Listen in as clinical psychotherapist Heidi Rogers speaks with ordinary people about their extraordinary lives. Heidi also provides professional insight into some of parenting's toughest challenges. Uplifting tales of personal growth, overcoming adversity, mental health and life lessons that inspire us to ‘tell the others’...
Listening And Labeling: Learning About Ourselves And Why We Are 'The Way We Are'
Heidi joins writer, podcaster and creator Tom Ahern in this wide ranging discussion on religion, psychedelics, ego, EMDR, toxic masculinity and the art of becoming a better listener.
What to expect from the episode:
What makes listening the most challenging skill to learn?
Ways to become a better listener
Why is validation important?
Why do some people not want to listen and seem to be just waiting for their turn to speak?
Why having an ego isn't always a bad thing
How can you help others in their own journey to self knowledge?
How does religion play a role in society?
How to deal with anger?
[03:15] Some experiences of Tom’s mind-blowing podcast with his guests
[08:15] What are the characteristics of an effective listener?
[10:24] The power and influence of mirroring behaviours
[11:10] Do people need to be validated?
[11:38] People don't really listen, they just wait for their turn to talk
[14:20] What is ego
[17:15] “I am…” - Establishing your sense of self
[18:54] What happens when we label ourselves?
[21:00] The influence of self perception and how it manifests in our daily lives
[24:58] Tom’s experience of identity formation
[29:24] Gender norms - mental health and toxic masculinity
[31:21] Tom's advice to his younger self
[43:25] Advice for anyone lacking motivation
[54:42] How mind expansion is simultaneously good and bad
[1:03:21] The feeling of being loved despite of your imperfections
[1:05:43] What makes someone a bad person?
[1:13:30] Argument: Different views of religions and beliefs
[1:16:08] Original sin - doctrine that says that everyone is born sinful
[1:20:21] Kids need to know appropriate ways to deal with their anger
[1:22:35] How to understand and recognize your anger
Connect with Tom:
Connect with Heidi:
Why Do We React The Way We Do? Understanding Polyvagal Theory With Justin Sunseri
Ever wondered why you react the way you do? Or what's behind the quote 'mind-body connection'?
Join Heidi for the answers as she dives into Polyvagal Theory with Justin Sunseri of the Stuck Not Broken podcast. Justin shares his expertise on all things Polyvagal Theory, and explores the connection between our behaviors, emotions and the way we respond.
Here are the things to expect in the episode:
What is Polyvagal Theory and how is it used in therapy?What are the benefits of Polyvagal Theory?Polyvagal Theory: A new way of seeing yourself.The human condition: We are all on a quest for trust and safety.Understanding our body and brain how it responds to survive. The role of co-regulation.The life-changing power of therapy. Why is it important to find the right therapist?Bad experiences with therapists and how to recognize them.Polyvagal Theory and how we can apply it to yoga and meditation. Show notes:
Justin's introduction and his therapy practices. [1:26]When was Justin's interest in Polyvagal Theory started? [3:00]What is Justin's first impression of Polyvagal Theory? [5:00]Why do teachers and parents need to know about trauma? [7:08]What is the Polyvagal Theory in simple terms? [8:56]Understanding why Polyvagal Theory is important. [11:38]How Justin explains polyvagal to his clients. [12:55]Explaining Polyvagal Theory to people should be simple. [19:01] The most common responses of people to sexual assault. [21:31]Polyvagal's gift. [26:33]Co-regulation: Definition and examples. [36:53]The power of therapy and a good therapist - magical to many people. [41:45]How to recognize a bad therapist. [51:36]Client-therapist relationships and expectations. [53:05]Encouragement to those dealing with emotional dysregulation. [56:57]The benefits of being well-regulated. [1:03:37]Connect with Justin:
Connect with Heidi:
Online Parenting Program Or 1-On-1 With Heidi: Which Is Better?
If you're contemplating booking Heidi for a 1-on-1 session OR you can't decide whether her parenting program is right for you, then you don't want to miss this.
Heidi walks you through the program and how it works, helps you understand whether it's a good fit, and lays out what you need to do get the most out of it when you join.
Learn more about Heidi's parenting program here.
Why This Lockdown FEELS Like The Worst Yet ... And What You Can Do About It
It feels like this lockdown has been the most damaging to our collective mental health since the beginning of the pandemic.
The number of clients I’m seeing with increased anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation is off the charts.
So many people are either resuming anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication, or starting it for the first time.
My waitlist is the highest it has ever been, and every therapist I know is in the same situation.
We simply cannot keep up with demand as rolling lockdowns take their toll.
What makes an already challenging situation worse?
