The Married Entrepreneurs Podcast Lexie Lee, Ron Lee

“I feel overwhelmed when I’m putting the kids to bed because they’re trying to go in more directions than I have hands. And what I need is for you to help tag team and keep them on track at night.” - Lexie Lee
 
In any marriage, criticism and defensiveness can be like poison, slowly eroding the foundation of love and connection. Renowned relationship expert John Gottman refers to them as part of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" - destructive behaviors that can lead to the downfall of a relationship. Criticism often arises when we fail to express our needs assertively. Instead of calmly communicating what we desire or how we feel, we resort to pointing out flaws and attacking our partner's character. This not only damages their self-esteem but also creates a hostile environment where open communication becomes nearly impossible. Defensiveness, on the other hand, is a habit that many people fall into when faced with criticism. Instead of listening and trying to understand their partner's perspective, they immediately put up walls and counterattack. This defensive stance prevents any meaningful resolution or growth within the relationship. But there is hope! It is essential for couples to find a better way to ask for what they need without resorting to criticism or defensiveness. By practicing active listening, empathy, and using "I" statements instead of "you" statements, couples can foster an atmosphere of understanding and compassion. Remember, marriage is a partnership built on love and respect. By replacing criticism with assertive communication and defensiveness with openness, couples can overcome challenges together and create a stronger bond that withstands the test of time.
 
In this Podcast:
 
Which four behaviors can predict divorce or breakup in a relationship?
Which behavior usually happens first, defensiveness or criticism?
How can one effectively ask for what they need without being critical?
How can one respond to criticism without becoming defensive?
What can be done if a defensive response is given but a do-over is desired?



Which four behaviors can predict divorce or breakup in a relationship?
The four behaviors that can predict divorce or breakup in a relationship, according to John Gottman’s research are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.
 
Which behavior usually happens first, defensiveness or criticism?
Criticism happens first. You have one partner who is critical or even just says something, they may even say it right, but usually not. Usually it comes out as a criticism and then the partner feels like they have to defend themselves.
 
How can one effectively ask for what they need without being critical?
It is suggested to use a script that includes the following elements:
Start with “I feel” followed by an emotion (e.g. overwhelmed, frustrated).
State the specific situation or behavior that triggers the emotion (e.g. when I’m putting the kids to bed).
Explain the reason behind the emotion (e.g. because they’re trying to go in more directions than I have hands).
Clearly state what is needed (e.g. what I need is for you to help tag team and keep them on track at night).
By using this script, individuals can express their needs without resorting to criticism, which can lead to more productive conversations and better understanding between partners.
 
How can one respond to criticism without becoming defensive?
The following strategies are offered as ways to address criticism without becoming defensive:
Take a breath and pause before responding to criticism.
Practice giving the benefit of the doubt to your partner and assume their intentions are good.
Make requests instead of complaints, using a script such as “I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason], and what I need is [specific request].”
If you still find yourself responding defensively, it’s okay to ask for a do-over. Own you

"Focus on the positive as much as you can, even on the things that you do like about those troublesome family members, because usually they're not all bad." - Lexie Lee
 
The holiday season is meant to be a time of joy and celebration, but for many, it can also bring along its fair share of family drama. Managing these tensions and ensuring a harmonious gathering requires careful planning and a proactive mindset. To successfully navigate family dynamics during the holidays, it is essential to manage expectations. Communicate openly with your family members about what you hope to achieve during this time together. Setting realistic expectations can help avoid disappointment and unnecessary conflicts. Another useful strategy is to make a plan ahead of time. Determine the schedule for activities, meals, and any potential discussions that may arise. Having a structured itinerary can provide structure and minimize opportunities for tension or disagreements. Preparing topics and activities in advance can also be helpful in diverting attention away from potential triggers. Engaging in fun and light-hearted conversations or participating in enjoyable activities can create positive memories while preventing heated discussions. Perhaps one of the most crucial aspects of managing family drama during the holidays is adjusting your mindset. Instead of becoming furious or defensive when faced with difficult situations or confrontations, approach them with curiosity. Seek to understand different perspectives without judgment or anger, fostering empathy and open communication. Setting boundaries is another essential aspect of maintaining peace during family gatherings. Clearly communicate your limits when it comes to certain topics or behaviors that may lead to conflicts. Avoiding excessive indulgence in alcohol can also contribute to maintaining clear-headedness and preventing unnecessary arguments. By employing these strategies – managing expectations, making a plan, preparing topics/activities, adjusting your mindset from fury to curiosity, and setting boundaries – you can effectively navigate family drama during the holidays while fostering an atmosphere of understanding, respect, and harmony.


