Teenagers Untangled - Parenting Teenagers in an audio hug‪.‬ Rachel Richards and Susie Asli

Conflict is normal - but it often escalates during teenage years because our kids are trying to assert their own wishes, and probably aren't very skilled at it.

As parents, it's easy to fall into classic conflict traps if we don't have the skills for resolving disagreements.

In this episode we talk about the key techniques we can use - and teach - to ease tension and bust-ups at home and elsewhere. What's even better is that by learning techniques for being assertive - and listening until everyone feels understood - we can turn conflict into a positive that deepens our relationships and creates lifelong bonds of understanding.

Blog:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Conflict-management-skills/
RESOURCES:
An excellent book:   Making Great Relationships by Rick Hanson 

Websites used:
https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/communicating-relationships/communicating/conflict-management-with-teenshttps://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224545.1994.9923015 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0891524502883249Other sources of help:
https://www.family-action.org.uk/what-we-do/children-families/familyline/https://www.keycharity.org.uk/help-and-support/resolve-family-issues/http://www.familylives.org.uk/https://www.relate.org.uk/get-helphttps://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

It's pre-exam time of year again, and oh boy it's tough for our teens.

Does yours have a colour-coded revision schedule, carefully-timed breaks, and a confident spring in their step? Maybe they don't seem to be doing enough revision, and you're the one panicking? Or are they losing their sh## with everyone in the house and struggling to stay on top of it?
Both of us have teens currently revising for important exams, so we thought it might be helpful to chat about how we support them. We talk about the top tips from Jade Bowler, who went from a U in Chemistry to an A*, and how important it is for us to help our teens keep their perspective.

Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/revision-getting-to-why-1/

JUDGEMENT-FREE EXERCISECLASS:
www.boostfit.comRESOURCES MY TEENS LOVE:
The Only Revision Guide You’ll Ever Need by Jade BowlerDrFrostAmoebasistersKhan Academywww.khanAcademy.orghttps://flora.appfinca.com/en/FLASHCARDS
@quizlet 
@quizizz 
@getknowt 
Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Most first world countries agree that the age of consent is around sixteen, but teenagers don't suddenly awake to their sexuality on their sixteenth birthday. Sexual feelings and interest can start much younger, well before they’re able to understand the implications. One mother has asked us to talk about the issue, because she's struggling to find useful content.  

Knowing the law helps guide us as parents, but it doesn't exactly stop teens from vaping and drinking if they want to, so we have to be prepared to consider how to deal with underage interest in sex. 
Gone are the days when most people held back until marriage, and with the advent of free internet porn and social media there's a chance that our teens may know more about sex than we do. 
So what should we be saying to them, how do we keep them safe, and how can we help them to know when they're ready for that next adventure in life? 
THE BLOG POST WITH KEY POINTS:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/it-might-be-illegal-but-when-did-that-ever-stop-a-teenager/

HELPFUL WEBSITES:
https://www.culturereframed.org/

RESEARCH SOURCES:
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/when-is-person-ready-start-having-sex
https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/720822
https://oxfordshirescb.proceduresonline.com/p_underage_sexual_act.html
www.unchainedatlast.org
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5546176/
https://www.npr.org/2023/01/08/1147737247/teen-pregnancy-rates-have-declined-significantly
https://courses.lumenlearning.com/adolescent/chapter/sexual-development/
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/no-sex-please-we-re-your-parents-would-you-let-your-teen-have-sex-under-your-roof_n_7389178/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5546176/
https://courses.lumenlearning.com/adolescent/chapter/sexual-development/
Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

We all want our kids to do well at school, but when they become teenagers there's a tendency for both schools and parents to ease back on communication. The schools tend to be much bigger and our teens are trying desperately to distance themselves from parental control and show that they can make their own mark. In fact, most of us don't get to meet individual teachers until parent's evening when the feedback can come as rather a shock.

So how much should we be talking with our teen's teachers, does it make much of a difference, and what's the best way of going about it?

Resources used:
https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/9-tips-on-how-to-talk-to-a-teacher 
https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1156936.pdf
https://www.futurity.org/parents-teens-school-806392/
https://www.parents.com/kids/education/back-to-school/the-smart-way-to-talk-to-teachers/
https://www.scholastic.com/site/pam-allyn/5-easy-to-steps-to-great-communication-with-your-child-s-teacher.html
Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Nobody likes blowing a fuse when their teen does something that triggers them, but we all do it at some point. 

Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology?  

Long term we run the risk of ruining our connection with our teens because they learn that the best way to manage us parent is to keep quiet, hide, or lie to prevent a repeat,  

So how can we stop ourselves from overreacting? We talk through some mindfulness techniques that could make all the difference.

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:
When You Lose It by Roxy and Gay LongworthThe Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve Peters
RESOURCES:
How to Stop Overreacting to Everything by Patrick Allanhttps://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-stop-overreacting#recaphttps://theparentingreframe.com/the-4-steps-you-need-to-stopoverreacting-and-yelling-at-your-kids-for-good/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201007/overreactions-in-adolescence

Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

The stress of parenting doesn’t go away when they’re teenagers, it just changes. We may have more physical space, but finding mental space can often feel impossible.
In this episode we talk about the tools we can use to manage parenting stress, and why paying attention to our own health should be at the top of our list, not the bottom.

Links to resources used:
Window of tolerance:
https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/hypoarousal-hyperarousal
https://www.ted.com/talks/helen_pearson_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_human_development?language=en

A free app to help with breathing to relax: breathe2relax
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Feeling-Overwhelmed-with-Parenting-Demands.aspx
https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/scientists-followed-thousands-of-kids-for-70-years-this-is-biggest-takeaway-for-parents.html
https://visionsteen.com/nature-vs-nurture-affect-teenage-brain-development/
https://parentingscience.com/parenting-stress-evidence-based-tips/
Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk