41 episodes

The definitive collection of coaching tips, communication techniques, relationship improvement advice, and training on the subject of creating, maintaining, and restoring a fulfilling and long lasting marriage. Hosted by Phillip Enkey and Benjamin Boekweg.

The Marriage Code Podcast Benjamin Boekweg & Phillip Enkey: Marriage trainers, communication coaches, and authors

    • Kids & Family
    • 5.0, 10 Ratings

The definitive collection of coaching tips, communication techniques, relationship improvement advice, and training on the subject of creating, maintaining, and restoring a fulfilling and long lasting marriage. Hosted by Phillip Enkey and Benjamin Boekweg.

    MC 041 : Why have this Conversation?

    MC 041 : Why have this Conversation?

    Summery: Have you ever known what the other person was going to say and you just didn’t want to hear it, and cut off the conversation short? Or have you ever wanted to talk but the other person doesn’t want to wait for your answer and ends the conversation? Does this happen frequently? Frustrating right? In this Episode, Phillip and Benji dive into the danger of cutting off the conversation and what you can do to fix that – from either side of the experience.

    Links:

    The Office: S2E22 – Casino Night – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hhYeMZdiIc

    How to get Spouse Certified – The Marraige Code Episode 10 – https://themarriagecode.heraldsoflife.com/mc-010-how-to-get-spouse-certified/

    Emotional Release – The Marriage Code Episode 9 – https://themarriagecode.heraldsoflife.com/mc-009-emotional-release/

    Active Listening – The Marriage Code Episode 3 – https://themarriagecode.heraldsoflife.com/mc-003-the-power-of-active-listening/

    What I heard vs What they meant – The Marriage Code Episode 16 – https://themarriagecode.heraldsoflife.com/mc-016-what-i-heard-vs-what-they-meant/

    Big Hero 6 – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2S8D_SCAJY

    Marriage Code Podcast questions – podcast@themarriagecode.org

    In this episode:

    Cutting off the conversation

    Examples

    What can happen

    Feeling misjudged

    Being used to coming to a certain conclusion

    Effectiveness vs Efficiency

    How we make assumptions

    What we assume is most often incorrect

    Why we should not make assumptions

    The power of “What else?”

    We want to be heard more than we want to be understood

    Changing the habit of abrupt endings

    1- Stop assuming

    2- Give them space

    3- Listen and ask for more

    “The biggest cause of a fight is the feeling of not being heard.” – Benjamin Boekweg

    • 47 min
    MC 040 : How it all began

    MC 040 : How it all began

    Summary: In this Episode, Phillip and Benji celebrate the 40th episode of the podcast by talking about how The Marriage Code began, and by talking about where it is going. Also an announcement where Phillip and Benji will be speaking on June 30th.

    Links:

    Hope Cast – https://www.facebook.com/watch/KentsteadMedia/

    Zig Ziglar – Courtship after Marriage – https://www.ziglar.com/product/courtship-after-marriage

    Marriage Code Podcast questions – podcast@themarriagecode.org

    In this episode:

    Celebration of Episode #40

    The Announcement

    How The Marriage Code all began

    You don’t have to change your spouse

    The role of the sub-conscious mind

    Our point of view

    The key components of The Marriage Code

    Progress of The Marriage Code book

    Changing the paradigm



    * Believe you can change for the better

    * Get more information

    * Mirroring



    Examples of Mirroring

    “As we’ve done this, I’ve realized that anyone who has listened to this can do it too.” – Phillip Enkey

    • 43 min
    MC 039 : 4 Easy Ways to Connect

    MC 039 : 4 Easy Ways to Connect

    Summary: Spouse not feeling “connected with you”? In this episode, Phillip and Benji discuss four major ways to emotionally connect with your spouse. And describe easy ways to implement them.

    Links:

    Night at the Museum 2; guard scene – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDI-sDCzGZY&t=3s

    Marriage Code Podcast – How to Get Spouse Certified – https://themarriagecode.heraldsoflife.com/mc-010-how-to-get-spouse-certified/

    In this episode:

    Deeper into conversation

    4 Ways to Emotionally Connect

    1 – Talk to your spouse on purpose with purpose

    2 – Fight for your spouse and their dreams

    3 – Be on the “same page” in a goal or project together

    4 – Budget time to talk with your spouse

    Dating conversation model

    The roommate effect

    Fighting along side your spouse

    Do we update ourselves on how our spouse had changed?

    “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra

    • 44 min
    MC 038: 3 Biggest Mistakes Couples Make in Communicating

    MC 038: 3 Biggest Mistakes Couples Make in Communicating

    Summary: What are the biggest three mistakes couples make in talking to each other? In this episode, Phillip Enkey is back from serving his country and is ready to dive right back into discussing marriage and relationships. Phillip and Benji discuss the three biggest mistakes couples make and give examples.

