33 episodes

Teenagers Untangled is an audio hug for parents going through the teenage years, made by two mums. Rachel is a former BBC Correspondent and parenting coach, Susie is a Mindfulness Coach and qualified psychotherapist. When our kids are little there are lots of ways in which we can meet up with other parents to share, and laugh about our problems. Once they head off to senior school those regular points of contact with other parents fall away, and the problems can be more difficult. That’s why we started this podcast, to chat about what it takes to raise a teen, and hopefully have a bit of light relief along the way. For more discussion and tips, you can find us on Facebook and Instagram. Find courses with Susie at Find courses with Susie at amindful-life.co.uk/

Teenagers Untangled - Parenting tips in an audio hug‪.‬ Rachel Richards and Susie Asli

    • Kids & Family
    • 5.0 • 1 Rating

Teenagers Untangled is an audio hug for parents going through the teenage years, made by two mums. Rachel is a former BBC Correspondent and parenting coach, Susie is a Mindfulness Coach and qualified psychotherapist. When our kids are little there are lots of ways in which we can meet up with other parents to share, and laugh about our problems. Once they head off to senior school those regular points of contact with other parents fall away, and the problems can be more difficult. That’s why we started this podcast, to chat about what it takes to raise a teen, and hopefully have a bit of light relief along the way. For more discussion and tips, you can find us on Facebook and Instagram. Find courses with Susie at Find courses with Susie at amindful-life.co.uk/

    Parenting Tips 33: Boys online? Why we need to talk about red pills, role models, and the manosphere.

    Parenting Tips 33: Boys online? Why we need to talk about red pills, role models, and the manosphere.

    We've been asked by a listener to discuss how we talk to our boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate, who act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny. 

    If you have a son who spends time online  he's highly likely to have come across the concepts being bandied around - simply as a result of the algorithms used in social media. Whether the words red pill, matrix, and manosphere have any particular meaning for you, they are having an increasing impact on the environment our boys are growing up in. It's up to us as parents to help our boys unpack what they're hearing and sift the diamonds from the dirt. 

     Our research into the topic has highlighted an urgent need to be talking with our sons about their dreams, and how we can support them in discovering role models who show what it is to be a successful man, without needing to humiliate and destroy other people.   

    Top tips:
    Avoid silencing your teen, even if you disagree with what they say. It's vital that they are given the chance to talk about what they're thinking so that you can have proper discussions about it. Telling them they are wrong won't help them think about the issues.Focus the discussion on what is really attractive to them about the messages they are hearing, and help them to differentiate between the positive and the dangerously negative.Unpick the words the boys use and be clear about anything that is sexist, racist, etc and why that's an issue. Remember, they are building their identity and they're allowed to make mistakes along the way.  Don't shame them.Arm yourself with real facts. If they tell you something that they've heard online help them to go to real sources, rather than simply listening to someone who has an agenda and wants to get lots of clicks.Don't just focus on Tate, he's only one of the people espousing this thinking.Great role models:
    Stephen Bartlett - Diary of a CEO (Business) His podcast has lots of successful men being interviewed.A list of young, successful entrepeneurs: https://www.incomediary.com/top-young-entrepreneurs/Lebron James - BasketballDwayne Johnson - former wrestler now actor - a top earning Insta celeb.Christiano Ronaldo - footballer, family man, top earning Insta celeb.Justin Baldoni - Actor Chris Evans - Captain America actorTerry Crews - Former NFL and actorJay Shetty - Author and PodcasterRESOURCES:
    https://www.tes.com/magazine/teaching-learning/secondary/andrew-tate-how-schools-tackle-misogyny
    https://www.judiciumeducation.co.uk/media-coverage/Incels-and-the-manosphere-how-the-internet-is-radicalising-young-men
    https://www.isdglobal.org/isd-in-the-news/how-platforms-systems-contributed-to-the-rise-of-manosphere-influence-andrew-tate/
    https://www.teenvogue.com/story/andrew-tate-arrested-oped
     https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/opinion/comment/this-is-why-young-men-are-listening-to-andrew-tate/42288667.html
    https://www.smh.com.au/national/why-some-young-men-idolise-andrew-tate-and-young-women-are-disgusted-20230106-p5caqm.html 
    Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

    Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
    You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

    Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
    www.teenagersuntangled.com

    Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
    www.amindful-life.co.uk

    • 38 min
    Parenting Tips 32: Consequences, and the teen who doesn't seem to care.

