The Delicious Story Sherry A Borzo

News alert: I’m not perfect. Of course, this isn’t news, but it makes the contradiction of receiving criticism an odd struggle. Each of us knows we are works in progress, yet having others point that out can still be a hard pill to swallow.

Call it constructive criticism, critique, or “gentle love,” we need to have an outside point of view to help us see ourselves with fresh eyes.

I began this episode of The Delicious Story with the premise that criticism is a push-pull concept, a necessary jab to the psyche.

With the help of a panel of women—experts in their businesses and professions—we dig beyond the narrow view of the need/pain paradigm. We discuss feedback as an essential skill set, both giving and receiving it, and how to maximize results.

The Panel of Experts
I proudly highlight successful women who generously share their wisdom in this show. Each comes with a varied background of experiences and brings compelling observations.

Tracey Kelley worked as a corporate manager and now provides writing services on a contract basis. In addition, she has also been a yoga instructor for more than a dozen years. Tracey toggles these areas—both at the organizational and individual instruction-level—where critique is essential.

Jennifer Phipps is a massage therapist who practices out of Des Moines, Iowa. She speaks particularly to building trust with her clients and minimizing chronic pain. Her work can only happen with candid feedback, which she invites.

Celest Rose came from a corporate background in coaching. In 2018 she started a business as a certified body confidence coach and recently earned certification in Integrated Sexuality. Celeste views the subject of criticism through the organizational lens that has evolved with an emphasis on intimate relationships.

Felicia Coe owns Cirque Wonderland Studios and Cirque Wonderland Entertainment. Her performers provide circus arts, aerial arts, acrobatics, and more. On the studio side, Cirque Wonderland teaches the many performance arts of her craft. Felicia works with clients who hire Cirque Wonderland Entertainment for their private and business events as an entertainment outlet. Feedback is essential for both of her business operations.

Clair Williams-Vavra came from the hospitality management field and used her expertise to segue to Sales Engagement Manger with startup QuickHire about two years ago. Harnessing statistical analysis systems and technology, she helps clients recruit and retain the right hires for their businesses. For Clair, feedback has got to be two-way to build trust within her team.

What is Constructive Criticism Anyway?
For many, the word criticism harbors only a negative association, as in being criticized – or berated – by someone. A quick internet search reports that the word critic came from the Greek word kritos which means to judge. Fast forward to the 20th century, criticism developed into a scholarly analysis, providing balanced judgment.

We think of negative criticism about you or your performance in something like a job review. But the definition of “constructive criticism “focuses on providing helpful guidance, supported by specific examples.

Strong leaders who want to encourage the best from their teams evaluate them based on their efforts and accomplishments first. And more than that, recognize the inherent skills of the individuals involved.

Ready to Give or Receive Feedback? Set the Mood
Still, there is this friction between giving instructive criticism that butts up against an individual’s willingness to accept it in the first place.

To get the full scope of the wisdom our TDS guests offer, take a listen to the podcast, or enjoy viewing the discussion in vodcast mode.

Here are some high points of our conversation:
•Go to “critique.” If you get...

Pssst. Listen. Do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell? Then lean in, and I’ll tell you one: for most people, the promise of information that is “hush-hush” is intoxicating.

We want to know—almost need to know—details that seem to put us in the know or give us an edge in the world. We all gossip or have been in circles where gossip takes place. Gossip plays out in families, friends, work, even in politics and other national organizations.

At its core gossip usually comes with darker undercurrents—emotion laced with fear and judgement. We talk about difficult subjects, frightening stories, the things we can’t talk about in public or give the light of day.

Most of us associate gossip with shame—shame about the information being told, and a kind of shame for ourselves for engaging in it, if it veers malicious.

But fear not about any the roles you’ve played in gossip. Here we talk with Leah Ackerman, intuit, empathic, and sexual health /wellness coach, about the dynamics of gossip. She talks about us feeling more empowered to redirect our conversation.

Leah spends her time coaching women how to feel good in their own skin. After years in the corporate world of marketing, Leah found her calling to supporting women. But as gossip is a gender-neutral phenomenon, the tools and ideas shared apply to everyone.

What is gossip and why do we do it?
Per Merriam, gossip is the action of telling a “rumor or report of an intimate nature.” Gossip travels from one person to another and group to group. It is often based on some truth. We spread news (rumor, conjecture, and true details) via gossip with the innate idea of protecting the herd.

