The five stages of grief are a theory of how we grieve, but the reality may and probably WILL feel different. Let the Grief Girl with Kristi Hugstad show you how to deal with grief and use your experience to transform!
What Matters Most with Paul Dolman - Guest | Kristi Hugstad
I had the honor of being interviewed by Paul Dolman on his show, "What Matters Most." October is #DepressionAwarenessMonth. I invite you to listen in, hear my story, my mission & through my latest book, "Beneath the Surface", learn the warning signs of depression and the tools to cope.
What a heartbreaking yet inspiring conversation with Kristi Hugstad (find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram) on the loss of her husband Bill through suicide and her conscious choice to make a beautiful difference in the world around this much too frequent unfolding. She has a powerful new book, Beneath the Surface: A Teen’s Guide to Reaching Out When You or Your Friend Is in Crisis, that contains the wisdom we could all expand upon within us so that we could be of greater service to those around us.
Kristi Hugstad is the author of Beneath the Surface: A Teen’s Guide to Reaching Out When You or Your Friend Is in Crisis. Ever since her husband completed suicide in 2012, by running in front of a train after years of struggling with clinical depression, Kristi has dedicated her life to helping to abolish the stigma of mental illness and suicide. A certified grief recovery specialist and a grief and loss facilitator for recovering addicts at South Coast Behavioral Health, Kristi frequently speaks at high schools. She is also the host of The Grief Girl podcast and lives in Orange County, California.
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It's Not Just Anthony Bourdain
It was an honor to have Scott Sargeant on my show today. I am so proud of him to have the courage to face and share his truth! He'll have a big impact on the fight to abolish the stigma of mental illness. His story is so compelling and has a powerful message of hope! He seemed to have everything going for him and most men would give anything to have been in his shoes before the suicide attempt.... But depression knows no face. It does not discriminate.
Here is what he had to say about today’s episode:
“I love doing podcast interviews!!Check out this raw & real conversation today with Kristi Hugstad today delving into my emotional journey and the inner struggles that led to my suicide attempt, and what it took to not only overcome that, but also turn it around and recover from the quadriplegia that resulted from my attempt.It still feels a little uncomfortable and scary to revisit the extremely intense thoughts, emotions and body sensations from 20 years ago, and it can still be hard to find the words to adequately convey what I went through, but I'm so grateful to still be here and be able to to share my experiences and insights to give others hope, inspiration, and choices I felt like I didn't have.As I said in the interview, "if there's one thing I could tell that guy that I was at the top of those stairs 20 years ago, it would be: "just go talk to someone." The podcast will be available on iTune, Podbean and my website next week.
Listen and then SHARE! Spread the word to help stop the stigma around Mental Illness.
Life After Loss - Navigating Grief & Returning to Joy
Women's Wellness Day Talk - 2019
Key Takeaways from Todays Talk ...
Grief is about loss, not death
Grief is a natural response to loss of any kind – not just death. You might mourn the loss of your career when you’re laid off or retire. A divorce may leave you reeling over lost companionship or an abrupt change of lifestyle. Addicts often grieve the drug or substance they give up through recovery. Where there is life, there will always be loss. Diminishing health, financial loss, family estrangement, injury or the death of a pet are losses that can – and should – be grieved. Recognizing and working through that grief is essential in helping you live your best life.
There is no destination
Grief is often described as a “journey,” because it catapults you into unknown territory with unforeseen obstacles and setbacks. But it’s important to remember this is a journey without a single destination. Your grief is as unique as you are; there is no universal process that ends with “getting over it.” Just as love has no end, neither does grief. While the pain of your loss will never disappear, it will evolve and transform. Your journey is the process of determining how this grief now fits into your life, and how it will coexist with joy – because I’m here to tell you it can. Don’t allow yourself – or anyone else – to put your grief on a timeline or expect you to follow a specific pattern. Your journey is just that: yours.
Grief knows no ‘stages’
You’re likely familiar with the concept of grief “stages,” but I’ve learned through training and my own experience that these are myths. Just as there is no singular destination on your journey of grief, there are no predestined routes. However, there are many common responses to grief, and recognizing these in yourself can give you clarity when you no longer recognize yourself. Grief is a roller coaster; it doesn’t follow a linear pattern. It can hit you out of nowhere when you least expect it. Subscribing to the idea that grief can be neatly organized into phases can be discouraging when you experience regression, which is an inevitable part of the journey.
Healing requires mental and physical self-care
Grief is a journey of emotions, but you should never forget the connection between your mind and body. Returning to joy requires self-care, both mentally and physically. Sleep, nutrition and exercise all have an impact on mental wellbeing. This is essential to remember when you’re in the healing process. Neglecting your physical health can exacerbate the pain you feel after a loss, while the pain of loss can cause you to neglect your physical health. The only way to break this cycle and return to joy is to make mental and physical self-care a daily priority.
You will feel joy again
Grief can be a tunnel of darkness. When you’re in the thick of it, it’s difficult to imagine a life where light, laughter and joy are present. That’s when it’s critical to just believe. Tell yourself you can be happy again, even if you don’t feel it today. Eventually, you will. It’s important to remember that returning to joy doesn’t mean banishing your grief. Returning to joy means learning to feel love, pleasure, excitement and happiness despite your grief. Your grief is part of you now, and that’s a beautiful thing, because at the root of grief is one thing: love.
