Exploring key moments of challenge in the therapeutic process to expand our client's range to reach for connection.
The 5 Most Predictable Places Where Your Session Could Go Bad
In this episode, we take time to talk about the five most likely places where your next session could go bad. We all do them from time to time, but we want to help you improve in each of these areas.Starting poorly.In the sessions after you have completed your assessment, start with the last leading-edge point from the last session.Example: Last time we met this is what the cycle looked like. Here is what you did well, and here is where you got stuck. Is your relationship in the same place or is it different?Going for protection when they need you to organize their protection.It’s a mistake to go for longings when a couple is reactive. Attune with them where they are in their protection to help them open up their attachment channel.You need to resonate with the reactive energy and protection to meet its function, so it won’t be needed as much.Going for longing is right—just don’t get ahead of them.Allowing the reactivity and blocks to change your focus.We are always focused on titrated amounts of corrective emotional experiences.Don’t throw your map out of the window when the storm of the reactive cycle comes.Meet them in reactivity with your map. Don’t let the cycle drive the session to the same painful places they always experience.Hoping tracking the cycle will change things.“Cognitive work sets the table, but new experiences are the food.”Tracking the cycle is a massive reframe of the attachment view of the reactivity in their relationship.What part of the pain never gets talked about in a way that is clear, and/or gets responded to with empathy and comfort?Multiple misses around enactments.Not doing enough of them.Not getting them clear.
5 Exits on the Tango Highway
The EFT tango is the process that guides the therapist through a proven path of helping clients and couples have repeated moments of corrective emotional experiences. In this episode, we talk about the 5 most common exits that therapists make in doing this tango in session.Missing the veinMediating content (solution trap)Leaving pain too early (passing it before you get it hot)Not enacting or not enacting enough Getting there and fumbling
Celebration & Certification
In this episode, we take time to celebrate James becoming an EFT Trainer-in-Training and we take time to talk about the EFT certification process. We talk about how the process of certification and how the process really does help you push the leading edge of your clinical work with couples and families. Thank you for listening. We hope this experience helps you push the leading edge in your work to help people connect with themselves and with each other. You can contact us at email@example.comAnd you can follow us on our Facebook page @pushtheleadingedgeYou can follow Ryan on Facebook @ryanranaprofessionaltraining and on his website ryanranatraining.com.You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram @dochawklpc. You can also check out his website dochawklpc.com.You can follow George @ https://www.georgefaller.com/.
TEMP: Intentionality of Focus Based on Reactivity Assessment
In this episode, we discuss the importance of always assessing reactivity through the therapeutic process to help you intentionally focus on whether you need to work with blocks and secondary emotions or go for work in more vulnerability. We want to make sure you don’t get caught in one of these three error zones. Getting caught in no man’s land trying to do both (deepening vulnerability or missing openness by over organizing) at the same time. Going for vulnerability when the couple/client is too reactive.Over organizing when the client is open to vulnerability and needs you to follow the juice (live emotion) and guide them toward success in corrective emotional experiences. Key Point: When people are in reactivity, please stop what you are doing and lean into their secondary emotions and blocks. When people are emotionally open, go with our theory of change, and guide them in having success in their vulnerability via corrective emotional experiences.
