The Rabbi and The Shrink Rabbi Yonason Goldson and Dr. Margarita Gurri, CSP

Are you part of the exhausted majority?
Can showing enthusiasm for one side imply contempt for the other?
Do you recognize the contempt you show others?


These and other deeply relevant questions are addressed when Dignity Index architect Tami Pyfer joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://unite.us/home
https://www.linkedin.com/in/tami-pyfer-54238612b/


Ethics depends on invoking our common humanity.


Conscience testifies to the spark of divinity that defines us.


Mutual dignity is a given; respect is earned.


Being nice and agreeing about everything is not the answer.


What is the Dignity Index?


We don’t always have to show others that we’re right.


There’s no America without democracy, there’s no democracy without healthy debate, there’s no healthy debate without dignity.


We need to hold people we agree with accountable for their tone as well as their message.


Would you be willing to join Dividers Anonymous?


We need to set aspirational goals, join a supportive community, and collectively hold ourselves to a higher standard.


“You are not obligated to finish the job, but neither are you free to withdraw from it.”


We can’t be perfect, but we can continuously strive toward perfection in our speech and conduct toward others.


Righteous indignation feels better than chocolate.


Have we made an effort to understand why others believe or act the way they do?


Contempt is the root of Cancel Culture.


Free speech survives only through responsibility and accountability.


Self-censorship can be both positive and negative.


Word of the Day:  Reification
the act of treating something abstract, such as an idea, relation, system, quality, etc., as if it were a concrete object;
the act of treating a person as a thing; objectification


To be ethical, we have to strike a balance between applying abstract concepts into our daily lives and preserving the nuance of the idea without oversimplifying.

What do you do to be a bad boss?

What’s the greatest gift you can give?
Would you talk to another person the way you talk to yourself?
These and other fascinating questions are addressed when Brain Science maven Melissa Hughes, Ph.D. joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissahughesphd/

https://www.melissahughes.rocks/

2:00 Knowing our past gives us a sense of direction for the future
From 4th grade teacher to neuroscience researcher
We all have access to information; how are we using it?


6:30  What do you do to be a bad boss?
Traditional hierarchy vs. teams
Psychological safety and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
We all want to feel that we belong
Innovation is all about challenging the status quo
“This is how we do it” vs. “Can we do it better?”


11:00 Who is wise?  One who learns from every person
We have to know what works, but also what doesn’t work
Obstacles vs. challenges:  the brain loves challenges
Leaders who listen to employees create a culture of problem solving


15:00 The best way to learn is to teach
We all teach and we all learn
We all contribute and we’re all recognized
The brain doesn’t differentiate between physical and emotional threats
Diversity of perspective leads to full understanding
What’s the greatest gift we can give?


19:30  When we contribute we fee ownership and control
Patterns and self-fulfilling prophecies
We notice what we’re looking for
Would I talk to another person the way I talk to myself?
Showing gratitude benefits us more that the object of our appreciation 


25:00 The brain’s bouncer
The brain let’s in what we tell it to


29:30  The word of the day: Adumbrative
serving to foreshadow; faintly indicative
We create our own reality through our experiences, habits, and expectations

How does pleasure distract us from our own unhappiness?
How is social media designed to control our minds and behaviors?
What is the formula for good digital health and well-being?

Learn the answers to these and many other essential question when digital wellbeing expert Giancarlo Pitocco joins The Rabbi and the Shrink in this episode from the archives.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/gcpofnyc/
purposeful.co
1:00 We need to reclaim control of our lives from technology
Shift your attention from being hijacked by our devices
FB has been exploited and misused by unethical players to manipulate and serve their own agendas
Do you know how much time you’re spending in front of a screen?
4:30 We don’t know what happiness is.
Pleasure often distracts us from our own unhappiness.
If you’re not dependent on external factors for happiness, you’re in control of your life and live more fully
7:00  Is it good to be easily amused?
Being delighted by simple pleasures makes the experience of living richer.
Social media is designed to keep us consuming, almost but never quite satisfied.
11:00 Are you making your future self proud by what you’re doing now?
What happens when our lives become all about comfort, convenience, and stimulation?
The purpose of the game is to play the game; the purpose is the process
We’re living in the Roman Empire
14:00 What are you doing with your life if you don’t have aspirations and values?
Pushing the boundaries of comfort and familiarity keeps us growing and truly alive
“The obstacle is the way”
We can be navigators of our lives, or we can be carried on the current.
Prioritization give us control
19:00 The five stages of digital well being

1. Attention -- you want to be the DJ of your life by placing the needle where it should be
2. Values -- Evaluate how new technology affects your relationships, your work, and your attitudes
we can’t eliminate technology from our lives, but we can choose how to allow it in.Google “dark patterns” to learn the dangersSocial media is designed to make you addicted; they are selling your time and attention, turning you from a consumer into a commodity.“The Attention Merchants” by Tim Wu35:00

