261 episodes

btr.org - btr.org has daily, online group and individual coaching sessions for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s abuse: lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. We recognize that labeling a woman as codependent is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are in a relationship, separated, or divorced navigate to recover and heal by establishing safety through boundaries. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. We care about your mental health. Every woman on our team has experienced abuse and betrayal trauma first hand. To learn more about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, visit btr.org

The BTR.ORG Podcast - Betrayal Trauma Recovery Anne Blythe

    • Здоровье и фитнес
    • 4.8 • 1K Ratings

btr.org - btr.org has daily, online group and individual coaching sessions for victims of emotional & psychological abuse and sexual coercion. For women experiencing pain, chaos, and isolation due to their husband’s abuse: lying, gaslighting, manipulation, porn use, cheating, infidelity, emotional abuse, and narcissistic abuse. We recognize that labeling a woman as codependent is a form of victim blaming. Pornography addiction / sex addiction are a domestic abuse issue. Narcissistic abuse is not a communication issue. We help women who are in a relationship, separated, or divorced navigate to recover and heal by establishing safety through boundaries. If you suspect your husband is a narcissist, a pornography addict, or emotionally abusive, this podcast is for you. We care about your mental health. Every woman on our team has experienced abuse and betrayal trauma first hand. To learn more about Betrayal Trauma Recovery, visit btr.org

    Patriarchy Harms Women: Here's How

    Patriarchy Harms Women: Here's How

    Patriarchy is so deeply embedded in modern culture that we may not realize the many ways that it's harming women and girls.



    Emily Elizabeth Anderson is back on the BTR.ORG podcast, offering her unique perspective as a practicing Christian who has left fundamentalism. Together, she and Anne share their insights on the deeply harmful nature of patriarchy. Read the full transcript below and listen to the free BTR.ORG podcast for more.

    Patriarchy Finds Ways to Treat Women & Girls Like Property

    Pre-1800's, women were literally property under the law.



    While women fought for change, misogynists fought for ways to continue to treat women and girls like property:

    "Fathers said to their daughters' new husbands, she was my property, but now she's gonna be your property. Except for, that just was not the right thing to say anymore after the late 1800's. And so then they were like, 'Oh, what are we gonna say now? Oh, I know. We'll say our God-given authority over them is being transferred.'"



    Anne Blythe, Founder of BTR.ORG

    Patriarchy Isolates and Controls Women & Girls

    At varying levels, when women and girls are subjected to a patriarchal system, they experience isolation and control:



    * They may not be allowed to attend public school

    * They may not be allowed to attend college

    * They may have to dress according to certain standards (decided by men)

    * They may not be allowed to work outside of the home

    * They may not be allowed to spend money without their husband's permission

    * They may be coerced to work outside the home, but not have any control over their own income

    * They may not be allowed to associate with anyone outside of their high-control religious community and/or family

    * They may not be allowed to participate in religious rituals without their husband present

    * They may not be allowed to read scripture or pray

    * They may be coerced to homeschool their own children

    * They may be conditioned to raise their children in a similarly oppressive system

    * They may be coerced to marry early or against their own desires

    * They may be coerced into sexual activity

    * They may not be allowed to question their husband's behavior - even abusive behavior



    Patriarchy Enables Abuse

    In a system where women and girls are conditioned and coerced into silence and submission, men have free reign to control and abuse. Patriarchal systems enable abuse because men and male leadership enable and support each other in their abusiveness.



    When patriarchal systems meet religion, women and girls are especially susceptible to spiritual and religious abuse, because men will say that they are acting in the name of God, and women and girls face the threat of eternal punishment if they don't obey their abuser.

    BTR.ORG Is Here For You

    If you have been conditioned to believe seeking safety from abuse is sinful and that you must submit to your abusive husband in order to please God, please know that we are here for you. At BTR.ORG, we understand how hopeless it can feel to go against what you've been taught and brought up to believe, in pursuit of your own safety and the safety of your children.



    You don't have to do this alone - attend a BTR.ORG Group Session today and find a community that understands and validates you.

