Teaching healers to pause, be present, awaken their breath, and harness the ripple effects of mindfulness to create radiant health.
168. Complicated Dynamics: Tools to Navigate Holidays and Families
“Holidays, especially when spent with young adults, first grandchildren and newly blended families from different cultures are the epitome of “complicated dynamics.”
“Complicated dynamics” is a beautiful, apt, kind and neutral description of the blend of love, hope, good intentions, confusion, disappointment, pride, grief and more love that accompanies these gatherings.
A wealth of varied emotions always accompanies new life phases.
Holidays add to that.
Time together is short.
Everyone wants it to feel “like it used to.” When” it felt good.” And it is never exactly what they or you hope it would be. It is wonderful and complicated all at the same time.
Everyone is used to their own lives and way of moving through the world. They have expectations of brothers, moms, dads, and grandparents. The other people don’t know what those expectations are. Those with the expectations may not even know what they are.
The others likely aren’t and/or can’t be that person anymore.
New grandparents remember being the young adults and new parents with lofty goals and dreams. After years of living and hard earned wisdom their goals and dreams look very different now.
The young adults and new parents are figuring out how to navigate their new roles.
Everyone wants to be together, to laugh and feel comfortable- like it used to. They long for that feeling of relaxed and present togetherness. But it is strangely elusive. And then it’s not.
The dynamics are complicated. There is tension and discomfort hiding around each corner. Everyone has different wishes, desires and comfort zones now.
And then,of course, at the end everyone feels a twinge (or more) of sadness, wishing for more time together. While also looking forward to returning to the simplicity of their own life.
Maybe every other family you see has it figured out. Or maybe they are just in one of those magic flow moments. The ones that float in and out not Infrequently when you are present enough to feel them.
It is more likely than not they too are experiencing “complicated dynamics.”
Sending love and a hand to heart to all humans and families everywhere. Being human and loving other humans of different ages and generations is always a “complicated dynamic.” - written by Jessie Mahoney MD 11/25/23
Tools for managing complicated dynamics, holidays and family gatherings with more ease and grace
Expect complex emotions. A wealth of varied emotions always accompanies new life phases. “Of course” it is uncomfortable, because it's new.
How lovely that everyone wants it to feel “like it used to.” When” it felt good.” Emotional embodied memories always show up because we are human. And peace, connection, love- my thought is it looks different now.
Connecting with how you are alike builds bridges. Everyone wants to be together, to laugh and feel comfortable- “like it used to.”
Consider dropping your expectations. They don’t have to go anywhere. They are likely intertwined with precious memories. You can choose to set them down to create more freedom and spaciousness for what is, and what is to be, in this season.
Listen to the podcast for many more pearls of wisdom.
And if you want to work on responding rather than reacting to complicated dynamics and developing strategies for happier healthier relationships, join Jessie for coaching.
1:1 coaching, Mindful Love, Parent with Presence, and even Ongoing Presence and Transition Well all include support for building strong loving relationships that feel better. Medical training and our tendencies as high achievers are just some make relationships even more challenging to navigate than they already are. Pleasing people, fear of rejection, catastrophizing, self sacrificing, martyrdom, over responsibility and toxic independence are just a few of the players.
Find out more here:
Small Group Coaching Programs: www.jessiemahoneymd.
167. Letting Go of Negative Feedback and What Other People Think
It’s normal to be uncomfortable, sad, angry, and frustrated when you receive negative feedback and reviews. It’s normal to want to defend yourself, explain why they’re wrong, and try to convince them otherwise.
With mindfulness, self-compassion, and coaching, you can change your relationship with negative feedback. You can learn to choose to respond in less reactive, more constructive, and healthier ways.
Self-compassion is key.
Negative feedback and reviews make you upset because you care and are human. “Of course” you want people to like you and appreciate you. And “of course” they won’t always. It is impossible for all human beings that meet you, to like you and approve of you. Accept and not like it and accept and allow it to be tender with kindness. Resisting reality is “expensive”!