3. Boundaries -- without priorities, you never get to the important stuff
Don’t plug in your phone next to your bedBuy an alarm clock37:30

4. High quality leisure time
Unwind doing something projective and creativeSpend time with people39:00

5. Solitude -- learn to be with yourself
The fundamental value of self-discipline.
Easy and fun entertainment seduces us from doing what we know is in our best interest.
No one changes behavior without incentive.  That’s why a clear WHY is critical to our digital health.
44:45 The word of the day: dissilient -- bursting open or springing apart (Yiddish: plotz)
We should be living with so much enthusiasm welling up inside us that we don’t seek or respond to external distraction. 
47:00 Education can be merely a form of entertainment if it doesn’t lead to action.
Go into your phone and look at screen time or digital wellbeing and see how much time you’re spending on your device.
49:00  How would your life and relationships be healthier if you spent less time on technology?
What will you do or have you done to make a positive change in your life?

How do we nurture our passion when the world around us stands in our way?
What’s the difference between passion and indulgence?

How can employers increase passion?


These and other important questions are addressed when passion guru Kira Day joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://thepassioncentre.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kiraday/
1:00 What is the passion gap?
Too many people don’t care about their work
Confusing passion with mission sends us down the wrong path
Often we need to come from a place of darkness to appreciate light


4:30 Our pains become our passions, and tension produces balance
What is the Passion Test?
What are the internal and external drivers of passion?
Passion makes us better


9:00 The four passion buckets
What are the underlying reasons for our passions?
Internal -- natural interestsSocial environment -- connections and safetyFunctional -- support and developmentPsychological -- autonomy, mastery, purposeDifferent people can be passionate about the same thing for very different reasons


14:00 Why are we passionate about spectator sports?
Gladiatorial battle or hero’s journey?
If entertainment distracts us, does that make us less passionate?


18:00 What’s the difference between passion and indulgence?
Passion = meaning x investment
Purpose = passion shared
Overindulgence reveals imbalance


24:00 How can employers increase passion?
Care more!
Put more heart into a job by allowing people to be people… give them a reason to be loyal
You can’t buy loyalty with money but with meaning


28:00 Why do ethics produce passion?
Why is procrastination a gift?


31:00 Word of the day: Imputrescible
not liable to decomposition or putrefaction; incorruptible:
Keeping passionately alive ensures our spirit won’t putrefy and we won’t corrupt our core values
Passion is the lift inside of us which connects us to the world around us


34:00 How do we nurture our passion when the world around us stands in our way?
You -- obstacle -- passion
Believe in yourself and your purpose, then obstacles will move out of your way


39:00 With passion anything is possible
When in doubt, pretend to be you

What’s the difference between influence and manipulation?
How has COVID created the need for a new leadership breed?

How do you lead those who don’t want to take risks to do what’s right?

These and other fascinating questions are addressed when Judith Germain, the Mindful Maverick, joins the Rabbi and the Shrink in this archive episode..

https://www.linkedin.com/in/judithgermain/

https://themaverickparadox.com/


1:00 What is the Maverick Paradox?
What kind of leader will risk everything to do what’s right and give up everything to defend it?
Why do companies hire mavericks and then resent them?
You can be a maverick by personality or by vision
Maverick leader is who you are and what you actually do
Everyone can be a maverick leader


5:00 We all have the potential but we don’t all have the will
“Maverick leaders will swim upstream like a salmon even though they know there’s a bear waiting for them


7:30 How do you lead those who don’t want to take risks to do what’s right?
All of human experience is paradoxical
Leaders need to be consultants and promote an antifragile culture


12:00 How do we help mavericks grow?
The difference between extroverted mavericks and introverted mavericks
Patience is a learned trait
Manage the tension between independence and interdependence
Authentic leadership is getting others to want to do the right thing


15:00 What’s the difference between influence and manipulation?
It comes down to intention
Eventually people revolt against manipulation
Maverick leaders are great storytellers
What’s the difference between socialized mavericks and extreme mavericks?


19:00 It’s lonely being a maverick
Pull yourself out of the fight to carry on the fight
When does tension lead to innovation?
How has COVID created the need for a new breed of leaders?


25:00 If you’re not being challenged, something is wrong.
Unanimity is overrated
If a maverick stops arguing, it means they’ve stopped caring


29:00 Four different personalities
Conformist, maverick behaviorist, socialized maverick, and extreme maverick
Balance the good of others and the good of themselves
What are the defining characteristics of a maverick leader:
Determined
Reputation -- character and competence
Influence
Versatility
Execution
Narration
Differences with a sense of common vision drives success


34:00 Trust is built or undermined over time
Principled leadership inspires trusting followership
Grover Cleveland
Unreasonable expectations sabotages the system
Ethics always begins with accountability
Only through passionate engagement and constructive disagreement can we get closer to the truth


45:00  Word of the day:  iconoclast
Challenge the conventional wisdom
When politics becomes religion, there can be no ethical debate
Strike the balance between civility and being contrarian