    Full Transcript:

    Anne (00:00):

    Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. I have Emily Elizabeth Anderson back on today's episode. If you did not hear our episode from last week, go there first. Listen to that one and then join us here.

    • 29 min
    How Fundamentalism & Patriarchy Fuel Abuse

    How Fundamentalism & Patriarchy Fuel Abuse

    If you grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home, you may be all-too familiar with the patriarchal structure that not only excuses abuse, but often encourages it. 

    Emily Elizabeth Anderson is on the BTR.ORG podcast, sharing her experiences with the fundamentalist ATI cult. Recognizing and then escaping the abusiveness of her upbringing has led her to supporting other victims - including the BTR.ORG community. Read the full transcript below and listen to the BTR.ORG podcast for more. H

    Fundamentalism & Patriarchy Are Intertwined



    "Every fundamentalist teaching I've ever come across also goes hand-in-hand with patriarchy. It looks like men doing the teaching, the interpreting of scripture. Women are told again and again that they are easily deceived like Eve was. You have to have male authority over you for your protection, for your safety, for your provision, for interpretation of scripture. Women are considered to be beneath men. They are the property of men. Women must have some kind of male headship and authority rather than God being their direct authority."

    Emily Elizabeth Anderson



    You can't have fundamentalist teachings without patriarchy lurking, ominously. Patriarchy is simply disguised misogyny and misogyny is at the root of abuse.

    Using Religion to Excuse & Enable Abuse

    Fundamentalist religious communities use patriarchal (misogynistic) doctrines to excuse and enable abuse:



    "Patriarchy is a very nice package for abuse and power and control. So a lot of abusers like to use it and like to claim that it is of God - and it is not. And they like to feed to women that this is what God wants of you. And it is not. Patriarchy is used as a way to excuse abusive behavior."

    Emily Elizabeth Anderson



    BTR.ORG Is Here For You

    Whether you've recently begun to wonder if there are abusive patterns in your faith community, or you've been nuanced for quite some time, the BTR.ORG Group Sessions are a safe place for you to process your trauma and find a community of women who will never judge you on your journey. We love you, we believe you. 

    Full Transcript: 

    Anne (00:00):Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. If you're new to the BTR podcast, you may wanna consider starting with the oldest episode first and then making your way forward chronologically. If you do that, you'll take the journey with me as I learn more and more. You'll hear a change in my voice as I grow in confidence and skills. It'll be like a friend holding your hand as you make your own way to peace. No matter what time of year it is, no matter what you're going through right now, no matter if you thought things were under control or you had hope that things would get better, but you realize you're back to square one if you find yourself needing support, we're here.

    (02:33):I am so honored to have Emily Elizabeth Anderson on today's episode. She's a Christian blogger and a trauma recovery advocate for people who have experienced abuse within a Christian environment. After growing up in a fundamentalist cult for 23 years and experiencing childhood domestic violence, Emily began her journey to recovery in 2015 and eventually found Jesus to be her ultimate healer. She soon turned her passion for writing into a blog, and her story has since been featured on several media outlets, including NPR. She married her best friend Joshua in 2020, and together they are passionate about educating on the realities of trauma, survival, and recovery, as well as supporting survivors they meet through their online community. To read more of Emily's story, please visit her Facebook community, Thriving Forward. Welcome, Emily.

    Emily (03:48):Oh, thank you Anne,

    • 29 min
    Mind-Blowing Truth: Good Men Exist! 🤯

    Mind-Blowing Truth: Good Men Exist! 🤯

    If you're like many victims of emotional and psychological abuse and sexual coercion, it may be hard to believe that good, healthy men are out there - but here's a mind-blowing truth for you: good men really do exist.

    Gretchen Baskerville, author of The Life-Saving Divorce is back on the podcast with Anne. Together, they're giving us the inside scoop on, not only the fact that healthy men do indeed exist, but what characteristics they exhibit. Tune in to the free BTR.ORG podcast and read the full transcript below for more. 

    Healthy, Good Men? Prove it.



    "People ask me, 'In all of your work with abusers or getting to know thousands of victims who are women who have been abused by men, do you just hate men? Do you see abuse in all men?' And, and you know, what's interesting is the more I've learned about abuse and the more I've come to recognize healthy behaviors, I actually have more hope now than I ever had before."

