25 min

SWM 061 – September 2020 Questions – High Drive Wives, Being Too Wet, Polyamory and more Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality from a Christian Perspective

    • Christianity

October has nearly come and gone, so it’s time to get September’s questions answered and published so we can make room for October’s.







Before we get to that though, take a minute and check out our latest survey if you haven’t filled it out yet.  We’re hoping to hit over 2,000 responses again, but need some help as we have a shorter time frame this time around.







As well, Christmas is coming up, and that means our Intimacy Advent Calendar will be opening up for purchase again.  So, here’s what we’re going to do.  If you become a supporter of our blog during the month of November of $5/month or more, you’ll get it free as our thanks.  For those who are already supporters in that tier, don’t worry, you’ll get it free as well.







With that out of the way, let’s get started on the questions.







Question 1 & 2







There are actually two similar questions here, so I’m going to read them both as I think the same answer applies to both of them.









Hi, my question involves having a spouse that has continuously refused sex. I know it is uncommon but it is my husband refusing sex. We did not have sex before marriage and his lack of interest started from day one. We had sex more regularly while trying to conceive but after my daughter was born six years ago we likely have had sex less than six times. Currently it has been two years since any intimacy. Honestly it has broken me - my self esteem, my desire to serve him as I should as a wife and homemaker, I don't sleep well at night and my health has suffered. He has been sleeping in another room for over a year. Being in the same bed is too painful for me. He is fine with this arrangement. There is sexual abuse in his past. I have tried to get counseling but he always says he doesn’t want to go because they will just say everything is his fault. Is this grounds for divorce? I am 47 years old and this is my first marriage, his second. We have been married for seven years. We are literally roommates. Yet he says he loves me and can’t imagine life without me. There is no emotional intimacy for us whatsoever. Is this considered abandoning our marriage? Thank you



















Hi. My dilemma seems to be scarcely discussed. Any time someone looks for advice regarding a sexless marriage, it’s always a woman saying “no” and the Christian community attacks her with the fury of a thousand suns. They quote scripture and shred her to pieces for not doing her God-given duty of putting out when and where her husband demands it.







My situation is a little different. See, I’m a woman. And my husband has decided that sex is off the table. Period. End of Conversation. Full Stop. I can quote scripture all day long. We can see therapists, pastors, and the occasional “friend who’s been there” - also always a man- and come to no resolution. For some bizarre reason when a woman chooses to become celibate within her marriage, the wrath of God is conjured. If a man does, then it’s probably a medical reason, or the wife isn’t attractive anymore....etc, etc, etc.







I’m lonely. I want a physical relationship. I WANT TO HAVE SEX! What am I supposed to do? Live a life as a proverbial nun? Leave him and find someone else? What do I do?









It’s not as uncommon as you’d think.  My best guess is that in about 1 out of 10 marriages, the husband is actively refusing to have sex.  That doesn’t help a whole lot, except to say that you aren’t alone.







Now, you say you’ve tried to get counseling,

October has nearly come and gone, so it’s time to get September’s questions answered and published so we can make room for October’s.







Before we get to that though, take a minute and check out our latest survey if you haven’t filled it out yet.  We’re hoping to hit over 2,000 responses again, but need some help as we have a shorter time frame this time around.







As well, Christmas is coming up, and that means our Intimacy Advent Calendar will be opening up for purchase again.  So, here’s what we’re going to do.  If you become a supporter of our blog during the month of November of $5/month or more, you’ll get it free as our thanks.  For those who are already supporters in that tier, don’t worry, you’ll get it free as well.







With that out of the way, let’s get started on the questions.







Question 1 & 2







There are actually two similar questions here, so I’m going to read them both as I think the same answer applies to both of them.









Hi, my question involves having a spouse that has continuously refused sex. I know it is uncommon but it is my husband refusing sex. We did not have sex before marriage and his lack of interest started from day one. We had sex more regularly while trying to conceive but after my daughter was born six years ago we likely have had sex less than six times. Currently it has been two years since any intimacy. Honestly it has broken me - my self esteem, my desire to serve him as I should as a wife and homemaker, I don't sleep well at night and my health has suffered. He has been sleeping in another room for over a year. Being in the same bed is too painful for me. He is fine with this arrangement. There is sexual abuse in his past. I have tried to get counseling but he always says he doesn’t want to go because they will just say everything is his fault. Is this grounds for divorce? I am 47 years old and this is my first marriage, his second. We have been married for seven years. We are literally roommates. Yet he says he loves me and can’t imagine life without me. There is no emotional intimacy for us whatsoever. Is this considered abandoning our marriage? Thank you



















Hi. My dilemma seems to be scarcely discussed. Any time someone looks for advice regarding a sexless marriage, it’s always a woman saying “no” and the Christian community attacks her with the fury of a thousand suns. They quote scripture and shred her to pieces for not doing her God-given duty of putting out when and where her husband demands it.







My situation is a little different. See, I’m a woman. And my husband has decided that sex is off the table. Period. End of Conversation. Full Stop. I can quote scripture all day long. We can see therapists, pastors, and the occasional “friend who’s been there” - also always a man- and come to no resolution. For some bizarre reason when a woman chooses to become celibate within her marriage, the wrath of God is conjured. If a man does, then it’s probably a medical reason, or the wife isn’t attractive anymore....etc, etc, etc.







I’m lonely. I want a physical relationship. I WANT TO HAVE SEX! What am I supposed to do? Live a life as a proverbial nun? Leave him and find someone else? What do I do?









It’s not as uncommon as you’d think.  My best guess is that in about 1 out of 10 marriages, the husband is actively refusing to have sex.  That doesn’t help a whole lot, except to say that you aren’t alone.







Now, you say you’ve tried to get counseling,

25 min