    Parenting Tips 32: Consequences, and the teen who doesn't seem to care.

    Having kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle/crash course in how you get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity.

    Some of us are lucky enough to have grown up in a family structure which helps us figure out incentives and boundaries that work. Some equate love with giving them what they want, others are so exhausted it's more a matter of giving in.

    It can feel like we have it figured out, then the teenage years hit and everything changes again. The trick seems to be getting the right balance between love and discipline, but how do we know what that is?

    It’s very easy to overreact, and when that happens our relationship with our teen can suffer. The foundation we want to build on is a strong relationship in which they feel heard and understood.

    So what do the experts say about it? What works, and what about the teenager who doesn't seem to care?

    If you want more detail about how to mend your relationship so consequences will work, then you'll find my blog really helpful. 
    https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/


    https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/effective-vs-counterproductive-methods-of-teen-punishment/?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=PerformanceMax&utm_content=&network=x&placement=&target=&matchtype=&utm_campaign=16929735023&ad_type=responsive_pmax&adposition=&kwd_id=&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnsqdBhCGARIsAAyjYjQ7VuP6YXy_xN5VEyj-jTeNIwj1LDUhiSEaegaxw4NeK4zBWoI1GVMaArsTEALw_wcBParenting style as a moderator of the effect of temperament on adolescent externalising and internalising behaviour problems: https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/educational-and-developmental-psychologist/article/abs/parenting-style-as-a-moderator-of-the-effect-of-temperament-on-adolescent-externalising-and-internalising-behaviour-problems/78AC30E10887EC321057BF1E1C8CA349https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/why-dont-consequences-work-for-my-teen-heres-whyand-how-to-fix-it/

    https://middleearthnj.org/2014/01/13/appropriate-consequences-for-a-teens-bad-behavior/?amp=1
    https://www.parentingforbrain.com/how-to-discipline-a-teenager-who-doesnt-care-about-consequences/

    Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

    Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
    You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

    Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
    www.teenagersuntangled.com

    Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
    www.amindful-life.co.uk

    • 33 min
    Parenting Tips 31: Making changes that stick; new year, new me.

    Parenting Tips 31: Making changes that stick; new year, new me.

    We've all done it; new year, new me. By January the 11th the lustre has rubbed off our shiny resolutions and we're back to our old habits. 

    The reality is that making resolutions and getting them to stick is harder than we'd like it to be. So how do we make changes in our parenting and our family in a way that will continue to work after the fireworks and fun?

    In this podcast:

    We talk about uncovering the intention behind the resolution. 
    How to unpack those big problems to find a smaller goal to guide you.
    How to use small habits in your day to make those big changes more easy.
    And how using positivity can keep us going.


    Some ideas:
    Ask your teen what key change they would like to see and don't react badly to the answerFind one on one time with each childDon't text and driveCreate a tech contractCreate a chores contractYell lessListen moreSort out sleep routinesEnd your work dayFind space for youDon't judge out loudLet your teen cook once a weekDon't judge people out loudLet your teen make their mistakes so they learn from themDemonstrate the behaviour you want to seePractice gratitudeBuild a parent tribe of others who're in a similar situationMake time for your partnerGet outside moreSit down to family meals more oftenFind games or activities you can all enjoy together
    Resources:
    Small Move Big Change by Caroline Arnold.
    https://beenke.com/parenting/parenting-resolutions-you-can-actually-keep/
    https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/980167/new-years-resolutions-for-parents-of-teens/
    https://www.rootsofaction.com/resolutions-that-can-change-your-teens-life/
    https://hms.harvard.edu/news/uncontrollable-anger-prevalent-among-youth


    Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

    Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
    You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

    Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
    www.teenagersuntangled.com

    Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
    www.amindful-life.co.uk

    • 31 min
    Parenting Tips 30: Family gatherings with teens. Magic or misery?