What else can help?
Pause & Breathe
Respond not react
Accept that “Of course” you want to defend and correct.
Consider “it should be different and you can still make a difference.
Accept and not like that not everybody will like you. You don’t actually like everyone.
As inherent people pleasers and those who fear rejection, negative reviews will always be painful. Your work is to make them less so.
Accept and allow someone to have a bad opinion of you. “Of course” it feels awful and frustrating. “Of course there are negative nellies/black cloud people out there
Remember that the feedback of others is out of your control AND will of course trigger your over-responsibility tendencies. Focus on what is in your control: how you respond, what you do/say/think/feel/tone & energy with which you do it.
Stay out of catastrophizing. It likely won't have any significant impact. Most people won't ever see it. 99% time does not have any impact on your life.
Notice and Have compassion for the imposter syndrome, blame, shame, guilt, perfectionist, and over personalizing tendencies that will of course arise. You are in amazing company if your immediate reaction is “what did I do wrong to make them not like me?”
Stay authentic to yourself, and trust yourself as a good healer. Trying to please patients does not lead to better health outcomes. In the Archives of Internal Medicine in 2012 in an article written by Fenton et al, patients with the highest satisfaction scores had lower odds of ED visit, but higher odds of inpatient admission, higher expenditures inclusive of drug expenditures and higher mortality.
Tenets of mindfulness that can help
Patience and perspective
Attention & Intention
If you struggle with negative feedback and reviews and find it hard to let go of what others think about you, you are not alone.
Coaching and mindfulness are the path to peace. Reach out for 1:1 or small group coaching. It's a gamechanger. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/coaching
Struggles with negative feedback and what other people think is also a common topic at retreats. Change your relationship with negative feedback while practicing yoga and eating delicious and nourishing food with amazing people. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats
If you would like to develop a mindfulness practice or would like a speaker for your group reach out to Jessie at www.jessiemahoneymd.com/work-with-me
or Ni-Cheng at www.awakenbreath.org
*Nothing in this episode should be considered medical advice.
166. Then and Now: Sharing Hard Earned Wisdom and Mindful Perspective About the College Application Process
The college application process is an invitation. An inivitation to tell good stories and grow love, and connection.
Mindfulness and mindset coaching can help make the college application journey you had or will have about growth, learning, and love.
This is yet another episode in our Parent with Presence series. Please note that this episode will also be relevant to anyone who has ever applied to college and/or told stories about their childhood.
Webegin the episode with a celebration of the abundant compendium of Parent with Presence offerings over the last three years.
Anthology of Our Previous Parent with Presence episodes:
26. What to Do When You Parent Differently
42. Parent with Presence Instead of Worry
45. What to do When Parenting is A Lot
61. Savor All the Moments of Parenthood
63. Cultivating Mindful Families
65. Stop Trying to Fix Your Kids
67. Teen Mental Health
71. How to Be An Even Better Mom
78. Parent from Abundance: Step Out of The Rat Race
93. Coaching in Action - Helping A Mama Bear Find Relief From Anxiety
124. Great Parenting is Often Messy
134. Mindful Wisdom from a New Grandmother
142. Navigating Transitions Tips from a New Dad
150. Parenting Your Athlete with Presence
151. Tips to Launch Your Young Adult Children with Love
166. The Invitation of the College Application Process
The stories you tell about the college applications process are a window into how you frame things.
These stories you tell about your own experience is important.
Many of us use our college application experience as a litmus test of how well we were loved, supported, respected, and trusted by our parents.
No matter what you do and how you show up for your children's college application process, your child will tell their own story.
Wisdom and mindful perspective on the process
Remember it is a process.
Accept and allow that it will be stressful.
Remember it is an opportunity and an invitation.
It's an opportunity for connection, growth and learning -- for you and your child.
It will require regular hand to heart.
