The 100 Word Stories Podcast Laurence Simon

Lisa
Lizzie
Richard
Serendipidy
Norval Joe
Tom
Planet Z


I think I mixed the ending a bit oddly... oh well. You can see the topic here:

The next topic is Train

RICHARD

Sold!

I bought it on Amazon: No, it wasn't cheap, but maybe I was swayed by the product description.

'Absolute peace of mind, and total security', it said, and then to ram the point firmly home, it went on to detail exactly why I had no need whatsoever ever to worry…

Waterproof, leak proof and rot resistant. Non-fade, colourfast and hard-wearing. Biologically and dermatologically tested, additive free, hypo-allergenic and vegan friendly.

Safe, secure, tried and tested, and a lifetime no-quibble guarantee.

I had to have it.

If only I knew what the hell it's supposed to do!

LIZZIE

The security unit monitored the whole house. Total Security, stated the ad. But the resident cat hated it. When the security unit started growling, the owners thought they were doomed. Killed by a security unit. The horror. Well, the unit was just bored. Eventually, the feline and the unit struck up a friendship when the unit started purring. The cat thought that was rather amusing. But then the security unit was fired for being too noisy. So, the cat made a big fuss. Long story short, the unit stayed. Cats rule. If they want total security, they get total security.

LISA

Where

We’re in a room with a huge fire. There’s cakes and tea. Our eyes are out on stalks but at the same time we all wince from the brightness. You can see for miles and yet you can see nothing. We’re remote. But based on the opulence of the room we’re in- this is not some rural backwater.

Our captor explains.

“It’s a gated property. You, the chosen ones, will have total security here- you can walk for miles and not meet a soul. We keep the gate locked. To stop outsiders getting in, not to stop you getting out.”

SERENDIPIDY

Good choice!

As panic rooms go, you really couldn't do much better. Concrete walls, solid steel door with multiple timer-secured deadlocks and three-sixty external surveillance systems. Total security.

I see you've stocked up on supplies for at least a week too. That shows great foresight and planning. Well done.

Because, let's face it, with a character like me stalking the neighbourhood, you really don't want to be taking chances.

But, I do feel there's something you may have missed.

A secure panic room is great, once you're inside.

Not so good, if I got in there before you!

TOM

Not So Good

My wife works in a clinic. In the clinic are departments who would sell their first born for an extra 4 square feet. Now that square footage in her office has been usurped for reasons of security. In a safe of considerable weight are keep the holy grail of medicine. My wife doesn’t buy into admins reasoning for a safe in her office. They muse for the need for ToTaL Security: a safe behind a lock door. Gail pointed out there is an 18 inch window in her office. To maintain Total total security they moved it to the john.

854

Water Torture Remote

The codename for the project was: Water Torture Remote. DARPA funded it in the late 60s. The core of the project was to train solders in lucid dreaming. Once in a heighten state of consciousness images of prime targets would be scanned on the retinas. Targets were merged in dreamtime. At this point the suggestion that water was filling the targets lungs would be planted in the target’s consciousness. It almost worked; problem was the guys running the scanners got linked-in. Water Torture Remote took them out. Needless to say, the project was summarily defunded. Nothing in DARPA ever truly dies.

NORVAL JOE

"Come on, son. Let's go home," Billbert's father said.
Billbert rattled the handcuffs. "I can't dad."
Billbert's mother looked like she was going to grab Vattash by the throat. "Why would you cuff a child during a friendly chat?

He stood there, a dark and shabby man, rotten teeth and wild hair.
Clothed in dirty rags, surrounded by dozens of shabby commoners.
Roman soldiers watched them all.
"That's Jesus?" I said. "For real?"
"Kinda puts things in perspective, eh?" said Dr. Marks, holding his camera steady.
We were posing as merchants, and tracked the group for a few days.
And when it was over, we went back to our boat, threw the time circuits, and appeared back in the Institute.
We both took a big breath of fresh air.
"Man, I need a shower," Dr. Marks said, and laughed.

Baby woke up cold, bound up and tied to a tree.
She looked around as best she could.
There were trees all around her, and all she heard were crickets.
She tried to scream, but there was a gag over her mouth.
The last thing she remembered was leaving Archie's place and going home.
And her husband... he came back a day early.
"What do you think it will be?" a voice whispered in her ear. "Starve, dehydrate, or freeze?"
It wasn't any of those.
It was a shovel to her skull.
And he used it to bury her deep.

Of all the childhood games out there, the one I hate the most is Simon Says.
Because I never got to play it as anything but Simon.
Sure, telling kids to step forward or raise their hands can be fun.
But it was never enough.
It led to my being a megalomaniac, ordering kids to rob banks, smite enemies, and far, far worse.
I tried it on my family, but they were also Simons, and my parents never relinquished their iron grip on power.
Oh, I also hate dodgeball.
Getting hit in the face with a rubber ball sucks, too.

I like to dip my cheese pizza in ranch dressing.
I also like Doritos.
So, I bought a bag of pizza-flavored Doritos and a bag of ranch-flavored Doritos and ate them together.
It was a dumb idea.
Because the flavor dust gets all over everything. And they don't stack like Pringles.
So, I'll dip pizza-flavored Doritos in ranch dressing.
But I won't crumble up ranch-flavored Doritos and sprinkle them on cheese pizza.
That's stupid and messy.
Some idiot came up with a bag that mixed pizza-flavored Doritos with ranch-flavored ones.
Just because you can think up an idea doesn't make it good.

You probably only know of the two Wicked Witches and the one Good Witch from the classic film, and maybe you know Mombee from the later sequel, but the books are full of spellcasters, sorcerers, and other practitioners of magic.
Ding Dong was especially proud, powerful, and dangerous.
The few who knew of her existence knew not to mention her, let alone insult her.
Munchkins are as ignorant as they are small, so they didn't realize their mistake of singing "Ding Dong, the witch is dead!"
"No," a voice muttered. "You're dead."
A massive firestorm wiped Munchkinland from the map.