Status: Untraced Tenderfoot TV

this young man & his death wish…

when we are utterly rootless, feel no sense of origin re ‘place,’ no real sense of a village or elders…the heartbreak that ensues- particularly for young people- is enormous…

i was a young man like him in many ways, arrogant & impulsive, taking incredible risks, not just w myself, but w my traveling partners. i think, in a way, i was desperate for someone to beg to stay ‘home,’ or not leave, or something…

be that as it may, i had a wanderlust coupled w an immature insensibility to fear that found me circumnavigating the globe w a four month old baby when i was 25…

& that was after i signed on a wreck of a ketch w a drunken, incompetent skipper & tried to get from papeete to honolulu…lucky to be alive from that one…

in the early ‘80’s, before the movie ‘the beach,’ & all the google-earth, globe-shrinking demystification of far-away places, i went to the golden triangle & indulged in opium in meo villages while ostensibly collecting art…

i went back w a new partner in the ‘90’s & walked right into a police extortion trap w my totally trusting & innocent partner…

i don’t mean this to be a cv of my stuff, only i recognize the desperation in this young man…he knew he was gambling, playing russian roulette w his life; the desperation is palpable….

the way he talks about his addiction to women & the ways they describe him- confident, charismatic, seductive. & his very vulnerable remarks about feeling jealous that the woman he broke up w found another man…

justin was heartbroken, lonely & had a hole in his heart he was trying to fill w miles & experiences…miles & miles & miles & finally, a sudden spiritual awakening- however noble- that was tainted & skewed by his drug habits…

&, per my story above, in foreign countries, drugs, drug culture & drug behavior compromise one’s safety & security utterly. you get in trouble, you are more alone than anyone can imagine…

sadly, justin’s judgement was totally compromised …

& w respect, what liam has failed to do, particularly by the whole kind of glowing, flattering finish- the ‘hero in training’ thing- was by pass the most important message of this particular ending to this young man’s life…

it’s about vulnerability & obsession & poor judgment & consequences of drug use in an alien culture…it’s also about his unaddressed trauma, the driver of that kind of furious movement…or i cd b projecting…

india’s been seeing these- mostly prosperous, particularly by indian or s asian standards- foreign travelers looking for drugs & enlightenment for a very long time…& when people are high, they make bad decisions, talk to the wrong people, trust the wrong people…

& then, the whole social media angle isn’t really too relevant; like everyone of a certain age, this is their common point of social discourse/presence…i don’t think he was any more or less active there- or that’s what i’m left w, anyway…

& liam, i basically enjoyed your passion & the way you went after & told this story, but how you ‘storied’ this very sad chapter in a real human being’s life didn’t get to the heart of the matter- justin’s grief, trauma & heartbreak…

i think you hyped the danger element & w the help of dramatic music, sort of amped-up the storyline to make it like high adventure, j krakauer kind of thing & that fell a little flat w me…

there was also a rather obvious self-congratulatory tone that was a little off-putting…

this- & the whole golden projection at the end about the ‘hero in training’ thing, detracted from what was, overall, an engrossing story…

thing is- the minute you’re telling us this guy is tripping on freaking acid in india w people he doesn’t know, it’s no mystery what happened to him: either some dreadful accident or he was victimized because he was a target!

i feel sad for his mom & everyone who cared about him & feel lucky & grateful no one ever had to sort how i fell off the bottom of the earth & vanished in some alien land & culture!

rip justin

Such an interesting person Justin was/is.
Terrific podcast. I felt like I was there with you. And I finally found the band, Blanco White. The song was haunting. Had to find it!

The interrogation was disturbing how they talked to the Indian man disgusting! Why would he need to apologize? Why is he a coward if he knows nothing? Lost total respect for these people!