    Anne Blythe, Founder of BTR.ORG



    When you're in the throes of an abusive relationship, it may be difficult to believe that good men actually do exist, especially if you've been further abused by male clergy, male therapists, and male relatives.

    Abuse perpetuated by men against women is prolific and in this community, the trauma that women experience is often horrifying and long-lasting - however, it may be healing to know that there ARE men who do not abuse women. 

    How Can I Tell If He's Healthy vs. Abusive? 

    Sometimes it's difficult to know if a man is genuinely healthy, because abusive men are keenly manipulative and can imitate healthy behaviors. However, understanding that healthy men consistently live these key, healthy traits can help you identify healthy men. Healthy men:



    * Honor and respect your boundaries without push-back or defensiveness

    * Do what they say they're going to do

    * Are secure in their relationships and do not seek sexual contact outside of their marriages

    * Don't see non-sexual things and people through a sexual lens

    * Sometimes have a difficult time understanding the motives and behaviors of abusive men

    * Don't set off your Sacred Internal Warning System

    * Allow and encourage you to be yourself

    * Do not require you to walk on eggshells



    What Does a Relationship With a Healthy Man Look Like?



    "I remarried at age 57, so I was single a long, long time. I was plump, I was opinionated, I was used to having authority over men because I was a top executive in a company and I had many men reporting directly to me. And I just came to the point in my life where I decided that I'm not gonna apologize for who I am. And lo and behold, a man came in my life who I had worked with about 10 years before, and we had really liked each other and he loved who I was. He loved having an outspoken, fast driving, wife and girlfriend. And we have had a lovely, lovely marriage for over five years now."

    Gretchen Baskerville, author



    In relationships, abusive men seek to erase the identity of the victim. They condition the victim to walk on eggshells and become less of who she was before. 

    Healthy men do the opposite - they love their partners for exactly who they are and encourage them to bask in their autonomy, becoming more and more of who they want to be.

    Gretchen describes being plump, opinionated, and unapologetic - and deeply loved for those characteristics, and everything else that makes her who she is.

    BTR.ORG Is Here For You

    At BTR.ORG, we know the pain of betrayal trauma and emotional abuse - you deserve support. Attend a BTR.ORG Group Session today. 

    • 25 min
    A Glimpse Into Single Life Post-Divorce

    A Glimpse Into Single Life Post-Divorce

    Many victims of abuse are reluctant to pursue a life-saving divorce because of harmful myths about single life for women. 

    Could you be one of those women? 

    Gretchen Baskerville is on the BTR.ORG podcast breaking down harmful myths and offering powerful words of encouragement. Tune into the free BTR.ORG podcast and read the full transcript below for more.

    Busting Myths About Life-Saving Divorce & Single Life

    Especially in the religious community, women are inundated with toxic myths regarding divorce. Some of those myths include:



    * "You're nothing without a husband."

    * "Women friends are merely place-keepers until marriage."

    * "Marriage is the 'end all' and if you seek divorce, you've failed." 



    It's easy to see why women feel immense societal pressure to stay married - even when they're being abused. 

    Here's the truth - you can find immense fulfillment in platonic relationships with other women; you are not a failure for seeking safety, and you do not require a husband to have worth as a human being.

    Choosing a Life-Saving Divorce Despite Fear



    "I thought that divorce was the worst possible thing that could happen to me."

    Gretchen Baskerville, author



    Here in the BTR.ORG community, we often hear women express that they were terrified and felt immense feelings of failure for seeking divorce - but decided to take a leap of faith toward safety. 

    It does take time, but usually these women explain that even though the decision was difficult and the sorrows and stresses of life aren't suddenly, magically erased, they're proud of themselves for seeking a life-saving divorce and far happier than they used to be.

    But I Don't Want To Be Single!

    Some victims quietly express that one of the reasons they hesitate to seek divorce is because they don't want to be alone. Gretchen and Anne discuss some encouraging truths for women in this situation:



    * Platonic relationships with other women, especially fellow victims, can be extremely fulfilling and healing. 