    Parenting Tips 30: Family gatherings with teens. Magic or misery?

    We all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wonderful Christmas time', and Instagram is awash with pictures of happy celebrations. 

    Being with our family can give us a welcome chance to relax and be accepted for who we are but - let's be honest -  it can also bring out the worst in us. The break in routine - where everyone is forced together - can be a difficult adjustment. The expense can be crippling. Travelling to see family can be stressful, and then the raised expectations can set up the entire event for failure.
    We've all been there, so here are our tips on how to make the most of those gatherings when you have teenagers in the house.

    https://www.family-action.org.uk/our-voices/2021/11/12/connecting-with-teenagers-at-christmas/
    https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2021/16-december-coping-with-family-pressures-and-expectations-in-the-run-up-to-christmas/
    https://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2021/december/avoiding-stressful-christmas.html
    https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a29321/how-to-deal-with-family-fallout-at-christmas/
    https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/best-advice-family-christmas/605760
    Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

    Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
    You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

    Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
    www.teenagersuntangled.com

    Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
    www.amindful-life.co.uk

    • 23 min
    Parenting Tips 29 : Step-children. Coping, and thriving, with a blended family.

    Parenting Tips 29 : Step-children. Coping, and thriving, with a blended family.

    Having your own child can feel like an overwhelming responsibility at times,
    but when you become a step-parent it's even more complicated. 

    The child may feel resentful because they didn't ask for a new parent, their biological parents are likely to have issues with each other, and then there's our own needs in a new relationship. 

    Ultimately, step-parents can offer a really wonderful addition to the lives of our bonus children. How we go about it can make all the difference.

    Given that both of us are step-parents, it seemed like a great topic to discuss after Kathryn reached out to us to ask if we'd help with the situation in her home.

    In this episode we cover the critical importance of: 
    Bonding with the step-child. Forming a stable and united front with your new partner. Taking care not to take on the role of disciplining your bonus child but providing solid back-up for their biological parent. Making sure that your own needs are understood and met. 
    RESOURCES:
    https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/how-to-discipline-child-step-parent/
     https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways-to-bond-with-your-stepchildren#1
    https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-blended-family-wont-blend-part-ii-what-to-do-when-your-stepkids-disrespect-you/
    https://www.care.com/c/bonding-with-stepchildren-7-tips-for-buildin/
    https://www.moms.com/stepparents-advise-20-ways-to-bond-with-stepchildren/
    https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/how-to-discipline-child-step-parent/

    BOOKS: Jenna Korf, Skirts At War: Beyond Divorced Mom/Stepmom Conflict. 
    Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

    Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
    You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

    Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
    www.teenagersuntangled.com

    Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
    www.amindful-life.co.uk

    • 28 min
    Parenting Tips 28: Teenage parties and what to talk about before you say yes.

    Parenting Tips 28: Teenage parties and what to talk about before you say yes.

    Parties can be life-enhancing, joyous, and a wonderful chance to meet new people, but when it's for a teenager it can have a touch of the wild west about it. 

    For parents who understand the risks it can feel easier to say no, but if we think through all of the issues - and discuss them with our teens - there's far less chance things will go horribly wrong.

    Our website has a free checklist of things to cover when planning your party. 

    RESOURCES USED:
    https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/behaviour/peers-friends-trends/teen-parties
    https://www.whosthemummy.co.uk/teenage-house-parties-survival-tips-for-parents/
    Wellington College UK document 'Alcohol and Parties.'
    Thanks for listening. Creating this podcast has been transformative for our family lives; we hope it does the same for yours.

    Please subscribe if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
    You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

    Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
    www.teenagersuntangled.com

    Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
    www.amindful-life.co.uk

    • 33 min

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