The Apt Cods Podcast Mary and Emma Moberly

Is your child bored and has nothing to do? Then buy him a new video game console! This brain-warping machine will make your kids happy! It will also educate them in how to fly spaceships and drive cars, and also how to shoot people.

Nurse: I wonder why we always have the same owner, and she always brings stuffed animals? Surgeon: We are waiting for the animal as we speak. Nurse: Oh, really? Surgeon: Yeah. It should be here in a matter of seconds. Nurse: What is it? Surgeon: 3...2...1... She's not here. Nurse: Well, what is it? Surgeon: She didn't say. Nurse: Call her! We know her phone number. It's right here in the phone book. (Telephone ringing) Surgeon: It's the answering machine. She's not there. She should be here soon. Nurse: I'll go wait on the sidewalk. Surgeon: Must be having trouble figuring out which pet to bring. She has so many of them. (Arf!) Surgeon: A dog? I've always wanted to do a dog patient. Cool. (barking) Surgeon: Why are you dragging it along on that leash? Nurse: Yes. How dare you drag your dog around like that! Owner: Pretend it's walking. Nurse: Pretend?! Oh the poor animal! Owner: Mary, how about it's walking. Nurse: Ok. Nurse: What appears to be wrong with your dog? Owner: Ahem. The dog is sick. Surgeon: In what way? Owner: It sneezes a lot. Nurse: Does it have a cold? Owner: Probably. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW! Surgeon: Is it active? Owner: No. (We hear the dog jumping on a file cabinet and barking) Owner: It's not active! Mary, it's not active! Surgeon: It appears very active. Owner: Mary, don't do that! Nurse: The dog appears to be making rock and roll music against the file cabinet. Owner: Mary, come on! Don't do that! Surgeon: Does you dog listen to too many CD's? Owner: Well, he's listened to every CD I've listened to. He just lies there... Nurse: He's banging his stomach against the file cabinet. (Howling) Nurse: And he's howling in pain. (More howling) Surgeon: Um... when you called you said that he had stomach pains and you said he wouldn't eat... Owner: No, I didn't! Nurse: Yes you did! Owner: I never said that! I said he wouldn't play! (Still howling) Surgeon: He didn't play either, I know. Owner: I never said he wouldn't eat! Surgeon: I think the reason he doesn't eat-- Owner: I NEVER SAID HE DOESN'T EAT! (Laughter) Nurse: Okay. So. The dog is not eating. (Dog is howling in pain) Owner: Shiloh! Nurse: His name is Shiloh. Owner: Yeah. He's a beagle. Surgeon: Why are you always saying, "His name is Shiloh!" and stuff like that? Nurse: Because I feel like it! I'm a nurse! Surgeon: I never had that sort of feeling. I guess it's because I'm not a nurse. Nurse: We should take some X-rays to see if he has something lodged in his stomach. Or in his intestines. Surgeon: Give me that dog. Nurse: We should see if he has something in his intestines. (Choking noises) Nurse: Don't choke the dog! Surgeon: Sorry! Sorry, I was just... Owner: What are you doing to my poor puppy?! Surgeon: My puppy! Owner: My puppy! Nurse: We appear to have an argument. Should we go to court, or solve this right now? Surgeon: Eew! Stupid dog! He peed on me! Owner: See what happens when you hold a dog that doesn't know you at all? Surgeon: I think he's rather excited. (Howling again) Nurse: I am translating his howling into English. He appears to be saying, "My stomach hurts! My stomach! My stomach!" or in Spanish: "Mi estómago, mi estómago, mi estósmago!" Surgeon: How did you know this? Nurse: I am fluent in 2 million languages! Surgeon: Well. We shall turn on the operating table light. Owner: Oh no! Surgeon: So... Miss, I will do anything in my power to make sure this dog is safe. Nurse: Give it an X-ray so we can see what is lodged in its stomach or intestines. (X-ray noises) Nurse: There appears to be a fire hydrant inside of him. Surgeon: It's a wonder he can breathe! Owner: He's too small for a fire hydrant! Nurse: I don't think he swallowed a fire hydrant. It appears to be his dog tag which is in the shape of a fire hydrant. Surgeon: Aha! He was spending all his time around fire hydrants, so I guess he just swallowed one. Nurse: That's dalmatians, not beagles! They spend all their time around guns. Surgeon: My. He has fallen asleep. (snor

Are colds getting you down? Well, introducing the new (some weird brand name with weird letters in it)! This will get rid of all your cold symptoms and also get rid of the nasty bacteria that are trying to get into your lungs.

We have a new video game that has just come out! It's called, Kellogg's pop-tarts Mini Games! In this game, you are a pop-tart, and you get to travel around in the world of Pop-tarting. And there are 26 levels, all of which have a giant King of the Pop-tarts at the end. And the bosses are things such as humans and other things like that, who try to eat you. You must destroy little humans and other things like that, who try to eat you, and if they succeed, then the game is over. This game will be available in stores near you tomorrow. -by Joseph

How to Find the Loch Ness Monster Make a powder that will make water clear.Get enough of the powder to clear Loch Ness Lake.Pour the powder in the Lake, and wait for two days.You may not be able to see to the bottom of the lake.Prepare a tiny video camera with lights that can send its shots to a station near the lake made especially for it.Send to camera to the bottom of the lake and control it to find the monster.If the monster destroys the camera, your plan has failed.-by Mary

A commercial about Emma's imaginary animals. Mary did a pretty bad job of describing them.