Block School 101
Block School 101Blocks occur along the road to helping people have success in vulnerability; having moves to work with those blocks will increase your effectiveness. Blocks are a way of telling you are on the right track. How good you are as a therapist is determined by how effective you are at working with people’s blocks. Pro’s know how to work with their client’s mistrust and defenses. Success with blocks is a combo of how distressed the relationship is and how good the therapist is at working with distrust. In this episode, we discuss the who, what, when, where, why, and how of blocks. Who experiences blocks? – Any attachment oriented human. All people hesitate and hold back. What is a “block”? – blocks are a break in the natural attachment process.Their reach is blocked.It’s not safe to reach.Blocks are mistrust in action.We are helping people unlearn their rigid dependence on their protection. When do blocks come up in the process? – Blocks can happen at any point in the process, and they tend to look different in each stage.Stage 1- more reactive blocks. Don’t allow vulnerability or needs to be accessed. (blame, view of other)Stage 2- depth block. Blocking access to model of self, or disowned parts of self ( view of self, can tell you I’m sad but don’t want to show or see how I feel about me) Where do blocks tend to happen in session? – right before a breakthrough. Right when you are on track and right before the person is about to go to the place they are supposed to go. For experienced therapist the blocks actually indicate the right whole to fish in. Why do these blocks occur? - the natural function of the body to protect us from danger so the body sends up energy. body saying this is familiar. It's about to happen again. You are about to get hurt. What Not To Do.Be surprised: Expect blocks to occur when you are trying to open up people’s attachment channels. The blocks are what they are needing you to help them with.Be Disappointed: Don’t treat their blocks like a hindrance to your work. See blocks as indicators of where the work needs to occur.Teach/Try Harder: You can’t psycho-ed clients out of blocks. They have been trying aspects of this before they came to see you. Before they came to you, they have hundreds of thousands of disappointing attempts of trying to outwork these blocks.Shame: Blaming them or showing them how they are at fault. “The reason you are in this situation is because you…”Let blocks win/lose focus: The block disorients the therapist and the therapist aborts the mission of working with emotion in the attachment channel and this moves to some more 1st order type of work.What To Do: See them coming they are telling you you’re on track.2-part responseGive it permission (honor it and validate it with attachment function)“That makes sense to me”“Of course”“How would you do anything else?”3 forms of validation then push into the leading edge.And yet this anger communicates something else in this cyclePush into the leading edgeThank you for listening. We hope this experience helps you push the leading edge in your work to help people connect with themselves and with each other. You can contact us at firstname.lastname@example.orgAnd you can follow us on our Facebook page @pushtheleadingedgeYou can follow Ryan on Facebook @ryanranaprofessionaltraining and on his website ryanranatraining.com.You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram @dochawklpc. You can also check out his website dochawklpc.com.You can follow George @ https://www.georgefaller.com/.
The Stuck Client: Repetitively Reflecting the Attachment Dilemma
The Stuck Client: Repetitively Reflecting the Attachment Dilemma Ever have a client or moment in therapy that where the process comes to a halt or you can’t get traction? Many times, it is because the client is stuck in a dilemma. They are in a hold repeat pattern. The client is holding the dilemma and hoping someone sees their dilemma. They keep repeating the same pattern trying to get out of their dilemma. EFT Trainer, Rebecca Jorgenson stated, “Until your clients see that you have their dilemma they aren’t going to change” https://academy.psychotherapy.net/a/3858/TPH9DeF6Attachment tells us that when there is too much distance things are not safe, and the first thing that happens is rigidity. That initial rigidity is the natural human response to fear. What we are concerned with is when people lose their ability to be flexible and adjust and try new moves or shift energy. In this episode, we want to help you understand these dilemmas and how you can attune to the client’s dilemma to help them be able to shift out of their limbic panic place.Pursuer Dilemma: Try to explain myself, but it sends my partner away. I try to be quiet hoping they will come around and nothing happens.Withdrawer Dilemma: I try to step forward, but when I try it leads to more conflict, but then I move away to let the storm pass and I get told I don’t care. For Both: Both of you have 2-3 moves and all of them feel like they suck at helping you connect with your partner. Neither of you feels like you have a good move here. TakeawaysThe more stuck they are the more repetition they need of their dilemma to get them out of their pit.You address stuckness by going to the stucknessRepetition is key. (the more stuck the more reps you will have to till they show you that they believe you have gotten it.Stay until you get resonance.You want resonance on both sides.Be prepared for how awkward repetition is. Please check these other places Ryan has covered this material! The Couples Therapist Couch(Episode116): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-therapist-couch/id1281853816?i=1000465911536 Annabelle Bugatti-We Heart Therapy (Episode link for Ryan’s Interview)(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXnh0M7iZWY&t=1106sThank you for listening. We hope this experience helps you push the leading edge in your work to help people connect with themselves and with each other. You can contact us at email@example.comAnd you can follow us on our Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/pushtheleadingedge/You can follow Ryan on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ryanranaprofessionaltraining/ and on his website https://ryanranatraining.com/.You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram @dochawklpc. You can also check out his website https://www.dochawklpc.com/.You can follow George @https://www.georgefaller.com/ or https://www.facebook.com/GeorgeFallerLMFT/,
Customer ReviewsSee All
Hi! I listen to these very often and they’ve been exceptionally helpful. I’m wondering how EFT can be adjusted to tele-health? There are lots of references to the body in these podcasts, and I’m wondering how we can be more in tune with that if we’re doing distance counseling and are often limited in view. Also! How to adjust for couples that join from different locations. (Ex. Three individual screens instead of just counselor and couple screen). How do we foster connection between the couple with three screens? Would love a tele-health podcast to address the changes because of COVID!
Excellent podcast, addressing the core of our daily grind doing EFT in a relatable and helpful way. Keep on the great work! You are really helping us!
Totally improving my work AND run to listen to!