15 episodes

The Not Tonight Podcast, hosted by Rachel Walker & Caitlin Nochajski, is all about cultivating a safe space for women to boldly share their stories of sexual transformation in marriage.

Even if your husband is your best friend, do you sometimes feel stuck in your sex life? In this podcast, we discuss the raw, honest truth about sex in marriage and why so many of us end up feeling disconnected in the bedroom.

We elevate women discovering their most authentic self by doing the work in their own sex lives. May these brave stories bring you reassurance and hope even in the most lonely places.

The Not Tonight Podcast Rachel Walker & Caitlin Nochajski

    • Society & Culture
    • 4.9 • 14 Ratings

The Not Tonight Podcast, hosted by Rachel Walker & Caitlin Nochajski, is all about cultivating a safe space for women to boldly share their stories of sexual transformation in marriage.

Even if your husband is your best friend, do you sometimes feel stuck in your sex life? In this podcast, we discuss the raw, honest truth about sex in marriage and why so many of us end up feeling disconnected in the bedroom.

We elevate women discovering their most authentic self by doing the work in their own sex lives. May these brave stories bring you reassurance and hope even in the most lonely places.

    From Blundering to Becoming: Rachel + Caitlin

    From Blundering to Becoming: Rachel + Caitlin

    Wrapping up Season One with one final episode, Rachel and Caitlin spend some time reflecting over the last few months, as well as casting vision over what's coming up next for the project. Both hosts sum up their experience with this work so far in three words each, and share some of the challenges and highlights of watching The Not Tonight Project unfold.

    They discuss the importance of taking forward progress one step at a time, and how each step forward makes the next one more clear. They also discuss the importance of connection, which has been a main theme throughout the season, including some incredible moments of connection with listeners, like a 12-year-old girl who found the podcast through an unlikely source.

    Finally, Rachel and Caitlin describe what's next for the project, and how listeners can continue to stay involved with the work, even while there's a short break in the episodes. They spend some time talking about the kinds of stories they're looking for this next season, and how you can help bring those stories into the spotlight!

    Although there will be a break from weekly episodes, Rachel and Caitlin will continue to hang around on social media and in the Not Tonight Community, where they'll keep having honest, raw conversations about sex, marriage, women, and long-term relationships. Listen to the end of the episode to find out when you can expect Season Two to drop!

    Resources Mentioned


    Magnificent Sex by Peggy Kleinplatz
    Article from CT Magazine
    Anonymous survey for partnered women
    Share your story with us

    Content Warning: This episode includes sexual content.

    *****

    Want to continue the conversation? Join the Not Tonight Community - a completely free online space where we have bold conversations about sex in marriage.

    This community is a place where we elevate stories of women discovering their most authentic self by doing the work in their own sex lives by reflecting on others' stories, sharing our own stories, and encouraging one another to have bold conversations in our own communities.

    *****

    Questions, comments or want to share your story? Email us at team@nottonight.org

    • 27 min
    From Frustrated to Feisty: Sheila Wray Gregoire

    From Frustrated to Feisty: Sheila Wray Gregoire

    Author, podcaster and blogger Sheila Wray Gregoire joins us for a special bonus episode of the Not Tonight Podcast! Sheila shares her personal story of growing up with a healthy view of sex until she read a damaging religious marriage book just before getting married, and how that led to a life dedicated to serving women.

    She explains her struggles with sexual pain, and untangling conflicting messages as she simultaneously sunk deeper into marriage and worked in the field of Christian marriage support. The more she spoke the words she'd received blindly for so long, the more she realized the advice she gave wasn't advice she actually followed in her own marriage.

    Through listening to women, gathering extensive data, and reading all the (God-awful) Christian best-sellers, she realized the problem wasn't her differing way of thought, but the decades-old messages that were keeping women trapped in unsatisfying, unhealthy cycles. Sheila then made it her mission to expose this damage, and refused to look back. Her powerful voice now echoes loudly throughout the evangelical world, and she is nowhere close to slowing down.

    Sheila's Resources


    Web: https://sheilawraygregoire.com | IG: @sheilagregoire
    The Great Sex Rescue
    (For Pre-Order): She Deserves Better
    The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex
    The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex

    Content Warning: This episode includes sexual content and discusses the Christian religion.

    *****

    Want to continue the conversation? Join the Not Tonight Community - a completely free online space where we have bold conversations about sex in marriage.

    This community is a place where we elevate stories of women discovering their most authentic self by doing the work in their own sex lives by reflecting on others' stories, sharing our own stories, and encouraging one another to have bold conversations in our own communities.

    *****

    Questions or comments about the podcast? Email us at team@nottonight.org

    • 49 min
    From Anxious to Attuned: Jenna

    From Anxious to Attuned: Jenna

    What could sexuality and breastfeeding possibly have in common? Parenting and lactation coach Jenna shares her tender journey of coming home to herself through navigating the similarities between our sexual journey as women and early parenting.

    Growing up in the evangelical church led to a lot of anxiety and hyper-vigilance for Jenna. She held a deep internal struggle of trying to have it all together, and when she married at a young age she felt immense pressure to do everything the right way.

    After scouring Christian marriage books and studying psychology, Jenna realized her history with anxiety caused her to create a false narrative of marriage and of herself, which had begun to crumble. Only by throwing out much of what she had gleaned from the “experts”, was she actually able to reunite with her true desires and feelings, and trust those vulnerable parts of herself.

