* 201. Overcoming negative self-talk and to moving towards positive self-talk

* Book - Pure Pleasure: Why do Christians feel so bad about feeling good? 





* The way our culture, upbringing and our own assumptions impact how we enjoy our life

* The discomfort we might feel with giving ourselves permission to enjoy our lives, especially as moms and the guilt that comes up

* The way martyrdom holds us back from enjoying our life



* 67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr)

* 138. Is momlife UNFUN? How to be a more FUN MOM, stop withholding fun from yourself





* Start with simple things 



* Show up for yourself in small ways

* Listening to yourself 

* Ideas on ways to delight in your life today







 

The Life on Purpose Community 

In this episode, I talk about the upcoming post I will be sharing in the Patreon on the topic of How to Not Lose Yourself in Motherhood.



* If you would like access to this bonus content and join the Patreon community, head on over to Life on Purpose Community and join us there. 







Full Transcript (unedited)



0:06

All right, this is Take three. Hey, friends. It's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and counselor from simple on purpose.ca. Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. See, that was easy. I don't know why it takes me so long to do that sometimes.



All right, so we're getting ready here in BC. For spring break, we're gonna have spring break with the kids home for two weeks. And I think we're all excited about it, it felt like life has been really busy with extracurricular activities, hockey, all of that stuff in so we're just going to hang out with family. Hopefully conor and I will get a night away, the kids will visit their grandparents just hang out around the house, I have the idea of making everyone watch the Harry Potter movies with me and going on family walks. But my kids have different ideas.

I am going to stop spreading myself thin across the internet, and I am launching a member community in Patreon called the Life on Purpose Community. I chose this name because I want one of the overall goals of this community to be nurturing YOUR life on purpose. I want to encourage you to have passion in your life and enjoy your life. 



 





 





 

In this episode I run through 



* What is a patreon?

* Building community and where those efforts are best spent

* The limits on public content vs private content

* Creating a space where content can be more unfiltered

* Being a content creator and having to decide where to spend your efforts

* Why I chose the name Life on Purpose Community 

* What exactly to expect in the Patreon



If you are interested in the Patreon, learn more about it here. 



 



 

Full transcript (unedited)

0:08

Hey friends it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend a counselor from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose Podcast. Today is just a quick episode where I want to come in and share with you about something that I Low-key mentioned the last episode and that is the life on purpose community Patreon. So I mentioned it in Episode 201 that I was having a follow up episode to that podcast in the Patreon and I realized I know it's not something I shared officially about. So here we are, we're gonna do that right now. First of all, a question I get often is what is a Patreon? Patreon is a term for the app or the website. It's the program the program that is used to host a private members only community and many podcasters will talk about their Patreon. And often their Patreon is a place where you get extra podcast episodes that are private. So members in the Patreon can take a special URL from their Patreon group, add it to their podcast player and you can listen to the private Patreon episodes in whatever podcast player you use iTunes overcast Google podcasts. So Patreon is that platform. If you subscribe to someone's Patreon, then you can view everything they share in the community, you can comment on things, you can watch any special videos that they have shared, any special trainings, downloads, you can be part of the chat there, get the private episodes, whatever they have in their Patreon community. So that's what Patreon is, I am part of a couple of Patreon I, especially for their private podcast episodes. That's something that I was drawn to for these specific podcasts I wanted the deeper content that they had. And I take that podcast URL, I put it in my apple podcasts. And I get those private podcast episodes in my normal podcast player. It's great. As I'm talking about this, I think the first thing I want to talk about is community because to me, that's why I'm here. Back in 2020, I was running the life on purpose Academy, it was a member community, it was a coaching community, I had monthly lessons and weekly coaching calls, it was a higher price point. And every week, many of the same women depending on who could make the call, they would come onto this call, they would share their struggles, their issues, their questions, they would share support with each other in the chat. And it was one of my favorite things that I have done. It was warm and intimate. And there was so much growth that happened there.



2:48

At the end of that year of running that community, I did close the program for one, the workload had become a bit unmanageable with the way I had set it up. And I was also heading back to school. However, since then, I knew I just kept coming back into my mind that I wanted to...

Negative self-talk can our work-life balance or ability to manage parenting challenges. In this episode, Shawna Scafe, Counsellor and Coach, discusses how to identify common cognitive distortions and challenge them to help rewire your self-talk to be more empowering and motivating. 



 



 



This episode is a follow-up to the introduction on Cognitive Distortion (Episode 199). Listeners sent in examples of situations in their day where they struggle with positive self-talk. In each example, I point out what cognitive distortion might be at play and offer some questions to open up awareness of other ways to talk to yourself. 

Topics and related links covered in this episode



* normalizing the struggle with self-talk

* how negative self talk impacts us, vs how positive self-talk impacts us

* three things to know about how our brain works when it comes to negative self-talk

* using CBT to reframe self-talk (and cautions about using it as an emotional bypass)



* 156. 3 things to know about feeling negative emotions





* Scenarios covered in this episode:



* The inability to feel good enough at work or at home - the inability to properly balance either to the point of feeling like you could possibly be proficient in both.



* Window of tolerance mentioned, you can hear more about it in the Meeting Your Needs series





* When you have many littles, don’t get enough sleep often and are sleepy grumpy during the day and can’t seem to shake it!



* 74. Show up for momlife with these empowering mindsets

* 73. How to deal with the emotional struggles of being a mom of babies and toddlers

* 162. Think the best of me, or not. Allowing the hard and awesome in ourselves and in our lives.





* When you work so hard to get everything done, just to start over again. And when you’re feeling annoyed at your family



* Byron Katie

* Hunt, Gather, Parent 











 

Joining the NEW Patreon, the Life on Purpose Community!





* The scenarios covered in the follow-up Patreon Episode:



* When you just can’t get to that workout/assignment/project

As a way to celebrate 200 episodes and 5 years together, I asked listeners for their questions on any topic. In this episode, I'm answering questions on the most important question to ask when decluttering, abundance vs scarcity mindsets, motherhood stages and seasons, and more from AMA (Ask Me Anything) questions





Here are the questions that I answered in this episode, and related links to posts and episodes that you might like:

DECLUTTERING

1. What is the most important thing to consider when trying to declutter as an Enneagram type 7?



* Enneagram 101 (what is it and what are the nine types)

* Enneagram + Motherhood Series

* 143. How to let go of IDENTITY CLUTTER

* 90. Declutter ‘what if I need it one day?’ items from your home with THIS shift

* 111. Decluttering decisions and guilt [Q+A]

* 110. Our relationship with stuff, and other decluttering questions



MINDSETS

2. How to develop a positive mindset when dealing with a chronic illness or health worries of family members?

3. Did you always have an abundance mindset? If not, when did it change and how do you nurture it?



* (LISTEN) 40. Does the ‘not-enough’ mindset show up in your momlife? (Scarcity/Abundance)

* (READ) The ‘not-enough’ mindset (how to spot a scarcity mindset and shift it to an abundance mindset)

* 177. Understanding what is motivating you (chasing vs avoiding)



SIMPLE ON PURPOSE

4. What has changed since starting the podcast? What is the purpose of the podcast now?

5. What is your main source of inspiration for your work?

MOTHERHOOD

6. What's something you're loving about your family's ages, stages and dynamics right now?



* 190. Planning the day: my weekly routines and rhythms for work, home and family



7. How can I best parent my middle child?



* 163. Have fun with your kids, on purpose + reasons we don’t have fun

* When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them)



8. How do I know if our family is meant for another baby?

FUN AMA

9. What is your favourite book?