In this podcast:
Why is it important to be curious rather than furious during family interactions?
How do simple and easy games and activities prevent chaos in family events?
Why do you need to plan out discussion topics and activities before a family gathering?
 
Why is it important to be curious rather than furious during family interactions?
It is important to adopt a curious rather than furious mindset during family interactions. This involves assuming an observer role. By observing the interactions and behaviors of family members, individuals can gain insights into their actions and words, without becoming emotionally invested in conflicts or negative interactions. This approach allows individuals to maintain a positive mindset and focus on the positive aspects of their family members, even if they possess some troublesome qualities. Ultimately, this approach fosters a more harmonious and enjoyable family gathering.
 
How do simple and easy games and activities prevent chaos in family events?
It is a good practice to incorporate easy topical games into family events to facilitate discussions and prevent chaos. There should be availability of several games that are simple to play, requiring only the pulling of a card and asking a question. These games serve as a common ground, engaging everyone in conversation. These discourage wasting time searching for the right game and ensure there is no downtime or awkwardness, allowing everyone to participate in the planned activities.
 
Why do you need to plan out discussion topics and activities before a family gathering?
It is important to plan out discussion topics to avoid sensitive issues that may lead to hurt feelings or arguments. Having safe topics ready for di

“And part of how we know that you're not letting it go is because you're continuing to think about it. And the more you think about it, the more you are feeding it.” - Lexie Lee

Are you holding a grudge? It's important to recognize the impact that holding onto resentment and anger can have on our physical and emotional well-being. Whether it's a perceived threat or an actual event, such as the ongoing political divide between government parties, harboring grudges can lead to negative patterns of behavior. Research has shown that holding grudges can contribute to various health issues, including heart problems, stomach disorders, and chronic pain. The stress and negativity associated with holding onto resentment can take a toll on our bodies over time. Fortunately, there are effective strategies for letting go of grudges and finding inner peace. One approach is meditation, which helps cultivate mindfulness and allows us to observe our thoughts and emotions without judgment. By practicing meditation regularly, we can develop greater awareness of our grudges and work towards releasing them. Another helpful technique is journaling. Writing down our feelings about the situation that caused the grudge can provide clarity and insight into why we're holding onto it. Additionally, writing a letter to the person involved (even if you don't intend to send it) or engaging in a curious conversation with them can help foster understanding and potentially resolve any lingering issues. Remember, holding onto grudges only weighs us down emotionally and physically. By actively seeking ways to let go of resentment through practices like meditation, journaling, or open dialogue with those involved, we pave the way for healing ourselves from within.
 
In this Podcast:
What are some negative effects of holding a grudge or resentment? How can journaling help in letting go of resentment? What is the importance of changing one's perspective when holding a grudge? How can noticing one's thoughts throughout the day help in letting go of resentment? What is the recommended approach for having a conversation about resentment?  

What are some negative effects of holding a grudge or resentment? 
Holding a grudge can lead to physical health issues such as increased blood pressure, stomach problems, and disrupted sleep. It can also have negative impacts on mental health, including depression, anxiety, and a sense of hopelessness.

How can journaling help in letting go of resentment?
Journaling allows individuals to express their feelings and emotions, providing a space to process and release negative thoughts. By writing out their resentment and then shifting to gratitude, individuals can gain a more balanced perspective and let go of the grudge.

What is the importance of changing one's perspective when holding a grudge? 
Changing perspective helps individuals understand the intentions of the other person involved. Often, people assume that the other person's actions were meant to cause harm, but by considering alternative perspectives, individuals can realize that the intention may not have been malicious, leading to a shift in their own feelings.

How can noticing one's thoughts throughout the day help in letting go of resentment?
Noticing negative thoughts and tallying them can create awareness of how often these thoughts occur. By recognizing these patterns, individuals can actively work on redirecting their thoughts and replacing them with more positive or neutral ones, ultimately reducing the hold of resentment.