    * Far and wide, divorced women express that single life without abuse is easier and happier than married life with an abuser. 

    * It is perfectly possible to rebuild your life on a solid foundation after divorcing an abuser - it may take time, but you CAN do it. 



    BTR.ORG Is Here For You

    Making the decision to divorce is difficult - we understand. Please seek support - attend a BTR.ORG Group Session today.



    Full Transcript: 

    Anne (00:00):Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne.

    (02:44):I am more than excited to have my friend Gretchen Baskerville back on today's episode. She is a Christian in the Los Angeles area who's been doing Christian Divorce Recovery Ministry in churches since 1998. As you can imagine, she's heard many, many heartbreaking stories of betrayal and abuse. And from her experience, she has found that when Christian women find themselves married to serial cheaters or sexually immoral spouses or physically and emotionally abusive spouses, they tend to try to fix their marriage. They pray, they forgive, they go to counseling, and Gretchen is on a mission to help women know that they don't have to submit themselves to that type of wickedness, but they can consider life-saving divorce. She is the author of an absolutely awesome book, Life-Saving Divorce. Also, you can find her at lifesavingdivorce.com. Welcome, Gretchen.

    Gretchen Baskerville (04:14):It's so great to be with you again, Anne.

    Anne (04:17):So we are gonna talk about being single.

    • 24 min
    Does "God Hate Divorce"?

    Does "God Hate Divorce"?

    Have you felt confused by misogynistic religious indoctrination like "God Hates Divorce"? 

    Teachings like these ignore accountability and ultimately discourage women from seeking safety. 

    Emily is back on the BTR.ORG podcast with Anne. Together, they discuss how they hold on to their own beliefs while seeking safety from abuse. Tune in to the BTR.ORG podcast and read the full transcript below for more. 

    Abusive Indoctrination Harms Women

    Abusive indoctrination is a serious problem within faith communities of every paradigm. Teachings like:



    * "God hates divorce"

    * "Divorce ruins families"

    * "Women are subservient to men"

    * "Women should submit to their husbands"



    Condition women to ignore abuse, and abusers are often not held accountable. 

    Focus On "Deliverance"

    Victims can choose to focus on the concept of "deliverance" found in many religious texts and teachings. 

    Anne shares,



    I encourage women to pray for are two things. Pray for deliverance and pray for a life of peace. What is my next step? How can I establish peace in my home? What would you like me to do? And he will lead and guide you to whatever that is. 

    Anne Blythe, Founder of BTR.ORG



    BTR.ORG Is Here For You

    At BTR, we know how difficult it can be to separate deeply ingrained religious teachings while still hoping to hold on to dearly held faith traditions. The BTR.ORG Group Sessions are a safe place for you to process difficult emotions and share your experiences. Attend a session today. 

    Full Transcript:

    Anne (00:00):Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. 

    I have Emily, a member of our community back on today's episode. So Emily and I shared the same faith, and I wanna do, I don't know, not necessarily a trigger warning, but an explanation of this episode. There's some parts that we edited out, um, for privacy's sake, but Emily and I were having a conversation and she was asking me how I keep my faith.

    (03:36):So I just went ahead and talked about my faith. If you are not interested in that, just you can turn it off when we get to that point or keep listening. Um, the purpose of this podcast is not to proselyte. We're all just here sharing from our own experience. So the point of me talking to her is just sharing my own experience and my own views, and we respect that. Everyone has different views around here. As you've heard on the podcast, uh, women come from all different religions or different paradigms or no religion. Everyone is welcome here. If you did not listen to last week's episode, go there. Listen to that first, and then join us here. We start off talking about where she is right now in her situation. So we'll just jump right in. So where are you now in your situation? Do you feel like you've established some peace or do you feel like you're still sort of being cycled through the abuse?

    "It's So Hard" 

    Emily (04:29):It's still a cycle. I have established more peace. I have definitely been able to recognize my relationship for what it is I am. I am able to recognize patterns and behaviors that before I wouldn't have recognized what they were, but it's really hard. It's so hard. I've, I've never been able to get to the point where I can make a concrete decision to stay or to go. And it's almost like sometimes I almost wish I would find him in another affair so that I could have that reason of, okay, I really can leave. But right now it's like this in between where I feel like exactly what you're saying earlier, like he hasn't, he's aware of what he needs to do,

    • 34 min
    I Think My Husband's Lying To Me

    I Think My Husband's Lying To Me

    When something just feels off - 

    When his story doesn't quite add up -

    When he gives you that strange, blank look before answering a simple question - 

    It's hard to admit what may be on your mind: "I Think My Husband's Lying To Me".

    Emily is on the BTR.ORG podcast sharing her own story of seeking safety after learning that her abuser was living a double life, rife with lies and manipulation. Tune in to the BTR.ORG podcast and read the full transcript below for more. 

    The Abuser Puts On A Facade



    [The abuser] is super spiritual and we did all the religious things and I just thought that I had married a spiritual, religious, truthful person. I didn't think that he was capable of the lies and betrayal that ensued.

    Emily, member of the BTR.ORG Community



    Many victims struggle to accept that the abuser is manipulating them because of the incredibly believable facade they put on. The abuser may wear a mask that makes him seem:



    * Devoutly religious

    * Like an honorable leader (many abusers hold public leadership roles)

    * Incredibly smart (doctors, attorneys, professors, etc)

    * Gentle (others may say things like, "He wouldn't hurt a fly!"

    * Altruistic and woke (some abusers may be very involved in human rights activism, civil rights, or other causes to seem like a good person)

    * Grounded and at peace (they may wear this mask by getting involved in new-age practices like yoga, meditation, secular Buddhism, becoming a life coach, etc).



    The Abuser Gaslights You To Avoid Getting Caught In His Lies



    Our marriage was just falling apart. I could not explain why. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I thought it was me. He had told me throughout the our marriage that like I was too mean and he wasn't attracted to me. So I, I thought, you know, it's just me.

    Emily, member of the BTR.ORG Community



    Abusers will keep victims spiraling in every direction so that catching them in their lies is a nearly impossible feat. 

    They keep victims especially fixated on their own "flaws" so that victims feel that they're not allowed or worthy to address the abuser's dishonesty. 

    If Something Feels Off, Trust Yourself

    Ultimately, you can't outsmart an abuser - they'll deny, gaslight, and project until they're blue in the face.

    Even if they do admit that they're lying, they will never give you the closure and validation that you deserve.

    Instead, trust yourself that something is off and instead of seeking definitive proof and a confession, seek safety. 

    Our BTR.ORG Group Sessions are a safe space for you to process your trauma and work toward safety. Attend a session today. 

     

    Full Transcript: 

    Anne (00:00):Welcome to BTR.ORG. This is Anne. I have a member of our community on today's episode. We're gonna call her Emily and she's gonna share her story. So welcome, Emily.

    Emily (03:22):Thank you. It's great to be here.

    Anne (03:25):It's kind of nerve-wracking sometimes to think about sharing with other people, so I'm really grateful that you were willing. Can you start at the beginning? Did you recognize your husband's behaviors as abuse at the time when you began your relationship with him?

    Emily (03:39):No, not at all. You were the first one that made me ever even consider it abusive. Just from listening to your podcasts, um, before that, that had never even crossed my mind.

    Anne (03:53):Let's start with that then. What, what types of behaviors were you experiencing that led you to want to seek some help?

    Learning the Term "Gaslighting" 

    Emily (04:02):Well, he had an affair. So after that, it was actually about five years after the affair was discovered tha...

    • 25 min

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5
1K Ratings

1K Ratings

krystalm837 ,

Empowering!!

This podcast has helped me find the words to what I was feeling for so many years. Thank you for validating safety first and educating women through their entire journey of betrayal trauma.

StLeRe ,

It’s great to know I’m not alone

It is incredibly liberating for me to know I’m not alone in my recovery journey! Help is hard to find. I want to be intentional in repairing my holistic self.

bratmari ,

Above the Rest

I have listened to many similar podcasts, but this one has me pausing and taking notes! I can’t recommend it enough. It’s great!

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