The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast is hosted by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.,, LMFT, specializing in the narcissistic personality, She offers in-depth information about the origins and psychodynamics of the narcissistic personality and strategies and practices for those psychologically and emotionally abused by narcissistic personalities through her global podcasts (The Narcissist in Your Life Podcast) her books:: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist and Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life.
High Level Narcissists - Beneath the Elaborate Facade
In a culture rife with hyper-narcissism, the high level narcissist stands out as an individual who gets away with multiple forms of narcissistic abuse visited by spouses, ex-spouses, children, business associate.
The false selves of the narcissist are gifted at presenting themselves in the most irresistible way. They are charming, charismatic, tuned in to you.
Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:
"The narcissist believes in an intricate world of his making, dominated by inflated illusions of self-importance. His style is grandiose---like some peacock or wild turkey with feathers in full display. His version of reality bears no resemblance to the truth."
Your ticket and pathway through the thickets of being victimized by the high level narcissist is based on your deep research, clear discernment, perseverance and psychological grounding.
Pay close attention to how the high level narcissist reveals himself/herself when the facade slips.
The false self persona slips and you behold the primitive shadow of this individual.
When you observe the truth about your narcissistic spouse, partner or parents, you can have confidence in your findings. Also your intuition leads the way in discerning the truth about the nature of the high level narcissist.
You are moving forward at your own pace; the wind is at your back. You are independent, grounded and creative. Remember to practice self care each day: rest/sleep, good nutrition, fine hydration, movement and exercise, spending time with Nature, a spiritual practice as you define it.
Leaving Your Narcissistic Parent Behind - Five Steps
Growing up as the child of a narcissistic parent is one of the most difficult and complex life histories a child can experience. The psychopathology of the narcissist is deep and daunting. As a baby and young child you were subjected to the full force of the narcissistic personality. Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist offers a clear picture of this fixed personality:
Narcissistic personality disorders are characterized by extreme self-absorption, lack of empathy, ruthlessness, incapacity for emotional intimacy, volcanic rage, chronic lying, deceit and exploitation.
1. Your restoration and healing begins with your deep research and study of the true nature of the narcissistic parent. This is a foundational step for moving forward as a psychologically grounded individual.
2. Children of narcissistic parents grow up with blocked emotions. Their feelings were stifled because it was psychologically dangerous to express themselves...Now that you are in the process of awakening to yourself allow feelings to come through.
3. Recognizing that the deprivations and psychological abuse projected on to yu was not your fault. You were the innocent child the victim of the narcissistic parent's cruel, wanton projections. You were on the receiving end as an innocent child who was blameless. Take this truth inside and let it resonate deeply within you.
4. Practice self care each day. Make it simple and do it your way. Get the rest and sleep that you need. Eat nourishing food, organic if possible. Hydrate well with pure water. Movement and exercise reduce stress, stretch our muscle and make us stronger with greater endurance. Spend time with Nature.
5. Tap into your creativity each day. This takes as many forms as there are individuals. Think of all the ways you are creative: drawing, painting, sketching, sewing, quilting, photography, woodworking, all forms of writing, doing research on what fascinates you, crocheting, knitting, sewing.
High Level Narcissists Re-Traumatize Children of Narcissistic Parents
If you were traumatized as a child, growing up in a narcissistic family, you were often in a state of distress, hypervigilance, chronic anxiety. Your sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight mode was over-worked. You could not let down and become relaxed. Growing up you were constantly on edge. You were raised by narcissists who could not be trusted, were incapable of genuine love, caring or warmth. You often felt waves of tremendous anxiety coursing through you. Chronic anxiety was a constant companion. You were besieged with insomnia. This is very understandable since you could trust no one.
No one in the family ever came to comfort you or made any effort to understanding what you were feeling. Displays of emotions were not allowed. They were scoffed at, derided and became the subject of scorn.
Being married to a high level narcissist you are often criticized, humiliated, demeaned, controlled, questioned and screamed at. In the beginning everything seemed almost perfect. Months go by and you notice chinks in this perfect false facade.When he makes huge mistakes you are blamed. Then the projections rev up. ..Your narcissistic spouse is always right and you are wrong. You are the culprit in every instance. Over time the high level creates a psychological climate of anxiety, extreme stress that becomes intolerable. There is no empathy coming from the high level. Your stress level heightens. Yo recognize that you are being re-traumatized by this narcissistic spouse. Memories of your toughest years of growing up in your narcissistic family from hell flash through your mind You feel that you are back there with the generalized anxiety, feelings of inadequacy.
You come to a time of awakening with all of your research and wisdom and revelation---Now you choose your own pathway of restoration and renewal to fulfill your destiny as a unique, creative evolved individual.
Practice self care: nourishing food, good hydration, Nature, movement and exercise, positive self regard, spending time with individuals whom you trust, your form of spiritual practice.
Give yourself tremendous credit for finding your way---for persevering and rediscovering the beauty and power of your true original self.
The high level becomes picky and criticizes you over the smallest issues.