Because college applications activate many of our default thought patterns and trigger insecurities
negative what ifs
dislike of uncertainty
Judgment as to whether we are adequate as a mom
Desire to control things outside our control
We tend to tell big scary stories about what the outcome means about both our child's potential for life success and our success as a parent.
Mindful Tips for Navigating the Process More Buoyantly
Awareness of your patterns.
Set an intention such as love, generosity, kindness, being a lighthouse or a tree
Check in with your future self A LOT. Make her proud
Tell good stories
Show up with unconditional love
Trust the process
Enjoy the process
Connect with abundance
Learn from each other
One of the absolute best things you can do as a parent is to learn to parent mindfully. The earlier you start the better.
No matter how old your kids are, if you can learn to incorporate many of these concepts into your parenting now, your life and theirs will be better.
Set yourself up for future success, connection, and love by joining Jessie for Parent with Presence in the Spring of 2024. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/parent
A retreat is another amazing option to refill your tank, create capacity, and shift your perspective. A retreat will inspire, empower, and enable you to move forward as a calm, present and more mindful parent.
If you want to develop a mindfulness practice or need a speaker for your group, both Dr. Mahoney and Dr. Liang specialize in this.
Dr. Liang www.awakenbreath.org
Dr. Mahoney https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/speaking
*Nothing in this episode is medical advice.
165. It’s Ok to Trust Yourself (And The Process)
Who knows better than you what’s right for you?
Not trusting has a huge cost. It leads to self doubt, fear, anxiety, imposter syndrome, and comparing and despairing. It is “expensive”-- emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
We are trained in medicine to not trust. We are trained to trust and confirm, to be hypervigilant, and to ruminate and worry about unexpected outcomes and worst case scenarios -- many of which are outside of our control.
This is an exhausting way to move through the world.
Our lives are abundant with opportunities to trust. Once aware of our habits, we can choose where that trust can be given.
It’s possible to learn to that trust that our past choices were the best we could have done at the time with the information, skill, and expereince we had at the time.
Its possible to trust that our loved ones are doing the best they can from a place of good intention- even if it isn't up to our standards or they way we wish they would do things.
It's possible to trust our colleagues and our patients as well. Most of our patients are trustworthy. We can usually trust ourselves to discern the specific moments when we should be wary.
Trusting is not risky, dangerous, or stupid. It is loving. It is caring. Especially when it comes to trusting yourself.
Regret is optional and expensive. You almost always did the best you could with the information you had at that time.
If you want to grow trust and enjoy a life with more calm, contentment, and clarity, explore private mindful coaching with Jessie at www.jessiemahoneymd.com
If you want to develop a mindfulness practice reach out to Ni-Cheng at www.awakenbreath.org
If you would like to hire an inspiring, engaging and impactful speaker for your group, retreat or conference, reach out to Dr. Mahoney at www.jessiemahoneymd.com or Dr. Liang at www.awakenbreath.org.
*Nothing in this episode should be considered medical advice.
164. Connect with Your Why to Transition Well with Dr. Alicia Chitanand
Knowing your value is important. As is believing in yourself and believing that there could be something better.
Today’s episode is another story of a life pivot and what is needed to do so with grace.
Our guest, Dr. Alicia Chitanand is a shining example of the importance of supporting yourself well during change.
Having support and coaching helped her have a clean and clear mindset.
She shares how her experience at a Pause & Presence mindfulness, coaching, yoga and culinary medicine retreat earlier this year taught her that she was enough.
She learned how to trust herself and the process.
She learned how to care for her nervous system well, especially in the midst of change.
Mindfulness and yoga have become critical components of both a healthy life and transition. She followed her experience with yoga teacher training.
Dr. Chitanand also exemplifies several other critical components of transitioning well– not transitioning on empty and moving towards something rather than away.
Listen to learn more about how she left her employed physician job and is currently building her own lifestyle holistic medicine and osteopathic manipulation practice.
Find out more at www.blissfullifestylemedicine.com.
Join me for a retreat at Sagrada in 2024. www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats
In the meantime join me for 1:1 Coaching or small group coaching to help you Transition Well. The next group will start in late January 2024.
If you want to find calm, contentment, and a clear and meaningful path forward I invite you to explore private mindful coaching with Dr. Mahoney www.jessiemahoneymd.com
If you want to develop a mindfulness practice or a speaker for your group, reach out to Dr. Liang www.awakenbreath.org
*Nothing in this episode should be considered medical advice.
163. Finding Peace and Equanimity in Tumultuous Times
Sending loving kindness to the world.
This episode is shared out of love. We share our perspectives as a loving response to things happening in the world that exemplify the worst sides of humanity: hatred, othering, the taking of innocent lives.
Current events bring up uncomfortable emotions: fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, and our tendencies for over-responsibility.
They also can become catalysts to show the best sides of us as humans: love, compassion, understanding, compassion.
When troubling and traumatizing world events happen, they often create divisiveness, further othering, and polarization.
This “us versus them” mentality stems from our fundamental building blocks, and we all too easily fall back into viewing the world with binary judgements as a protective, scarcity, and fear driven lens.
Whether or not we acknowledge or like it we are all somehow interconnected. We are all human beings, living in this moment in time, together, sharing space on this earth.
We are not trying to dissuade you from pursuing your own aligned chosen response. Everyone gets to chose their own relationship to events happening in the world.
We often judge ourselves and our own reactions to current reactions. Are they felt deeply enough? Are they appropriate? Are they adequate? We also judge how others should relate to current events.
We invite you to show up for today with intention rather than reactivity.
Mindfulness allows us to navigate the rough seas of life, it allows us to see the world as it is, just as it is, in its most scary, ugly, times, and in its most beautiful, loving times.
Mindfulness can help us observe our emotional and physical phenomena.
We can’t rid ourselves entirely of reactivity but we can slow it down, and notice it, with mindfulness. We can give ourselves the space to feel the emotions, truly experience the present moment as upsetting as it may be, and then be open in choosing a response.
We are often quick to judge, as this is how we have been engrained, evolutionarily as humans.
Mindfulness allows us to stay curious about the differences in experiences, perspectives, lived and historical.
You can give yourself permission to own your response to aspects of humanity’s suffering.
You can choose where you place your energies - what you attend to, and how you intend to show up.
While social media, the news, your friends and loved ones, colleagues might expect, want, you to react or respond in a certain way, you alone, have ownership over your thoughts, emotions, and actions.
“Everyone is on their own life journey. I am not the cause of this person’s suffering nor is it entirely within my power to make it go away even though I wish I could. Moments like these can be difficult to bear, yet I may still try to help if I can.” - the equanimity phrase from the Mindful Self-Compassion curriculum
Some questions to help you show up in alignment for challenging situations. The answers will be different for each of us and will likely be different in different moments in time.
How do you want to respond?
What would peace do? Or a wish for peace?
What would equanimity or a desire for equanimity do?
What would caring do?
What would love do?
What will your future self wish you had done?
These questions are designed to help you focus on what is in your control while also not abandoning your own well- being and health as you worry for humanity.
May you be well. May you find peace. May you be free from harm.
With love - Jessie & Ni-Cheng
*If you want to find calm and a clear and meaningful path forward in your life, reach out to Jessie to discuss private mindful coaching www.jessiemahoneymd.com
*If you want to enjoy ocmmunity and personal growth and health and wellness, join Jessie for a retreat. https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats
*If you want to develop a consistent mindfulness practice or a speaker for your group, reach out to Dr. Lia
I have learned so much from Jessie and No-Cheng. They are so calming and so rational and I love them. These last three years have been fabulous because of them. Thank you.
This is a wonderful podcast! So grateful for the wisdom. :)
Love The Mindful Healers podcast! Each episode is informative, inspiring, and practical. We healers need healing, and that’s what this podcast provides.