295 episodes

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

    • Leisure
    • 4.7 • 282 Ratings

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.

    Kingdom Hearts 2 - Le Donque-Donque

    Kingdom Hearts 2 - Le Donque-Donque

    The whole Square Roots is out of sorts this week as they are obsessed with chilli dogs, and not really that interested in Sora revisiting the Disney worlds again. But that doesn't mean there's not a lot to talk about, like:

    - "I Love That You Love It"
    - Evil Uncle Scratch
    - Fitness Deez Lutz
    - She Wants That Knot
    - Not Gas-X
    - Auron Action Figure


    This Week: Land of Dragons 2, Beast's Castle 2, Olympus 2
    Next Week: Agrabah 2, Port Royal 2, Halloweentown 2, Pride Lands 2

    • 1 hr 30 min
    Kingdom Hearts 2 - Yee-Yee Ass Keyblade

    Kingdom Hearts 2 - Yee-Yee Ass Keyblade

    Somehow although we only visited a handful of worlds this chunker became chockablock with crazy nonsense, including:
    - Lion Hamlet
    - Vanessa Gets Visited By A Socially Conservative Owl
    - Congratulations Things
    - Roxas's friends: Hey There, Paunch and Oolug
    - Getting Norted
    - Do You Like Imagine Dragons?
    - Naminé-tions
    - Can Sora Read?
    - Cyber Bikes
    - "Got it memorized?"
    - Goofy's Death
    - JRPG Tommy Lee

    This Week: Pride Lands, Twilight Town Revisited, Space Paranoids & Hollow Bastion Battle
    Next Week:  Land of Dragons 2, Beast's Castle 2, Olympus 2
    Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast
    Contact Square Roots!
    Twitter: @squarerootspod
    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/
    Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com
    This Season's Theme by GFATMusic

    • 2 hr 28 min
    Kingdom Hearts 2 - Santa Loves Me

    Kingdom Hearts 2 - Santa Loves Me

    This time Kingdom Hearts 2 really swings for the bleachers with nothin' but hits, from Aladdin to Little Mermaids and Pirates of the Carribbean! Also:
    - Gilbert Gottfried's newest sponsors
    - Aladdin's Whole Other Family
    - Vanessa's shocking Pirates confession
    - A phone call to Magical Disney Locker Supply
    - Way too much singing
    This Week: Atlantica, Port Royal, Halloween Town, Agrabah
    Next Week: Pride Lands, Hollow Bastion Battle & Space Paranoids, Land of Dragons Part 2

    • 1 hr 43 min
    Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 3 - Absolute Sibilant

    Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 3 - Absolute Sibilant

    Oh hey! Welcome to our continuing journey through Squaresoft and Disney's Kingdom Hearts 2! There's plenty of Disney nostalgia in this episode, as well as Nomura nonsense, random Organization XIII characters and also:
    - Disneyfied Auron
    - Old Castles Aren't Fun
    - Daisy's good Ending
    - I believe in BooBerry
    - A Little Pete Chat

    This Week: Olympus, 100 Acre Wood, Disney Castle and Timeless River
    Next Week: Atlantica, Port Royal, Halloween Town, Agrabah

    • 2 hr 17 min
    Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 2 - That's How He Gets Strong

    Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 2 - That's How He Gets Strong

    We get through our first two Disney worlds and yet this episode is surprisingly light on Disney songs. Also:

    - Jim explains how drives work
    - Vanessa wants to learn all the official Disney nipples
    - Everyone loves Doug Airholes
    - Jim's first good theory in the history of the podcast
    - A very horny wardrobe
    - Vanessa's new bit: you have two bears inside you

    This Week: Hollow Bastion, Land of Dragons, and Beast's Castle
    Next Week: Olympus, 100 Acre Wood, Disney Castle and Timeless River

    • 1 hr 49 min
    Kingdom Hearts 2 - This Is Just A Business Card That Says Finger Stuff

    Kingdom Hearts 2 - This Is Just A Business Card That Says Finger Stuff

    Oh yes. We have embarked on an adventure. We're going to the Kingdom.... of Hearts! Two! On this episode:
    - Matt's fancy son wonders why the chairs in Organization XIII are so high
    - Jim gets frustrated when we don't let him tell us what's happening
    - Johnny gets confused on whether this is a Matrix or a Truman Show or a Dark City
    - Vanessa's new bit: her Donald Duck impression!

    This Week: We get Sora's new outfit!
    Next Week: Hollow Bastion, Land of Dragons, and Beast's Castle

    • 2 hr 24 min

Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5
282 Ratings

282 Ratings

JordanGski ,

A must-listen for any RPG fans

I love these people! Consistently hilarious and entertaining. It's so fun to listen to them play through a bunch of my favorite games of all time. I am genuinely laughing out loud at work as I listen to them. I plan to subscribe to their Patreon to get that sweet bonus content, plus they totally deserve $5 a month for this entertainment.

Galanii ,

Funny great chemistry

Great humor. I enjoy listening to the games that I have previously played or are currently playing through.

GrandMoffWow ,

Definitely subscribing

Just listened to the first episode but as soon as they slammed Last of Us I hit subscribe!

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