What is the recommended approach for having a conversation about resentment? 
The recommended approach is to have a curious, not furious conversation. This involves taking turns speaking and listening, with the listener paraphrasing what they hear to ensure understanding. It is important to avoid defensiveness and focus on understanding the other person's perspective rather than trying to solve the problem.

“The premise for meetings is that there's the ability to connect on a different level. That's part of why we say we have them because we're in business together. But if you're not in business together, you can have that opportunity to connect and be sure that you're on the same page.” - Lexie Lee
 
In any relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic, or professional, it is crucial to have regular communication and connection. One effective way to achieve this is by having a weekly meeting dedicated to discussing important aspects of the relationship. This practice can be particularly beneficial when it comes to discussing finances, scheduling, project management, and problem-solving. By setting aside time each week for this purpose, you create a dedicated space to openly discuss financial matters. This includes budgeting, expenses, savings goals, and any other financial concerns that may arise. Regularly addressing these topics can help prevent misunderstandings or conflicts related to money. Additionally, a weekly meeting allows for effective scheduling and project management discussions. By reviewing upcoming commitments together and coordinating schedules, you can ensure that both parties are on the same page regarding important events or deadlines. This helps avoid conflicts or last-minute changes that could negatively impact your relationship. Furthermore, dedicating time for problem-solving during these meetings allows both individuals to address any issues or concerns that may have arisen since the last meeting. It provides an opportunity for open dialogue and finding solutions together in a constructive manner. By addressing problems promptly and collaboratively in a dedicated setting, you can maintain a healthy and thriving relationship. Ultimately, having a weekly meeting serves as an invaluable tool for maintaining strong communication in your relationship. It allows you to connect regularly on various important topics such as finances, scheduling, project management, and problem-solving. By making this commitment to connect and talk consistently with one another, you lay the foundation for long-term success and happiness in your relationship.
 
In this podcast:
What are the ways to improve communication and alignment with weekly meetings to strengthen your business and personal relationships?
How do you maximize meeting productivity to avoid frustration and unproductive discussions?
Why is it important to discuss important topics such as money, goals, project management, and employee issues in meetings?



What are the ways to improve communication and alignment with weekly meetings to strengthen your business and personal relationships?
Regular meetings are crucial for married partners in business together to foster alignment and enhance their communication. By discussing both business and personal aspects, couples can avoid misunderstandings and ensure they are working towards shared objectives. Improved communication often results in better decision-making and the ability to overcome business challenges together.
How do you maximize meeting productivity to avoid frustration and unproductive discussions?
To avoid falling into the trap of unproductive meetings, it’s essential to have a clear agenda. This way, couples can focus on pertinent topics such as finances, project management, goals, and issues related to employees or children. Regular scheduled meetings avoid the risk of excessive impromptu meetings or overlooking important discussions, ultimately maximizing productivity.
Why is it important to discuss important topics such as money, goals, project management, and employee issues in meetings?
Delving into a variety of topics during these meetings can unite couples both on a personal and professional level. Business-related subjects might include financial management or goal setting, while personal matters can encompass discussions about family or recreational pursuits. Th

"When you're holding regular meetings when there's nothing really to talk about, that you're just talking about when we're going to get the yard mowed and when we're going to get that tree trimmed and when we're going to get that, you know, those financial things that we don't need to get done. When you're holding conversations like this on a regular basis, it's easier to talk about difficult things because your brain has become used to the feeling of difficult things and your body doesn't run away from it." - Ron Lee



Episode 46: A heart to Hart Conversation



Are you feeling lost in the maze of marriage? Ron and Lexie open up the conversation and embark on a discussion about a godly and successful relationship. We dive deep into the principles of love that focus on protection, trust, hope, and perseverance discussed in 1 Corinthians 13. This discussion includes how your attitude towards issues can make or break your union. Instead of pointing fingers at each other, learn to introspect and identify what needs to change within yourself. This discussion includes a talk about how empathy is likened to driving a standard automobile.



In this Podcast:
 
Why is it crucial to engage in open and honest conversations in a marriage?
What is the significance of having unconditional positive regard and empathy in a relationship?
How do past experiences and learned behaviors influence how individuals manage conflict?
Why is it significant to grasp the concept of feeling with your partner and understanding their perspective?
What are the benefits of regular communication and holding meetings to discuss various aspects of life and the relationship?




Why is it crucial to engage in open and honest conversations in a marriage?
 
