The Language of Love is a weekly podcast where Dr. Berman shares her compassionate, humorous, and no-nonsense advice: answering listener questions and interviewing thought leaders and experts on relevant topics. Dr. Berman is ready to help you create the fulfilling and passionate love life you deserve, regardless of your relationship status, gender, or sexual orientation. Are you ready to get started?
Should You Get Back Together with an Ex?
On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about Bennifer and whether or not it’s ever a good idea to get back together with an ex. Getting back together with an ex is extremely tempting, and for some, the urge can even feel downright addictive. If you’re going to get back together with an ex, you have to really make sure that you’re doing so in a conscious, intentional way. You need to be willing to examine what you did to contribute to the breakup in the first place, and what steps you both need to take to ensure that you don’t make the same mistakes this go-around.
Next, Dr. Berman talks to couples who have been stuck at home together for a year and a half due to Covid. After so much togetherness during the pandemic, how can you and your partner start to bring more magic and passion back into your relationship? If you are feeling more like roommates and less like lovers, don’t despair: There are ways you can reignite the flame after this difficult year.
Then, Dr. Berman talks to a woman who recently broke up with her longtime partner. He says he still loves her and misses her, but he claims he needs time to ‘find himself’ and have time alone. How can you move on from a ex-partner who still isn’t fully letting you go? When do you determine that the relationship is completely unsalvageable and quit taking your ex’s calls?
What is Sexual Healing?
On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about ‘sexual healing,’ and what that term means to her. How can you use sexual intercourse to elevate your energetic consciousness and use sexual pleasure as a tool to help you heal your life?
Then, Dr. Berman talks about another kind of sexual healing: Healing physical issues in the bedroom which prevent people from enjoying intimacy. From lack of desire to erection issues to painful sex to an inability to reach orgasm, there are many common sexual complaints that can complicate your experience in the bedroom. However, there are also many tools that can help you overcome these issues and create the sex life you desire.
Dr. Berman also addresses how you can heal from past sexual trauma. In many cases, people with a history of sexual abuse may struggle to feel safe in the bedroom and avoid sex altogether, or they might use sex in a self-destructive way and have unsafe sex or make promiscuous choices even if they really aren’t wanting to do so.
As Dr. Berman explains, being ‘sex positive’ doesn’t have to mean that you have to be ready to have threesomes or be ready to swing from the chandeliers: You can still be conservative about your fantasies or desires, but you are nonjudgmental and realize that sex is an important and healthy part of being human.
And, if you are single, how can you initiate sexual healing when you don’t currently have a partner? Dr. Berman talks about how you can use self-stimulation as a tool for healing.
The Body Keeps the Score: How Trauma Can Impact Our Physical Forms and Sexual Pleasure
On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about the most common challenges that couples report. She reveals that the top complaint that partners have is uneven desire when one partner has a higher libido than the other, and how that can lead to trouble throughout their relationship. She says one issue is that even though many women struggle with some form of sexual dysfunction, whether that is lack of desire, difficulty reaching orgasm, or pain during intercourse, the medical community has only just begun to put attention into addressing female sexual pleasure. Hence, while men can turn to options like Viagra or Cialis, women are left with few, if any options, for improved sexual response, and most are too ashamed to even raise the issue with their doctor.
So, what should women with low desire do? First, Dr. Berman says women need to go to their doctor for a hormone panel as well as to investigate whether any medications they are on may cause sexual side effects (popular prescriptions like anti-depressants and hormonal contraceptives can have downsides in the bedroom). After investigating possible physical causes and troubleshooting possible solutions, Dr. Berman says she would also want to delve into a woman’s past and look at issues like body image, past sexual trauma, sexual shame related to religious or cultural upbringing. Our bodies can carry cellular trauma which can be passed on genetically and Dr. Berman explains that unless we get in touch with our physical selves and where we might be carrying tension or dis-ease, we won’t be able to fully release, whether we are in or out of the bedroom. Hear her reveal how she uses somatic therapy to tap into her physical body and how you can start ‘being in body’ right now.
Learning to Love without Conditions: A Conversation with Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr.
On today’s episode of the “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman sits down with guest Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. The world-renowned Toltec spiritual teacher and New York Times best-selling author of books like “The Five Levels of Attachment” recently hosted a shaman retreat which Dr. Berman attended, and on this new episode, they sit down to reconnect and reflect on love, healing, and living wholeheartedly and consciously even during this difficult time.