Example: so-and-so got food poisoning from X restaurant. We are likely to believe the gossip, in part, because it comes from someone else – and if that person is someone we know, we latch onto the information.
I was ready to go generally negative on the concept of gossip, but it turns out to be one way that news informally spreads. Per the BBC article, “Do We Have Gossip All Wrong?” gossip is a societal tool.

We often share information we don’t feel that we can receive otherwise. As a study in social science, gossip is talk about someone else that involves evaluation of that person, good or bad. The news spreads person-to-person and the community is notified.

But the article does make the point that gossiping often stems from a place of feeling powerless. “…groups traditionally shut out of power and influence, may find empowerment through their own channels and interpretations of the truth.”

Could this gossip thing be the source for people readily believing conspiracy theories and misinformation generally?

When it comes to power, we equate it with more control or autonomy of self. We seek information to verify what we think, and that which we want to believe and have others believe, too.

The Four Agreements Frame of Mind
But when it comes to control, the only thing we have a crack at is influencing how we feel. The news or information aside, it is what and how we believe about ourselves and our place in the world, that really matters.
If we focus our lens to the kinds of gossip that circulate about those in our immediate circles, the activity of gossip doesn’t feel so good. Whether the information we disperse is true or not, an internal moral gut sense often shouts out a “yuck” in our ear, especially when we relate news that is unkind or none of our business.
Whether you’ve been the gossiper or the subject of it, gossip can also reveal pain and helplessness. If we don’t confront that feeling of lacking, we in fact have less power. When you look at gossip and its correlation to pain, it amounts to a whole lot of suffering going on!

Leah delves into her discovery of the informative book The Four Agreements by...

Have you ever looked out on the world (listened to too much news) and wondered, "why can't people just get along?"

We all want roughly the same things: a happy life, experience love and family, prosper and live. But we all seem ready to roll over others to achieve these goals, desperate in our feelings of lacking.

Indeed, global peace and recognizing each other's shared needs and desires seem unimaginable. It is easy to feel hopeless and powerless in that reckoning because even many of our close relationships are at odds. Our country seems more at war within in recent years, and the fighting spills over into families. We've lost sight of each other while entrenching ourselves in our camps.

Do you feel that tug of toxicity – from entrenched opinions about thorny subjects like religion and politics – with some people in your life? I do. But wait, we must have some influence, if not on the world stage, at least in our backyards with family and community.

Our families are a microcosm of humanity, a path to understanding our bonds to the larger world. Through family and friendships, we gain insights into how to be humane. So, when intimate ties crash, we can feel lost not just in who we are but also in what purpose our lives even serve.

If you've struggled to find peace within and without, this episode of The Delicious Story is for you. Here I chat with Elena Greenberg, a practicing attorney, mediator, and professional mentor.
Elena walks us through steps and ideas to help us find common ground and harmony with family, not just for the holidays, but the long haul, too.

Our Separateness
We are each unique in our views of the world. You've probably realized this when you've shared an experience, witnessed an event, or even read the same book with others and noted that you don't "see" the facts or their meaning the same way.

We each interpret the outside "reality" based on our prism of life knowledge and prejudices. And the truth of the variations of perspective is that sometimes objective facts become irrelevant. Often, two people can't agree on what is, infact fact. We become stranded in subjective opinion instead.

And what's more, the person you are now and the opinions you hold dear may not be relevant later as you grow and change. Thus, you can't be certain that the opinions you believe today, will be yours by tomorrow.

So, in theory and based on experience, we get that we're different. And we either come to terms with the differences, find them exciting or unimportant or deny they exist at all. We often seek those we believe are the "same," because differences can cause us internal stress.

When it comes to strongly held opinions, like those of politics and religion, we become entrenched in the "facts" (code for opinions) that we believe even at the expense of important relationships. And the more we insist on our rightness, the less we hear or seek to understand any other point of view. Growth is not possible.

Finding Our Common Ground
I've been thinking a lot about estrangement in families lately since I've read Karl Pillemer's book Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them. Throughout the book, he interviews numerous people experiencing estrangement from family members.

Pillemer suggests that these fractured bonds don't serve us and leave holes in our family ties that impact generations into the future. He also tells stories of those who decide they want to end the estrangement.

Reconciliation hinges on a few points. To mend, all involved realize that the past disagreement is no longer critical. They also recognize they don't require an apology for an old wrong. And ultimately, the path to a relationship lies in going forward.

If you've been teetering on the brink of fissures in your family because of toxic topics, try to turn a corner for the...

Even as baby boomers march by the millions into older age, redefining what it means to be old, we still struggle as a culture by limiting beliefs about seniors. And of all the fiction about aging, one devastating falsehood that seems to stick is that elders can't learn new things, including technology.

In this episode of #thedeliciousstory, we chat with Senior Savvy's expert Abbie Richie who busts the myth that seniors can't learn tech. Abbie shares her inspiring story of helping seasoned adults everywhere frolic on the internet to connect and live productively in the new age of aging.

AN ARCHAIC NOTION OF AGE
It's not just our society that has trapped seniors into the confines of antiquated ideas about aging. The lie has been thousands of years in the making; perhaps ageism fallacies can be traced back far into the depths of human history. Notably, a view of aging surfaced with the Greek philosopher Aristotle (384 BCE - 322 BCE). He likened the aging brain to a wax tablet that cools with age, becoming rigid and brittle to forming new concepts.

Fast forward nearly a couple of millennia to 1523, when the idiom "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" first appeared in a book about animal husbandry. The literal meaning was that it is hard (but not impossible) to train an older dog new tricks and procedures. We naturally are drawn to catchy quotes and sayings, especially if they encapsulate a grain of truth.

In 1546 when the "old dog" phrase appeared in John Heywood's proverb collection, it was sold to our collective brain and has been circulating in our shared truisms lexicon ever since! The old dog principle is a perfect example of how history never wholly dies, even if we lose track of it.

SENIORS CAN BE TECH-SAVVY
We are learning new things about ourselves and the world each day, no matter our age. Those who are savvy and want to age well do themselves a favor by putting in efforts to gain new knowledge with intention. Not just occasionally, but regularly.

It's good for your brain to acquire new information. To resist learning simply because of the 'age excuse' is to give in to a self-defeating stereotype and promulgates the concept.

Per the BBC, "The Amazing Fertility of the Older Mind," David Robson cites a study at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. For this study, participants memorized a list of items that they then compared and referenced with a table of word pairings. Adults over the age of 60 were "more reluctant to rely on their memory, preferring instead to laboriously cross-reference the two tables, even though it took significantly more time. For some reason, they weren't confident that they had learned the pairs accurately.

This distrust of self has looped over into tech learning as an older adult, too. The issue proves worse likely because seniors compare their ability to learn against younger generations' second nature tech know-how.

The comparison is a false paradigm, however. Younger people grew up with 21st-century technology, while older people have had to incorporate it later. After all, if you're over the age of 50, you were full-blown adulting when home computers and cell phones burgeoned in the 1980s and '90s.

As Abbie points out, older people can feel lost in the language of technology not because they can't learn it, but because it seems foreign, not understanding some basics about the context of use or steps. Abbie explains that it's most helpful for older adults to start with a base of why and move on from there. Her point is to shift from a can't learn mindset to how-to learn instead.

CRUSTACEANS AS FOOD
As with all episodes of The Delicious Story, I asked our interesting person Abbie to share her memorable meal story. If you're a lobster lover, you'll particularly enjoy her tale.

I like the idea of lobster more than the...

Each person has a story to tell, but not everyone believes that – or even wants to tell theirs. However, others have the drive to share their story because of a particular experience, one that perhaps scarred them but left them with an important life lesson as well.

If you seek to write your story but don't know where to begin or how to accomplish it, then this episode of The Delicious Story is for you. Here you'll meet Stormi Lewis, the published author of several books and a story-sharing coach. Stormi works as a muse and coach to help others find their writer's voice and turn the book's concept into reality.

In this interview, we'll delve into how she became a writer and storytelling expert. Then we'll explore some tips for those who wish to write their story (both fiction and nonfiction) and how to publish it. We will also chat about the most significant publishing hurdles, which can make the writing challenge pale by comparison.

WHAT DOESN'T KILLS YOU SHOULD BE WRITTEN
During the podcast, Stormi explains her backstory and what compelled her to write books, especially her memoir. There is inspiration through her experience that will resonate for many and offer encouragement for anyone who doesn't think they can write a book.

I was thinking about memoirs and looking at a list of titles via a quick Google search: what do you think is the #1 circumstance for writing memoirs? It turns out – per the New York Book Editors post – that life's transformation and transitions are the primary impetus for writing most memoirs.
Something significant occurs in someone's life, forever changing them, and they want to write the story to share it and perhaps bolster others. So, understanding the lesson of your story is key to knowing how to start writing it.

We also chat with Stormi about the distinctions between autobiography and memoirs and fiction contrasted with nonfiction. Stormi is all about both fiction and nonfiction in her writing and dives into the value of each.

