359 episodes

I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 25 years and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment, and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or somehow suggests you can't "fix" your own problems. My team is so honored that five years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 3.5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question. And, once a month, you’ll hear a “You Get the Gist” segment - a five minute run-down of a current topic - as well as an interview with an outstanding guest author or expert, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there, I keep it short and casual - and I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.

The SelfWork Podcast Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD

    • Health & Fitness
    • 4.8 • 1.1K Ratings

I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 25 years and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment, and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or somehow suggests you can't "fix" your own problems. My team is so honored that five years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 3.5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question. And, once a month, you’ll hear a “You Get the Gist” segment - a five minute run-down of a current topic - as well as an interview with an outstanding guest author or expert, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there, I keep it short and casual - and I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.

    Mother (Or Mother-In-Law) Trouble

    Mother (Or Mother-In-Law) Trouble

    Today, I'll be answering three listener questions about how to make successful transitions with their moms or mothers-in-law. And I chose them because they're very much reflective of common problems you might have yourself.
    Psychiatry blamed mothers years ago for everything from autism to schizophrenia and that was all plain wrong. Even Freud’s granddaughter, Sophie Freud, also a professor and psychiatric social worker, has said that her grandfather didn’t understand a woman’s sexuality at all.  So, we’re not throwing moms under the bus. I’m a mom and know I’ve not been a perfect one. But I have no desire to be thrown under any vehicle, bus or no bus - while dads have their own dynamic, which can often be destructive.
    But these three listener questions did pertain to moms – so we’ll focus on potential problems that can arise as you become an adult yourself and make normal transitions.
    Vital Links:  BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
    SelfWork post on enmeshment
    Post on Borderline Moms
    You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
    Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

     

    • 28 min
    Five Steps to Build Your Social Muscle and Tackle Self-Consciousness and Social Anxiety

    Five Steps to Build Your Social Muscle and Tackle Self-Consciousness and Social Anxiety

    Generally, when someone is called “a bundle of nerves,” they’re not describing a state of being that’s pleasant or desired. Those nerves could range from the fairly common experience of self-consciousness, where you have a heightened sense of yourself, to actual social anxiety, when the fear of being perceived negatively or being scrutinized by others can lead you to avoid interaction all together or have complete dread of a party or a meeting, going to church or to a family gathering. Of course, anxiety can have a very real source, such as if you fear scrutiny or even emotional abuse from a parent or a coach or a spouse.  But in social anxiety, the most innocuous situation can hold dread.
    Today, we’re going to talk about what you can do about that dread – how you can allow for helpful self-consciousness or maybe a working term for that would be healthy self-awareness – but also cope with real fear of being in social settings altogether. Your social “muscle” – the ability to be with others comfortably and non-self-consciously – can grow stronger. But what the pandemic has taught even the most socially comfortable among us – that muscle can atrophy as well. And if was never strong in the first place? Then the task to exercise it can seem very daunting.
    So, how can you learn how to stop telling yourself that you must look stupid, or out of step, or weird – and begin instead to become more comfortable in your own skin and work with your anxieties around being with others? That’s SW for today!
    Here are the five steps toward building your social muscle and leaning into social anxiety!
     Shame will tell you you’re a bad or inferior person because your anxiety exists. Challenge that shame and  let go of that belief. Transparency and self-acceptance can help lead you to work with your fears. Be open with others you trust about your anxiety. Whatever makes you anxious offers a clear direction of what you can choose to learn. Naming your anxiety shifts your perception as something that's happening to you, but isn't you. Don't think, "I'm anxious." Think instead, "I'm aware that anxiety is happening to me" or, if you've named your anxiety, "I can feel (name) arriving on the scene." Practice this over and over until it becomes your new way of experiencing and working with anxiety.  The listener voicemail is from a woman who sent me a message that ended abruptly with the words, “Women like you…”  I’ll share that with you – what I did in response – and what concerns me the most about her message to me. It may not be what you think by the way… a little healthy criticism is a good thing.
    Vital Links: Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription! 
    Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off! 
    Tara Wells' article on self-awareness and self-consciousness
    New York Times article on the pandemic and its impact on social anxiety
    NPR's interview with the author of Good Anxiety, Wendy Suzuki
    Recent research on narcissism in Psyche.com
    You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
    Now there's another way to send me a message! You

    • 26 min
    Why Not Me? A Conversation with Lessons From the Minivan's Jill Kaplan

    Why Not Me? A Conversation with Lessons From the Minivan's Jill Kaplan

    Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off! 
    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
    Psychology Today article on "Estrangement: The Silent Epidemic"
    New York Times article on Fractured Families
    Forbes article on parental alienation
    You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
    Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

     