Don Miguel Jr. (son of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements) recently wrote a groundbreaking book titled “The Seven Secrets to Healthy Happy Relationships,” and as he explains to Dr. Berman, the foundation of all of these secrets is unconditional love.
“The difference between conditional and unconditional love, to me, is that conditional love only sees what it wants to see, and unconditional love is willing us to see life as it is, it is willing us to see the whole,” says Don Miguel.
Don Miguel and Dr. Berman then delve into communication and the common issues that arise between couples, such as fights about money, parenting, sex, and other stressors. How can one apply the wisdom of unconditional love to rise above these arguments and instead approach their relationship in a more wholehearted and enlightened way? How can unconditional love be applied to these situations in a real, applicable way that couples can use in their daily lives?
Don Miguel shares his wisdom and his tips for couples who are seeking to build a healthier and happier marriage, and how people can ‘defuse their triggers’ and learn to separate these arguments from their love for one another and the security of their relationship as a whole. Listen to his life-changing advice now!
Different Words, Different Worlds: Male and Female Communication
On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about how communication is a muscle that couples have to learn to exercise throughout their relationship. She explains that many of us operate under the assumption that our partners can read our minds and hear our inner monologue, thereby understanding our motivations and our needs as we move throughout the day. But, she warns, our partners often understand our inner lives much less than we actually imagine, which leads to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and unnecessary arguments.
Then, Dr. Berman talks about the difference between the way men and women communicate, and how this can lead to issues between male partners and female partners. Dr. Berman explains that when men communicate, they often have a competitive stance, looking for subtle or not-so-subtle ways to ‘one-up’ each other or be the alpha dog in the room. On the other hand, when women communicate, they generally seek out opportunities for connection rather than competition. Hence, they are not aware of the fact that when they talk to their male partner about a household issue such as forgetting to empty the dishwasher, he is already primed and prepared to be in that defensive stance due to male communication patterns. Hence, even the criticism can feel like an attack on his very character or even his worth, which is why a simple complaint about dishes can blow up into a massive argument.
Next, Dr. Berman talks about how communication in the bedroom is positively crucial, especially when it comes to women speaking up about what turns them on and what they need from their partners when it comes to sex.
Sexual Shame & The Myth of the Perfect Labia
On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about sexual shame and why so many people are uncomfortable talking about sex. Why is something so natural and so fundamental to the human species so taboo in our culture? And how can we start to break down those barriers and normalize human sexuality?
Next, Dr. Berman talks about how aging can impact our bodies and our sexual response. Although there is no such thing as a ‘sexpiration date,’ and older people can desire and benefit from sexual intimacy even in their golden years, the truth is that as we age, our sexual response can become complicated.
Your g******s will change in appearance as you age, but this doesn’t have to be a source of shame or low self-worth. Many women may be tempted by the idea of ‘vaginal rejuvenation,’ especially as they age and notice changes to their labia, but these operations come with lots of potential downsides.
Not only are these vaginal rejuvenation surgeries totally unnecessary, but Dr. Berman says they can actually harm the nerve-rich tissue in your labia and actually detract from your sexual pleasure in the future as well as cause physical pain and dryness.
The bottom line is that g******s come in all different sizes and shapes, and it’s time we start empowering women to love and cherish their vulvas rather than judge or critique them.
“What’s most attractive to men is that sense of confidence and comfort that a woman has in her own body and her sexuality,” Dr. Berman says. “They are not analyzing the length of your labia or how they’re sticking out or not sticking out.”
Grateful for Dr Laura Berman (Love You, Dr Berman💕!)
I really appreciate this doctor (PhD) making her advice available to us here thru this podcast. Dr Berman is compassionate, soulful, wise & gives thoughtful advice. She is widely regarded as among the best therapists in the world.💕💕
My heart breaks for you
I’ve listened to you for years and you have helped me in my marriage and kids in so many ways. Because of you, my marriage was saved. You helped me understand my husband and overcome issues I had.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. My heart breaks for you and your family. I have shared your episode with many people and hopefully one life will be saved. I can’t imagine the pain your going through and I hope you find peace.
Heart is aching
My darling , I’m sobbing on the side of the road totally feeling your grief wishing I could reach through my phone to hold you
I will be sitting my 13 & 15 year olds down tonight and playing your podcast and starting a discussion . This WILL not be in vain
With love xx