227 episodes

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

    • Video Games

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.

    Final Fantasy VII Part 1 - All Around Me Are Familiar Faces

    Final Fantasy VII Part 1 - All Around Me Are Familiar Faces

    TWO HUNDRED EPISODES! How do we celebrate? By getting all nostalgic for the blocky lil' LEGO friends of Final Fantasy VII! In this chunker: President Shinra negs Cloud, we ride a pinball machine, Tifa has many outfits, Johnny tries to decipher all of Cloud's bizarre flashes and flashbacks, and body pillow requests!

    This Week: We blow up the Sector 5 reactor and get to the Wall Market in Final Fantasy VII!
    Next Week: We escape the destruction of Sector 7!

    • 2 hr 8 min
    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 6 - Yaddle👏Lived👏In👏A👏Pit👏

    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 6 - Yaddle👏Lived👏In👏A👏Pit👏

    What happens if you leave Vanessa and Johnny alone to wrap up a game? Over two and a half hours of a two fister, that's what happens. We can't be trusted to keep on track, so not only do we work through the last eight or so hours but somehow also get into Vanessa's vague recollections of Yaddle's expanded unvierse backstory, we spend way too long googling Ed Asner's resume, talk about the merits and drawbacks of the idealism of The West Wing, and we find out that Vanessa can't do a Wookie impression at all.

    • 2 hr 43 min
    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 5 - You Should Experience This 7-11 Alone

    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 5 - You Should Experience This 7-11 Alone

    NEXT GAME ANNOUNCED! It's a Johnny and Vanessa two-fister in this odd chunker of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords. First of all, we research Alanis's financial situation, Johnny plots out his own edit of How I Met Your Mother while forgetting the name of Jason (?) Segal (?), and then we get into the Super Secret Cave of Secrets (AKA a Luke Cave), go on a guided tour of the Sith Ruins, answer some SAT questions and restore a hereditary monarchy.

    • 1 hr 42 min
    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 4 - Election Year

    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 4 - Election Year

    It's an Election Year on Onderon in Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic! We've got some disturbingly familiar candidates, as well as Mandalorians to team up with, a mystery to not solve, a sexy pleasure yacht to board, and so much more!

    This Week: We complete the Yacht and leave Onderon with Mandalore!
    Next Week: We finish Korriban and return to Onderon!

    • 2 hr 2 min
    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 3 - Another Reverse Childbirth Kind of Scenario

    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 3 - Another Reverse Childbirth Kind of Scenario

    In this exciting episode of Square Roots we visit Nar Shaddaa and find a couple of will they - won't they bounty hunters, Jellicle Katt fails to find a lightsaber, meet a bat boy, murder the entire Exchange, swap characters about fifty times, discuss the merits of charity, find out Atton's naughty truth, and so much more!

    This Week: We leave Nar Shaddaa for Goto's Sexy Pleasure Yacht!
    Next Week: We complete the Yacht and leave Onderon with Mandalore!

    • 1 hr 42 min
    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 2 - Bao-Dur's Gait

    Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 2 - Bao-Dur's Gait

    We get a bunch of annoying cold calls from corporate folks and faith healers, Jim once again fails to get dark or light side points, we got a lot of phone calls, teach a droid to lie, Revanites versus Revanchists, and Matt starts his feud with Skimbleshanks!

    This Week: We fly out of Telos back in the ol' Ebon Hawk!
    Next Week: We leave Nar Shaddaa for Goto's Sexy Pleasure Yacht

    • 2 hr 8 min

Customer Reviews

Mike22mcd ,

RPG Discussion - Great!

Love hearing discussion of some of my favorite classic RPGs. When is Suikoden 2 coming?

RustCohle1986 ,

Squarely for this podcast.

Vanessa is bae.

Cake_ninja ,

This podcast is fun

If you like RPGs, or even if you don’t (probably) this podcast is super fun. The hosts are great the story recaps are fun and the music they find for the games is always good. So you should give it a listen. Because not listening is like receiving a old yellering in the wasteland.

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