    • 38 min
    When Families Are Fractured: Estrangement and Parental Alienation

    When Families Are Fractured: Estrangement and Parental Alienation

    The term “cancel culture” came to be around 2016 and according to the dictionary, it’s the practice or tendency of engaging in mass canceling as a way of expressing disapproval and exerting social pressure. Yet, in families, estrangement has been around quite a long time. Parents can distance themselves from children. Adult children can stop “coming around” as the term goes. Friendships can end. The root of the word in Latin is extraneare, "treat as a stranger." It can be chosen by you or it can be chosen for you, meaning that someone can estrange themselves from you. It can be a painful part of any relationship where there has formerly been affection or trust or mutual respect. How is it connected to a dynamic called parental alienation? And of course, how do the stereotypes of “family” and “the holidays” make the pain of estrangement even worse?
    We'll talk about these questions and I'll be looking into the work of Dr. Karl Pillemer to give us great direction. He's the author of the recent book, Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them.
    The listener email today is from a mom who’s been a listener to SW for quite some time – but a tragedy has occurred in her family, and she’s asking for some advice. There’s a trigger warning here – her daughter has been sexually abused – so please listen with care.
    Vital Links!  Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off! 
    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
    Psychology Today article on "Estrangement: The Silent Epidemic"
    New York Times article on Fractured Families
    Forbes article on parental alienation
    You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
    Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

     

    • 29 min
    Maybe It's Depression. But Maybe It's Not.

    Maybe It's Depression. But Maybe It's Not.

    We’re going to talk about labels today  - and how the mental health world, its science, its leaders, and its language might be influencing us to over-pathologize what’s normal. Meaning that you can come to believe something is sick or wrong or abnormal when actually it IS normal when it’s understood in its own context. But another fact may be even more disconcerting. You can base your decisions about what you “call” something by the knowledge or experience or reasoning you have at hand. And that language might be misleading or limited
    Our listener voicemail is different today and I was eager to see what I could find to answer her question. She asks if something like a name change after trauma could help with building a sense of confidence? I think that’s a great question – especially fit for SW because it’s all about what you have control over and regaining a sense of empowerment.
    Vital Links:  Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription! 
    Click this link to try out some of the best CBD out there! Ozark Mountain Medicine's CBD products and get 10% off! 
    You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
    My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
    Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

    The parable of the blind men and the elephant
    HuffPost article on pathologizing children's behavior
    A conversation wit Dr. Allen Frances
    .
     

    • 29 min
    How to Stop Emotional Eating and Breathe to Heal: A Conversation with Samantha Skelly

    How to Stop Emotional Eating and Breathe to Heal: A Conversation with Samantha Skelly

    Samantha Skelly is such a vibrant and fascinating guest! She wrote her book several years ago - Hungry for Happiness: Stop Emotional Eating and Start Loving Yourself. And this is what she says about it: This book is how I turned my mess into my message. The journey of struggling with emotional eating, exercise addition & severe body image issues - within these pages contains the most effective & impactful tools to heal emotional eating for good.
    You can tell from her words that she's got a great sense of humor and adventure! And now, she's helping people all over the world with breath. That's right - she's teaching people how to breathe - the right way. And here's her own editorial take on that! "If you’re reading this thinking ‘what kind of hippy sh*t is this?’ - you’re not alone, before I tried it, I too thought it was all hype.Then I had an experience that healed me in ways I never knew possible. And that’s my wish for you."
    I know you'll enjoy her as you come breathe along with us! She has a new app to help you as well, called "Pause Breathwork". Thanks to BetterHelp for once again sponsoring this episode of SelfWork!
    BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
    You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
    You can order my book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
    Now there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

    • 29 min

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5
1.1K Ratings

1.1K Ratings

My Side of 50 ,

Compassionate & helpful

Dr. Margaret is a compassionate listener & marvelous communicator about mental health. I appreciate her wisdom & solutions oriented approach to helping us all! I never miss an episode!

Dr.PCM ,

Excellent podcast for anyone interested in mental health, growth, and transformation.

I've been listening to Dr. Margaret's podcast for several years now. I find the episodes informative, relevant, and helpful. Dr. Margaret is a great presenter. She is compassionate, well-informed, and focused. She provides practical steps to address the topic being discussed. I often recommend her podcast to family, friends, and clients. I have even cited Dr. Margaret's work in some of my own articles on Medium.com. If you are interested in mental health, personal growth, and transformation, I highly recommend the Self Work podcast.

Music Download Master ,

listen to them ALL!!!

I found this pocast in January 2022 and began listening at episode 1. By then there were more than 200 episodes! I listened to one episode every day this year until I cycled thru all of them - more than 300 in total! Most of them I saved to my library and now I'm making a second pass through them.

What I like about the episodes:
1. They are short and easy to fit into a morning work commute or dog walk. The episodes got longer as the years rocked on but most are still around 30 minutes or less, which is perfect for me.
2. There is a wide variety of topics. If one episode doesn't have any signficance to me, there are dozens of others that do. I've learned about topics I previously had little or no knowledge of.
3. There are always "what you can do about it" points made. And isn't that the point of self-work???
4. Dr. Margaret makes herself available. She encourages voice and e-mail messages. She responds to as many as she can. I find this to make her relatable - though I've never written or called!! It shows that her heart is really for helping others in their struggles.

I highly recommend you subscribe and listen to every episode. I'll bet 90% will be useful to you or someone you know. While you're at it, get the book "Perfectly Hidden Depression" and work through the exercises in it. Your future self will thank you for the investment!

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