Kickin' It with Daree - 5 Years later - Where my grief journey is now
I was so honored to be a guest on the podcast, Kickin' it with Daree Allen last week. A show about lifestyle, culture, life coaching, personal development, faith and fun. Get practical resources and real advice that will inspire you to improve relationships, develop yourself, and handle everyday situations and stressors better than ever.
I was able to share my story, give helping tips and offer hope to those struggling with any kind of loss.
In This Episode…
My story (2:21)
Recognizing depression and mental illness (15:35)
Asking the question, "Are you OK?" (20:51)
The problems with the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, about teen suicide (23:04)
The stigma of crying in front of people (28:40)
The time it takes to grieve and the "get over it" sentiment (31:44)
The stages of grief myth (33:24)
What Kristi wishes she had known (35:19)
International Overdose Awareness Day
This episode of |THE GREIF GIRL| was recorded on International Overdose Awareness Day 2017 while organizations around the world came together to spread the message that the tragedy of overdose death is preventable. On the show, I had the honor of intervoewing Dr. Lawrence Tucker, the Medical Director of Laguna Treatment Hospital. He is a psychotherapist, diplomate of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology, and diplomate of the American Board of Addiction Medicine.And CEO Gil Carmona, MSW, LCSW, has over 25 years of experience in behavioral healthcare and is well versed in discussing addiction and treatment as well.
Listen in as we dive into the devastating reality of addiction and the physicality of addiction, the Opioid epidemic, Opioids, fentanyl and its analogs that are prevalent in Orange County, plus ways to get help and the organizations who strive to make a change.
If you or anyone you know needs help with addiction and treatment, visit https://lagunatreatment.com/
13 Reasons Why NOT to Complete Suicide
For this next episode, we are going to discuss the trending Netflix show, '13 Reasons Why'. I am not here to critque the show, but to continue the conversation the show has started. I am joined with Blake Barber, House Supervisior of the CSP (Community Services Program) Laguna Beach Youth Shelter and Juliet Ekinaka, a former youth counselor at the shelter to discuss signs of depression, suicde, risk factors in teens, triggering events and how to prepare parents, educators and friends to be a good lister for when they ask the powerful question, R U OK?
A recap of 13 Reasons Why: A box of cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker, a 17-year- old student at liberty high school before her suicide details 13 reasons why she completed suicide. It is somewhat like a murder mystery, captivating the viewers attention through the 13th and final episode.
At its core, it exposes what today's teens experience; drug and alcohol use, gender confusion, self- harm, bullying, rape, depression and suicide. It was not easy for me to watch and left me disturbed for several days after watching the final episode. But I do feel 13 reasons why is very important and I am grateful to Netflix for shedding light on a very stigmatized subject.
As mentioned in the podcast, we talk about #13ReasonsWhyNot
I say these 13 Reasons Why Not to you because I have been on the other side of suicide. I was the one left behind, the one still living with this choice my husband decided.
1. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem
2. You have depression, which is an illness and treatable
3. Depression is a liar. You wouldn't give someone who lied to you the time of day, so why give a liar your life.
4. It's not your fault. What ever you are going through, it's not your fault.
5. Things can change. What you are feeling isn't permanent. The first step to any change is making the decision to ask for help.
6. You matter. To your family, to the people whose life you have touched.
7. You are loved. It may not feel like so, but when you have depression, it's hard to let any outside affection in, but it's there, a lot of it.
8. There is help. Suicide has affected so many lives, and because so, there are many amazing resources for all ages to get the care and hope they need to heal.
9. You are not alone. The way you feel is your own, but so many also feel the same pain. Knowing you're not alone can help ease the decision to get help.
10. You will feel whole and healthy again. I know this because I have seen it in action. When you choose the path to heal, a new world of possibilities open up for you.
11. Relief is around the corner. No one likes to feel alone. No one likes to feel nothing at all. With help, there is hope for such relief of numbness.
12. Time is on your side. What's great about the choice to heal, is that you can take your time. Heal on your own terms. You are in the ultimate control and that is motivating and powerful.
13.You are incredible. You may have laughed at this, but you are. Unique, real, alive and have the strength to take control and seek the help and hope you deserve.
If you or your teen needs more information, resources or immediate help, please know it’s available! The following toll-free hotlines are available to help 24/7:Teenline (This is a crisis hotline for teens to talk to other teens): 800-TLC-TEENAFSP American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: 800-273-TALK(8255)Trevor Lifeline (Crisis line for LGBTQ youth): 866-488-7386Bullying Hotline: 800-273-8255National Eating Disorder Association: 800-931-2237National Alcohol and Drug Abuse Hotline: 877-437-8422
Customer ReviewsSee All
After losing both set of my parents and in laws plus a cousin in last two and half years I really needed to find something that told me I wasn’t alone. Thank you for always being so raw and honest. You are letting us all that are grieving we aren’t alone and it really is one day at a time.
This podcast has really been helpful. Lots of different information of people and organizations helping people overcome these new challenges if young minds. Kristi will be eternally grateful for your excellent job. Don’t stop this is very much needed.