    Links:

    The Office: S2 E22: Casino Night – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hhYeMZdiIc

    Click – Adam Sandler – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayG_t8nGuiU

    The Male Brain – Louann Brizendine M.D. – https://www.amazon.com/Male-Brain-Breakthrough-Understanding-Think/dp/B003DQVEHG/ref=sr_1_1?ascsubtag=1ba00-01000-org00-win10-dsk00-nomod-us000-pcomp-feature-scomp-wm-5&dchild=1&keywords=the+male+brain&qid=1589407057&sr=8-1

    The Mighty Ducks – https://youtu.be/ymeVW9dwz7k?t=18

    The Chosen – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=craeyJdrCsE

    Marriage Code Podcast – Relationship Inventory – https://themarriagecode.heraldsoflife.com/mc-005-relationship-inventory/

    Marriage Code Podcast – How to Get Spouse Certified – https://themarriagecode.heraldsoflife.com/mc-010-how-to-get-spouse-certified/

    In this episode:



    * Welcome back Phillip

    * 3 Mistakes



    * Assuming we know what the other is thinking

    * Expectations not discussed

    * Looking for an outward reason





    * Example from “The Office”

    * Reflection vs Deflection in communication

    * The “counter-intuitive” solution

    * Do



    * Find the “root” problem

    * Focus on them first and trust they will mirror you

    * Teach Them to communicate with you





    * Do NOT



    * Skip conversations that they “should know”

    * Use “You” language

    * Use absolute language







    “Expectations without agreement equals frustration.” – Kirk Duncan

    • 50 min
    MC 037: 30 Days – Part 2

    MC 037: 30 Days – Part 2

    MC 031: What’s in your Playbook?

    Summary: In this episode of the Marriage Code podcast, Benji and Phillip continue the conversation of “What if you had only 30-days to save your marriage?” and finish explaining their 30-day plans.

    In this episode:

    Benji’s 30-Day Plan

    Week 1: re-Discovery



    * Day 1: Get a notebook and a yellow pad (yellow notepad that tears off across the top)

    * Day 2-3: Get my head straight



    * I will think about (to the best of my memory) and write down in the notebook the following:



    * When I met my wife and what she looked like and why I wanted to date her

    * Our first date and my impressions

    * Our first kiss

    * What we discussed imaging our future together would look like

    * Why I chose her to be my wife





    * Write my Vision. In my notebook, I will write what I want our marriage to be. I will close my eyes and see a video in my head of what Christmas morning 20 years from now will look like. Then I will write my Vision ( a page or more in length) and I will include details such as:



    * What house are we living in?

    * How many children do we have and what ages?

    * What will we be doing?

    * What is our financial standing? How much money do we have in the bank? Is our house paid off? Are we out of debt?

    * Are our older children dating or married? Grandchildren?

    * How we act toward each other? How long are our kisses? How often do I hold her hand? Are we respectful to each other? Are there any arguments?

    * What kinds of things to I do for my wife to show her how much I love her?

    * What tender things does she do for me?





    * Write my Marriage Declaration. I will write a few sentences that can be memorized and recited that will be meaningful to me and energizing. Such as: “I am a happily married man because I choose to be the kind of man my wife has always dreamed of. I am a man of vision who has the power to change. I trust myself to be a man of patience and it is safe for me to accept responsibility. I can do hard things!”





    * Day 4-5: Get my heart straight



    * Unload all my frustrations about my wife onto paper (using the yellow pad) – feeling each frustration as I do so – then I burn that piece of paper. Repeat as necessary.

    * Take a walk by myself, speaking (vocalizing) all my frustrations about my wife all along the way, then walk back while verbalizing everything about my wife that I am grateful for.

    * Forgive myself for the part I played in our relationship strife and give myself permission to move forward

    * Forgive my wife for all the hurt she has done to me





    * Day 6: Prepare for a ½ Relationship Inventory and rest



    * I read my written Vision 2-3 times

    * I recite my declarations (audibly where possible) 10 times

    * I go to bed early and get some extra sleep





    * Day 7: ½ Relationship Inventory



    * I tell my wife that I was wrong, that I’m sorry, and ask her if we may speak privately so I can get her input on what I must change.

    * I again apologize (either for specifics I know about, or for not paying attention enough to know) then I begin a ½ Relationship Inventory



    * I ask her what things I am doing that she would rather I don’t, or anything I am not doing currently that she would rather I start doing

    * I write down everything she says and I use Active Listening to verify to both of us that I understand what she is saying

    * I create a plan to work on those items she listed by asking follow-up questions to narrow down to the root of the issue.



    * Example: “You’re never here.”

    * Okay, would it be more helpful if I re-arranged my work schedule to be home sooner?

    * “No, because even when you’re here, you’re not here!”

    • 54 min
    MC 036: 30 Days – Part 1

    MC 036: 30 Days – Part 1

    Summary: In this episode of the Marriage Code podcast, what if you had 30 days to save your marriage? What would you do? Phillip Enkey and Benji Boekweg dive right in and explore how to save their marriages in 30 days.

    Links:

    Aladdin – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OczOUJw1Z7k&t=15s

    John Gottman – https://www.gottman.com/about/john-julie-gottman/

    In this episode:



    * Another announcement!

    * Big News about The Marriage Code Podcast!

    * 5 Pillars



    * Mirroring

    * Active Listening

    * Tally System

    * Emotion Management Techniques

    * Relationship Inventory





    * What if you had 30 days to save your marriage?

    • 37 min

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5
10 Ratings

10 Ratings

jmanabsolute37 ,

Simply Wow!

These guys really know their stuff! I can relate to them and to the way they tell their story. Very eye-opening.

dailywithdani ,

Very helpful!

If your looking for how to improve the communication in your marriage then this is the podcast for you. They discuss the principles of communication as well as the nuts and bolts of how to apply them. Absolutely a game changer for my marriage.

phlipdan ,

Insightful

They talk about things I'm doing in my marriage and it's really helpful to identify whats happening and hear direction on how to make it better! Really good podcast for anyone who wants to make their marriage better. Great for newlyweds all the way to those that have been married for years!

Top Podcasts In Kids & Family

Listeners Also Subscribed To