Pop Culture Happy Hour Pop Culture Happy Hour

I love your show and I don’t always agree with your takes, thought mostly I really appreciate and love your views, humor and banter. That being said, I was incredibly bothered by the Baby Reindeer episode. I get that we all have our particular views and triggers, but I think you should have included voices of those who have actually experienced sexual trauma. I am a survivor and I found his portrayal of his experience deeply reassuring as I had a similar experience. Whether the perpetrator of the trauma is considered “straight” or “queer” or “gay”, the consequences are nearly identical for many. You act out replaying and repeating the trauma over and over. I spent years having dangerous and maladaptive essentially non-consensual sex as a subconscious way to gain back control or convince myself that it was fine because I really did want that to happen. His character did the same thing. Also sexuality is way more complex than you are born gay or straight and all of our experiences throughout our lives into the choices we make. Sure some people are just what they are but some people are different because in addition to their inherited sexuality, their trauma and experiences inform them. I felt so deeply seen by this character and hadn’t seen such since Flea Bag. I understand that in the past, queerness was used against people and stigmatized and some people still today see it as a disease and that all queer folk are predators. So I get the knee jerk tendencies to see this from that point of view, but that’s not what this is. This man was sexually groomed and assaulted and it just happened to be by a queer man who tried to gaslight him into thinking it wasn’t that. There are queer predators and to verge on saying that he wasn’t assaulted or that by hanging out with the guy and willingly taking his drugs he was “consenting” is beyond gross and irresponsible. No one who is unconscious or under the influence can consent unless there’s some prior verbal agreement about it. There was clearly none. I really wish you had included other people in this review that might have more insight into what an actual victim of assault may go through.

Also, I’m a larger cis woman and spent many years feeling bad about my body and it’s only in the last few years that I’ve come to really love and embrace my body and I didn’t perceive and of the fat phobia you all brought up around the stalker character and trust me, I’m highly sensitized to these types of things having lived in a larger body my whole life. In my mind she just happened to be a larger woman with major issues. I didn’t feel she was made to be the butt of any joke. There are plenty of people in the world that find larger people sexually and otherwise attractive so I don’t see any reason to interpret her size as fat phobic, especially if that’s just how the person in real life’s body happened to be.

Give your track record, I would have expected better in terms of reviews and addressing the complexity of the issues presented. It sounds like Guy watched the show, was clearly offended and wanted somewhere to vent. I don’t think this was the place for such a one sided rant. Otherwise, I really love everything you do. Keep up the mostly amazing work.

The take on baby reindeer’s grooming and gay culture was WILD. To answer the question, YES if the person was a woman, it still would’ve 100% been grooming and seen as that. I am beyond disbelief at the takes in this episode. Step back and realize this was not about your life - it’s Gadd’s life and his story. He WAS 100% groomed and abused and if it was by a gay man, then it was and that’s reality. Making inferences that Gadd somehow led this abuser on and “who knows if he ever specified if he wanted a purely platonic relationship” and “he sure wanted SOMETHING from hanging around the abuser!!” IS VICTIM BLAMING. SHAME ON YOU.

Longtime devotee of this podcast. But I’m struggling with this episode. Calling the depiction of his sexual assault as playing into gay panic? He was drugged and raped while unconscious and its referred to as the abuser “hitting on” and “dating” the main character? What the…?