The need for couples to regularly sit down and talk, even when there may not be any pressing issues to discuss: By holding regular conversations, couples become more comfortable with discussing difficult topics and are better equipped to handle conflicts. It also helps to create a safe space where both partners can express their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment. Open and honest communication allows for a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives and helps to build trust and intimacy in the relationship.




What is the significance of having unconditional positive regard and empathy in a relationship?
 
There is a need for unconditional positive regard and empathy in a relationship because It creates a safe space, It fosters understanding, It promotes effective communication, It strengthens the relationship, and It promotes a healthier and more fulfilling partnership.




How do past experiences and learned behaviors influence how individuals manage conflict?
 
Past experiences and learned behaviors have a significant impact on how individuals handle conflict. The people's upbringing, childhood experiences, and observations of their parents' behavior during conflict shape their own approach to conflict resolution. The individuals often operate based on what they have learned and experienced, and this can influence their reactions and behaviors in conflict situations. Therefore, understanding these past experiences and learned behaviors is crucial in order to effectively navigate and resolve conflicts in relationships.




Why is it significant to grasp the concept of feeling with your partner and understanding their perspective?
 
Empathy is important in a relationship because it involves putting yourself in your partner's place, understanding their story, and feeling with them. It is about listening to their feelings and experiences without making it about yourself. Engaging in the practice of empathy can help couples navigate difficult conversations and create a safe space for understanding and connection.




What are the benefits of regular communication and holding meetings to discuss various aspects of life and the relati

Transparency Vs Honesty, a thought-provoking guide to navigating the blurry lines between truthfulness and openness in relationships. In a world where brutal honesty can sometimes hurt, and transparency is seen as a double-edged sword, this podcast aims to shed light on the nuances of communication. Have you ever wondered if a certain level of honesty was truly necessary? Could the delivery have made a difference? We delve into real-life examples where individuals grapple with the dilemma of sharing their thoughts, feelings, perspectives, struggles, and desires. But what exactly sets transparency apart from honesty? We provide examples that help you understand the distinction. From answering honestly about a big purchase on your credit card to revealing it transparently before being asked – we explore how these choices can shape relationships. It might look like asking for permission rather than forgiveness, dealing with the consequences head-on. But here's the catch: Can you handle the truth? As Jack Nicholson famously stated in A Few Good Men, "You can't handle the truth!" The reactions to honesty and transparency determine if they will continue to flourish in any relationship. Our guide offers valuable insights on how not to be defensive, approach situations logically rather than emotionally, show empathy, and not take things too personally. Navigating through these complexities may seem messy at first. But remember, keep talking until you get it right! How can you include more transparency this week? Self-reflect on what you want more or less of in your relationship. Share your thoughts with your partner. Ask your partner what you can do to make their week a little bit better.



In this Podcast:
What is the difference between transparency and honesty?
Why is it important to be transparent in a relationship?
How can being transparent lead to better communication?
What are some strategies for handling defensive reactions during transparent conversations?
How can self-reflection help improve transparency in a relationship?

What is the difference between transparency and honesty?
The difference between transparency and honesty is that honesty is simply answering a question truthfully, while transparency goes beyond that by including thoughts, feelings, perspectives, struggles, and desires. Transparency also involves proactively sharing information before being asked.



Why is it important to be transparent in a relationship?
Being transparent in a relationship is important because it fosters trust, open communication, and deeper connection. It allows partners to understand each other on a deeper level and creates a safe space for vulnerability and growth.



How can being transparent lead to better communication?
Being transparent can lead to better communication because it encourages both partners to express their true thoughts and feelings. It eliminates misunderstandings and allows for a more authentic and genuine exchange of ideas. Transparent conversations also promote problem-solving and finding solutions together.
 
What are some strategies for handling defensive reactions during transparent conversations?
Strategies for handling defensive reactions during transparent conversations include staying calm and non-reactive, practicing active listening, and using the "curious, not furious" approach. It's important to avoid getting defensive or taking things personally, and instead, focus on understanding the other person's perspective and feelings.




How can self-reflection help improve transparency in a relationship?
Self-reflection plays a crucial role in improving transparency in a relationship. Taking the time to reflect on one's own thoughts, desires, and areas for growth allows individuals to approach transparent conversations with clarity and self-awareness. It also helps in identifying personal contributions to any issues or conflicts and taking responsibility for one'