High Level Narcissists Double Down on Their Hubris and Toxic Greed
Today we are surrounded by narcissistic personalities, some of them high level: those individuals who are financially and socially successful. Many are exceedingly charming and easily psychologically magnetize people to them.
Their identities are defined by their obsession with climbing to the top professionally, monetarily and socially. Nothing else matters to them. These individuals are highly self confident, look down upon others, tend o be aggressive personalities who push others aside using cunning, well placed lies and subterfuges, plots and plans t make sure that they wind. If they have to cause distress and disappointment to others along the way, this doesn't matter to them.
Getting to the top is all that matters.
High levels are exceedingly greedy.
Along with their greed, the high level possesses extreme hubris. Coming from the Latin this means excessive pride or arrogance. Hubris is part of the package that the high level presents to the world and all of those who have to deal with them.
Those who are married to or partnered with the high level are on a very mixed journey.
Ultimately you are dealing with a severe personality disorder.
There is a time of awakening when you make the decision to move forward along pathways of individual fulfillment, solitude and your unique creativity.
Are You Telling the High Level Narcissist - Keep Lying to Me
You made a secret deal with yourself. If you keep giving the high level narcissist a pass on his/her lying by omission and commission he will stay with you---you will not be abandoned! It is very difficult reveal to ourselves that we have been so desperate to have gone against our own well being. The fear of abandonment is overwhelming for many individuals who are involved with narcissistic personalities. Traumatized as children by a narcissistic mother or father, they were treated with coldness and cruelty, disdain and even disgust.
Even when this child behaves perfectly, this is not sufficient for the narcissistic parent to offer warmth, acceptance and caring. You cannot be good enough for a person with this kind of character disorder. The child of the narcissistic parent is psychologically and emotionally abandoned
When the adult child of a narcissistic parent marries a narcissist this pattern continues. The narcissist demands perfection from you.
Since they don't have a fully developed conscience it is easy for them to keep you from knowing about their secret lives. You want to believe the high level's lies. This is not your fault. It is the result of the psychological trauma you experienced as the abused abandoned child of your narcissistic parent.
Years, decades go by and you are still fighting yourself and remain with the high level narcissist. You have chronic insomnia, digestive disorder, you are constantly in a state of fight or flight, the sympathetic nervous system mode.
Finally, you recognize fully the true nature of the high level narcissist, that these are fixed personality disorders that do not change, that you must separate yourself from the high level narcissist to rescue your true original self, to restore your psychological, emotional and physical vitality and the use of your creative gifts. I give you tremendous credit for moving forward. I honor your insights, research, your fine character, psychological and emotional grounding, your unique creative gifts.
Addicted to the Image, Power and Extreme Self Entitlement of the High Level Narcissist
You watch them make their entrances at prestigious private events---their overall "look" is impeccable. There are no flaws anywhere that you would discover even with an illumination device. You ask yourself: "How could anyone be that perfect?" Attention to detail is over the top. Like a perfect film set there is nothing out of place ever. Everything is focused on his image, entitlements, raw power, significant money making contacts, schemes and ruses for climbing to the summits of power and material largesse.
The high level narcissist habitually shifts blame on to you when he/she is at fault and has caused you psychological and emotional pain. This is not your fault. Narcissists never take responsibility for their multiple transgressions. They are incapable of empathy or a developed conscience.
You hear echoes of your role as the outcast in your family of origin. In this pathological family dynamics you were wrong from the beginning.
High level don't want you to be fully yourself as an individual; after all you would have a mind completely of your own and be unwilling to obey and tow the line to their overextended egos. They insist that you play their games and not take the initiative in important matters.
In the beginning the days are exciting; everything is magical.
There is a time when torrents of narcissistic psychopathology rain on you nonstop. The air is thick with the narcissist's recriminations, criticisms, accusations, ugly projections, flagrant lies. You feel the adrenaline running through your sympathetic nervous system during the day and especially at night. You cannot sleep; you are under siege. The dark shadow of the high level takes its toll on your psychological and emotional reserves. Chronic insomnia becomes part of your long nights.
There is a time of awakening when you recognize after much research and insight that you can no longer remain in this toxic non relationship with the high level narcissist.
You are moving forward now, knowing that you can reconstitute yourself as an independent, creative, calmer, grounded individual You feel a sense of peace and wholeness moving inside now. This is your day and time, your moment. Give yourself great credit for the complex and arduous journey you are making. Straight forward you go, seeking truth, wisdom, solitude, beauty, mutual trust and the full use of all of your unique creative gifts.
Helpful, Wise and Comforting
These podcasts are beautiful. Not only are they full of useful information about Narcissists and their behavior, but they are also validating and comforting. I love to listen to Dr Martizez-Lewi’s lovely, compassionate voice giving holistic advice for self healing and freeing ourselves from the Narcissist and their continuing legacy in our lives.
Wonderful, helpful Podcast
What a wonderful, helpful podcast. Thank you!
I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you for creating such an impactful podcast! I believe that we all have a voice that deserves to be heard. Thank you for putting this into the world! BE UNBROKEN! @MichaelUnbroken