But when it comes to memoir, the driving force is when something significant transpires in our lives, and instead of losing oneself, the storyteller finds their way through to another side. We all seek those stories, especially in times when we struggle, because they provide hope. It's like the saying that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger – when it comes to memoir, what doesn't kill you, is worth turning into a book!

HOW TO STOP STALLING AND GET TO WRITING
Stormi understands what holds many writers back from being productive. During our interview, she offers up tips for feeling stalled in the writing process while navigating complications in life. And there is always that stubborn internal voice that can sabotage writing and publishing a book.
You'll discover why Stormi brings an understanding to her coaching, too, because she has had her struggles and managed the process while holding down a full-time job. She understands busy. So, if doing your writing is the essential piece for your memoir experience, instead of hiring a ghostwriter such as Storied Gifts, it makes good sense to have such a coach in your corner.

MARKETING IS THE ELEPHANT
Stormi walks through an overview of the differences between self-publishing versus working with a publisher. Either way, you choose to go, it's essential to have the full picture of what awaits you once you complete your memoir. Then there's the next step, marketing!

Marketing is not for the weak of heart. It's the enormous elephant muscling its way out of the corner and taking up nearly the entire space in the room after you publish a book.
Once you write your story, craft it, take hours editing it, and see it finally realized into print, your book has become your baby. Your newborn needs your entire investment and hard work, physically and emotionally, to share it. Stormi shares some of...

Indulge your senses and feel the splashy effervescence of life in this interview (#thedeliciousstory podcast #63) with chef Terrie Kohl. Based in Des Moines, Iowa’s largest metropolitan area, she is a one-woman culinary powerhouse that dazzles and delights, one great meal at a time!

With a career in the food industry that spans decades, you’ll learn how Terrie took brave steps that earned her the credentials to become a top chef. She launched her business Country Club Market, where she offers outstanding catering and cooking classes.

I promised you “cooking party” ideas at the opening, and Terrie delivers. Sharing anecdotes of some of the cooking class styles she has provided over the years – she serves up a slew of ideas that will get your creative wheels turning for your next party.

Listen and soak in Terrie’s exuberance and her delectable food stories and suggestions. From her experiences, you’ll glean ideas to savor more of your own time around the table.

THE ART OF THE COOKING PARTY
If you find you’re one of those people who gets stumped when it comes to creating a memorable party for an event, then you’ll discover inspiration in Terrie’s cooking class tales. She has instructed many groups, some as large as 150 people and others as intimate as a gathering of 2.

Sharing food is a rich connector. No matter how different we feel we are from one another, we all must eat to live. Try as we might to differentiate ourselves from one another, we are all in this human story together, and eating, plus the pleasure of it, is one way we can all relate.

It makes sense that in addition to connecting through eating, you can blend in the cooking as a part of your gathering. Terrie describes several ways to bring cooking classes into your home – or hers – for a winning and memorable party.

Think about weddings, birthdays, special business clients, anniversaries, and you are just beginning to scratch the surface of the many cooking class party ideas. The key is to bring in an expert like Terrie, who can assure that everything is prepared from the thoughtfully selected ingredients, the engaging recipes, and stunning presentation that raises cooks at all levels.

PREPARATION IS KEY
A funny (and embarrassing) sidenote about this interview is that I lost it for a time. I recorded with Terrie back at the end of 2019, intending to publish it as a podcast and blog in January of 2020.

Somehow, I mislaid the interview in the early months of the new year and just recently realized I’d missed publishing this gem. I blame it on the crazy of pandemic times.

Of course, the things Terrie talks about, from meal preparation to holiday planning and parties, are all timeless and valuable. But it feels especially great right now as we all plan for potentially opening up our lives after socially quarantining, entertaining again with family and friends once everyone is vaccinated.

Terrie’s advice about entertaining and how to make these special events work are spot-on practical. I bet we’ll all feel the heightened sense of pleasure as we gather at tables with friends and family and still being able to keep the focus on the people.

A MEMORABLE MEAL FOR THE BOOKS
For those of you who proudly wear the mantle of “foodie” or love a bit of food history, Terrie’s memorable meal story is a stellar and one that involves culinary legend Julia Child. The story is set in Boston at the Westin Copley Square, 1997, and relates a scholarship from Les Dames d’ Escoffier.

I drop these bits of information because I wasn’t aware of the organization. Les Dames is a professional culinary organization that began in 1976 “for women leaders in the food, beverage, and hospitality industry.”

At the time of this story, Julie Child was already in her 90s. She has passed away but remains an icon of fine...