The way we treat ourselves, how we judge our responses, criticize our lack of capacity and motivation, and how we aren’t ‘doing enough’.
So many of my clients are unmotivated and scolding themselves for being ‘lazy’.
For not ‘using the time better’ and learning guitar. For living a life that looks nothing like the ones they see when they’re scrolling through Instagram or Facebook.
A lot of the way we feel comes from the hard wiring of our nervous system and how our brain is conditioned to respond to stress.
Instead of pushing against this wiring, I’d like to introduce an alternative approach, where you learn how to understand your mind to start feeling better about lockdown life.
In this recent Q&A call from my parenting program, I dive into why we're so exhausted and how to survive this extraordinarily challenging time.
I hope it helps you cultivate more self-compassion and contributes to a greater sense of wellbeing for you AND your family.
We’re all in this together.
Have A Child Who Demands More Parental Attention Than Others?
Cancer. Depression. Prison. Anxiety. Anorexia. Addiction. Autism Spectrum.
No matter the illness, diagnosis, or challenging behavior… when a family has a child who demands more parental attention than others, it can cause lifelong damage to family relationships – IF – parents don’t take steps to validate the experience and acknowledge the needs of the siblings.
Parents I’ve worked with in the past have told me that being the parent of a child who is unwell or has challenging behaviors is “overwhelming and often feels impossible to get it ‘right’. I need to be there for him constantly, and as a result, I feel like I neglect his sisters”.
I’ll hear things like:
“If I’m not in hospital with her, I want to be sleeping or with my other kids. But when I’m at home, I feel guilty I’m not in the hospital.”
“His explosive meltdowns are so deafening it’s like the entire family must revolve around him. Everything is a drama for him, so we’re constantly devoting 80% of our attention just to manage and try to prevent an outburst.”
I’ve worked with clients who either were the ‘sick kid’ or the sibling of a child who was sick / needing a lot of parental attention.
The common stories for both revolve around frustration, anger and shame.
If a primary caregiver is regularly absent or preoccupied because they’re caring for a child who requires a lot of attention, it often breeds resentment and fuels feelings of abandonment for other children in the family.
Those feelings of anger are so complex to navigate. The child often feels shame for being angry at their sick sibling.
The key thing is to understand that kids gauge our love based on how much time we spend with them.
Children who don’t receive as much attention from their parents because they have a sibling with high needs, will often feel that “mom and dad loved my brother more. They always dropped everything to be there for him”.
Children attach their own worth and value to the amount of time their parents spend with them.
I’ve worked with parents as well, who feel angry at times towards their child, for all the attention they require and their inability to be with their other children. The anger can morph into shame and a very messy and complicated emotional response.
The entire situation is incredibly complex and children often carry deep shame towards themselves, and unconscious anger at their siblings for ‘disrupting’ their childhood, ‘taking mom away’ or ‘making me feel terrified my brother was going to die’.
A client once told me, “My brother was stuck in hospital, fighting for his life, and all I could think at age 7 was how much I missed my mom, and how angry I felt at him for being sick and making dad miss all my cricket games.
“I felt so confused, angry and ashamed of my emotions. I had nobody to talk to. I mentioned it to my mom once and she just got angry and shamed me even further. I didn’t want to burden them, so I just stuffed all my feelings inside, burning with resentment at everyone, and shame at myself for even being angry.”
These feelings are amplified as children grow, with parents leaving them unaddressed or lacking the capacity to acknowledge their other children’s emotions.
If you have a child who requires a significant amount of your attention, either because they’re unwell, or are challenging, and suspect this scenario may be playing out in your household, then you don’t want to miss this Q&A call.
You can’t banish anxiety, but you CAN do this…
If you’re human, there’s a 100% guarantee that you’ve experienced anxiety at some time in your life.
If you’re in the minority, you probably don’t feel its effects all that much. Lucky for you!
But if you’re in the majority, anxiety can feel like an uninvited guest that shows up EVERYWHERE, sucking the joy out of life.
While we can never fully rid ourselves of anxiety, we can learn to manage it.
The problem is the majority of us don’t know how to manage anxiety.
We all were raised by rookies who were doing the best they could, but most of our parents have un-diagnosed depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other mental health issues.
They TOO were raised by rookies… but the bottom line is that for most of us, nobody has ever taught us how to manage anxiety.
I want to share this snippet from a Q&A call with one of my students, who asked the question:
How does anxiety effect long-term mental health issues?
In it, I dive into how anxiety works, its short-and-long-term impacts, and the benefits of managing our own anxiety in conjunction with that of our children.
I hope you find a nugget or two in there to help you!