386 episodes

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

    • Leisure
    • 4.6 • 315 Ratings

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.

    Xenoblade Chronicles - You're Either a Garfield or a Nermal

    Xenoblade Chronicles - You're Either a Garfield or a Nermal

    Square Roots - Episode 341
    Are you ready for a big, new Xeno adventure? I hope so. Welcome to a world of twinks and himbos, and midriffs exposed on EVERYONE. In this episode of Square Roots the gang is introduced to Shulk (short for She-Hulk), Reyn, and of course everyone's favourite character, Fiora! What's your levelling and equipment strategy for Fiora? What arts will she use? 
    Also:
    - Land Man
    - The Toys to Life Pit
    - Not Smart Enough or French Enough
    - MetalStorm
    - Nip Flop!
    - Shulk's Spacious New Fridge
    This Week: We finish Chapter 2 and fight Metal Face in Xenoblade Chronicles 1!
    Next Week: We defeat the big bad boss of the Ether Mines!
    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
    Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
    Contact Square Roots!
    Twitter: @squarerootspod
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
    Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    • 2 hr 9 min
    Xenoblade Chronicles Part 2 - What Else Is Fresh Other Than Babies

    Xenoblade Chronicles Part 2 - What Else Is Fresh Other Than Babies

    Square Roots - Episode 342
    Now we're really getting into the thick of this exciting trek through the Bionis in Square Roots's second episode of Xenoblade Chronicles. There's so much to cover, from hungry robots to the annoying plot device of a child constantly getting in trouble. But maybe we'll love it!
    Also:
    - Vanessa chooses a fursona
    - Pickle fights
    - At Christmas We Tell the Truth
    - A WAP Dumper
    - Too Many Gigs
    - I Love Dune!
    - Breadcummies
    - Crosby Stills and Sass
    - It's Fun to Go Perpendicular!

    This Week: We defeat the big bad boss of the Ether Mines!
    Next Week: We reach the Nopon Village!
    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
    Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
    Contact Square Roots!
    Twitter: @squarerootspod
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
    Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    • 1 hr 47 min
    Xenoblade Chronicles - Glutes Are On Your Butt

    Xenoblade Chronicles - Glutes Are On Your Butt

    Square Roots - Episode 343
    Not only can you rescue a poofy in this week's chunker of Square Roots, but there's even a princess in peril AND a brand new Riku who is SO COOL.
    Also:
    - Vanessa Doubles Down on Making Babies Cry
    - That's How This One Came About, a new podcast!
    - Is Bishonen a Word?
    - Is the Elevator the Abs?
    - Clearly a Pube Swamp
    - Shulk and the Quest for the Four Glowies
    - Matthew's Wild Pronounciation of Anachronox
    - Alvis and the Chipmunks and Other Lazy Jokes
    - The Story of Riki

    This Week: We reach the Nopon Village!
    Next Week: We clear out the High Entia Tomb and finish Chapter 8!
    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
    Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
    Contact Square Roots!
    Twitter: @squarerootspod
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
    Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    • 1 hr 23 min
    Xenoblade Chronicles - Butt Gusting

    Xenoblade Chronicles - Butt Gusting

    Square Roots - Episode 344
    Everyone is preparing to go up hard against their daddy versions in this exciting, explosive, full of wild mass guessing episode of Square Roots! In this chunker of Xenoblade Chronicles, we kill a blobby dinosaur dragon, meet all of Riki's family, and go up to the fanciest castle in the land.
    Also:
    - Yeah, Klonoa!
    - All Himbos and Bimbos
    - Gooching
    - Scared of Tim Robbins
    - Physics? I'm a Princess!
    - Don't Worry About It
    - Riki Loves Love
    This Week: We clear out the High Entia Tomb and finish Chapter 8!
    Next Week: Finish Up Valak Mountain after defeating Mumkhar!
    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
    Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
    Contact Square Roots!
    Twitter: @squarerootspod
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
    Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    • 2 hr 17 min
    Xenoblade Chronicles - A Perfectly Normal Way to Say Lava

    Xenoblade Chronicles - A Perfectly Normal Way to Say Lava

    Square Roots - Episode 345
    So many revelations this episode! A big beefy boi! Questionable allegiences! A mech made out of SOLID GOLD! This week on Square Roots we make our way out on the sword and possibly... to the other giant continental mech?!
    Also:
    - Carols for a Sick Friend
    - Vanessa the Boxing Day Gerenuk
    - Matt is a Dog Name
    - A Lady Mechon
    - Teeny Tiny Wings
    - A Real Kiera Knightley!

    This Week: Finish Up Valak Mountain after defeating Mumkhar!
    Next Week: Defeat Sureny Telethia!
    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
    Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
    Contact Square Roots!
    Twitter: @squarerootspod
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
    Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    • 1 hr 45 min
    Square Roots New Year's Day 2023 Special!

    Square Roots New Year's Day 2023 Special!

    Happy New Year! The Squootses took this week off, so enjoy our resolutions for the year! Back to normal next week.
    Next Week: Defeat Sureny Telethia!
    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
    Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven
    Contact Square Roots!
    Twitter: @squarerootspod
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
    Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

    • 23 min

Customer Reviews

4.6 out of 5
315 Ratings

315 Ratings

TxMikey ,

Perfect Video Game Podcast

Absolutely adore this group of friends who met through some kind of online meme forum and decided to start a podcast together. The group and their format is incredibly accessible, starting each episode with a check in of their lives (the “Level Up” segment) through a detailed analysis of gameplay (“Quest Log” or its game specific version) and ending with an analysis (“Squarely Against”). You can tell the group really loves each other and gaming and you will enjoy being part of their family.

I started back from the beginning and have enjoyed (or suffered along with, for entries covering - say - The Bard's Tale) every step of the podcast. But genuinely you can start with a series you know well and jump in to the podcast whenever.

Please check it out!

Kodacun ,

5-star gaming podcast

1-star taskmaster podcast. Every time Vanessa tries to talk about taskmaster they stop her. Disappointing.

Billyjoeebs ,

Good

For a bunch of chugey Gen X’ers who want to be millennials.

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