    Connect with Jenna and download her free resources at www.ownyourparentingstory.com / IG: @own.your.parenting.story

    Resources Mentioned


    60 Seconds to Sanity (free meditation from Jenna)
    Making Changes (free breastfeeding guide from Jenna)
    Wanting it More with Janna Denton-Howes
    Purejoy Parenting Coaching
    Resources from Kristin Neff
    Resources from Daniel Siegel

    Content Warning: This episode includes sexual content and references the Christian religion.

    *****

    Want to continue the conversation? Join the Not Tonight Community - a completely free online space where we have bold conversations about sex in marriage.

    This community is a place where we elevate stories of women discovering their most authentic self by doing the work in their own sex lives by reflecting on others' stories, sharing our own stories, and encouraging one another to have bold conversations in our own communities.

    *****

    Questions or comments about the podcast? Email us at team@nottonight.org

    • 52 min
    From Performance to Permission: Cait

    From Performance to Permission: Cait

    Wife and mother to two young boys, Cait reflects how her youthful curiosity of romance and butterflies affected her perception of sex. Growing up, she spent a lot of time longing for the magical feelings she saw on TV shows and movies, thus influencing her deep desire for a romantic relationship.

    As her relationship with her husband grew and changed over time, she watched the butterflies fade and they sunk into the predictable rut of married sex - doing it more out of obligation than from a motivation of desire. She deeply longed to get those feelings back, but felt stuck.

    Cait shares how her perception of sex and intimacy changed over time, and how she discovered that what she needed more than any magical feeling was to give herself permission to show up in the sexual experience as none other than her truest self.

    Resources Mentioned


    The Mind Rebel Academy Coaching School
    Wanting it More with Janna Denton-Howes

    Content Warning: This episode includes sexual content.

    *****

    Want to continue the conversation? Join the Not Tonight Community - a completely free online space where we have bold conversations about sex in marriage.

    This community is a place where we elevate stories of women discovering their most authentic self by doing the work in their own sex lives by reflecting on others' stories, sharing our own stories, and encouraging one another to have bold conversations in our own communities.

    *****

    Questions or comments about the podcast? Email us at team@nottonight.org

    • 51 min
    From Terrified to Trusting: Ericka

    From Terrified to Trusting: Ericka

    Purity culture’s damaging messages strike again as Ericka shares about growing up being taught that it was a wife's obligation to provide sex for her husband and that men are always lusting. This left a lasting negative impact on Ericka's view of sex, and led to extreme feelings of fear and anxiety around relationships.

    To remedy this “problem”, Ericka turned to alcohol to cope in her relationships and began to attach her self-worth to her attractiveness to others. It wasn't until she gave up drinking and learned a whole new way of looking at sex that she began to better understand her own desires and needs.

    Ericka shares her experiences in a relatable and honest way, providing valuable insights for anyone who has also a) felt like an ice block during sexual experiences or b) isn’t completely obsessed with penises.

    Connect with Ericka (and check out her new book!) at www.erickaandersen.com / IG: @ericka_andersen

    Resources Mentioned

    - Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
    - The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Gregoire
    - Wanting it More with Janna Denton-Howes

    Content Warning: This episode includes sexual content and references the Christian church.

    *****

    Want to continue the conversation? Join the Not Tonight Community - a completely free online space where we have bold conversations about sex in marriage.

    This community is a place where we elevate stories of women discovering their most authentic self by doing the work in their own sex lives by reflecting on others' stories, sharing our own stories, and encouraging one another to have bold conversations in our own communities.

    *****

    Questions or comments about the podcast? Email us at team@nottonight.org

    • 48 min
    From Abstinent to Awakened: Vali

    From Abstinent to Awakened: Vali

    Growing up in Athens, Greece, with liberal, feminist parents, Vali received dual messages about her sexuality. While she learned that sex was her right to explore and claim for herself, she wasn't taught clearly about what that truly meant.

    After decidedly losing her virginity at 14, she found zero enjoyment in the experience and chose to avoid sex for several years. Once with her husband, Vali found herself awakened to her sexuality in a new way. They explored passion together and she discovered what pleasure could look like in the bedroom. However, when children came into the picture, she embarked on a second period of abstinence - one that would last long past the newborn stage.

    Vali then shares how aging has helped her re-awaken her sexuality and claim pleasure for herself. By learning more about her desires in some surprising ways, she explains how her confidence and comfortability with herself have helped her raise her voice within her marriage, and beyond.

    Content Warning: This episode includes sexual content and minor explicit language.

    *****

    Want to continue the conversation? Join the Not Tonight Community - a completely free online space where we have bold conversations about sex in marriage.

    This community is a place where we elevate stories of women discovering their most authentic self by doing the work in their own sex lives by reflecting on others' stories, sharing our own stories, and encouraging one another to have bold conversations in our own communities.

    *****

    Questions or comments about the podcast? Email us at team@nottonight.org

    • 51 min

Customer Reviews

4.9 out of 5
14 Ratings

14 Ratings

JessJud ,

Refreshingly Honest and Needed

I’m so excited to hear women speak their REAL truths! I appreciate that the episodes give you permission to really question your own thoughts and feelings on sex. I believe these important conversations will massively help many adults, and in turn will help generations to come.

Ericka Sylvester ,

Such an important show

Rachel and Caitlin are tackling one of the most difficult issues for women and they do so with great care. These personal stories are vital to help people feel seen and gain the courage to get the help and find the freedom they deserve. Definitely a podcast I am subscribed to!

Sokabuki ,

Powerful Stories

There is such power in sharing stories, both for the person sharing and the person listening. I hope this podcast reaches lots of woman who need to know that they’re not alone and can be inspired to break away from our toxic culture surrounding sex and find some steps to pursuing sexual health and find pleasure in sex.

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